


Victory and Losses

by Irimsaya, shadow0246



Series: Reunited [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 93,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irimsaya/pseuds/Irimsaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow0246/pseuds/shadow0246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over and it's time to lick the wounds. </p><p>Our Shepards are taking a long deserved vacation and are facing their own demons while trying  to plan their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hawaii

**Author's Note:**

> Follow up directly to "The Reapers". We're exploring their world and lives after the end of the war.
> 
> Co-written with my long time friend in crime: Irimsaya. 
> 
> Really good now to read the whole series of Reunited (or at least part one), otherwise this doesn't make any sense now.
> 
> \- originally written only for my friend and I as text rpg  
> \- Jase IS Commander Shepard too (and gay), but from an alternate reality (came over in ME1, Eden Prime)  
> \- additional characters we listed are covered, but main focus are our Shepards and their LIs
> 
>  **Characters are written by:**  
>  Shadow:  
> Jase (Jason) Shepard, Kaidan Alenko, Darian Salvar (original character), Dr. Arlen Novak (original character), sometimes Joker, Hannah Shepard and Edi
> 
> Irimsaya:  
> Irimsaya "Saya" Shepard, Joker, Kasumi, Miranda Lawson, Liam (original character), Liara, Dr. Chakwas,  
> most of Hannah Shepard and Edi, sometimes Kaidan Alenko (eg: Jase and Kaidan talk, Saya writes Kaidan)

### One week later

The air, the weather, the sun, the sound of the ocean and the birds made Jase sleepy. He had slept on the flight to Hawaii, had gone to sleep again in the car and as soon as he had unpacked their things he took a look at Jeff and plainly told him, “I’ll have a nap.”

He didn’t care that he’d been sleeping a lot already, in fact his body and mind demanded more and finally having no pressure but peace around him, being with his friends and family, Jase laid down, let go of all the worldly things and just got his rest and sleep. It was interrupted sometimes with good or bad dreams, then he washed his face, had some food, used the bathroom and cuddled up again to Jeff, stating he was fine. Or when he wasn’t there, he used his pillow instead. And always waking up to the voices of his family and the sound of the ocean. He couldn’t think of a better way to heal.

 

Kaidan was half laying on a bench, lazily playing with Saya’s red hair and raised his eyebrows when Joker came out of their cabin and was once again alone.

“Uhm.. still sleeping? It’s been nearly two days now. He’s not getting worse, is he.”

Joker shook his head and plopped down in the sand next to Kaidan and Saya.

"I don't think so. I think he's just finally healing the way he should be healing. Mentally and physically."

Kaidan nodded and moved a little to have Saya laying better on his arm. “Joker, you’re a very strong man. I totally underestimated you when we met years ago. I thought you were just full of jokes and yourself. And now you’re caring for your husband, Jase is very lucky to have you.” Kaidan looked down at Saya giving her a smile, he was lucky to have her too.

"No way man, I'm lucky to have him. Anyone who has a Shepard is lucky in my books," Joker teased.

Saya raised her eyebrows at that.

Kaidan chuckled a little at this and leaned down, giving Saya a kiss. “I guess it’s good we have two of them. I wouldn’t want to share.” Kaidan teased back.

Irimsaya snorted at that and snuggled closer to Kaidan, sighing in happiness.

Joker grinned at them.

“Do we have any plans for tonight?” Kaidan asked both of them, but he figured Joker would stay close, it didn’t hurt to ask though.

Joker frowned.

"I have no idea if Jase wants to do anything but I don't want to be too far from him in case he needs me."

"I wouldn't mind a stroll along the beach at sunset Kaidan..." Saya spoke quietly.

Kaidan nodded and looked down at Saya with a smile, “I would like that, too.” Attention on Joker then, he offered, “There’s a bar close by, I could bring each of you a drink.”

Joker smiled.

"I'd like that. And I'm sure he would too."

Irimsaya kissed Kaidan's bare chest gently.

Kaidan smirked a little at the kiss on his chest and wondered if they really were going for a walk or if they ended up doing something else first. Or he needed to cover a certain part of himself too. Which would be terribly embarrassing for him.

Joker stood up again as he watched Saya struggling to stand as well.

"I gotcha..." He reached down and helped her up since she was technically pinning Kaidan in the sand.

Kaidan grabbed the towel and threw it around himself. “Thanks Joker. You’re a real gentleman.”

Irimsaya giggled as she watched Kaidan grab the towel in a hurry.

"Embarrassed honey?"

“That’s just.. your fault! All yours.” He teased her as his face started to turn a little red.

Irimsaya laughed a bit then went to him and kissed him passionately.

"It's not sunset yet is it?" She whispered hoarsely.

Joker cleared his throat and went back inside as quickly as he could.

Kaidan laughed into the kiss, he thought he had been shy but Joker showing tail? “I think you scared him off, Noo.. not sunset yet..”

"Hmmmm good on both counts." Saya kissed him again to shut him up.

Towel or not, if they didn’t get inside fast it would become a lot more embarrassing than it already was. Kaidan picked her up and laughed softly when she squeaked and carried her inside.

Irimsaya kissed and nibbled at Kaidan's neck as he carried her to their room in the cabin.

Joker shook his head with a grin and went into the room he shared with Jase.


	2. I'm sorry

### I'm sorry

Jase woke up to a terrible slurping noise. At first he thought he dreamed it, but there it was again. Slurp. His head shot up and he looked around. Slurp. Jase's eyes fell on Jeff, holding something in his hands which suspiciously looked like a drink and there it was again. Slurp! He grit his teeth, if anything was annoying him... he shook his head though and just went to watch him. And this terrible slurping. Bah. It had to stop somehow though, there couldn't be so much left in there. Jase tried to swallow down his annoyance and decided to tease him with it instead.

"God dammit.. for someone who can fly a ship through a horde of Reapers, you're slurping like.. whatever. You should just have broadcast that noise throughout the galaxy. Might have killed that Reaper on Rannoch."

Joker turned to him, hurt in his eyes.

"Gee... thanks a bunch. Maybe next time you should just leave me on the Normandy if things I do annoy you that much!"

He got up from where he was sitting and walked from the room, glancing back on his way out.

"Kaidan brought you one too. Don't 'slurp' annoyingly."

He left, slamming the door hard behind him.

For a minute Jase just stared at the door. "Shit.. god damn it .. shit!" he cursed softly and got out of their bed to search for some shorts and a shirt. He hadn't meant it that bad, not like this. More.. trying to make a joke or something. And it had blown up into his face. He quickly left their cabin and went in search of Joker.

"Jeff? I'm sorry." Jase figured Jeff couldn't have gone too far but then he had the advantage of actually knowing their surroundings.

"Jeff?"

Joker was down at the water, staring at the waves as they came in and lapped at his toes. He ignored the sound of his name being called and let himself get lost in the mesmerizing effect the water had.

Jase was about to give up when he spotted a figure and when coming closer, he saw it was Jeff. Jase went and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry...," he said softly, "didn't mean to hurt you, not like this."

"Yeah. Sure. Then why'd you say it."

Joker threw some sand in the water, glad it was dark now and Jase couldn't see his face.

Jase bowed his head, he didn't want to justify it because it had been a blow too low. "I was trying to tease you, make a joke.. of that slurping," he answered quietly. "It didn't work."

"Really? It didn't work? No shit! I don't think I would have guessed that. You know, you're not the only one who's been through hell here. And of course heaven forbid anyone listens to **me** talk about it. You know the only person who does listen to me is Edi? Do you have ANY idea how that makes me feel?? And now **this**?? I mean... do you even still love me?? I mean REALLY love me?"

Jase just sat there in silence for a while and it was stretching on, which wasn't good. The anger was back, full scale and he nearly would had shouted at him. Instead he used the time to clear his head of the red haze.

"What makes you think I wouldn't love you," he asked, trying to remain calm for their sake. Blowing up into his face wasn't a good idea and would only hurt the man more. "Where did you get that idea from."

"You talk in your sleep." Joker sighed and rubbed his face.

"Yeah great, about what, the war? You're the very reason I'm sitting here. That's your work."

"The last few nights you've been cursing my name. And I dunno why but it hurts like hell then now.. with this... I mean.. I'd be lost without you," he whispered.

Jase just rolled his eyes a little at the name cursing and laid his arm around him. "I don't remember much of the dreams, some were good, some bad. Some were.. sexy and you know, we haven't had any chance for more than cuddling." He sighed. 

"Jeff... Jeff. First thing I felt when waking up was your hand on mine. First thing I saw were your eyes. You." Jase sighed again, trying to figure out what to say but maybe he should try to say everything instead.

"I admire your strength, skill, determination. Every time I went on a mission it was you I wanted to see first. Cockpit, Joker. Hearing your voice over the comm letting me know you were alright. You're a stronger man than I am."

Joker snorted a bit at all the compliments but now he was blushing crimson red.

"Thanks... I think. But I'm not as strong as you might think Jase. In fact I kinda suck. I feel like a lost kid when you're not around."

"Let my fly your ship and you know how good I am. Or bad." He moved closer to him. "I know the last two weeks haven't been easy on you. Thank you for.. just being you and being there for me."

Joker just shrugged a little but he didn't move away.

"I dunno what you want me to say besides you're welcome."

"I want to know what you've told Edi. I want to hear all of it, how you feel, what made you angry, what scared you." Jase moved and quickly had Jeff lying on the ground and he was hovering above him. He realized his strength was getting a lot better and even his shoulder seemed to behave for now.

"God Jeff, I love you. A lot. More than I ever loved my Kaidan and everyone knows how long it took me to get over the man. But you, you're special. You're just.. **you**. No one tops being you."

He studied the face for a second. "You've been crying. How often.. have you done this.."

Joker had a lump in his throat from Jase's words but he swallowed it down.

"Every day for the last two weeks."

Jase moved and rolled onto his back and looked up at the sky, knowing why. "I'm sorry. I kind of knew you felt strained. I had hoped someone would help you. Like Kaidan, or Saya. Just.. someone. But Edi..." That was clearly a surprise. Jase had to admit, she had become more and more human over the time.

"I just needed you, as my anchor. A strong shoulder to lean onto. Where I could focus on. I'm sorry for being so needy." And maybe weak, Jase silently added in his mind.

"My left shoulder is fine." Jase stated and rolled onto his side carefully, offering him to move into an embrace.

Joker wiped his eyes silently and moved into the offered arm.

"Seeing you like that.. .like this... it makes me so sad Jase.. like I can't do anything for you. I mean I know I'm your anchor, I get that. But just for once... for **once**... I need someone to talk to other than Edi. She doesn't get the grief thing you know?"

Jase pulled him even a little closer and brushed the tears away with his other hand while whispering, "No, she doesn't. I'm here, talk to me."

"My dad... he was killed. And I don't know about my sister." Joker's voice was hoarse. "They still haven't found her."

Jase had to swallow a few times. "Jeff. Your sister...," he hesitated, wondering how to tell him. "I overheard someone. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Joker pulled away and stared at him.

"You heard someone.... and YOU DIDN'T TELL ME???" He started crying and hitting Jase on the chest. "HOW COULD YOU?? How could you." The sobs got harder as the hits got weaker.

"Jeff.. Jeff!" He took his hand carefully, he sure as hell heard some bones cracking with the fist hit. Jase was rocking him gently now, whispering to him. "I heard it when visiting Saya at the hospital. I didn't even know about your sister. After Thessia, you told me. Vancouver.. once we came back, I knew. Only then."

Joker couldn't even respond. He couldn't stop crying. He had no other family... and he adored his sister. He let Jase hold him and try to console him, but his grief was too great now, he was lost in it.

Jase decided not to tell him how she had died, Jeff didn't need to know. He carefully used his shirt several times to dry his own face and brushed the hair out of Jeff's face, placing kisses onto his forehead then. How long he was lying with him at the beach didn't matter, it was deep in the night eventually.

Jase was watching over him when he noticed both of them were shaking from time to time. He himself was feeling a little cold but wasn't sure if it was the same for Jeff. He gently probed his hand and it was indeed swollen. They had gone for so long without breaking any bones accidently, but now it had happened.

"Jeff," he whispered, "we should go back inside. Need to look at your hand."

Joker sniffed and nodded a bit.

"Okay." He managed to whisper despite the shock he was still in.

Jase carefully got up and helped him to get onto his feet to bring him inside. Once he was sitting on their bed Jase dried his eyes again, he was a little annoyed with himself because he just kept on... crying. But Jeff had just lost all of his family and he knew what that one was like.

After taking a closer look at Jeff's hand it was clear he should get him to a doctor. But then he thought of Kaidan. He went to their door and knocked gently, hoping Saya wouldn't wake up. When the door opened he apologized right away. "I'm sorry to wake you, but I need your help."

Kaidan nodded and grabbed his robe before following Jase, knowing Saya was out like a light. He yawned as they walked towards Jase and Joker's room.

"You gonna tell me what's up or do I have to guess?"

"He's lost his whole family. Broke his hand, it's swollen." Jase rubbed his eyes dry again and lead Kaidan inside, where he sat down on the other side of the bed and just kept caressing Jeff's hair.

Kaidan took one look at Jeff's face and then looked at Jase.

"He's in shock too... Jase can you get him a nice stiff drink? Check the fridge, I brought some stuff back when Saya and I went for our walk. It'll help both the physical and mental pain."

"Alright," Jase replied and got it, but he figured it would only help with the first set of pain, then it would be back. And as soon as it was morning he'd take him to a real doctor and get his hand fixed. Jase helped Jeff to sit up a little, allowing him to drink better. The glass went back onto the nightstand and Jase continued rubbing his belly a little this time.

"How bad is it." Jase nodded towards the hand when Kaidan scanned it. He brought up his own, now that he thought about it, and checked the area for where to go. Somewhere should be a hospital. The thing acted a little funky but at least the island was intact and had sufficient supplies.

Kaidan rubbed his brow.

"Looks like he managed to break or crack nearly every bone in this hand. What the hell happened?"

"He just learned his sister's dead, too." Jase checked his omni tool again. "So, I better go with him right away. There's a clinic."

Kaidan nodded.

"Do you want us to come with you? I don't think Saya would want to wait here.."

Jase shook his head, "No, you go back to her. We'll be fine." He got off the bed, got his shoes and buttoned up his shirt.

"Come on Jeff, we need to fix your hand."

"It'll be fine.. I'm always fine... always.." He was already starting to feel the alcohol and he really didn't care.

"Call us if you need anything Jase." Kaidan said softly.

Jase nodded at him and waited until they all were out of the room. "Thanks Kaidan. Come on tiger..." He steadied Jeff while walking. 

  


Fortunately the taxi wasn't too far away and after getting Jeff carefully inside Jase was waiting for the doctor. As soon as he saw her Jase got up and greeted the woman, explainings Jeff's condition to her and how it had happened.

The doctor turned to Jeff and gently took him from Jase's hands.

"We'll take care of him - it shouldn't take too long." She said.

"I'm going with him." Jase stated with his no discussion attitude and explained then. "He's my husband."

"Very well then, come along." She led them to a room then gave Jeff some painkillers and proceeded to start setting the bones in his hand.

Jase kept quiet, not wanting to disturb her in her work and waited patiently for her to finish. When he figured she was close to finish, he spoke up. "Will there be any problems for him?"

"I can't foresee any. As long as he takes it easy."

"Thanks Doctor." He helped Jeff back onto his feet and carefully guided him out of the room.

Joker leaned into him, needing the extra support. He felt like he was back in some kind of nightmare.

An hour later and Jase had him back on their bed. He was kneeling in front of him, trying to see if he needed anything and to figure out what to do with him. "Jeff. What do you need, how can I help you?"

Joker looked at him silently for a couple of minutes.

"I want my sister back."

Jase sighed softly at this and nodded before he got up and sat down next to him. "I know." This war had cost too many lives, it really had been like slaughter. Jase laid his arm around him to draw him closer. "I'm really sorry..."

"Just... why didn't you tell me sooner... why... I thought I could trust you and you hide this from me.."

Jase was silent for a while, he knew he had said it was after Vancouver that he realized it but that hadn't been true. He just had remembered about it after Vancouver.

"I knew about it before heading off to London." He paused a little before continuing.

"So yeah, I was heading off, getting myself probably killed and tell you, hey by the way, your sister is dead, deal with it. Fly the ship, the flagship of the fleet and keep the crew alive." Jase snorted a little. "We needed you Jeff."

"I had a right to know damn it Jase! If you think it would have impaired my abilities then you don't know me very well at all. Those reapers would have paid even more."

He looked at him and nodded. "Exactly."

Joker frowned at him.

"You're confusing me."

"That's why I didn't tell you. 'Those reapers would have paid more.' You're a goddam good pilot Jeff, and with Edi together you can fly even better. But, even you have your limits. And a personal strain of guilt and grief wouldn't have been helpful. I needed you focused. And functional."

Joker just went silent and rubbed his face.

"Yeah. Sure. Okay."

Jase got up and went to look out of the window. The sun was just starting to rise. "I'm sorry Jeff. I had to make a lot of tough decisions. Looking at the bigger picture and forcing aside my personal feelings." Jase sighed and leaned forward. "Have I wanted to tell you? Yes. Was I afraid to tell you? Hell, yes. But I couldn't. And I'm sorry for that, too."

Joker was silent again then he sighed, but it was a sigh of depression.

"Can you please just come and hold me?"

Ten seconds later and Jase was back at his side. "Always."

"If I didn't have you I don't think I would be able to live through this."

"It's alright." Jase whispered into his ear and wrapped his arms around him, placing small kisses all over his hair and face. "We got each other."

Joker smiled a very little bit and snuggled in as close as he could to Jase.

At some point Jase laid down with him and went to sleep. When there was something he highly enjoyed as well, it was being able to decide **when** he could do _what_ on his own without having to follow any schedule at the moment.


	3. Lovers and Icecream

There was an annoying noise, again. A knocking on their door and Jase cracked an eye open to see where Jeff was and if he was awake. But the man was still asleep, at least he hoped he was, or pretended to and was laying in his arm. Jase carefully got out of their bed and went to answer it, he figured it was either Kaidan or Saya, or both.

As he opened the door he found himself looking into two smiling faces. Well one was certainly smiling and Kaidan looked more concerned than smiling.

"Let me guess, breakfast?"

"Only if you guys want to join us. Kaidan thought maybe you guys would like our company.. but if you want to sleep some more... and technically it would be lunch.."

"Lunch?" Jase rubbed his face and his stomach growled. "I'd like to go. Jeff .. Not sure if he feels up to it. Let me ask him." 

Jase slowly went to him, eyes on the handsome man and he leaned down to caress his face gently. By the looks of it his husband was deeply asleep and Jeff always had let him sleep, too. It had been a bad night and apparently bad two weeks as well for his husband. Jase didn't have the heart to toss him out of bed, his man needed the sleep and time to heal as much as Jase himself. He leaned down and gently kissed his forehead before he went back to the door.

"Look...," he started with a sigh, "we kind of faced a crisis last night. He's finally asleep. Can't bring myself to wake him up. You two go ahead, I'll just order us something." He saw the look on Saya's face. "No, we're fine. I just.. told him about his sister." And he wouldn't want to leave him alone either.

Irimsaya winced at that.

"Alright - comm us if you need anything, we won't be too far away."

Kaidan watched Saya as she slowly walked back to the main room and turned his eyes to Jase.

"His hand got fixed. Thanks for tonight, Kaidan." Jase wondered if there was anything else the man wanted to say or know. "You and Saya okay?"

Kaidan took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure about Saya, Jase. She's trying to hide it from me - but I saw it. Her stomach is bruising."

"What?" Jase frowned, how in the world could something like this happen. "From the babies' kicking?"

Kaidan shrugged a little but he was becoming depressed.

"I guess... Don't know what else it could be from. Jase.. it's really starting to scare me now."

Jase motioned for him to come inside. "You and me both. Let's talk." He went and closed the door to the bedroom and then sat down with him.

"She's not going down without me fighting for her," Jase moved around on the couch to get more comfortable. "Don't remember if I told you about it, but... we have the Cerberus database. We have Liara back and I'm trying to find Miranda."

"Don't get me started on Liara. She's all excited about these kids already showing biotic skill. She says she normally only sees that in Asari. So now Saya wants to learn about it. She doesn't even CARE about her own health!"

Jase eyed him thoughtfully, drummed his fingers on the couch and bit his lip. "Forgive me for saying it out loud. But it sounds as if she's already given up on living through this."

Kaidan bowed his head and covered his face.

"I know she has," he whispered. "She's already asked me to promise something that... I never expected her to ask of me."

"Yeah. Figures. She asked me to take care of you and the kids if.. you know." He got up to stand next to him, laid his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a little.

"It's natural. You tie up loose ends. Hell, even I did it. Saying good bye and everything. I won't have it though. Not with her and not this time."

Kaidan heaved a heavy sigh.

"How do I tell her Jase? How..."

Jase raised an eyebrow at this. "Same as usual. Approach, seize and.. in this case, tell her plainly what you're thinking. Won't be easy with her." He mused.

"Which is what scares me. I can't risk upsetting her because of the babies..."

"Ever considered us tiptoeing around her might cause her to think we've already given up on her?" Jase spoke his thought aloud. "Something else. It might take us long to fall into a hole, but once we found the bottom of the pit, the harder it is to get us out of it. A strong mind breaks harder, but the cracks are deeper when it does."

"Right.." Kaidan got up. "She's going to come looking for me. Jase, thanks for the talk, I appreciate it. I just hope you're right."

"Anytime." Jase followed him to the door. "The words 'I love you' aren't helping anymore? I can talk to her, too," he offered. "Dr. Chakwas always said she needs to have a positive outlook for her health." And maybe his getting better was helping her too, somehow there always had been a tiny connection between them.

"That's the thing though Jase - the face she shows me.. it's always positive. It's only when I look deep enough that I see this... this despair for lack of a better word. She's hiding it from me and I don't understand *why*."

"She doesn't want to hurt you and is keeping the morale up."

"Which makes it worse for me Jase. Anyway.. try and keep Jeff occupied - not sure you'll be able to but he does need to realize that he's not alone in this."

"I will. Thanks." And basically Jeff had told him the same. 

Jase scratched his head when Kaidan had left and ordered their food. He waited for it to arrive and thought about tracking down Miranda. The least he could do was to leave her a message and if lucky, she'd reply. Then, still waiting, he pulled up the news to get himself a bit educated. Luckily he was being interrupted soon and Jase brought their food into the bedroom. Perhaps the delicious smell would make him hungry.

Joker opened his eyes slowly when he smelled the food.

"Mmmh... smells like bacon..." He mumbled sleepily.

"Lunch. Hungry?" Jase moved closer to him after setting the tray onto a nearby chair.

"I should be hungry... but I'm not.. or am I. I don't even know anymore. I feel like my world's been blown out of orbit and not in the good way you make it do."

Jase nodded and sat down onto the floor, eating some food while watching Jeff. Maybe it would work the same way as he had done it with him.

"Your mind doesn't know but your body does. Maybe.. I should try to get us chocolate ice cream. Seems to work for women."

Joker sat up and glared at him, but it wasn't an angry glare.

"Are you calling me the female in this relationship?"

"I don't see you wearing a skirt, Tiger." Jase gave him an amused snort. "Was just trying to remember when _I_ had my last ice cream." And no he wasn't a woman either, he wanted to say. But Jase had heard women liked to eat chocolate, especially ice chocolate when they are feeling down. Perhaps it would work for them, too.

Joker's stomach grumbled a bit and he sighed, grabbing the other plate with his good hand then frowned at the plate then at his broken hand.

Jase grinned a little and got up. He took his plate and sat down next to him. "Come on...," he trailed off, knowing he was going to enjoy this, took the fork and started to feed him.

Joker rolled his eyes but let Jase feed him.

"I like spoiling you." He was having a hard time not to show how much he actually enjoyed this for the moment, but kept it low for Jeff's sake. "Didn't want to leave you alone," Jase commented, eying the bare chest. "How's the hand? Doc gave me painkillers for you."

"I didn't know you had such a hard chest actually..." Joker replied and glanced at his wrapped up hand.

"You had a pretty good punch going. Didn't know you could hit _that_ hard either." Before he could protest Jase spoke up again and fed him some more. "Close range and powerful. Could have knocked me out. For a second."

Joker grumbled through the food in his mouth, knowing Jase was shutting him up on purpose.

Jase snatched some food for himself and eyed him while chewing.

Joker looked at the door when he heard what sounded like arguing.

"Uh-oh... sounds like trouble in paradise.." He winced when he heard another door slam shut. "What was that saying about redheads and short tempers?"

"Could have been Kaidan, too. Just good you aren't a redhead." Jase winked at him, wondering if he should go and see what was going on. Was probably for the best though. After all he had told him to... well.

"He's worried about her."

"Aren't we all..." Joker rubbed his eyes. "Do you mind if I sleep a bit more? It felt good.."

"No. That's fine if it helps you." He leaned down to give him a kiss. "Do you mind if I go and see what this was about?"

Joker kissed him back gently.

"Nah go ahead, I'll be sawing wood anyway."

"Be back soon." Jase nodded and ruffled his hair gently before he left.

  


Kaidan was sitting on the sofa in the main room, staring at his and Saya's bedroom door in exasperation and some anger.

"So. She's in there?" Jase asked Kaidan, nodding towards the closed door.

Kaidan turned and looked at him.

"If you value your life - don't go in there."

"Has that ever stopped me?" Jase shrugged and walked to the door. Before he went inside he gave Kaidan a humor me look and then he closed the door behind him.

Irimsaya turned from the mirror and glared at the door where Jase still stood.

"Go away." Her voice was trembling, but then so was her whole body.

He crossed his arms this time, leaned back and was waiting, not saying a word.

She sighed as she watched him, realizing he wasn't going to leave.

"Let me guess. You want to know why we were fighting. Well here." She lifted her shirt over her stomach so he could see the bruises - at least 3 of them.

Jase sighed deeply at the sight of the bruises. He shook his head a little at this whole situation and went over to her.

"He loves you. Kaidan is scared. About you, about them. About you having given up already. And so am I."

"Oh... Well why the hell can he not just come out and say that instead of saying that he won't risk me getting pregnant again." Saya raised an eyebrow at him.

Jase shrugged. "Cause we're men and talk stupid sometimes? Getting you not pregnant again means you'll survive. How about that, have you given up on yourself?"

Irimsaya turned away from him and closed her eyes for a moment.

"I don't know Jase. I wish I could answer that without a doubt in my mind. I don't want them to be without me but at the same time I have to wonder what might happen if I don't survive."

"We would grieve for you again. A terrible long time." He laid his hand onto her shoulder. "And raise the babies. You have to think positive. Now more than ever."

"I'm trying Jase, but it's so hard. Every day I feel like I'm getting weaker. I was hoping that being here would help me. And for the most part it has - until today and that comment from my husband. I don't want a small family Jase. I don't want our children to only have each other, I want them to have more than that."

Jase nodded at this. "I understand. Believe me, I do. Cause I would like to have a bunch too." He sighed softly. "Gotta confess something though. He asked for my advice. I told him to be frank with you and stop beating around the bush. He's scared, we all are. We care, we want you in our lives. So whatever it takes to make this happen, you need to tell us."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"He's scared? He.... never said that..."

Jase nodded, "Saya, he's your husband. He **loves** you and lost you once already."

Irimsaya silently went to Jase and hugged him tightly to her.

"He's not the only one who's scared." She admitted in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, we all are." Jase sighed softly and hugged her back. "The war's over for us. We don't have to hold up the morale anymore. You and I, we can say what we feel."

"I know Jase... and I'm so glad you're here with us for this... I'm going to need all the support I can get..."

"You have my support. And for once I'll do what's right for myself." He grinned a little. "Like finally enjoying my time with Jeff, you and Kaidan." Then there was the very idea of surfing, rock climbing, hiking, swimming, renting a bike.

Irimsaya patted his face gently.

"You are a remarkable person Jase.. very remarkable.."

"And you are too, never forget this." Jase took her hands in his, watching her. "Tell me what you need. Or, think about it, tell us later. But let us know. Don't push us away."

Irimsaya looked at her hands in his and bit her lip.

"You did everything I should have done. You took command when I should have been able to handle things. What do I need? To feel needed again. To not be... be... coddled like some salarian."

"Salarians are squishy by krogan standards." Jase replied, trying to lighten up her mood. "You're unique. Even the Illusive Man realized that. You are needed, by everyone of us. You give us strength." 

Jase didn't like talking about the Citadel, but it was a good reason to show her much he had needed her in those minutes. "You were giving me hope to move on years ago. It was your voice I remembered up there at the Citadel. I really needed you and Jeff in those moments. And you were there."

She slowly looked into his eyes, tears in her own, then enveloped him in a tight hug once more.

Jase held her tightly for a while until he whispered, "You're going to be alright. Believe in it." 

Eventually he carefully pulled away then. "Kaidan's waiting. Go to him."

Irimsaya wiped her eyes and nodded but she kissed Jase gently on the cheek before she ran for her husband.

Jase grinned a little and followed her outside where he saw Kaidan hugging her and he nodded at them, heading back to Jeff. He had survived.

Kaidan was happy they were fine for the moment.

Irimsaya kept hugging him then kissed him in desperation.

"I'm sorry.." She whispered. "But next time just tell me you're scared okay?"

Kaidan nodded. "Okay, I promise. I'm sorry too. I would love to have more children with you..." Kaidan kissed her then, figuring he might say something the wrong way again.

Irimsaya pulled away gently and caressed his face.

"Never doubt how much I love you Kaidan. And I know you feel the same for me, I'm not that blind," she smiled a little bit. "But... we really need to work on our communication."

He couldn't agree more with this. "I guess you're right. I'm sorry I got you upset. I just..." he sighed. "You're the only woman I'll ever love and want to be with." Kaidan smiled gently at her.

"You say the sweetest things." Saya chuckled softly. "Good thing you have eyes only for me or I sense I would have to compete with a lot of other women."

Kaidan chuckled, unlike her brother who was most of the time totally oblivious, Kaidan took notice but he just wasn't interested in any other women. "Yes, they don't interest me. Maybe they're a little on the boring side and don't know how to handle a gun. And they have no red hair." 

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

"So it's the gun and the red hair is it?"

Kaidan nudged her, teasing her now. "What else, noone of them's giving me orders like you."

"Oh you like taking my orders do you." Saya's smile turned mischevious. "Good.. I want some ice cream."

Kaidan chuckled and saluted her. "I'm on my way, ma'am." Then he snatched her for a kiss and left then.

Irimsaya chuckled to herself then sat down on the couch and read a magazine while she waited for his return.

After about 30 minutes of hunting, Kaidan was back with two boxes of ice cream. He got two spoons for them and joined her on the couch.

"I managed to snatch these two boxes. Jase apparently had the same idea and I could convince him to give me the chocolate ice cream. After I told him it was for you." He opened his box and took a spoon full. "Mmhhh... strawberry. It's surprising they manage to get all these different flavours here, considering how bad everything is right now. Makes me glad they're giving out rations, though."

Irimsaya ate hers in silence for a bit, savouring each bite.

"I didn't know you liked strawberry... what else don't I know about you Mr. Alenko?"

Kaidan shrugged, not knowing what else there could be.

"I don't know, I guess we have time now to find out."

"I've been thinking... and I want you to hear it before I do it... I'm going to officially change from Commander Shepard to Commander Alenko... that is if you're okay with it."

Kaidan looked in surprise at her, he hadn't thought she'd like that. But he remembered her saying years ago that she'd like to be called Mrs. Alenko.

"I am. Of course I am!"

Irimsaya's face lit up with glee.

"Really? Oh thank god. I already filed the paperwork." She laughed. "And... Kaidan... What do you think about calling our son David? Anderson's been so pivotal in both our lives it just feels right to me."

Kaidan smiled at this, of course she'd have gone ahead. This was more like the Saya he knew.

"David? I like the name. What about our girl?"

"I...I didn't know if we should honor Joker's sister." Saya's voice went quiet.

"I feel sorry for him, he's lost all of his family. I at least have my mom.. if they never find my dad." He sighed softly. "What was her name again?"

"Hilary. I don't know how painful it would be for him though... I wanted your thoughts..."

"It's a nice name. Hilary and David. I have to admit it sounds appealing. Maybe I should ask him, or we ask Jase and he could discuss it with him? I wouldn't want to upset him..."

"I think it would be better to ask Jase first... maybe he can break the ice better with Jeff."

"Yes, I agree, it might be best. I'd like to use those names. And if not, we can still go for Hannah." Kaidan gave her a grin.

Irimsaya leaned against him as she finished her ice cream.

"That was damned good thanks sweetie. And yes I like that name too.."

Kaidan chuckled softly and looked into his half finished container. "You ate everything? Mmh, I think I'll keep the rest for later."

"What can I say... I'm eating for three." She laughed a bit.

Kaidan snorted at this and looked amused. "Want it? I don't mind it."

Irimsaya frowned at what was left in his container then shook her head.

"Save it." She smiled. "You might want it later."

"Mmh, okay." Kaidan replied and went to put it into the freezer. Later, he hoped, they'd go outside and relax on the beach again. But before he had another plan. There had never been enough time for cuddling on the ship and he just went to Saya and picked her up, carrying her to their bed. Once there he opened the window a little to let the wonderful air into their room and went back to their bed with a grin.

"You know, I haven't had any headaches since we arrived here." Kaidan smiled and crawled onto their bed, took her feet and gave them some hand love before he moved up the length of her body and laid down next to her. "And I think it's thanks to taking naps." Kaidan moved closer and closed his eyes eventually, thinking about Saya and wanting to change her name. Maybe later he'd ask her if there was more to it. He liked her carrying his name, but as usual, nothing was that easy and simple with a Shepard.

Irimsaya smiled tenderly at Kaidan as he drifted off into sleep. She couldn't do the same but she would most assuredly stay with him until he woke.

  


Jase was sitting on their bed and slowly eating his ice cream while keeping an eye on Jeff. He had brought along a book he'd found in their cabin and maybe he could read it later. Jase yawned. Outside was nice weather and he hadn't seen much of the beach yet. Jase pulled a face at the ice cream on his spoon. Vanilla. Bleh. It was okay, though, he mused. Just not his favoured ice cream. About six spoons into it he decided it tastes good. And he was lucky. Others wouldn't be able to eat icecream. He also wondered how trading would go and if there'd be enough food available for all species.

Earth was a mess and was now even more dependent on their agriculture colonies. With Bekenstein gone their industry would.. he didn't know how things would go now. A lot had been destroyed all over the galaxy. Many business companies well known for their products were quite possibly gone. If lucky some would merge, he guessed, and pool their resources and knowledge to create something new and different from old well known licenses. Only time would tell, again. But at least it wasn't up to him this time. They would have to figure this out on their own.

Apparently the relays had gone back online one by one about the time he had visited Saya and Kaidan in the war room. Truth be told, Jase could barely remember anything of the time as it was filled with a haze of pain and meds which made it hard to think. But like Dr. Chakwas said, he was healing nicely.

Jase frowned at his ice cream and got up, putting the rest away, saving it for Jeff. The book was still laying on the nightstand but he removed his shirt and shorts and climbed into bed, snuggling up to Jeff from behind, kissed his shoulder by placing a lot of tiny kisses on it, inhaled his scent and decided to doze at least. He refrained from rubbing his face on Jeff's shoulder though. The blanket was a light one but he pulled it over them anyway, staring a while at the delicious skin in front of him. He gave in and licked a spot but then forced himself away. Thinking about the outline of Jeff's hips and body or the flat stomach wasn't helping either. After burying his face into his pillow and sighing in frustration Jase focused on Jeff's even breathing. They had time. His man needed to heal now too and they had time. And he wanted to take his time now too, not forcing him into any quick and frenzy sex like they often had to before. 'Not anymore,' he thought when drifting off into a light slumber.

  


Joker's sleep was filled with dreams and nightmares alike. His sister's face kept appearing to him followed by his father's. Then the dreaded Reapers. He gasped awake and sat up slowly, not wanting to wake Jase.

Jase wasn't fooled though as he had been sleeping lightly and was awake as soon as he sensed movement. When Jeff sat up he reached out and had his hand on his back, watching him.

"Hey. Bad dreams?"

Joker wiped his eyes and nodded a bit, not turning to him.

"About my sister... my dad... those _things_ that attacked Earth."

"Yeah." He said quietly, rubbing his back gently. "It's alright to cry." Jase sat up, wondering what to do with him as he never really had to deal with someone else's grief.

"I know...I know it is... but they wouldn't want that. Hilary would kick me in the ass if I cried. Oh god I miss her!" He broke down sobbing.

"Sounds like she was an incredible girl." He took him into his arms. "Just like her brother."

Joker nodded against his chest, trembling a little in his grief.

"If I didn't have you..."

"I'm here. We need to look forward. If I had been stuck in my own past I'd never have made it to the Alliance." And he couldn't even say where he'd be now. "I.. got some ice cream left for you."

Joker looked at him finally.

"When did you go and get ice cream? Not that I'd complain..."

"After talking to Saya. It's vanilla though." He explained. "Got pressured into giving up on chocolate for my sister. So, you want it?"

"Nah it's yours.. I don't want you to miss out."

Jase just shook his head, got up and disappeared for a few seconds to come back with the rest of it and a spoon for Jeff.

"Come on. I don't even like vanilla. That much."

"If you don't like it then why.... nevermind.." Joker took it and started munching on it slowly, savouring every mouthful.

Jase chuckled a little and was watching him eat. And while watching him Jase was thinking, about earth, the future, kids, Hilary. Even pets. Like a cat, or a dog.

"You know.. I was thinking. Yeah I know, a dangerous thing for a pilot to do. Anyway - all four of us should go to dinner tonight. I think we could all use the distraction."

"It's not dangerous. Good thinking." Jase gave him a smile. "I like that."

Joker smiled at him and finished the ice cream.

"Thanks for that... I think I needed it."

Jase chuckled softly. "It's always good." He moved around on their bed. "And everytime you were thinking you actually saved a lot of people. It's not just me, or Saya. It's been you, too. Ilos. The Citadel. The Collectors. Grissom Academy. Cerberus Base. Earth." And there were just a few he could think of. Which brought on a different question now as well. "How did you know where to find me. None of us had been there before on the Citadel."

"Ahhh yeah that... I uh... I had Edi install a tracer on your armour.."

He had figured as much, knowing his armour could serve for many things, including tracking signals and delivering updates to him.

"Thanks." Jase nodded, not feeling mad or anything but just really grateful. "You and me, beach. Now?"

Joker bit his lip then nodded a little.

"Yeah, sure... why not."

Jase nodded, he was still amazed that the tracer had made it through the attack from Harbinger. Sheer luck apparently and the galaxy giving him a present by letting him live. He got up and packed their things before he changed into his trunks.

"Don't care if anyone sees our scars and bruises. They're earned and tell a story. Of us, our survival. And if you don't want to swim, that's fine. We can find ourselves a shady spot."

Joker nodded a little.

"I think I'd like to test the water here actually."

"Great. It's different I heard, but you got me." Jase was really looking forward to it now and held out his hand for Jeff, hopefully it was going to be a nice afternoon and evening.


	4. An Ocean and its Eye

### An Ocean and its Eye

Irimsaya stood at the window a couple of hours later, watching and smiling as Jase and Jeff appeared to be enjoying himself. Or rather at least Jeff was trying to. She couldn't help but wonder what he would think when they asked his permission to name their daughter after his fallen sister. Saya rubbed her forehead absentmindedly as she thought about everything and smirked when Kaidan let out a snore loud enough to wake himself up.

Kaidan sat up and slowly and rubbed his face a little, yawned and frowned. "Did I just snore..?"

Irimsaya turned to him, amusement on her face.

"Oh did you ever.. I don't think I've ever seen you this relaxed.."

Kaidan chuckled softly and stood up. "Well, others are already facing their midlife crisis, are starting to get grey hair and I.. I'm just..happy. Right now and here I'm just happy." He walked up to her and laid his arms around her. "Is it wrong when I feel happy, knowing earth around us lies in ruins and people are trying their best to continue with their lives?"

"I don't think so. Everyone deserves to be happy at some point in their lives and this is the first time I've seen you this happy. You deserve it. You did a hell of a job, Major." She grinned.

Kaidan kissed her neck gently and chuckled softly. "Thank you, Commander. Speaking of, I have a question. Why the name change? I love hearing you being addressed as Mrs. Alenko, but your name is.. kind of famous. And now even more."

Irimsaya pulled away at that and looked back out the window to where Jase and Joker were still playing in the water.

"No... Jase's name is famous. Not mine."

Kaidan went after her and stood next to her now. "Maybe. But you were the one who defeated Saren. And you took out the Collectors, too." Kaidan kissed her shoulder gently. "I just want to know why, nothing more. I don't want you having to justify your decision. But I would like to know the reason, whatever it is."

"It almost sounds to me like you don't actually want me changing it. I really thought you'd want this.." Saya was confused now.

"No. I want it, because it feels right." Kaidan rested his head on her shoulder then. "I'm proud of you. And if you wanted to keep your name, it would be fine, too."

"I didn't do much against the Reapers did I." Her voice was quiet. "And I should have. It wasn't his responsibility Kaidan it was supposed to be mine."

Kaidan thought about this for a while before he answered. "I think that's where you're wrong. It was as much his responsibility as yours. He too saw the message from the beacon on .. his Eden Prime. He might not have been responsible for us, but has there ever been a choice? For him, for us? What would have happened if he hadn't been here. Wouldn't we stand here today too? You're as worthy of the name as he is."

Irimsaya pulled away from him gently and went and sat on the bed.

"No... I'm not Kaidan. Please don't pretend like I am. I'll be Commander Alenko."

"For me you are." Kaidan was watching her now from the spot they stood before. "I don't have to pretend it. You would have gotten the job done too."

"I have to wonder about that thought Kaidan. I mean.. this pregnancy alone could kill me."

Kaidan sighed softly and walked over to her to join her on the bed. "Well, yes. But we spoke about this already and it has nothing to do with the name. How about we allow ourselves happy thoughts. I like you carrying my name. And if we can name our children Hilary and David, then I'm happy too. But I want you to be happy and not feeling less worthy of a name like Shepard. It **is** your name and our children will be proud of their mom. Huh, Shepard-Alenko has a nice ring too."

"I kind of like that actually... and you always know what to say to cheer me up."

Kaidan gave her one of his special smiles and kissed her. "And you saying this makes me happy too. What would you like to do, stay here and enjoy ourselves or join the world outside?"

"I think swimming sounds great to be honest."

"Then let us go swimming." With a nod Kaidan stood up and went to get their towels and other things.

Irimsaya changed into her swimsuit while he was gone and threw on her cover-up just as he returned with a bag of supplies.

"You really are prepared for anything aren't you?" She was eying the pistol sticking out of the bag.

Kaidan just gave her a shrug. "Yesterday I saw it in your bag, too."

Irimsaya nodded absentmindedly.

"True enough. I guess it's a force of habit." She smiled at him. "One that I'm actually glad to see you doing as well now."

Walking over to him, Saya gave Kaidan a gentle hug.

"Let's go see what kind of trouble those two boys out there are getting into."

Kaidan nodded and took her hand while walking with her to the beach. The sand felt soft and warm under his sandals. "It nearly sounds like you want to practice our parenting skills on your brother and Joker." He grinned at her.

Irimsaya let out a small giggle at the thought.

"What ideas you have my love. Like either of them would ever listen to me if it wasn't an order." She grinned broadly.

  


"Jase, look who's coming to play." Joker waved over Jase's head to Saya and Kaidan.

Kaidan just laughed and Jase turned to look at the newcomers. "Hey sis. Kaidan. Come and join us, the water's nice."

Irimsaya chuckled as Kaidan ran and dove in next to Jase and Joker. She took her time and went in a bit further out from them to make sure she would be okay in the water. Frowning, Saya glanced down when something touched her foot, then yelled as she was dragged under by a metallic hand.

"Commander!!" Joker's eyes were wide with horror. "Jase! Kaidan! Something's wrong!"

Joker shielded his eyes as a piece of debris that had been in orbit came down right where Saya had been standing.

The sound Jase heard behind him reminded him of the Reapers sending down their troops to earth. There was barely time for him to turn around when he heard Jeff's warning and was greeted by a wave. "Watch out!" Jase yelled and saw Kaidan and Joker being thrown off their feet before it hit him too. For a moment he was afraid Jeff had gotten hurt as he saw him struggling to get back onto his feet.

"Where's Saya?!" He yelled at them both. He hadn't seen where she had been, only that she had gone past him. And apparently Jeff knew where she had been.

Joker managed to get back to his feet, holding his chest.

"She was right there!! Right where it fell!!"

"God damn it!" Jase swore and locked eyes with Kaidan. He nodded at the man before taking a dive under water to find Saya.

Irimsaya sputtered as she was brought back to the surface by whatever had grabbed her ankle. The Geth held her gently but firmly so that she wouldn't slip back under the water.

"Do not worry Shepard - Commander. We have ensured your safety." It said as Saya coughed out a bunch of water.

Joker turned when he heard the water breaking and his eyes widened. He heard when both Jase and Kaidan surfaced and decided to shout to them.

"Uh guys? That Geth has her...!"

Jase was totally bewildered for a second and followed Jeff's finger pointing towards.. something. While a geth wasn't something dangerous anymore apparently, he didn't want to find out of it was wrong to trust. Jase quickly swam to them.

"Hey! Let go of her!"

Irimsaya sagged in the Geth's arms as it gently towed her to where Jase was swimming to them. The shock of being underwater for what seemed like forever finally hitting her and reminding her of when she had died alone in space.

"She is alright Shepard - Commander. There are no injuries to her body."

Geth didn't lie. Legion hadn't lied, just had decided not to tell him everything. Jase nodded at it slowly, them. "Thanks. Saya?"

Kaidan was next to them now too. "She's shaking, bring her to the beach."

"I'm getting your towels Kaidan," Jase said and hurried to their things, while scanning the beach in case someone else needed help too.

"Everyone of you alright?" He asked the visitors while grabbing the towels to get them ready for Saya.

One of the other beachgoers yelled back to Jase.

"Some minor cuts only by the looks of it - we were lucky!"

Irimsaya found she couldn't stop shaking no matter what she did. She was grateful for Kaidan's supporting arms as he led her to the beach, Joker now beside her on the other side. The Geth was following them as if it was a lost pup looking for a home.

Jase nodded at the man and thought they had been lucky too. He got their own towels as well and kept one for himself and Jeff while using the others to wrap Saya into them. 

Kaidan sat down first, allowing Saya to lean onto him and soak up his body heat to warm her up.

"Jeff, you okay? Saw you rubbing your chest." Jase asked softly while wrapping Saya's feet into his last towel and carefully rubbed her legs with hands.

"Whoever thought water could hurt." He smiled a very little bit but was using his towel to hide some obvious cracked ribs.

Irimsaya glanced at him and frowned.

"He's hurt." Through her chattering teeth. "But he's not gonna tell you."

Jase narrowed his eyes a little and kept rubbing Saya's legs for a few more seconds. "The sun will warm you." Jase said and immediately turned towards Jeff.

"So, what is it. Cracked rib?" Jase remembered the time after the collectors abducted their crew, Jeff had been in a lot of pain and used up every single painkiller Chakwas had offered.

"Ehhh more like a few to be honest. But it's not as bad as what it could have been, trust me on that." Joker replied.

"This one could examine him if it is your wish Shepard - Commander."

Jase quickly turned around, having totally forgotten the geth was still there. "What, geth have mastered the art of medicine?" But he remembered Legion and how his memories would be available to this.. unit.

"Call me Jase, please. Does this unit have a name?" The Shepard-Commander reminded him too much of Legion and he had no desire to receive hero status on this beach if someone overheard them talking. The lower his profile was the better. Even more surprising was that no one seemed to be afraid of a geth, luckily. And he was curious to see how the geth were developing now.

"Go ahead, but don't break him more."

"Please specify. A name? Oh, this unit understands. You wish to know the designation of this unit. I do not have one. And do not concern yourself. This one shall not further injure your companion."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows at that.

"We should give him... it... a bit of credit. It did save my life." She spoke up again, starting to finally get warm but the shock was still there.

Jase had a lot of questions suddenly for this geth. "Good, help him." Though he was wondering how the geth would do this. But it did need a name, he thought. And it knew a lot about them, but of course this was because of the connection to their database servers. Which begged another question.

"How did you learn to swim and not to die in water? Don't answer that. Help Jeff."

Kaidan rubbed her shoulders gently. "I'm glad it did, we haven't even seen it coming... That thing.. debris, or whatever it was."

"Okay okay! Thanks Mr. Geth!" Joker batted its hands away with his good hand as it finished taping his ribs. He shuddered a bit at the metallic hands near his skin.

The Geth backed off and watched him for a moment.

"There is no need to fear this one. This unit means no harm."

Jase groaned a little. The geth reminded him of the indoctrinated hanar spectre. It surely had studied too many species and picked up on their speech. It, he, _needed_ a name.

"Jeff, it's either him or back to the hospital. Guess it's needed anyway," he muttered under his breath.

"I don't need the hospital, I'm **fine**. And so's your sister, see, she's laughing at you. And with that dumbfounded expression on your face I don't blame her."

"Nice. Good to see you're feeling better." He replied and sat down into the sand, running his hands through it in frustration. It was warm and had a nice feel. Jase was looking at them one by one, feeling annoyed. He was worried sick and they kept making jokes. Just great.

Irimsaya looked down when his eyes met hers and she shivered again.

Joker frowned a little at that then realized.

"Oh... oh I didn't even think... being under the water... it must have been like when you died..."

"Soffacoting," Jase said softly then turned to the geth, looking it into its eye and said with a sincere voice, "Thank you, for saving her."

Kaidan kept rubbing her arms gently and whispered into her ear. "I'm glad that geth was here and saved you and our babies lives, but how did it know to do what it did?"

The Geth turned to Kaidan when it overheard the man's inquiry to the female Shepard.

"This one was separated from its unit. It sensed then saw the object coming from above. It estimated the trajectory and felt the need to save the female Shepard - Commander."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow.

"Careful love, they have good "hearing"."

Kaidan nodded at her. "Yes, I think you're right. They are very good with many things, aren't they. Hard to believe we used to fight them and thought they were our enemies. And now this one.. wait. Aren't they kind of individuals now? Legion gave them all free will."

Jase cast a glance at Jeff and made up his mind. He got up, walked to him and just waited for him to say something.

"I guess they are Kaidan but they probably still consider themselves as one part of the whole. It's hard to say." She looked at him.

"It should be interesting to watch then.. grow." Kaidan replied.

"Uhm...hi." Joker met Jase's eyes.

"Hi yourself." Jase crossed his arms, watching him with concern but was also a little upset. "So. You know why I'm here. The truth, please."

Joker looked confused. "The truth about what??"

"Your chest." Jase sighed and sat down next to him, looking at the ocean.

Joker scratched his beard with his good hand.

"Ah. Yeah... that. Well the Geth thinks all but two ribs are cracked. But I'm okay. Chakwas gave me a supply of pain meds before we left the Normandy."

"Okay. Have you taken all your other meds too? Sorry for asking." But they were off duty and he could rest and heal without risking anything else. And Jase was worried.

"You worry too much sometimes. I've taken everything I'm supposed to. I'm being a good little boy."

"Yeah. I know." Jase replied softly. "You aren't a boy. And sometimes, I'm scared."

Joker watched him then put his arm around Jase's shoulders.

"As long as I have you... I'll be just fine."

Jase nodded, but didn't lean into him, not wanting him to hurt more. His attention was now on Jeff's face as he gave him a quick kiss. "And as long I have you, I'll be fine, too. But don't hide yourself from me. I always wanted the whole package. Not just a part of it."

Joker smiled at the kiss.

"You always have the whole package - believe you me."

"Good." He answered with a smile and stretched a little. "Hungry?"

Joker nodded.

"Actually I'm starved. What were you thinking about? I think if we're thinking dinner that all 4 of us should go... together."

"Sounds good. Let's do it." He got up and held out his hand for Jeff to take it. "And you for dessert." But he needed to figure out what to do with their newly acquired geth too.

Irimsaya gasped in surprise when the Geth knelt down next to her and gently put a hand on her stomach. She watched it with wondering eyes and stopped Kaidan before he went to move it.

"No... Let's see what it does.."

"I will not hurt the young ones mate of Shepard - Commander."

Saya chuckled a little but kept her eyes on the Geth.

"Tell me your thoughts." She said to it.

"These young ones are strong. Gifted as your species would state. Nearly too strong for this womb." The Geth caressed her stomach very gently as it analyzed the readings it was receiving.

Jase joined them and watched from behind, if it wasn't for the missing piece of N7 armour he'd always think of it as Legion. And what it had to say was of interest to him.

"Have you reached consensus yet?" He asked it.

"Yes. Consensus reached. The little ones will be wanting out in shorter time than your doctors believe. In two months or so, Earth time."

"Or so?" Jase asked, the geth sounded as if it had picked up on human speech. "Where have you been since the Reapers were defeated?"

"Processing request. This unit has been helping humans in this area. I was separated from the others and the humans here have been kind to this one."

Jase nodded. "Happy to hear. Since this unit refers to itself as "I", how about a name?"

"I do not have a name. There has been much debate among the Geth about this aspect of human functionality. No consensus has been reached about this topic. Perhaps you could provide this unit with one?"

"Liam. You look like a Liam," Jase answered amused. "What do you think?"

"If that is what you deem best, then this unit will be called Liam."

"We're attracting an audience." Saya spoke quietly to Kaidan, the Geth's hand still on her stomach.

"How about we go back inside, get changed for dinner?" Kaidan said after nodding at Saya.

"Sounds good to me.." Saya let Kaidan help her up and was surprised when the Geth assisted on the other side.

"Come with us, Liam. You're free to stay in the living room for now." And somehow it felt good to have a geth with them. Jase was glad to flee from the audience.

"This one appreciates the friendship you extend it."

Irimsaya was clinging to Kaidan as she walked, almost embarrassed at the lack of balance she seemed to have.

Jase mused that their geth at least didn't say this unit. But this one was typically hanar like. Maybe it had a soul name too. He had to chuckle softly at this and kept an eye on Jeff.

Kaidan carefully led Saya inside and helped her sit down. "How are you feeling. This was.. horrible, shocking."

"Honestly Kaidan - all I can think of, all I could think of when I was under... was when I died. I was so scared. Then I felt the water start to get hot from that debris and realized that somehow the Geth had used its own shield to protect both of us from being hurt. I don't really understand it to be honest. All I could think of was you and the children... you almost lost all 3 of us..."

Kaiden listened to this and just nodded before he hugged her. 

For the rest of the evening he was a little on the silent side. It also kind of depressed him that the geth said she'd have the babies in only two months. Which, according to his knowledge meant it was a short pregnancy and he wondered if the children would be alright after only 5 months. Some kind of magic this was. Something he didn't like very much and it scared him. Whatever Cerberus had done to her would always follow them, as her body was the result of the cutting edge tech Cerberus had access to.

  


Irimsaya kept stealing glances at Kaidan, knowing he was deeply troubled since he was so quiet and she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry... I can't do this anymore."

She got up from the table and walked away.

"You know... her mood's changing faster than the weather lately." Joker spoke up when she was out of hearing range. "It's worse than what it was before - I mean like last month."

Liam followed Saya at a distance, having sworn to Jase to protect both her and the babies.

"I'm going for a walk." Kaidan said as he stood up, he nearly would have snapped at Joker but then this would have caused a third argument of the day. By the looks of it he would have another one on his hands once he returned to his wife. It all went back to the Normandy being destroyed, he mused while walking along the beach, and Joker trying to save the darn ship. Then Cerberus magic and now this thanks to them as well.

Irimsaya sat in the sand by the water, staring at it, tears in her eyes. She almost wished that Cerberus had just let her die. Maybe then Kaidan would have been happier. Saya pulled her legs up to her chest as best she could and hid her face in her arms. He didn't even seem to understand, more concerned for the children than her. She wasn't sure what hurt more - that knowledge or the fact that he was giving her the silent treatment.

Kaidan went home at some point, after having taken a long walk and had thrown a few stones into the water. Something he hadn't done for a few years. It had felt good though. As soon as he entered their area of the cabin Kaidan went right away to their bathroom. The headache was back and a painkiller would help taking care of the already fierce pounding. The rooms were unlit which meant only one thing. Saya wasn't there. He heaved a heavy sigh, popped a pill and left the cabin. He needed to find his wife and settle this argument before it hurt both of them even more. Surely the geth was with her anyway, which would make it easier to find her.

Liam kept his distance from Saya, sensing the female needed the space. He looked around when he heard someone approaching and after analyzing the data received, determined Kaidan was not a threat.

Kaidan sat down next to her and laid his arm around her shoulder.

Irimsaya couldn't respond, but she knew the touch.

"Hey.. sometimes I just need some time to think." Kaidan told her softly.

"Is that why you were giving me the silent treatment at dinner?"

"Yes. I had to think about it and if I had spoken up, I might have started an argument - with anyone. And thinking about it.. I believe we had enough arguments for today."

"Tell me what you were thinking then."

Kaidan sighed softly and wondered if he should tell her at all. It was kind of old news but being put into a new perspective. He wasn't sure if it was worth it at all.

"I don't know. It's just, I nearly lost you again. And I curse the day you died, then Cerberus got you and brought you back." He wasn't sure of what to say about how she had been brought back.

"We're here at the beach, something happens and you could have been dead again. And when I tell you I don't want to risk your life with giving you more babies.. you get mad at me. Then," he continues, "this geth tells us it's just maybe 8 more weeks where I thought we had maybe three or four months. But I will only believe this when Dr. Chakwas or someone else confirms it."

Kaidan sighed. "I don't know Saya, did you ever have the feeling of being stuck someplace and trying hard to get out of it only that someone comes along and pushes you back into it? That's how I feel when I worry about us. I want a future for us and our children, now that we actually have the chance... If that geth, Liam, wouldn't have been there... I didn't even have the chance to do something, help you, get you out of the way, again... Just like it was with the old Normandy." Kaidan added quietly and fell silent for a few seconds.

"But maybe I'm thinking too much. I haven't heard of any guy who's doing so much thinking. And when someone knew I was doing this, they were making fun of me. Called me names. But don't worry, that's happened many years ago."

Irimsaya lifted her head and watched him.

"If anyone called you a name now they'd answer to me. And Kaidan.. I want a big family... I want a kind of.. legacy for us I guess. But we can discuss it after these two make their appearance. As for these two.. I talked with Liam when you were changing for dinner. It, he, thinks it has something to do with my implants and the fact that they're disappearing in certain spots. It's like they're being absorbed by the children. What I think we need to do is also have an Asari consultation on them. With Chakwas there."

Kaidan listened to what she said and nodded several times. He fell silent again before he answered.

"A legacy huh, I kind of like the idea. I agree with you, after they are here and we know how you're doing and more, we can think about having more. As for the Asari, do you want Liara on this.. she's a bit young for an asari. I'm not sure."

Irimsaya actually smiled at that comment. A bit young indeed.

"Liara is a good friend to us both Kaidan. I think, with being the Shadow Broker, she probably has contacts who might know more. I was thinking about Shiala as well to be honest. And if Miranda's still alive... well she might have some answers too."

"Yes and I'm glad Liara's alive. Shiala, what makes her so special, because she's been with the thorian?"

"Yeah. Might give her some insight the rest of us don't have. Maybe even Samara if she's still around.."

"Samara? But she's just a justicar. And we haven't heard from her... I think Jase spoke to her when he was in London." At any rate, Kaidan was glad when they got news of one of them, be it good or bad. It was unnerving not knowing what happened to the people who were once fighting at Saya and Jase's side.

Irimsaya nodded a bit and leaned against him.

"I...I almost died today didn't I Kaidan." Her voice was soft and shaking.

Kaidan nodded. "But you are here now and the geth protected you."

Saya hid her face in his neck and nodded a bit.

"Just please never be afraid to tell me what you're thinking. I'll never make fun of you for thinking. Ever."

Kaidan carefully drew her closer and nodded. "Mmh.. I know you won't, I just didn't want to upset you as your day had been rough enough already..."

"Thinking you're mad at me because you won't talk to me is much worse Kaidan. I _needed_ you.. needed to talk..." She sighed and made herself comfortable in his arms. "But all that matters is right now."

"I'll try to do it right the next time." Kaidan replied softly and laid his head on hers as best as he could, enjoying the rest of their evening.


	5. Friends and Family

### Friends and Family

Three days later and Jase was staring at the message he had just received. Miranda had been hurt and was finally getting back onto her feet. Apparently she owed it a great deal to her modified dna too. Jase grinned a little and was glad she was alive.

At least he had tracked down Wrex, the krogan and the small army that was left were covering the salarian's asses while they helped to rebuilt many of the tech around earth. Or rather the places which were left. Jase was glad for the help and hoped the krogan wouldn't start eating the salarians.

The other news was that Garrus and Tali were coming to visit them. Maybe he could convince the turian to go for a swim. Jase smirked at the thought. He was more interested though to hear about the Primarch and if he had survived and how the quarian fleet was doing. He figured they would fly back home soon. And the geth with them. Which led to the question what Liam would do.

Irimsaya went into the living area of their cottage and saw Jase going through some datapads.

"Hey, we're supposed to be on vacation my brother."

Jase looked at her and nodded, putting the datapads into order. "Garrus and Tali are coming for a visit. Miranda's hurt but doing a recovery. Wrex is cooperating with the salarians." He paused, got up and walked over to her. "And isn't threatening to eat them."

Irimsaya chuckled a little bit.

"First time for everything I guess. I wonder if maybe Miranda could do with a visit here too - glad to hear Tali and Garrus are coming. It'll be nice to see them. Jase... I was wondering if you could ask Joker something for Kaidan and I. We want to name our little girl after his sister..."

This was a good idea about Miranda coming here and Jase nodded at it.

"Give me a second."

He went to the terminal and pulled up the messages and suggested it to her and Garrus. Garrus and Tali surely would have a free space to take her with them and considering Tali's reaction to Sanctuary, he was sure she'd find a way. Too bad he hadn't seen her drunk. Yet. He wasn't sure if the area had food available for turians and quarians, he hadn't seen any of the race around yet. Just in case he warned them about it, too. Last thing he wanted was them starving in a vacation area.

Once he hit sent he went back to Saya and sat down, pondering the suggestion. They both had some light sleeping problems lately, Jeff about his sister and Jase figured he was looking at too many reports again. Saya was right, they were supposed to be on vacation but it felt wrong, knowing about the state the galaxy was in and so many suffering. But Hilary...

"It's a nice thought. Can't tell you how he'll react to it though. I'll ask him." He was looking at Saya now, something else was on his mind.

"Got a question for you. Might not be an easy one. How did you deal with Akuze?"

They never had spoken about it. Or maybe they had, years ago. He knew he had told her the dead from Akuze didn't bother him anymore when they had eaten together on the old Normandy.

Irimsaya looked at the floor.

"In truth Jase, I never did. I still have nightmares about it. I've tried to talk to Kaidan about it but.. I don't know, it doesn't help."

Jase sighed as he thought about Akuze for a while. "It's been nine years now. I dream about it now and again, but don't have nightmares. I had to move on for their sake and my own. They live on in my memories and I'm honoring them." But now he wasn't sure anymore for who he should remember them at all.

Saya rubbed her eyes.

"I wish I could say the same thing. But I can't. Every life I've taken or I've seen taken, I remember."

"I don't. I would have snapped, if I did. I'm pushing it away." He looked at her.

"Maybe that's part of my problem then. I don't know. Either way it's in the past. Right now I have two other little lives who are depending on me for safety.. and I can't even keep them safe if I go for a little swim."

"You're doing fine." Jase answered, he thought she was a lot stronger than he was apparently, because remembering them all and not breaking told him she had a very strong mind. "It could have happened to anyone. It wasn't your fault and Liam was there."

"That reminds me... why did you suggest Liam?"

Jase snorted softly, feeling amused. "It's all in the name, isn't it. Legion. Liam reminds me of Legion. There you got the L. Then, "I am." They're aware of themselves now. Do you remember Legion telling us about the question which got the quarians so spooked? "Does this unit have a soul?" Must have been Legion asking it. Before he sacrificed himself, Tali answered it with "Yes" and Legion then referred to himself as "I" …."

Jase fell silent for a few seconds and shrugged then, "Liam."

"Perfectly named then." Saya's voice was harsh with the memory of her old friend. "Perfectly."

"Thanks. Glad you approve. Anyway, I'll ask Jeff."

"Thank you so much Jase. We've already decided to call our son David... to give Anderson a permanent place in our family."

"That's nice. You guys have been putting a lot of thought into the names. What about our mother, have you heard from her? You never.. mentioned anything."

"I haven't mentioned anything because nobody's gotten back to me yet. I can't stop thinking about her."

Jase looked down and scratched his eyebrow, knowing she would have found a way to get in touch with them. It was the same for Kaidan and his dad. "Damn it..."

Irimsaya sat on the couch.

"Is it wrong of me to fear the worst?" Her voice was cracking with emotion.

Jase shook his head. "No. Better to fear the worst and get a nice surprise instead...." he answered softly.

Irimsaya put her face in her hands and closed her eyes.

With a soft, but defeated sigh Jase laid his hand onto her back and rubbed it gently. He stayed with her for a while to support her, but kept wondering why he wasn't feeling anything about these news.

Irimsaya eventually curled up on the couch after thanking Jase for being there.

 

Quietly leaving the room and closing the door behind him Jase decided to walk back to Jeff. The idea of naming the little girl after Jeff's sister was a nice one. He checked their bedroom but Jeff wasn't there. Of course Jase could ask Liam but the geth was nowhere to be seen either. With a shrug Jase decided to take a look around outside. Just anything to keep his mind occupied and away from dark brooding thoughts.

Joker was sitting on a chair outside in the sand trying to teach Liam how to make a sandcastle.

"Operation sandcastle, huh. How's it going?" Jase had to grin as he reached them. A geth trying to build one was unheard of. He sat down and was watching.

"Ever built one yourself, Jeff?"

"Are you kidding me? Like I ever could. The closest I ever got was one my sister helped. Kinda like Liam and I are doing now."

Jase chuckled softly and moved closer. "Another pair of hands won't hurt then. When was that?"

"Oh awhile ago... on a vacation we took as a family." Joker watched Jase as he helped Liam.

"Those dimensions are not accurate Shepard-Commander."

That earned Liam a snort. "Nothing is with us humans, Liam. That's just for fun, it won't last."

Jase looked at Jeff. "Must have been nice."

Joker nodded a little bit.

"It was... it really was."

Jase focused on the castle and drew a smiley into one of its walls. Maybe it would cheer him up a little bit.

"Jeff.... What do you think about naming Saya's little girl after your sister."

Joker dropped his drink in shock and Jase looked startled at this for a moment.

"Wha....What? They want to name her Hilary?? I..." He actually smiled a little bit. "I think she'd like that."

"Yeah, they want to. Maybe she'd.. have red hair and some freckles too. And wants to be a pilot, like her uncle." Jase kept working on the castle. It was interesting to feel the sand and form it into something else. Aside of this, he always wondered how geth didn't get any water or sand, or rather dirt into their 'bodies'.

Joker had a small wondering smile on his lips.

"I... I'd like it I think..."

Jase sighed softly with relief at Jeff's reply or answer and studied Liam's hands before watching his own while flexing and bending them. Amazing work the quarians had done.

"Glad you like the idea. Have you ever seen a playground for children on the Citadel, or somewhere?"

Joker shook his head.

"Can't say that I have to be honest with you. Mind you I was never really looking..."

"Not surprising. I never had a reason to look, but now with Saya having babies things change. As a child I was glad to have food. Or a dry place."

"And she grew up on starships and Kaidan was in biotic camp..."

Jase chuckled softly. They all came from such different places. "Yeah. And you on Arcturus station."

"Not the **best** place to grow up. I think I would have preferred the Citadel over that to be honest. Would have had a lot more fun." Joker grinned.

"Maybe." He replied. Arcturus station was gone now too, just like his own earth.

"Why the Citadel? Cause of all the aliens?"

"Lots more people to get to know and you know me... people person." He snorted. "Nah, I would've been able to see more alien ships. I've always been interested in ships."

Jase snorted at the people person comment. "You're not that bad. Once people get to know you, they'll love you. Glad I could compete against the Normandy." Jase teased him.

Joker winked back at him and watched Liam draw matching smiley faces in each of the walls like Jase's. As soon as he saw that Joker started howling with laughter.

"Liam," Jase laughed, "why are you doing this and don't tell me no data available." Jase knew he didn't even have to take a picture or something, since the geth stored all their memories anyway.

"This was not to be part of the design? I thought perhaps you had made the modification so that it would be more... complex." Liam turned his eye to Jase.

"Wasn't planned, just rather thought of as a joke." Jase shrugged. "Keep the smilies, Liam. They made Jeff here laugh."

"I just... never ever... thought I'd see... a Geth... draw smiley faces!" Joker stated between his laughter.

Jase gave him a bright flashy grin and got up to sit next to him. "Liam's just great. I never thought I'd see a geth building sand castles either." Jase nudged Jeff gently.

"What?" Joker grinned. "I was bored and he was staring at me so I thought I'd give him a new experience."

"Good thinking." Jase replied and gave him a kiss. "How's the hand and the rips?"

Joker returned the kiss gently then sighed.

"Hand is aching and now ribs are sore thanks to that laughter. But it was worth it."

"That it was," he replied softly while running his hand up and down his back. "Feeling good enough for a swim?"

Joker winced then nodded.

"I can try love. I can try."

"No, I'm sorry. It was stupid to ask." Jase apologized. Cracked ribs hurt a lot. "I'll stay here, with you."

Joker shook his head.

"To be honest Jase I think I'd like to be in the water. It helps the pain a bit."

"Alright. Let me give you a hand." Jase stood up, holding out his hand for him to take it. If needed he'd help with walking to the water as well.

Joker smiled at him and let Jase help him up. He took his time as he walked towards the water.

"We'll be fine as long as no more debris rains down."

"The likelihood of that occurring again is approximately 1 in 1 million." Liam stated as he walked behind them.

"That's comforting." Jase snorted. "What was the chance of it the last time? Let me guess. The same."

"Confirmed." Liam said.

"Yeah... great..." Joker rolled his eyes.

"Doubt we'll hit the jackpot twice." Jase muttered in response and laid his arm around Jeff's waist.

"Considering Liam rescued Saya, I'm confident if needed he'll rescue us too." Jase told him and tested the water with his foot. "Nice." He didn't let go of Jeff while slowly stepping into the water.

Joker let out an audible sigh of relief as he soon started to float in the water.

"Oh yeah this is so much better."

"Come here..." Jase replied and carefully wrapped his arms around him, just enjoying the closeness without causing any pain.

"I could do this all day." He sighed softly and closed his eyes, resting his head carefully on Jeff's shoulder.

"Hmm I could let you do this all day. This is nice."

"Yes. Wrap your legs around me, I'll carry you around."

Joker raised his eyebrows.

"Seriously??"

Jase laughed at this and shrugged. "Nothing bad with this. You just get to ride around in the water sitting on my.. hips. We can go into the deeper area."

Joker bit his lip and looked out at the ocean.

"Okay.... but if we drown it's all your fault." He laughed and wrapped his legs around Jase's waist.

"This is great." Jase groaned softly at the armful of Joker he was carrying around now. "We won't." Jase whispered into his ear. "Liam's there and watching over us."

"Gee just what I always wanted.. a Geth chaperone..."

"Don't mind him," he chuckled softly. "we're adults. We could throw him a bone and he runs off. He'll probably just bring it back, though."

Jase eyed the area around them. "If we were alone I'd get rid of my trunks." But they weren't. Instead he just enjoyed the close body contact. The warmth of Jeff's body mixed with the coolness of the water was stimulating his senses, making them sharp.

"I think leaving them on is a good idea. Cause last time I checked you didn't have your weapon on you and I can't ask if that's your gun I feel or if you're just happy to see me..."

Jase chuckled a little into his ear. "I left it at home. This gun's just for you. Doesn't hurt anymore either." He moved a little so he could look at him. "I'm always happy to see you."

Joker grinned.

"I'd kiss you but there's kids around.."

"Didn't see anyone dying yet when watching a kissing couple. Nor does it hurt anyone." He carefully moved them around in the water, Jase's back was turned towards the beach. "Well?"

Joker grinned and kissed him deeply.

Jase enjoyed their kissing until he heard the sound of a geth standing behind them. Its sound was well known to his ears. He groaned and broke the kiss, turned around and looked at Liam.

"Come on, don't tell me you haven't seen two people kissing yet. There's got to be something in your databases."

"This activity is unknown to this unit. Please clarify."

Jase snorted. He should have known it. "Right. It's called kissing." And by the looks of it, geth wouldn't have any options to kiss.

"Please provide further data for analysis."

Jase groaned inwardly. He wouldn't demonstrate it willingly. "People who are in love kiss each other. Like we just did."

"Please input more data, I do not comprehend."

Jase scratched his head with a huff. Maybe he should try to start with something else. "Jeff and I are married. We like each other a lot. We're intimate and … kissing is very sensual. Our lips are very sensitive and the nerves in them provide us with a lot of .. sensor like data." He wondered if that would be good enough.

"I understand. Please demonstrate for visual records."

"It's private. You already saw it. Replay your visual records instead."

"He's just being what we humans call a party-pooper Liam." Joker teased Jase, already having explained the term to the Geth awhile ago.

"Indeed. I may then use the term 'party-pooper'."

Jase knew what Jeff was up to, teasing him, again. But he gave in. Good, for the sake of teaching geth. He knew this would probably end up being broadcast to the whole geth universe, but so be it. Hundreds of years from now on geth would remember it and somehow, it was... a legacy.

"Alright. Watch."

And then he was giving Liam an example of what real kiss between lovers looked like. When he let go of Jeff's lips he wondered if he had done the right thing though.

"Okay, good enough for you, Liam?" He said breathlessly, forehead touching Jeff's and his hand was still caressing the back of Jeff's head.

"I'm hoping he says no." Joker responded in a husky voice.

"It was sufficient." Liam said and walked off.

"Hah! Sufficient." Jase snorted and saw him walking off from the corner of his eyes.

"Hope? Not needed. Let's take this inside though." He replied to Jeff then and let go of him, just as much to allow the cool water coming between them, cooling them down right away. Jase felt a shiver running through Jeff's body and he smiled sadly at him.

"Sorry. I'll warm you up once we're inside." Jase wondered what the geth of their's was now up to.

"What else have you been teaching him? I know your influence. Edi. Now Liam. Me." He laughed softly.

"Oh well I kind of explained cooking, cleaning... you know... the stuff we don't like doing..."

Jase laughed out loud. "I get the rest, but cooking? I know you can't cook. You know he can't taste anything. No mouth. Can't kiss either."

"I had to occupy my time somehow when you were looking after your sister."

Jase nodded while getting close to the beach now and let him down gently so he could walk himself. "Yeah. I'm sorry for that. At least I have more time now, especially for you. Always felt like I had to rush things between us just to … feel you." Jase steadied him carefully by laying his arm around his waist and took his bad hand into his.

Jeff smiled at him.

"You have no idea how glad I am to have you in my life."

Jase eyed him for a moment before he said something. "Likewise. It's been more than three years now." Jase looked down at his naked feet in the warm sand, it still felt incredible. "Don't even remember what the ... other Joker was like."

Joker just watched him for a minute before speaking.

"You still miss your Kaidan though don't you."

Jase considered what to say and thought about his own feelings for a moment.

"Not really. It's more a feeling of regret. Of not saving them. I'm the last one left and.. what's more brutal is knowing if I hadn't been here, you all would be dead by now too."

Joker made a face.

"Yeah... yeah I guess that's true isn't it."

Jase felt a surge of anger rushing through his body and wisely decided not to answer this until they reached their room. There he stopped walking and looked at him. He let go of Jeff's hand and balled it angrily into a fist, fingernails digging into the skin.

"It is..! She couldn't have done it, no one. Not even Edi. The plans were partly wrong. I had to fix them."

He looked away, before saying more as he was trying to make sense of all of this. He kept his voice low, as it was something only Jeff should hear.

"Whatever happened over there, they had the plans at the time we were on Virmire. And the reapers were already on earth."

Joker watched Jase, worried.

"What can I do to help you."

Jase shook his head and folded his hands, biting the thumbnail carefully as he thought about this.

"Nothing. You're doing all you can. Saya doesn't need to know. She'd have failed. If that goddam beacon on Virmire hadn't given me the.. vision.. of my own world and the tech.. It's a miracle. They already had the Crucible." He shook his head a little, leaving the rest unspoken. This galaxy had been doomed to fall and yet it didn't because he was here.

"Sometimes I'm homesick and can't go back. Like you can't go back home to Arcturus station. Today I asked Saya if she has heard of our mother. She doesn't know anything and what do I do, I agree with her that it might be best to fear the worse." He snorted at himself in disgust.

"Don't have to keep the morale up anymore and I crush her last hope. Worse, I don't even feel anything about mom being maybe dead. Nothing. What the hell has happened to me... everyone's been through shit and I should pick up where I was last. Lead with example. Give hope. Push forward. Into the future."

"You saw horror on the Citadel. You watched people around you die as you ran for the beam. I know because you talk in your sleep. And all I can offer you is cold comfort. Maybe it's nothing wrong with you maybe it's something wrong with the person you are probably relying on to help you through this and all I can think about is my lost family."

"I'm sorry, didn't want anyone to know." Jase shook his head and sat down. "There's nothing wrong with you. If Hilary would have made it, she could have come to live with us. You lost your family, Jeff. Nothing's wrong with you. Nothing. And I admire you."

"You admire me? Why?" He was slightly pleased to have managed to distract Jase from his train of thought.

"Strong personality, great skill. Perfect sense for timing when flying in battle. And yes, you kept your ship in one piece. Good husband, skilled lover. Lousy cook."

"Lousy cook?? Me?? I'm a great cook!"

"Yeah. Sure. If water could burn you'd manage that, too. At least you can handle some _eggs_." Jase padded the spot next to him. "Feeling a little cold here, how about you warm me up with your cold comfort."

"I would be honoured to warm you up, sir." Joker sat down carefully and cuddled into him.

Jase snorted softly at this but it was done with a smile. "Thanks for still believing in me."

  


Some time later Jase woke up, he wondered briefly when he had fallen asleep but it was nice to have Jeff kind of curled around him. There was a soft sound and his eyes were searching from where it came from and soon they found Liam just standing there and watching. He wanted to groan softly. Liam's eye blinked a little from time to time and Jase actually frowned, it nearly looked like the geth was pretending to sleep.

Years ago he would have gone for cover and drawn his gun when seeing a geth and now they were here in one room, peacefully. It was a nice change and one he welcomed. Outside he could hear Saya and Kaidan talking, but wasn't listening in on them. He knew they'd come inside at some point but his spot with Jeff was just too comfortable to give up on right away. Eyes drifting close again he just listened. To Jeff's breathing and the familiar soothing voices outside. And then he was contemplating if Jeff could and would fly something as basic as a shuttle. Or something smaller.

  


Irimsaya snuggled against Kaidan as they again sat in the sand outside.

"I am so glad you're here.." She smiled and kissed his cheek gently. "Actually I'm glad we're both here on this beach together."

Kaidan chuckled softly and returned the kiss, placing one onto her cheek too. "And where else would I want to be? I mean, yes. I'm glad too."

"Kaidan... I still haven't heard anything from or about my mom." Saya's voice was soft. "Jase said I should expect the worst now.."

Kaidan gave her somewhat of a dumbfounded look. He couldn't believe he actually said that to her. It was .. wrong and felt out of character to him.

"No. I won't give up on hope for my dad either. I mean I know it might be.. bad news. But as long as there's no news it could also be good. Maybe she's just too busy or they're cut off communications and are trying to repair it. Or maybe she's alive but can't send you a message and they're cut off, too. Have you heard anything from those who were with her?"

Irimsaya shook her head no.

"No, nothing. Nothing from any of them."

"Mh. Has there been anything else. Reports, just something. They can't just vanish like this without leaving a trail behind."

Irimsaya rubbed her eyes.

"Nothing that I can get my hands on. I'm being blocked for some reason."

"Why would you be blocked??"

"I don't know Kaidan. All I know is I'm getting frustrated. The last time this happened I was locked in a room under guard."

"Which means someone else should try to find some information. Like Jase. Or maybe myself."

"Not sure I should ask Jase... I've already asked him to ask Joker about Hilary's name..."

"You're worried about him. Well, let's see what my Spectre status is still good for. Maybe I can dig something up."

"That's what I don't understand though... I should still have Spectre access too.."

Kaidan wasn't sure. She had been with Udina but he couldn't remember if she got it back from them or not.

"Did they reinstate yours after you were hurt?"

Irimsaya looked at him oddly then groaned and put her face in her hands.

"Of course not." She whispered.

Kaidan sighed and nodded. "Let me look into it then. I've been thinking about something else, too. Once our babies have arrived.. what do you want to do, stay with the Alliance and go back to work?"

"I honestly don't know Kaidan. The Alliance is really all I've ever known. What were you thinking?"

He shrugged a little. "I'm not sure myself. I could stay and serve a few more years. I mean we spoke about this while the war was still raging, but things change. And once the adrenalin fades away you begin to see things in a different light."

"True but how do we want our children to grow up?"

Which was a very good question. "Good start into their lives, good education. I haven't really given it a thought yet, I was more focused on the next few weeks. What are your thoughts on this?"

"I'm not sure I have too many. Still getting over the fact that they already know who their father is. What I do know is that I don't want them going to some kind of biotic camp."

Kaidan chuckled a little and shook his head. "No. Over my dead body. Luckily things have changed and those camps aren't around any more. I want them to ... progress naturally with a little bit of guidance."

Irimsaya reached up and turned his face to her then kissed him deeply.

"At least they have you to teach them."

Kaidan smiled and gave her another round of soft kisses all over her face. "They have you, too. You can teach them how to survive. Jase can teach them engineering and Joker... how to fly a shuttle." He paused. "That is if we all stay together, of course. Is Eden Prime still an option for us?"

"Of course it is but I thought you wanted to be near your mom.."

"I would like to, yes. The house just feels empty with her only in it and.. the idea if having two pairs of young tiny feet running along the floor is.. fascinating. But I think I can keep the house and live on Eden Prime with you. We could use it for our vacation." He didn't want to suggest that his mother should join them on Eden Prime.

Irimsaya was watching him throughtfully.

"Kaidan, what aren't you telling me."

"I could ask her to live with us but... I don't want to."

"We could always build two houses near to each other. Close enough that she can walk over to see us or vice versa whenever we want to."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "Yes, this could work. Especially if dad.. you know. Won't be around anymore."

"Don't give up hope Kaidan. I know it's been a long time already but if he met up with some of the other survivors then there's still hope."

"Yes, that's what I keep telling myself, not to give up hope and maybe there's a miracle, for both of us and your mom and my dad may turn up alive. And can see their grandchildren growing up." He sighed softly. "Have we ever watched that Shrek movie Jase got you as a present? That old vid with the green guy and his princess."

"No... we never had time to."

Kaidan chuckled softly and patted her knee gently. "Well, I guess now we have time. How about we watch it together tonight. Something to laugh about and uplifting."

That brought a smile to Saya's lips.

"I think I'd really like that."

Kaidan watched the smile on her lips and captured it with a kiss. "That's really nice seeing you smile. They're so rare lately, I wanna catch them and keep them forever."

She giggled a bit then kissed him again.

"You are so sweet. Sweet and handsome... what a wonderful combination..."

He chuckled softly, feeling flattered and laid his arm around her, not wanting to go inside right away. Some time later he got up to stretch his legs.

"I'm going inside." He only announced, wanting to see if he could dig up anything related to her mother. He went inside and his eyes fell onto Jase and Joker, sleeping away on the couch and the.. very silent Liam.

  


As soon as he sat down and started to investigate he ran into the first problems. The channels were funky at best, hardly secure and not reliable for establishing a good connection. Getting access to Spectre data was nearly impossible, especially from a holiday region like Hawaii. He needed something more than this and his eyes fell onto their geth. That geth had access to networks so huge he could barely comprehend its existence. And maybe the geth knew a little more about the crew which built the Crucible. He couldn't imagine them all lost being and dead. The crew were made up of the smartest people all around the galaxy and the loss of their brains would be devastating. They probably had been sent off to work on other projects and were helping to rebuild the tech side of the galaxy.

Kaidan sent a message to Liam, not wanting to wake up Jase and Joker and he grinned a little when the geth's eye lit up and looked at him. The soft sound of the geth walking on the floor towards him filled the room and Kaidan gave the geth a smile. Both of them went to work right away.

What he found out was more than he had hoped for as it covered other areas as well. The Citadel was a mass grave apparently and the Alliance was struggling to dispose of the mass of bodies. It was just as he had feared when they weren't answering any calls. The Reapers had slaughtered nearly 13 million citizen. Any survivors were heavily traumatized and the Council, he snorted, they at least had escaped. Of course they would kind of run. The only good thing was Bailey had been with them. Where this put Jacob Taylor he couldn't really say. Reports indicated he was leaving the Citadel shortly before the Reaper attacked and moved it.

"Kaidan Alenko, please review this file." Liam startled him, the room was so silent and he was enjoying the quiet while digging around and reading. Kaidan pulled it up right away as soon as it was sent to his terminal.

"Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard." Kaidan read aloud with a soft voice. She had been promoted. More important the date of the promotion was after the date of the Reaper destruction. Which begged the question why wasn't she trying to get in touch with her daughter.

Liam's eye watched Kaidan.

"Is this information pertinent to what you were searching for?" Then he paused. "Sensors indicate the arrival of other beings. Should I be on alert status?"

"Yes, it is and what other people Liam? Who's coming?"

"Sensors indicate one male Turian, one female Quarian and a Human female."

Jase sat up slowly and rubbed his face a little. "Relax. It's Garrus, Tali and Miranda." Jase looked at himself and he was still in his trunk. And Jeff too. He shrugged and thought what the hell. They'd see them sooner or later in them anyway.

Kaidan shook his head at Liam. "No, they're friends of us, you don't have to be on alert Liam."

"This unit is to protect Shepard-Commander. Are you certain she is safe?"

"Fine, Liam. Come with me. You'll see, it's friends of ours." Jase replied and got up to go outside. He figured with a quarian, turian and a geth around people would get suspicious by now, put two and two together and find out who they really were. He looked down at Jeff.

"Join me?"

Joker groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"But I was so comfy..." He got up slowly and walked with Jase.

"Sorry. Feeling naked alone." He grinned a little and found Saya sitting outside and Kaidan was right behind them with Liam.

"Liam says we'll be having visitors."

Irimsaya wiped her eyes before turning to them.

"Visitors?"

Jase frowned at her a little and looked worried.

"Garrus, Tali and Miranda."

Irimsaya tried to smile a little.

"It'll be good to see them."

Jase nodded at her and left slowly, but looked at her once again before he hurried off to find their other team mates.

Kaidan stayed with Saya. "Hey... I found something. It's not much though." He sat down next to her.

Irimsaya slowly looked at her husband.

"What did you find... do I want to know?"

"She's been promoted to Rear Admiral, the day after we won the war. I think there's hope." He smiled a little at her.

Her eyes widened in surprise then she grabbed him into a tight embrace and started kissing his neck.

"Oh Kaidan... even the hope... thank you thank you thank you..."

Kaidan laughed lightly and just hugged her back. "Well, for what's worth it I'll keep digging around and Liam's helping me too. She must be out there somewhere. I'm sure she's ... somewhere."

Irimsaya kissed his neck again then held her stomach for a minute.

"I swear we'll find your father."

Kaidan sighed softly. "I'm not sure... maybe.. maybe not. But knowing your mom is out there, somewhere gives me hope. Are they happy too?" He laid his hand onto hers.

She grimaced a bit.

"Actually I think they're hungry.."

He raised his eyebrows at this. "Mmmh, we better feed you then."

"Seems like you're always feeding me." She laughed. "But usually it's a very special dessert."

"Ooookay too much information! Jase wait for me!" Joker tromped after his mate.

Kaidan laughed, "And that comment got him spooked? Alright, food for you but not that."

"Aye aye Major." She gave him a mock salute then pulled him down for a kiss.

Kaidan was starting to doubt she meant real food. Not that he minded... "Saya.... Saya. If you keep doing this then we won't have dinner. Maybe we should.. go to our bedroom first?" He chuckled.

"I meant real food but I have this sudden urge.. I can't stop myself.. I need you.."

Kaidan grabbed her for a kiss and nodded then. "Then let's go inside.. make the most of it." One of the benefits he figured of having vacation. No one would mind if they disappeared for an hour.

  


Miranda couldn't help but smile as she saw Jase running towards them.

"Commander."

"Miranda. Good to see you." Jase answered with a grin as he stopped at her side. "How are you doing?"

Jase quickly greeted Tali and Garrus, too. He was glad to see them doing well and walking close to each other. To him it seemed they have decided to keep up with their.. body using relationship.

"I'm slowly getting back to normal. Almost dying really gets to you." Miranda responded as Garrus and Tali both said their hellos to Jase.

Jase slapped Garrus' back a little and turned back to Miranda then. "Yeah. It's... nothing I want to experience again as well."

"I couldn't agree more Shepard. How has the vacation been so far?"

"Good," he nodded. "Good. Come on, I'll show you around. The place is nice."

"Almost too peaceful after everything we've been through isn't it." Miranda was looking around as they walked. "How is everyone?"

"You get used to it. Helps to clear the head. They're fine, I think. Kaidan's.. Kaidan. Jeff is, well, Jeff. You get the idea. And Saya, she's. I honestly don't know how she is. I like to think she's fine but, you know what we're like."

Miranda raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh dear, tell me what's going on because that didn't sound good at all."

He led her to the beach and waited for her when she got rid of her shoes. He chuckled softly when he saw her curling her toes.

"Feels good, huh."

Jase looked around then to see where the others were and saw Jeff talking to Garrus and Tali. For a second he wondered if he should wait for him or not, but it looked like he had a good time catching up with their friends. Having made up his mind he turned back to Miranda.

"You know best what kind of tech you built into her. The Crucible nearly got her killed, too. They told me it was close...."

Jase continued to tell her the rest of what he knew. It took him a bit to put all those pieces back together and realized how complex their problem was.

Miranda stared at him in shock as he finished his tale.

"My god... Alright well.. if she'll let me stick around I might be able to help. But the rate of growth of the children I can't do anything about.."

Jase nodded. "Thanks, Miranda. She wants to live and see her kids growing up." Jase paused, watching the ocean while they walked until he looked at her again.

"So, now that you're free of your father and the war's done, haven't you found someone yet. You know, you'd be a good mother yourself."

Miranda laughed and winced, holding her side.

"Do I really seem like the type of person who would ever settle down Jase?"

Jase laughed softly. "Yeah. Sure. If you find the right person, man, you will. Trust me." He turned around then, walking her back to their cabin. She probably would run out of energy, he feared.

"Mmmh... I'm more interested in the babies right now to be honest. You said they seem to have, for lack of better terminology, eaten a couple?"

"A couple seems to be an understatement. They "eat" them and heal her. That's the gist of it." He replied, watching now the sand in front of them. Walking with bare feet was a bliss and even more so when the ground was made of sand like this beach. He wouldn't miss his shoes unless it was cold and snowy.

"And they have biotic potential already. It is very... odd. I'd like to stick around for the whole thing if you think she'll let me."

"Yes, it is odd." Jase gave Miranda a smile. "It was her idea to invite you."

Miranda looked startled.

"It was?? I didn't think she really liked me..."

Jase chuckled. "Come on Miranda. I called you the Ice Queen. You changed. A lot. You made a lot of tough decisions yourself and if it wasn't for you, Commander Shepard wouldn't be alive today. So yes. We both think of you as a friend by now."

Miranda grinned broadly.

"Well in that case, let's go see my 'patient', shall we?"

"That's a smile I like on you. Come on, she's.. was here." Jase looked around, the place he had seen her last was empty. And no one else was there. He went inside and nodded at Miranda to follow him.

"Second."

Jase went to Saya's door and knocked. "Saya?"

Irimsaya groaned and hid her face in Kaidan's bare chest. Kaidan chuckled softly and stood up.

"Dessert can wait sweety." He said and went to the door. "What's up Jase?"

Jase couldn't hide the smirk on his face as he looked Kaidan up and down.

"Visitor. Miranda's here. You done in there," he asked teasingly.

"Honestly? No idea. I don't know what's going on with her but right now she can't seem to get enough of me.."

Jase laughed softly at this. "Never heard a guy complaining about that." Jase crossed his arms, watching him while he was deciding if this was a problem or not. "Just out of curiosity. How often."

"Let me put it this way... I feel like a machine at the moment. Not saying I don't enjoy it but every 10 minutes can be taxing..."

"Jeez! How the hell do you manage that. Come on, get dressed. Before you fall flat onto your face. Or worse."

Kaidan nodded then went and told Saya that he was needed. He then got dressed and met with Jase outside.

Jase nodded at him. "Rescued from death caused by lack of fluids. Alright. Miranda's here, does she know?" He figured it was better he went inside, cause she wouldn't tackle him to the bed.

"Yeah she knew Miranda was coming but she just couldn't keep her lips and hands and everything else off of me..."

He nodded at him and patted his shoulder a little. "Okay. Go, have something to eat and drink and try to relax. I'll deal with her."

He looked relieved.

"Thank you!" Kaidan headed to the small kitchen they had to make himself and Saya something.

Irimsaya was pouting when Jase came in.

"You're not Kaidan.."

"No. You aren't going to pounce me, are you. Miranda's here. She wants to help you." He walked to her slowly, watching her carefully. Jase was feeling a little flustered himself after having seen Kaidan looking like this.

"Mmm no not gonna pounce you. If you were Kaidan then yes. She's here? Oh good I want to see her."

"Good! Get decent, fresh up a little. Need a hand?" He walked around, collecting some clothes for her and laid them onto the bed. Then he went into their bathroom to get a wet washcloth and a towel.

Irimsaya sighed and sat up, pulling a cover-up over her swimsuit.

"Why do you seem so... agitated?"

There came a bark of laughter from the bathroom.

"You got often lucky today! And Kaidan all hot and flushed. Gods. What a sight." He came out of the bathroom, shaking his head with a grin and sat down next to her.

"Keep in mind men have a gun they like to use, but. It needs to be reloaded. Time. Rest. Some belly scratching." He took the cloth and cleaned her face a little.

"I know I just can't keep my hands off him... it's like I need him against me all the time." She closed her eyes at the feel of the cool cloth. "Okay that feels wonderful.."

He nodded and watched her with a small smile.

"Yeah. I know you do. Put on some more clothes, okay. Shorts and T-Shirt, or a dress."

He got up and opened the windows wide, letting in fresh air and figured if she was wearing more clothes she wouldn't be so willing to drag poor Kaidan into the nearest corner and ravish him.

Saya went to the dresser and put on a pair of shorts and a loose fitting top.

"Happy now?"

Jase eyed her up and down and smiled. "Perfect. That's my sister." He opened the door for her to let her out.

It took all of her willpower not to run to her husband when she saw him. Saya had never experienced urges this bad before.

Jase went and sat down next to her with Miranda on the other side while Kaidan was watching from the other side. He came to her and placed some food on the table and retreated back to his place, not wanting to cause some... scene.

Miranda was watching Saya's reaction to Kaidan and raised an eyebrow as she heard Saya's breathing quicken and a flush creep onto her face.

"My goodness... this pregnant and your sex drive is in full throttle? Intriguing..."

Jase stood up, either he would leave this room alone or he'd take Kaidan with him. And by the looks of it, taking Kaidan with him seemed to be a damn good idea.

"Kaidan. Let's go outside." He motioned towards the door. They had guests too. If Kaidan would stay, fine. Saya should be glad not to be a guy, he figured. That would be even more embarrassing then.

Kaidan glanced at Jase then back to his wife who looked ready to lunge at him. He bit his lip and followed his brother-in-law.

Jase sighed in relief when he followed him, hopefully this would give Saya the attention she needed to talk with Miranda.

Miranda came out of the cabin about an hour later shaking her head a bit and went straight to Jase, pulling him away from the others so they could talk in 'private'.

"She ate and then I gave her a sedative that Dr. Chakwas insisted we bring with us just in case. It looks to me like the children are influencing her emotions - which is not unheard of.. but I've not seen a pregnant woman want a man so badly before. She was almost crying when you two left us."

"Thanks... I think. How do we fix this." Jase was upset about having to take Kaidan away from her. But the man needed some rest too and constant sex wasn't good for neither of them. He rubbed his face and groaned softly.

"You can't keep her drugged up all the time. That's not gonna work. She'll shake it off at some point anyway."

Miranda raised an eyebrow.

"Well the easy fix is to let her have what she wants... other than that perhaps we can keep her distracted from him somehow."

Jase gave her a look, that look.

"Contrary to popular belief it's not what men always want. It's done for fun and not as work. Jeez Miranda. Once about an hour is enough. There's a fine line between fun and torture at this amount of need. And it's not even something he wants." Jase muttered, finding it hard to believe he actually had this kind of conversation with Miranda, of all people. Saya was fine and somehow funny, talking with Jeff about it was done with a grin.

"I never said keep her distracted with sex Jase. I meant with other things."

"Alright. With what. As soon as she might see him," he shrugged and looked at her. "It should pass. After a day or two? Anyway. What else can you do for her."

"Not much... not in terms of this anyway.."

"Implants, Miranda. Giving birth and not dying." Jase knew he was asking a lot of her, but she was their only hope. His eyes were piercing her for more information.

"From what I can tell all the critical implants are still intact. I see no reason why she shouldn't survive."

Jase heaved a big sigh of relief, but he knew things could always change. "Good." He nodded. "Good." He just hoped it would stay that way.

"Can I ask you a question? What's with the Geth... new pet?"

Jase chuckled softly. As far as he was concerned Miranda could ask any question.

"Liam. He rescued Saya. After that he just decided to stick around. A pet? No. He's free to go wherever he wants to."

"Well he certainly reminds me of a guard dog. He came in there and was demanding an explanation for everything we did."

Jase went and sat down onto the sand, having had enough walking for now.

"I asked him to watch over us. I trust him and he's very curious about us humans."

Miranda joined him on the sand.

"It's funny though... I kind of like him."

"We all do. Saya and I, he reminds us of Legion. Tali and Garrus, too. Once they met him."

He turned to look at her.

"So, what happened to you. Where have you been when the Reapers died?"

"Actually I had come to Earth. I decided the Crucible was okay without me so I wanted to see what I could do here. Then I got buried alive under some rubble and barely managed to survive. My rescuers said I was nearly dead when they found me."

Jase nodded at this.

"For nearly dead you're looking really good. Glad you made it out alive, though. Heard the Reapers exploded. It was bound to cause more casualties." He sighed a little.

Miranda rubbed her eyes.

"It did. Vancouver looked like a... well like it never existed."

"Like London," Jase nodded, thinking about both cities. It was bringing back too many dark memories of the past months. "Anyway. Any future plans? Like getting married. Having kids. Or building a business. Oriana."

"Right now I'm drawing a complete blank. I kind of like the idea of just sitting on this beach and forgetting everything for awhile."

Jase nodded at this and squeezed her hand gently before placing his own back into his lap.

"Just make sure the hole you've fallen into doesn't swallow you up. It can be hard, at times. If you need to talk, you know where I am." He was watching her for a while before something else crossed his mind.

"You remind me of someone, actually."

"I do? And who might that be?" Her face showed her curiousity.

"Ash. Ashley Williams. Being with you is more comfortable though. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the beach." He got up and helped her onto her feet.

"Over there you can have dinner. It's rationed of course, but people get fed." Jase nodded towards a bigger building and a few people were going in and out. Jase bent down and picked up a rather nice looking seashell. He tossed it around in his hands, rubbed it carefully clean from any dirt and sand before he decided to keep it.

"I heard they're doing shuttle rides up to the mountains. When you feel up to it, maybe we could go there together. A few guys are playing volleyball every day. There's also a tour guide, offering hiking and rock climbing tours. And of course you can go into town at night. Clubs, dancing. Haven't gone to any yet. Kind of holed up here."

"I certainly would be interested in a lot of that actually..."

Jase nodded and maybe he could take Jeff with them.

"Nice. Considered booking a shuttle for Jeff and I, but with you coming with us, it makes more sense." He smiled at her. Finally something else to do and think about. And exploring the island was going to be fun, as well as hitting the clubs. Maybe she would find a nice guy, too.

"Sounds good to me if Joker is okay with it."

"Good." He replied and walked with her in silence back to her cabin, which wasn't far from their own. Garrus and Tali had managed to find a spot not too far away as well, which he liked. Now before anything else would happen, Jase decided to go back to Saya and see how she was doing.

The living room was empty and Jase went to knock on their door, he didn't know what to expect aside of Kaidan getting pounced on again. While waiting for someone to answer he looked at the seashell in his hand. It was a nice one and it made him smile a little.

Kaidan opened the door and smiled at him.

"She's still sleeping Jase."

"That's good. Got something for her." Jase took the seashell and handed it to Kaidan.

"She'll know. If you need me, I'm with Garrus, Tali and Jeff."

Kaidan took it and smiled.

"Thanks Jase. She'll love this I'm sure."

Jase nodded and turned away but stopped, adding something quickly. "Careful with a Shepard in heat." He winked at him and left.


	6. A ride with the shuttle

A few days later Jase approached Saya again, in the hope she was doing better and feeling up for a little trip.

Irimsaya was carefully studying the shell he had given her, finding it a calming activity.

"You like it?" Jase smiled down at her, carrying a backpack with him.

"It's beautiful, thank you so much Jase."

Jase nodded, thinking that maybe he'd find another one as special as this one but he figured he wouldn't. Those things were rare and... somehow he had the feeling, that Mordin would have liked that one.

"We take a shuttle to fly into the mountains. Was hoping you'd come with us."

"I think I'm going to hang around here. I feel the need to just rest a little bit longer. But... Kaidan should go with you. Might make him stop worrying about me."

Jase was watching her thoughtfully and bit his lip a little. It would have done her good to go outside, see something else, a change of air as well.

"You sure?"

Somehow he doubted Kaidan would leave without her, no husband would leave his pregnant wife alone for long on their own.

Irimsaya gently put the shell down and looked at him.

"It sounds like the shuttle might already be full anyway. Wouldn't want you to go over your weight restrictions on it."

"Your and Kaidan's place are still free." He held up his hands though. "I get it. Enjoy yourself. I'll take pictures."

"Wait.." She struggled to stand up. "I'm sorry. Maybe it would do some good to see something else."

"It would." He answered, but clearly surprised. It wasn't everyday that she changed her mind. "We won't do a lot of hiking. Miranda still has to get better and Jeff," he shrugged. Only Tali and Garrus maybe would take off.

Saya wouldn't tell him she was just doing this for him. She wanted to see him happy again.

"When do we leave?"

"In an hour. Need a hand? Managed to get one of these." He held up the backpack. "Big enough to get some food, water and a blanket or two inside."

"I'll be okay just need to get changed. And I'm glad you were able to get one of those - hard to come by right now."

"Yeah...," he answered and scratched his head. "The guy I got it from knew who I am." Jase left her alone then to get changed and waited outside for her.

Saya came out awhile later wearing light pants and a tank top.

"Ready when you guys are."

Kaidan smiled at her then went and put his arm gently around his shoulders.

Jase gave her a grin especially when he saw the arm going around her. He saw the others lingering around and shrugged, they could take their time to reach the shuttle. Jase fished his sunglasses out of the pocket of his shorts and put them on. Old fashioned, but very effective.

"I'm glad he could convince you." Kaidan told Saya and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"I gave her my best puppy dog look." He teased her a little.

"Yeah yeah very funny Jase. Sad part is you do it really well." She laughed lightly but her face was pale even with a tan.

Jase chuckled at this and was watching her face before looking towards Jeff. "If you need a break sis. Just tell me. We're in no hurry today." He wondered what she would say when she found out who was flying them.

"I'll be fine, I'm a soldier after all."

"And if she tries to overdo it I'll sit on her for you." Joker broke in with a broad grin.

"Thanks, Tiger." He gave him a kiss. "Glad you know what to do with my sister." Jase chuckled softly. 

Everyone was piling into the shuttle and Jase and Kaidan went inside last, helping Saya.

"You might want to say hello to our shuttle pilots." Jase said as the door closed behind him.

"Hey Shep!" Kasumi waved from her seat, shocking Saya into falling against Kaidan.

"Kasumi!! You're alright!"

"You don't expect a little Reaper to kill me now do you? Oh and I brought someone along with me who I thought you might want to see.."

"Hi sweetie." Hannah got up and moved towards her daughter.

"MOM??" Saya's eyes widened and she felt faint.

"Hey, hey. Come and sit down." Kaidan said as he felt her going heavy a little into his arms.

Jase smiled at Hannah and nodded at Kasumi. "Thanks. Come on Jeff, let's fly us to the mountain. The ladies have a lot to talk about."

Kasumi vacated her seat so that Jase and Joker could have some fun with flying the shutt.e. She went and sat in the back with the others, a pleased smile on her lips as she watched Irimsaya and her mother hugging each other tightly, tears streaming down both their faces.

Kaidan gently rubbed Saya's back, he couldn't hide his grin and let the two women talk. He took a look at the panel and saw the landscape passing by. 

Kasumi turned her eyes to Kaidan.

"So tell me how you have been Major. It has been a long time."

Kaidan chuckled softly as he shut down the panel. "I'm glad he could convince you to work on the Crucible. And that both of you made it out alive. I'm fine, thanks. We're having two babies and the war is over. The road to accomplish this was as hard as for anyone else, though." Kaidan grew serious then.

"The first week after defeating the reapers was as bad as the weeks before. Everything was in chaos. People were hurt, missing, or worse." Not to mention line of command was a bit messy too, and communications were problematic.

Kasumi watched him thoughtfully then tossed something at him.

"You might find that news item interesting."

"What am I looking at here?" Kaidan asked, trying to make sense of it. He felt the rumble of the shuttle being sat down as Kaidan began reading. The news article was about people being rescued. Vancouver area. He rubbed his eyes, the city didn't even look like anything what he remembered. Miranda Lawson. Kaidan glanced over at her, the woman was very withdrawn and he looked back at the news article. The quality wasn't very good. Or maybe his eyes needed adjustment.

"Honestly do I have to talk you through everything?" But her eyes were amused. "Look at the picture Major. I think there's a man there that you know quite well. I believe his last name is Alenko."

That got Saya's attention away from her mother and she looked over to her husband to see his reaction.

"Dad?" Kaidan said in disbelief. Why hadn't he gotten in touch with them? "Dad's alive?"

Kaidan was glad when the door of the shuttle opened and most of the others were slowly leaving. He was shaking and didn't want anyone to see him like this.

Jase gave Jeff a helping hand and figured something else was going on when he looked at the pair. "We'll be outside."

"What else do you know? Is this true? Where is he now?" He bombarded Kasumi with questions.

"Hey I just found the news report. But.. I tend to look deeper when I can. And I had time.. he's been busy trying to help others. And he doesn't know you're alive."

Irimsaya waited with Hannah just outside the shuttle door.

"I should go to him..." She looked at Jase. "Shouldn't I?"

Jase nodded and the look he gave her told her what she needed to know. "Yes. We'll be here." However long they'd need, it didn't matter. "Kasumi? Didn't you want to enjoy the view?"

Kasumi quickly took the opportunity and left the shuttle while Saya climbed back in and sat next to Kaidan, taking his hand gently in hers.

"Is it him?" Her voice was soft. "Sweetie you're shaking.." Saya gently put her arm around his shoulders as he had done with her so many times.

Kaidan closed his eyes as the tears streamed down his face, feeling ashamed. "It **is** him." 

He had wanted to do the same when he had been at his mother's home, when she told him they hadn't been any news. But for the sake of the two women present he had pulled himself together. Now he rested his head onto her shoulder, soaking in the comfort. For how long he didn't know.

"I should try, call mom, tell her the good news. I was convinced he's dead..."

Irimsaya closed her eyes and held him tightly. She couldn't remember seeing him cry before, especially not like this.

"Use the shuttle's comm sweetie. I'll stay right here until you're ready to go... but I'm so happy for you... and our babies will get to meet their grandfather now."

Kaidan nodded and chuckled then softly. "Grandpa, he'll complain that he doesn't feel so old yet." He carefully got up and caressed her cheek and hair a little before giving her a kiss on the forehead and went to the comm. Kaidan spent about five minutes on it, interrupted by him saying a few things. He came back to Saya, heaving a soft sigh but had a happy smile on his face.

"She's happy and told me she received news this morning. Apparently he's coming home in a few days. Dad broke his leg and was in a hospital. Someone promised him to contact mom but it never happened." He shrugged with a sigh. "Wow. Wow. Your mom, my dad."

"It's too bad that everyone on Earth or anywhere else in the Galaxy can't say that."

Kaidan looked at her oddly. He knew that, but maybe there were a few happy ends for other people out there as well. They couldn't just be the only ones.

"I suppose you're right, but maybe others have this kind of luck too."

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"I'm just so happy for you.." Her hands found their way under his thin shirt. "So happy.."

Kaidan blinked and took her hands.

"Saya.. not here."

"Can't help it.. am so happy for you..." She captured his lips in hers, kissing him passionately.

Kaidan's eyes widened in alarm as she managed to push up his shirt even more and the door of the shuttle was still open as well.

"Mmphh...! Yes.. but... not here. I'm not in the mood."

Saya pulled back as if she had been burned. She stared at him then ran from the shuttle.

Kaidan slowly walked out of the shuttle, adjusting his clothes and tried to see where she'd run to.

Hannah went to him, glaring at him.

"What did you say to her?? She just ran off in tears. Jase has gone after her."

Kaidan shook his head at her and shrugged, then went past her. If she was going to be angry with him too, so be it. But he wouldn't tell his mother in law that they had a sex problem of a very different kind. It was no one's business.

Irimsaya stopped running after awhile and sat on a rock near a stream. She put her face in her hands, breathing hard.

Jase came jogging after her and walked the last few steps towards her before he stood at her side and went right down to business.

"Saya. What happened?" 

She shook her head a bit, keeping her face in her hands.

"I don't know." Saya whispered. "I was so happy for him then... then I needed him.. so badly... and he turned me down... he didn't want me."

Jase sat down on the ground, leaning his back against the rock. His mind went from 'Huh?', to understanding slowly.

"So... you're basically saying you were happy, wanted sex and he said no," he said softly.

Irimsaya nodded a little, still breathing hard.

"Yeah.."

Jase raised his eyebrows at this and listened to her breathing. He didn't know what to tell her at all and was surprised that apparently she still had the same problem.

"Don't know what to tell you. It's not really my.. field. But if you've got questions, I could answer."

Kaidan saw them from afar but when watching them he had the feeling he should stay away. The way Saya looked told him it was maybe a good idea, but in case he was needed he decided to be around. His shoulders went down in something like defeat and he slowly walked a little away, not wanting to eavesdrop.

"I don't have questions. I just have... urges. Urges I can't control at all and they scare the hell out of me Jase. I mean I know mom said when she was pregnant with me she had the same thing but not as bad.. ugh and add these damned implants into the equation.. He must hate me.."

"That's... nonsense. And you know it. If he hated you he wouldn't be here." Jase answered quietly. "Didn't know you still had it. Thought it was gone. You wanted to..go for it in the shuttle?" That gave him some ideas, if he ever had such an idea with Jeff, he was sure the man would give him a glare, _maybe_.

Irimsaya shook her head and wiped her eyes.

"I just... you guys go on ahead... I need a bit of time."

Jase sighed softly and moved around a bit to get more comfortable at that rock.

"Saya. I'm the wrong person to talk about things between a woman and a man. But think about who Kaidan is. Have you ever known him to have sex with anyone at any special places?"

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"No... he's very... mmmh... old-fashioned I guess."

"There you go. Private, too." Jase answered and got up. "You stand a better chance to shoot a deer in a forest than to convince him to go for it in the woods." He brushed off his shorts a little and looked down at her.

"He's close by. Over there." Jase nodded towards the direction.

Irimsaya looked over to where Jase pointed and saw Kaidan pretending not to watch them. It took her a second to realize Jase was gone but when she did she slowly walked over to her mate.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was barely audible over the bubbling of the stream. "I don't know if you can forgive me."

Kaidan shook his head a little and just took her into his arms.

Irimsaya hugged him tightly to her, biting her lower lip.

Kaidan sighed softly, but the sound was swallowed by the water. "I'm sorry, too. You scared me a bit."

"I'm scaring myself Kaidan. I don't like what's happening to me." She tried to put on a brave face. "But this isn't about me. This is about both of us getting everything we could have ever hoped for."

"And a little more, I suppose." He gave her a smile and laid his arm around her.

"You wouldn't know about your mom if you had stayed at the cabin." Kaidan said, watching the water with her. "I think I just saw a fish jumping out of the water."

"You probably did and I know... you're right... as you always are."

Kaidan shook his head. "No, I've often been wrong, too." He turned to look at her then. "It's forgiven... I mean, how could I not forgive you. Maybe I'm just a too private kind of guy to do what you suggested. But going from... the other end of the deep water to a high. I couldn't bring myself to do this. And.. it.. _I_ don't want to take advantage of you."

Irimsaya snorted a little bit and looked at him.

" **You** take advantage of _me_? In what universe Alenko?"

Kaidan leaned in closer to her ear. "Uh, well.....," he answered slowly and his voice was quieter, barely audible. "I've been having a lot of sex in the last three days, more than I ever had before. And, I'm not sure, but is this natural? I don't want to hurt you, you know."

"You're not hurting me. It's what I want... need. But I also don't want to alienate you.."

"I don't think you could, as long as you give me enough rest and food and some time. And no unknown places.. once they're born we won't have as much time for each other as we have now. But Saya, does your body need.. special nutrition? Because... uh.. my body fluid contains a lot of vitamins. I guess that makes me feel happy you aren't hunting any other male specimen. If that is the case, I mean. The vitamins, I mean."

Trying not to laugh, Saya gently put a finger over his lips to shush him.

"All my body wants or needs is what you have to offer. No other man could compare or compete with that."

"Mmmh..," Kaidan murmured at the finger at his lips. He knew this, but part of him was still happy to hear this.

"I love you, and when you love me too, maybe walk back with me to your mother because she looked a little upset and was ready to flay me alive for making you cry. I didn't want to tell her what our problem was though, because," he shrugged, "telling our mothers about our sex lives is kind of creepy. Jase knowing about it is, uh, kind of creepy, too. Not that I mind you confiding into him, but, I'm fine as long as it's just him. Well, and our doctor.. and Miranda...," he groaned a little and rolled his eyes. Too many people were involved.

"Mom will already know Kaidan. Part of this problem is a female thing in my family..."

"Oh? Uhm, okay. I guess, in this case, we should be happy your brother can't have babies." Kaidan started to chuckle at this thought. He didn't know if he should feel any better about this though. "How did she, no, forget I'm asking. I don't want to know this about your parents..."

"Cope with it? No idea I never asked cause I never wanted to know." Saya laughed a bit.

Kaidan nodded with a grin. "I guess, we should find this out ourselves and.. just cope with it."

"Don't get me started Kaidan... seriously... I'm struggling not to jump you right here and now. You do know that shuttle locks right?"

"Yes.. yes it does. And no windows either..." Kaidan had to swallow several times. He had the feeling she was going to have her way with him. Maybe it was her who had an advantage over him, he mused. And not the other way around. It didn't help either that his mind decided to give him some vivid images of his wife doing certain things in the shuttle with him. On the other hand he was thinking up objections, not their shuttle, possible stains, clothes getting dirty, someone needs something from the shuttle. A call coming in. Someone knowing how to unlock it and getting an eye full of him going for her breasts. Jeez.. Kaidan shook his head a little to clear it.

"Uhm, you sure you can lock it tight? Place a watchdog?" Stupid question, who would that be, and if, the person would know and maybe hear? "Unknown places, you know."

Irimsaya sighed softly and pulled away from him.

"Never mind. Let's go find the others."

She was really starting to wish that she had just stayed back at the cabin like she originally suggested to Jase.

"No, wait! I was trying to say yes, but I'm a little.. you know.. scared."

"Don't be. But it really is alright. I will never force you into something."

Kaidan nodded, but he was willing to try. "You're special and I wouldn't do it for anyone else."

Saya let herself smile a bit and she smiled. She then led the way back to the shuttle.

Kaidan followed her, ignoring anyone who might look at them or even would ask them.

As she locked down the shuttle he felt both excited and scared. He chuckled softly as she even locked down the comms. When she turned to him he gave her a smile and gently grabbed her, placing her against the wall of the cockpit, causing a soft metallic sounding thud. Not even a second later he felt himself being kissed. Feeling like on fire now his left hand was sneaking into Saya's pants, over her buttock and squeezed it gently but firmly. If she wanted this and play dirty, he could play along too. His right hand travelled up her back, trying to open her bra.

"Is this contagious?" he asked breathlessly.

"Oh gods I can only hope so!" Saya was breathing harder as he managed to get her bra undone while barely leaving her lips alone.

Kaidan let out a quiet grunt of victory. Then he got her top off and realized his shirt was on the way to go, too. Kaidan gave her a smirk, half of the clothes work was done, but there was the prize in front of his hands and face and he couldn't help himself to lean down, kissing her breasts, getting them all tender and worked up.

The wall wasn't going to help them any further though, with the baby belly in way and he wanted to see her face, kiss her and just love her. Instead he steered her over to the pilot's seat and it was an easy way to get rid of her pants as well.

  


Jase had found himself a nice shady spot which allowed him an incredible view over the island beneath them. A few meters away from him were Tali and Garrus, quietly talking and it sounded as if they were flirting. Jase laughed softly at this. The chirpy voice of Tali sounded even more .. chirpy when flirting.

So. Garrus had managed to become Primarch. Victus had sadly died in the battle and what started out as a joke had become reality, too. And yet Jase felt happy for Garrus. The Turian was finally finding his place in the galaxy and was receiving the respect he should have gotten years ago. And having Primarch Garrus as a friend was certainly a bonus, too.

Joker wandered over to where Jase was and gently plopped himself down next to him, watching as Miranda and Hannah joined them as well.

"So when do we get to start this hike?" Joker asked Jase.

"When you guys are ready." He wasn't sure about Saya and Kaidan. The two of them were nowhere to be seen.

"Well the shuttle's been locked down so I assume someone wants to be left alone for awhile." Miranda added softly. "Any ideas who might be in there Shepard?"

Jase gave a soft cough at this and shook his head. "None." He had a fair idea who it was, but he wasn't going to tell.

"Mmmmhmmm." Miranda was eying him, she knew he was lying.

  


Irimsaya sighed softly in bliss as Kaidan helped her do up her bra with very gentle hands.

"Have I ever told you how marvelous you are?"

"Oh, a new word. No I don't think you did." Kaidan picked up her top and handed it to her then he put on his shirt. At least their clothes were clean.

Irimsaya smiled at him as she got dressed, never taking her eyes off him.

"I'm not just talking about your body either." She flirted.

Kaidan turned a little red, raised one eyebrow and gave her a soft smirk. "Is this the point where I should say thank you," he chuckled softly. "Some things get better with age." And yet he still felt like a teenager who just had stolen something forbidden.

"Oh my my my... I can still make you blush. I think I like that." Saya gently kissed him then helped him fix his shirt. "I guess we better join the others huh..."

Kaidan looked down at himself. "All good? Comm's open, too?" He held out his hand for her to take it. And was hoping the others wouldn't have missed them.

Irimsaya nodded, having unlocked and re-opened everything.

"We're all set." She gently took his hand. "And Kaidan... thank you."

"Uhm, well...," he started chuckling softly, "it's been a great experience and perhaps one day we can repeat it." Kaidan told her, scratching his hair with his other free hand. Then he checked her over one more time. All clothes were fine. No dirt, no stain, no wrinkle. Kaidan stepped out of the shuttle first, helping her getting down the little step.

Irimsaya clutched his hand tightly as she moved, a little stiff from their exercise. Hannah saw them come out and chuckled softly to herself.

At the sound Jase turned his head and saw them coming, he stood up and gave Jeff a hand then brushed off his clothes once more before he took the backpack.

"There they are, let's go then."

Joker was staring at Saya and Kaidan.

"Do I even want to know what they were doing.." He glanced at Jase.

Jase just raised his eyebrows at him and gave him a wink. No, he wouldn't want to know and Jase himself didn't want to know either. He lead the little group to the pair.

"All set? It's not a long hike, with many places to sit down if you need to." He looked at Saya then and knew Jeff would feel the same. It was a hike around the top of the mountain, no steep path, clearly made for elderly folk. Backpack was filled with water bottles and some snacks for them.

"Let's do this." Saya grinned at him, already enjoying the fresh air again with Kaidan's arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

And Kaidan was glad no one was asking. The worst teasing he had feared would have been Jase's but apparently the man had other ideas. He smiled knowingly at Saya, hand squeezing her waist a little before giving her another caress.

For Jase it was a nice experience, leading a group around without having any danger at their hands. It was very relaxing and he enjoyed the sight of the nature, the sun on his skin and the smell of the air. It was a mix of a breeze from the ocean and the hint of stone, filled with the smell of the trees around them. He inhaled deeply. Judging by the ground they were walking on, Jase decided to take off his shoes and just walk barefoot.

"It's so beautiful here. As if the war never happened." Saya spoke softly.

Jase didn't answer instead he focused on the feel of earth and stones under his feet. He wasn't feeling like talking about the war and wanted to think about something else instead.

Kaidan nodded. "Yes, there are, or _were_ a lot of nice places all over earth. I just hope they can be rebuilt and nature grows back, time given. I mean, there were facilities storing every plant as seed. Maybe they're still intact and can help us with seeds for the worst areas."

"I can only hope." Saya muttered. "Hey Jase, you're awfully quiet, you okay?"

"Fine, just enjoy yourselves," Jase answered, not feeling the need to say anything else. It was a nice day and he never knew about seeds being horded someplace. He had never cared about this before. But now when he looked down at those plants to their left and right... and Tali had said their bodies were carrying the seeds on Rannoch. So what did that make her, a plant herself, or something that just ensured the population of the plants on her planet like the wind and animals did here on earth. Or even he himself.

Jase moved his right foot into the grass and studied it once he dragged it through and of course, there was a seed on it. He shook it off a little farther. Probably a plant brought into life now. Maybe. If it wouldn't dry out or not eaten by a bird or other animal. He did it again. No seed on it. Tried it a third time. Success.

Irimsaya sighed softly as she watched her brother's back.

Kaidan squeezed her hand gently and whispered, "What's wrong?" He bend down and picked up a little flower, feeling instantly bad cause he knew he shouldn't have done this, but there were no flowers to be had everywhere. He handed it to Saya, but then he thought he should have placed it into her hair.

"Something's bugging him, badly." She answered then gently handed him the flower back and turned to him with a smile. "Don't you think it would look better where it could be seen by others?" Saya took the hand hold the flower and guided it towards her head.

Kaidan smiled at this and nodded, "You're right. And it looks lovely in your hair." He helped her placing it. "Couldn't he just be thinking? There you go, my beautiful flower."

"Yeah, he could be. I don't know, I'm still worried about him. He hasn't spoken at all about what happened in the last battle."

Kaidan looked thoughtful at the answer she gave him. She was right. He couldn't remember hearing anything about it, too.

"Maybe he doesn't want you to worry." Kaidan gently stroked her belly with a smile.

"Mmmh seeing him like this makes me worry anyway." Saya gently pat his hand. "Keep that up and you might have another problem to worry about.."

"Er, you're right." He quickly withdrew it and gave her a grin, shrugging a little. Kaidan noticed she didn't look as pale as she had in the morning, maybe it had something to do with their time in the shuttle.

After some walking time Jase paused to enjoy another great view down to the city. "This makes me wish I'd have grown up someplace else than in dirty New York." There wasn't much left of New York by now, he mused. Or, well. This New York.

"Anyone thirsty?"

"Uhm... hungry pregnant woman actually." Saya spoke up, earning chuckles from their friends.

"Can't have that," he chuckled, turned around and gave her a smile while fishing out the food. When giving it to her he noticed the flower. "Nice," he commented on it. "Let's have a break then."

Irimsaya moved to a rock, food in hand, and winced as she sat down carefully.

Kaidan tried to help her as best as he could. "You know.. there's a bench over there." He commented, wondering why she always went for the rocks. "But I guess you just like it hard." Kaidan was trying not to laugh. He noticed Jase watching Saya. _If_ he was watching her, with the sunglasses on no one could tell where the man was directly looking at. It was a little creepy.

"Benches are lower to the ground, I'd never get up. The little ones complain when I sit anyway so it doesn't really matter. And you'd know best how I like it." She teased.

Kaidan laughed softly at her teasing, but he knew he shouldn't keep it up, going behind a tree was not something on his list.

"I do, I do. And I," he coughed a little and lowered his voice into a whisper, "enjoyed it." He got up and went to Jase, getting himself a bottle of water. When he sat down he noticed Hannah staring at the back of Jase too.

"I think if we all would do that, his shirt would have a lot of holes." Kaidan nodded towards her mom.

  


Hannah stood up and went to Jase, whom she now considered an adopted son.

"Alright Jase, talk to me."

That earned her a pair of raised eyebrows. He swallowed down the bite he was chewing on and asked, "What do you want to hear?" But he figured he should tell her how happy he is that she's still alive.

"The truth Jase. Son. I'm worried about you." Hannah put a gentle hand on his free one. "You can talk to me."

Jase eyed her thoughtfully, she was offering something and she wasn't as close to him as the others. In a way. Before deciding what to do he looked at each of their little group, everyone was kind of busy. Jeff kept talking to Liam, did he want to know what he was up to now? Garrus and Tali were an item for sure, Kaidan and Saya were sitting on their rock and Miranda was quietly hovering around. If anyone else needed a chat, Jase knew it was her too.

His gaze fell back onto his mother's waiting face. If he said no he was sure he'd get to hear an ear full. Besides, she spelt safety. Jase nodded at her and motioned to go somewhere else, out of earshot and a bit out of sight. He helped her sitting down and joined her.

What should he tell her?

They had time after all, and if the group wanted to go ahead, he could give the backpack to Kaidan. Or Garrus.

Pulling up his legs and wrapping his arms around them to get more comfortable he wondered where to start.

"I don't know where to begin. I'm... _trying_ to sort myself out, but it's not really working." He was too aware of himself, he figured. Following some basic rules he had set up was helping a little. Routines.

"There was a hole. Fell into it and can't get out." He looked at Hannah, she was so quiet and just nodded at him to keep talking. The woman was a scientist, did she have a degree in shrink business maybe too?

Jase shrugged with a sigh and continued. "Can't sleep right. I stay awake till early morning, watching Jeff sleep and when I sleep, it's bad dreams. It was better, it's gotten worse since Saya got nearly killed at the beach. Maybe they'll tell you." Jase told her, thumb scratching his lower lip now.

"Garrus is Primarch. Tali goes back to Rannoch. Kaidan's going to be a Commander soon. Eden Prime, that's where I wanted to go. Retiring. Got my answer today. No money from the Alliance for me. Forgot about that little piece of detail, they don't know about me until '83. With Saya two years dead, Cerberus, I've served them a year, top. Eleven years of serving them for nothing. Building up a future, a career. And then after Mars they come to me, pull me back into duty, hand me the ship, make me the tip of the spear to save your galaxy.... So, I don't know anymore where I stand, who I am. A tool? Something to toss away after it's been used?"

Jase fell silent for a while, before he concluded, "And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Some days are better, thinking I've been stupid to feel this way. Other days, I just want to stay in bed and hide under the cover. But I fight, like I always do. Not giving in. But this time, I need help. More than a friendly hand and a slap on the back."

"Oh Jase... Tell me what _you_ need and I will help you to the best of my ability. I consider you to be my son - never forget that."

Jase thought about this for a minute before he answered. "A home. A real home. That would be a start. And a job. Doesn't matter what, just no fighting anymore. I'm done fighting. It's time for something else. There's something else," he paused, stretching out his legs with a soft groan. "don't know if I should consider counselling. Someone.. like you."

Hannah smiled a little bit at that.

"You'd be good at it. Mind you I think you'd be great at anything you do."

Jase smiled a little. "First I need to sort out my own mind and mess. So yes, I feel betrayed, lost and ... robbed. A little more than a week and I would go back to work. Don't know if they'd grant me another time out before they throw my sorry ass out of the Alliance."

He laid down onto the grass with a sigh and looked up into the sky, watching the blue of it.

"And to top it off... all but one kid from my youth shelter on the Citadel is dead. How she's managed to survive, I don't know. Hannah, mom... the plans of the Crucible were partly wrong."

"Wrong?? How so?? And as for your money problems, you don't have any. It's been taken care of. And as for your little girl who survived... I'd say she has a guardian angel."

"That she had." He answered quietly. "Money wise, I want to work for my living. I don't mind hard work. I just.. don't want to get cheated."

Jase watched the sky some more before he began to explain the vision and what he had seen and what needed to be done up on the Citadel to fix it. "Might not matter anymore, but I want to correct these plans. I just _feel_ I have to do it."

"Honey your mother is a Rear Admiral now. I can get you anywhere you want to be."

That brought a smile onto his face. "Congratulations... I'm sorry I know Kaidan mentioned it. I'm glad you made it out alive. And Saya needs you. She was always so sad."

"Hmm thank you... now about her being sad - tell me what's been happening with her I'm quite concerned."

Jase slowly got up, figuring they should walk after the others and gave her a hand.

"The Crucible failed her implants. The babies are absorbing them. She's healing in those places. Miranda's the expert on her implants, but she'd been hurt bad, too. Jeff told me Saya got very sick after it fired." He spared her the details on how they apparently thought she'd die.

Hannah went pale as she listened.

"I hadn't even thought about that when we were working on it..."

"Nor me. I checked the plans over and over again when I had time." Jase shook his head. "I never.. ever.. considered it. Miranda thinks she should be fine though. Right now I'm keeping a lot of things from her, she doesn't even know half of what I told you today."

Hannah rubbed her face as she listened.

"Well... I'm not sure what else we can do for her."

"Dr. Chakwas once told her to have a positive outlook on life. Kaidan's great with her," Jase chuckled softly at this, "he's got his hands full. He's all over the place at times, bringing her food, or massages her feet."

"As long as he's looking after her. And what about you and Jeff?"

"She couldn't ask for a better husband, believe me." He gave her a smile. "Jeff and I, we're married actually. I have to admit, I don't even remember much of our marriage. The past three months are nothing but a blur to me. So, I'm sorry I didn't invite you."

"It's okay sweetie, I heard all about it and I was so happy for you - I still am. Well I am happy as long as you are happy."

"Thanks. I am, we are, happy. But he's having a hard time too. Lost his family in the war. And his home. Arcturus Station." Jase stuffed his hands into his pockets and wriggled his toes a little as he looked down. "I try to be there for him."

"Jase, you can't be there for everyone. At some point you need to have someone there for **you** too. And that's part of the reason I'm here."

"Jeff's been looking after me too. He hasn't left my side since the Citadel. But.., thanks." He paused as he was looking at her and shoved the sunglasses up onto his hair. "How long can you stay?"

"The nice thing about this new rank? I can take however long I want to get back."

Jase chuckled softly at this. "Nice. You can even give us orders."

"I would never do that to my family... unless it was to save their lives."

Jase laid his arm around her shoulders for a moment, hugging her a little. "I know. I have to work at my joking skills, too. They're bad lately. And.. mom. Thanks for the talk. Means a lot to me."

"Anytime my sweetie, that's what mom's are for."

Jase nodded and walked with her silently. Hannah was a very comfortable person to be around. The way ahead was bending a little and once they had passed this, the rest of their group had decided to sit down again and wait. Jase spotted Saya on a rock again, Kaidan next to her. And Jase went right to her as she was looking him up and down, checking him over.

"Do I pass the test?" he asked her.

"Hmmm for now." Saya grinned at him. "Did you have a good chat with mom?"

"Yes." He plainly told her, giving her a smile. It was great having her around. "We spoke about a few things. The future, mainly." It wasn't a lie, but the best he could come up with. Jase was waiting for the day when she had the babies and he could talk to her just like they used to before.

"The future huh... always a good thing to think about I guess now that we're not facing annihiliation."

"Can we please not talk about the war or even mention it." Jase asked her, eyes already searching for a way to get away.

Irimsaya looked down and sighed.

"Sorry. I'm... god I can't even say anything to anyone without them getting annoyed or upset anymore!"

She stood up and started walking the trail again, aware that all eyes were on her now.

And as soon as the eyes left Saya's they were all on him now, he could feel the piercing of them. Jase bent down, took the backpack and walked after her, announcing, "Break's over, people."

Then he jogged after her to catch up and fell into step with her at Saya's side. "Sorry."

"I can't walk on eggshells all the time Jase, so I'm sorry too."

"Eggshells?" he looked at her in disbelief while walking next to her. It couldn't be that bad, could it. The small voice in his head told him that maybe yes, it was bad and his mood swings were the worst.

"Is it wrong for me to be wishing they were born already Jase?" She whispered quietly enough so nobody else could hear her, especially Kaidan.

"No, but. They need the time to be in there." He sighed softly. "I dreamed of.. delivering them. Gave them to you for nursing. They were so small." Jase left out the other details, of having been in the middle of nowhere with enemies around them, before the chaos really hit.

"I want you there." Her voice was soft. "You and Kaidan both."

Jase scratched his head, it was something incredible to witness, for sure. But it also felt intimate and private to him and he wasn't very comfortable with the thought at all.

"Okay. If you want me there, I'll be there."

Irimsaya smiled a bit and nodded more to herself than Jase.

"It will be perfect then."

Hands went into the pockets again and he rolled his shoulders a little, neck cracking. Whatever that perfect meant, he wasn't sure.

"Good. They'll be here soon, just another. Eight? Weeks to go. Do you have any baby clothes by now and a bed?"

"No.. I haven't been able to find anywhere that still has merchandise."

Jase rubbed his head with a sigh. "Fill out an application for clothes. I'm.. ah.. sure.. the intact ware houses on the Citadel.. have something."

Irimsaya glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"I'll look after it, especially now that mom's here. I don't want you thinking about it."

"Thanks." And a bed, he was thinking Kaidan and he could build one. "Where are you going to live, after Hawaii?"

"I don't think we've actually decided. Kaidan doesn't want to leave his mom but now that we know his dad is alive that could change things. What were you thinking?"

"I'm going where you're going. Just need a job." He shrugged, wondering if he was depending too much on her.

"Actually I'm happy to hear that. I really want you and Jeff involved in the kids' lives. I think you're both going to be great influences."

"Yeah, I'd like to see them growing up." He just wasn't sure if Jeff would give up his flying, ships were his life too and they meant a lot to him. Jase didn't want to pressure him into giving up what he loves. It was unfair to the man and his husband deserved all the honour and glamour.

"Doesn't matter where, Saya. I want a home."

"And I'll make sure you get one, one way or another."

"Your mom said the same." Jase nodded and looked around to where the others were, especially Jeff. And he knew around the next corner was a rock climbing wall, he was itchy to try it out. His muscles screamed for work and maybe it would help with the sleepless nights.

Saya rounded the bend and saw the wall and snorted.

"I should have known..."

Jase gave her a grin. "Would ask you to join, but.." he looked at her belly and shrugged. "They say you have an even better view from up there."

Maybe Kaidan, Garrus or even Liam would join him, but Liam would count as kind of cheating. Probably climbing it faster than anyone else.

"Hey Kaidan!" Jase yelled to the man and motioned towards the wall. "Up for it?"

Kaidan stared at the wall then looked at Jase.

"That depends. Race or casual?" He grinned.

If he was going for racing it he knew Kaidan would win and Jase probably ran the risk of slipping somewhere. No, he had no death wish for either of them.

"Casual. Just for fun." Jase handed his backpack to Liam, letting him carry it.

"Good thing is, we don't have to climb back down. There's stairs leading down to this path on the other side." Jase explained and looked then at Saya and Jeff. Before he left he gave him a kiss and a smile.

"See you on the other side, Tiger."

Jase would have loved to take him with him, but knew it wasn't meant to be. Instead Kaidan would make do, and he knew it was going to be fun. Jase eyed the wall as he removed his shirt and secured it around his belt. Once done he went to put on the security harness and helped Kaidan with his. Before he started to take the first climbs he double checked everything again.

As soon as he was a few meters up in the air he realized the voices were already going quieter and he could hear mother nature clearer and better. Even the sounds of Kaidan next to him were louder.

"Didn't know you liked to climb, too," Jase said, as he had to take a quick break for considering which route to take next.

Kaidan was breathing hard, sweat starting to show on his forehead.

"I find it relaxing actually. And it's a great way to keep upper body strength high."

"Agreed," Jase nodded, having found his next move. He should have brought some spare clothes, he thought, but it would have to do. Good thing he had taken off his shirt. On the other hand he had nothing else aside of the back of his hands to wipe off sweat. He took it slow but steady, staying close to Kaidan. Teamwork was part of this. As was trust and concentration. His senses were really sharp and he liked this.

"Don't worry I won't let you fall." He felt Jase moving closer to him. "That's what biotics are for after all." Kaidan chuckled softly.

Jase paused, getting his hands powdered.

"Thanks. I knew there was a reason why I keep you around, _Commander_ Alenko," he teased him before making the next move up. Climbing over water was more fun, one could try a jump to the next handhelds and if failing, the water was there to greet them. Of course this meant climbing without any security harnesses.

"Ahhh still Major thanks... Not sure I want the promotion to be honest. I like being a first officer to you or Saya."

Jase nodded and was looking up then he heard a soft grunt. Just in time he grabbed him by his wrist. He wouldn't let him fall, not even with a harness there to keep him save. Heart hammering away at the added adrenalin rush, he pulled him up a little so he could take hold and take a breather.

"You've got skill Kaidan. And talent for a leader. Go for it. I won't be with the Alliance for much longer. At least," he grunted, pushing himself up once more after he was sure Kaidan was okay, "not in the active field."

Kaidan closed his eyes and just clung to the rock for a minute.

"I'm thinking about it... and thanks for the save. I just hope Saya didn't see that.."

"Welcome. You saved my ass many times," Jase looked towards him and waited for him to catch up, knowing Saya didn't see it because they were already on the way to meet them. "I trust you Kaidan, as a leader, as a friend. And if you were my Commander, I knew you'd do everything to keep me alive."

"I know.. and I thank you for all of that. But I'm not sure I can make those decisions you guys make. The life and death ones."

Jase waited for him to catch up completely, once he was next to him he looked him into the eyes.

"That's the downside of the job. But you get to see the consequences. Most of the time people will be grateful. Question is though, if you can live with them."

"That's the question that I'm not sure I can answer to be honest with you. I saw what happened to both you and Saya when you chose me over Ash."

"We all made it out alive because she bought us time. That's the cruelty and beauty of the decision." Jase went up a few more climbs, needing to keep moving. "She knew the risks Kaidan, we all do. That's part of our job. We can't save them all. That doesn't mean it makes it easier."

Jase continued to climb slowly up, eyes searching for the next spot. He could hear Kaidan's breathing and the soft sound of his feet hitting the rock, or the slap of his hands when they took hold of the stone.

"But I _told_ you both to help her. To leave me.."

Jase looked down at him after a while. He let this statement linger for a bit and when Kaidan looked up at him with his brown eyes, he answered.

"Kaidan. It's done. Let it go. I'd have chosen you, too. Always. Now come on, top isn't far away. Let's get up there. We can talk some more."

Kaidan nodded and followed him, his arms starting to cramp up already.

Jase lead them to the top, having chosen a path without any jumps when reaching the end. He slowly crawled over the ledge and held out his hand for Kaidan to take it. Once the other man was next to him he rolled onto his back, panting for a while and just closed his eyes for a second.

"You alright?" Jase turned around and sat up slowly. "I needed that. Thanks for coming with me."

Kaidan lied down on his back, trying to catch his breath.

"I'll be okay. And you're welcome. Something like that's always done better with company."

Jase nodded and turned around to let his feet dangle over the edge, there was a price to be had after all. The view. And it was magnificent. He rubbed his hands a little to get rid of the powder and shook his arms. Once he was back he needed a shower. Left hand seeking out Kaidan he patted him a little.

"Kaidan. Look." He nodded towards the view over mountains, city and ocean. He could already hear the voices of their group, some of them apparently had decided to walk the steps, if not all. Which was good, he could use a water bottle.

Kaidan sat up and stared.

"Okay, that was definitely worth the climb."

"Yeah." Jase looked at him then. "Thanks for getting me off the Citadel. Thanks for taking over command. If anyone deserves a promotion, it's you. Whatever you're going to decide, we believe in you."

Kaidan smiled a bit.

"Thanks Jase, means a lot coming from you."

"All part of the service." Jase chuckled softly and nodded again before getting up. He stretched his legs and muscles, knowing he was going to be kind of stiff on the next day.

"Ah look who's found us." He smiled at Saya and Jeff who were coming up the stairs. They were walking close together and had their arms around the other for support.

"Now, who was supporting who?" Jase asked with a grin.

"I think it was 50/50." Joker stated before Saya could respond. "Yeah, definitely 50/50."

After helping Kaidan onto his feet Jase kept his eyes on them, grinning a little at Jeff. 50/50, good answer. He took their climbing gear and threw it over his shoulder ready to carry it back down as he slowly walked to them.

"You both had a good workout too, huh. Here to enjoy the view?"

"Yeah, I thought maybe it would be a nice one and it's beyond that." Saya answered.

"It is." Jase smiled and helped Jeff taking the last steps.

Kaidan took Saya's arm to help her and the two of them walked a little away. With them being out of his sight Jase had his eyes on sweaty Jeff.

"Man, even pregnant she sets a mean pace. I'm okay, honest." Though Joker knew he was wheezing a bit.

Jase grinned at him. "She does. But you're all sexy like this."

"You like me all sweaty and yucky??"

He leaned in to sniff a little and shrugged. "Manly. Sexy. Yes." He was tempted to lick his skin. "Delicious. There's a view to enjoy. If you're interested."

Joker groaned. "Okay let me get this straight. You get me all turned on and then you ask me about the view.."

"The view is right in front of you." He wriggled his eyebrows at him. "There's a cabin up here." Luckily it wasn't occupied by Saya and Kaidan. But who knew, maybe they'd knock on their door.

"Okay so let me get this straight... rock climbing makes you horny.."

"Adrenalin, hormones. The sight of you. Yes." He nodded, he was exhausted, but Jeff coming up those stairs and looking all sweaty and bothered and hot. And if he could have had his way with the pilot after every mission he had come back... "Yes."

Joker raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Seriously?? Well uhm... okay...."

Jase was watching him, something was off. Jeff just saying uhm and okay and acting like this was a little weird.

"Is there a problem I should be aware of?" Jase asked quietly, not knowing if he was just making it up, or whatever else it was. Maybe he was just being stupid again.

"Problem? No.. no problem. Just kinda outta breath here."

Jase nodded towards the cabin and leaned in even more, nuzzling his neck a little. "If you don't want to, say so. Otherwise... there's a bench in there." Besides, he was going to be out of breath soon again, once he got his tongue onto his body.

Joker groaned and nodded.

"Cabin. Now. You evil man you.."

Jase chuckled and gently bit down on the skin there, making him yelp a little. Now he just had to get him into the cabin. He carefully lead him to it, placed the gear at the door and locked it once they were inside, all the time grinning at him wolfishly. As soon as he had his hands free he got rid of Jeff's shirt and laid him down onto the bench to get a good throughout taste of him.

  


Kaidan sighed softly and yawned a little. The exercise had been exhausting but good. It definitely had helped him to clear his head. And the chat about the upcoming possible promotion had been nice. But still, he didn't know if he should accept.

"You know, this had been fun but I think tomorrow I will be very very sore."

Irimsaya glanced at him then moved around to his back and knelt behind him. She gently put her hands on his now bare back and started to massage his muscles with skilled hands.

"Hopefully this will help.."

Kaidan sighed in bliss, letting her work for some time. At some point he wondered if she was fine kneeling like this. Sometimes he felt he was inconsiderate.

"Oooh, this is really good. I love your hands."

He closed his eyes and lowered his head, letting her kneed him, humming from time to time. Then he heard a very weird sound and looked up in alarm.

"What was that?!? Are there wild animals around here?" He was totally bewildered, it sounded like... he couldn't even think of what it could have been, a growl, half scream.. was it even human or animal like? Kaidan turned around when felt Saya chuckling and it turned into bubbling laughter.

"What's so funny. It wasn't me, I don't make such sounds."

Irimsaya covered her mouth to try and stop laughing.

"You might not but in case you hadn't noticed... my brother and his husband are missing.."

Kaidan blinked at her as realization sat in and he tried hard to find a reply. He was speechless and baffled while his eyes kept searching the area to find it empty.

"Uh.. uhm. Wow, I guess. Aah... holy mother.. goddess whatever is out there.. Are you sure?"

Of course she was, he shouldn't have asked. His ears were burning bright red now anyway and he kept replaying that sound in his mind.

"Sweet jesus.. I never thought.. they could be that loud."

That did it. Irimsaya started howling with laughter.

Kaidan pulled an amused face, after failing to keep a serious face as that wasn't working. But when he watched Saya laughing like this, he couldn't help himself any longer and joined her. He wasn't sure now if he could keep a straight face around Joker and Jase today, though.

"You do realize..." As she wiped laugh tears from her face. "That we're technically alone here right?"

"Uh, yes... until someone climbs up the wall?" He knew where this was leading, but, he coughed. "Trees?"

Irimsaya leaned down and nibbled his ear gently then moved down his neck.

"Hmmm up to you..."

Kaidan groaned softly when she hit his neck. "Not sure... I have a suggestion though, wear skirts. Makes it a lot easier you know." He bit his lip then.

Irimsaya nipped at his neck gently.

"I don't like skirts... you can't fight in them.." She mumbled into his neck.

Kaidan chuckled softly, rubbing her hand gently. "You're right.. which leaves me fighting with your pants.."

"You have biotics... use them." She chuckled as she kept nibbling.

Kaidan just laughed, he couldn't think of anything that made handling her pants easier and faster.

"Don't know Saya, I'm not the kind of guy who likes the outdoor activities we're thinking about. Have you ever.. done it outdoors, like this, in a forest, between trees..." Kaidan trailed off quietly, enjoying the feeling of her on his neck.

"Mmmm nope and my mind wasn't even really there until you mentioned it." She gently swatted his shoulder. "I'm more interested in your neck.."

"Oh, good," Kaidan sighed in relief, but of course he knew she could change her mind quickly. "Good. The thought of.. you know.. kind of spooked me a little." And coming to think of it, he wasn't sure if he could even bring himself to do it out in the open.

"Mmmhmm.." She was totally lost in the feel of his skin under her lips.

Kaidan fell silent and closed his eyes for a while, letting her nibble on his skin. The air was pleasant and he would have nodded off if Saya's nibbling wouldn't have cause him to hiss. His skin started to feel tender.

"Saya, are you giving me a hickey?"

Irimsaya chuckled softly and pulled away, eying his skin.

"Hmmm nope, you're still unscathed."

Kaidan slowly turned around, meeting her in a kneeling position. He gave her a smile and gently caressed her face before he looked down at their kids.

"I want us to have a home before David and Hilary are being born. Someplace nice, with room for them to play and discover their world."

"Honey... there's no way we can get a home for them in 8 weeks..."

He sighed softly. "I know, but maybe we can.. secure something or, start doing something about, like a goal we can reach."

"Where would you like to live then? I know you mentioned Vancouver... heck I wouldn't mind even living here to be honest.. there's also Eden Prime.. Ilium..."

"Hawaii?" Kaidan looked at her in surprised. He gave it a thought, it would be nice to live here if there was a place to be had. He would be able to stay close to his parents too, HQ wasn't so far away and with the Citadel being in orbit and staying here Earth would become the galactical centre. Eden Prime sounded like farm life and he wouldn't mind this either.

"Well, I'm open for anything, though Hawaii sounds even better to me, given certain facts. Like my parents in Vancouver, they could come and visit us and we them. They'd see their grandchildren a lot more often than on Eden Prime. Maybe we should call in a little 'meeting' and let the family decide?"

Irimsaya smiled a bit and kissed him.

"I like the sound of that."

Kaidan nodded. Wherever they ended up he had the urge to have something set up before the babies arrived. Maybe it was a parental thing. When looking past her he caught a glimpse of Jase stretching and Joker hovering behind him. Which caused Kaidan to chuckle softly.

"Alright, help me to keep a straight face around our two love birds. They're back."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"What makes you think I'll be able to keep one??"

Kaidan chuckled and it turned into a laugh, causing him to hide his face into her chest.

"Please? For the love of _something_... I beg you," he laughed.

From the background came a yell, "Hey! Cabin's free!"

"How can I when I can't stop laughing?" She whispered to Kaidan, still chuckling, especially when the announcement came that the cabin was free.

Kaidan's body shook with laughs and he managed to keep a straight face to yell back, "Thanks!" before he whispered, "Don't know if I wanna use their cabin now. I feel like a schoolboy."

"I can certainly wait until we get back." Saya giggled. "Besides, your neck tasted too good."

"Then I can wait, too." Kaidan gave her a grin and stood up, stretching. Then he held out his hand for her to take it.

"Saya, why? It's all sweaty and dirty from climbing."

Irimsaya took his hand and stood up with his help.

"I don't know. Maybe I just like the way you taste anytime."

Kaidan leaned in to give her a long loving kiss before walking back to the stairs. "Mmh.. they say no matter how the one you love smells, you'll always love it."

Joker was watching Saya and Kaidan with interest then turned to Jase.

"Is it me or are they ignoring us..."

Jase just shrugged at this. "Don't know, don't worry about it Jeff. But I know this day has been very worth it." He gave him a smile and another gentle kiss before his eyes settled onto his sister as they approached.

"What's.... so funny."

Irimsaya turned to him, a grin on her face.

"I gather you two had fun?"

Jase looked thoughtfully for a moment as if analyzing if he really have had fun.

"Yes." He quickly agreed, because he had. Finally, after such a long time. The voice in his mind whispered they had heard him probably, but he kept a straight neutral face.

"You know, the deers have mating season in the area. Didn't you read the warning signs?"

And that did it. Irimsaya bent over, howling with laughter. Joker started to go red in the face.

Jase laid his arm around Jeff's shoulder, getting him a little closer and grinned like an idiot at his laughing sister. The look on Kaidan's face was priceless too and he shrugged at the man, he wasn't going to tease him about the shuttle.

"Ready to join the rest of the group?"

Irimsaya managed to straighten up and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Yes... yes let's go find them.."

Kaidan laughed softly, shaking his head. He really had thought at first someone or something was going to attack them. But he did feel sorry for Joker.

"You know Joker, with these two it's never easy. They often have the tedency to make me feel really embarrassed. And.. it stays in the family, I think. I won't tell."

Joker shrugged a bit.

"Wasn't me that sounded like a wild animal." He snickered.

Kaidan laughed at this. "I thought we were being attacked!"

Jase rolled his eyes with an amused snort and gathered up the gear, now really planning on bringing it back down.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up."

Irimsaya started giggling again then helped Jase as best she could.

"It's nice to see you so happy now my brother."

Jase nodded at this and walked down with her slowly, hearing Kaidan and Jeff talking behind them.

"Shoulder, hip and skin are fine, the other part now finally functional too," he teased her, "just leaves the mind. I'll be fine, time given." He nodded at her, watching her face.

"Good, it makes me happy to hear that Jase. You have no idea how happy I am to hear those words to be honest with you."

Jase nodded at her, not really having the right words for this, knowing how many other things he hadn't told her yet. Healing a body was easier than healing a mind and he knew that. For how long this good mood was going to last he didn't know. But he was going with the flow and make the most of it. At some point he'd feel down again.

"It's a good day today. Started off..weird and I feel very good right now."

"Well let's try keeping you like this if we can. I've missed seeing this side of you."

"I'm sorry." Jase stated in a genuine voice. He was taking careful steps now and kept a hand on Saya's arm to help her master the steepest part of the stairs. While doing this he looked at her, feeling he owed her at least some kind of explanation.

"I always had bad days, but no one ever saw them. And now, it scares people even more. But enough of this, okay? I know you mean well and are worried. Been talking a lot about it today and it's best to tackle one piece at a time. Like a .. hourglass. Or these stairs here."

Irimsaya winced as she stumbled a bit on the stairs, grateful for Jase's steadying hand and surprised at the sudden invisible force holding her up. She realized Kaidan must be using a biotic field as well to make sure she didn't fall.

"I understand Jase. I don't want to crack the glass and spill the sands - you ever want to talk you just let me know."

"And I will, thank you." Just not now, he thought, after the babies were there for sure.

Jase eyed them all one by one until his focused on his better half. Jeff, his eyes lingered longer on him, remembering how much trouble he had when he had dragged him off the Normandy for their first date. And now he was here, walking stairs with him. The lines on Jeff's face told him he was in pain but the man never complained. He just would sprout off some kind of a joke, shrug it off and carry on. Finally reaching the last one Jase sighed softly to himself and kept a hand on Saya, while his eyes kept looking at her belly.

"Do I look that bad?" Saya asked, fearing the reason why he was staring at her belly.

He shook his head no and gave her a smile. "There's a small blue glow. It's a miracle. Growing life. I just never witnessed it."

Kaidan came up from behind and laid his arm around her waist.

"I used some biotics on her and Joker, the children pick up this and react." Kaidan explained that part to him.

Jase nodded, still watching her. "It's beautiful. Awesome. Which word could describe something like this?" he stated and took the gear from her arms.

"I usually go with amazing." Saya grinned and kissed Kaidan's cheek. "They do love it when their daddy uses his biotics."

Kaidan nearly purred when she did this and gave her a smile.

Jase nodded. Yes, this was a better word. "Amazing." When he turned around he saw the rest of their group waiting for them.

"Alright, I'll hand this back." Whatever else they'd do then was up to the group, he hadn't done any more planning. And the rock climbing had gone so well, he was amazed at how his body had healed.

"Jeff, you okay?" Jase asked before leaving.

"I will be.. just a bit out of breath." Joker tried to smile.

"Stay. Be right back." Jase hurried off with the gear and came jogging back to Jeff after several minutes.

"Has this been too much for you?"

"Maybe a little..." He looked at Jase sadly. "I'm sorry..."

Jase grabbed him around the waist to help him walk better.

"Never be. I'm proud of you. You've come such a long way. You must be hurting in all possible places."

"To be honest I think I'm hurting in places I didn't even know I could hurt.."

"Surely. It's not like you're doing so many stairs every day." He slowly helped him to the next bench and sat down with him. They both were so different and yet it never had been a problem for them. Jase smiled at this while watching his hands. A few blisters were starting to show from the climbing.

"True enough. Stairs are usually my enemy. But since the commander and I both wanted to be up there with you two..."

Jase looked at him. "Hey. Thanks. I love you."

"I love you more." Joker smiled shyly.

Jase smiled and leaned his head onto his, placing a kiss on his temple. "Let's stay here."

"You know... this would be a nice place to live. I mean I would still want to pilot things but this... this would be nice."

Jase was surprised at this, as he was thinking of just sitting here on this bench with him. But he had a point, Hawaii was nice and soothing.

"And what would you pilot?"

"I guess it all depends on what I'm offered.. I have no idea. I kinda want to still be on the Normandy too."

"Edi would miss you. I won't stand in your way, Jeff. I've got your back, anytime." Whatever he would decide, but he would miss him terribly on their time apart.

Joker sighed softly.

"Well... I'll think about it some more. I mean who knows right? Maybe I'd be happy not doing anything."

"Yeah, maybe. But flying is second nature to you, I know that. Can't stand in your way." He shook his head, thumb gently caressing Jeff's neck.

"Maybe you could fly tourists around Hawaii." Jase joked softly. "I just can't be on a ship anymore all the time. I feel like.. breaking free. Like a snake, changing skin."

"Hmm so don't be then. You can be the stay-at-home husband." Joker laughed.

Jase laughed with him. "And cook your dinner, waiting for you to come home. Yeah, why not."

"I don't know.. I mean I really can't see you in that role for some reason."

He shook his head a little at this, but laughed then, Jeff was teasing him. "I was thinking of cooking you dinner naked." Jase let that sink in before speaking up again.   
  
"I need a job, too. The Alliance, what else could they offer me. A desk job and shuffling papers? No." He paused, looking around and nodded once more. "But Hawaii, yes. I can see us here. Even better than Eden Prime."

"And we'd be in a better spot to help people. If that's what you want to do."

After a minute of thinking about what Jeff just had said, he knew it was true.

"Yes. That's right." he replied softly. "It does make sense. Staying here in Hawaii. On earth."

Joker grinned at him.

"Awesome. Surf and turf every night."

"Yeah and I just happen to know what you'll be looking at," Jase winked at him, keeping that thought of serving him dinner naked in mind and gave him a lingering kiss.

"God damn, what would I do without you. The best pilot of the whole galaxy and he's my husband. I got lucky."

"Okay quit trying to make me blush here." Joker laughed.

Jase stood up and leaned down to look him into the eyes. "Yeah I know, blushing is all for the ladies." He leaned even closer and whispered, "I like when you blush. Gets you all so flustered and.. more. Ready to join the others?"

Joker groaned but nodded his agreement.

Once he was back onto his feet Jase laid his arm around him to keep him steady in case he slipped and helped him walking. At times like these he wished he would be a biotic too.

"I'm sorry, it's too long. Should have looked for a shorter route."

"I think I'll survive. I'm not worried at any rate."

"Okay." If Jeff said so, he hoped it was the case. At any rate, he tried to keep as much weight off him as he could.

"There's the shuttle." Jase announced, seeing Saya, Kaidan and the rest of them already there. They all looked happy and were eating and drinking as Liam still had his backpack.

"Thank goodness for that Geth. That pack must've weighed a tonne for you." Joker said softly to his mate.

"Yeah. But there's a lot of things you do for your people, you know."

The closer they came the more eyes were on them and Jase gave them his proud and nothing to worry about look.

"Thirsty?" He asked him while helping him into the shuttle. He had the feeling Jeff was glad to sit down into his pilot seat.

"Very but I can wait until we get back. I hate drinking at the controls."

"Okay." Jase touched his shoulder for a second and went to check if everyone was inside, seated and alright. They all seemed to be fine and relaxed, chattering away. Seeing this brought a grin to his face and he went back to join Jeff.

"Ready for take off, captain." He teased Jeff with a grin.

"Oh you're so effing hilarious. You're not sitting down and in your restraint. I'm not taking off until everyone is properly seated and belted in."

He knew everyone else was seated. Jase leaned to him over from his seat and looked at him. "Just for the record, you want to see me in a restraint?"

Joker turned and gave him a glare.

"Oy, you damned well know what I meant."

"Alright, alright." He said before he got up and went back to the others. When the chatter didn't die off right away he coughed a little and announced, "Captain says belts, so you better follow his orders or dinner's cancelled."

Jase watched until his was satisfied and nodded.

"There you go." He told Jeff as he sat down and got his own belt on, watching him.

"Sweet. Time to put this baby through her paces..."

Jase gave him a wide eyed look, knowing what was to come now. He was just glad no one had eaten dinner yet.

"Do it."

Joker raised his eyebrows in surprise then grinned as he started to do some acrobatics with the shuttle.

The shuttle shook and groaned a little, but wasn't close to fall apart. Jase knew they all could trust Jeff when he got this evil grin on his face. At this moment Jase was remembering the insane flying Jeff had to do when they took out the Collectors. And after Jeff hadn't piloted anything for, Jase counted mentally - nearly four weeks, Jeff was truly in his element now, judging by the look on his face. It reminded him of a boy getting his candy.

"That's what I call a wild ride!" Jase laughed, knowing if he had done this with the Normandy he'd given him a lecture, but this was different. This was Jeff, as he lived and loved. It was good to see him laughing again.

Jase turned a little in his seat to see what the others were thinking, he found Saya smirking towards them and Kaidan had a surprised look on his face. Jase snickered a little and even more when he heard Garrus suggesting Tali should take a look at the engines to calibrate them and Liam joining in with explaining some numbers, analyzing the flying.

Satisfied with this, he leaned back into his seat and whooped again when he felt the shuttle going down first only to be pulled up again. On the other hand he could honestly say, mission accomplished. His crew was relaxed and in better spirits than before, including himself.

Joker sighed as he saw the landing area.

"Damn... ride's over folks... hope you had as much fun as I did!"

Irimsaya was chuckling softly as the shuttle settled on the landing pad. She stood up from her seat slowly, feeling a bit unbalanced.

Kaidan laughed as he walked after her and caught her arm to steady her as she stumbled a little. He felt like just having left a fast running elevator.

"I knew he was a crazy pilot!" He laughed, "I knew it!"

"I don't think the word 'crazy' covers it Kaidan." Saya actually looked a bit green.

Kaidan nodded and figured the air and solid ground under her feet would help her with the nausea. He laid his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder gently. The rest of their group followed and he heard a few quiet groans once they were outside, inhaling deeply. Jase and Joker weren't to be seen yet.

"Maybe walking will help you."

"Maybe. I hope. It always felt better on the Normandy when he did stuff like that."

Kaidan was surprised to hear this, but he had heard stories about the Collector base and apparently the flying had been even worse than when they had hit the Cerberus base. He slowly walked with Saya towards the beach. He hadn't even realized that it was already late afternoon and a few kids rushed past them. Kaidan chuckled softly as he helped Saya evading them. The children at least apologized and he thought this was nice. He wanted his own to be respectful, too.

Irimsaya leaned on him heavily and suddenly with a groan. "Sorry... sorry... little ones are a little anxious I think.."

Out of instinct Kaidan suddenly laid his hand onto her belly and the blue glow was there.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and let out a relieved groan as the others stopped and watched in awe.

Kaidan just stood there with her for a while, eyes closed too, enjoying the contact he had with the babies. When he opened his eyes he frowned a little at the others, who were gathered around them.

"Uhm, well, yes our babies are biotics too. They were a little restless from the flying." He tried to explain.

"I have never seen anything like that." Miranda spoke softly. "They are going to be powerful indeed."

Kaidan looked at Saya and nodded. "We think so, too."

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a moment as she felt her little ones finally settle down thanks to Kaidan's touch.

Kaidan felt her relaxing under his touch and gave the little one a last caress before he withdrew his hand. Maybe Liara wouldn't be such a bad idea at all, after considering everything, she was available. But she was too much on the curious side for him, sometimes he had the feeling she wasn't taking it as serious as she should. Maybe that was because it weren't her babies, though.

Kaidan helped Saya with the walk back to their cottage and smiled as Hannah joined them, too. He nodded his thanks to her when she hooked her arm under Saya's free arm. He wondered where she would sleep and guessed she would kind of stay in their living room, as the couch was expandable.

Irimsaya was grateful for the double support by the time they got back to their cabin. She was absolutely exhausted.

"How about I get us all something to eat and we have dinner here?" He suggested, seeing how tired she was.

"Oh can we?" Saya sounded relieved at the thought.

"Yes, I'm sure." Kaidan grinned a little at her, after all Joker and Jase had eaten at this place here too, he remembered as much. He leaned down and gave her a kiss after getting her shoes off her feet and placed them higher, got her a cushion for her back and had totally forgotten about Hannah by this time.

Hannah watched in slight amusement as Kaidan pampered Saya.

"I can do that if you want, Major.."

"Uh. Well, she's my wife and with my children. I like to think it's part of my responsibility." Kaidan gave her a smile. "Thank you though for the offer." Kaidan then vanished, wanting to get her something to eat.

Hannah gave Saya a smile when Kaidan left and slowly sat. She sighed in bliss herself, the couch was nice and her feet hurt too.

"He is as I remember him." 

"Yes.. thankfully the war didn't change him. So.. rear admiral huh?"

Hannah chuckled softly. "Yes, surprisingly. After it passing up I knew this time I will accept it."

"Oh goody... my mother can give me orders now..." Saya laughed.

Hannah laughed at his. "Yes, I could if I wanted to. Now tell me, how have you been. How are you and everyone. I want to hear all."

"You want to hear everything.. well... where would you like me to start?"

Hannah laid her hands onto Saya's knees, giving them a quick gentle caress. "Wherever you want to start, what's most important to you right now?"

"The twins. How far advanced they seem to be.. Kaidan said he's never seen anything like it."

She nodded, watching her belly. What she had witnessed not so long ago she would have never thought possible. But then...

"I have a very special daughter, Irimsaya." She leaned a little forward and whispered, "I wouldn't expect any less of your children."

Saya smiled shyly at her mother.

"Thanks mom, I love you."

Hannah smiled, "And I love you very much too. And these two in there as well. I'll stay with you until you give birth. If you don't mind your mother being around."

"Somehow I think Kaidan would love you to stay. I think this whole pregnancy is frazzling him. As for me - would hell yes be enough of an answer?"

"Of course it is. Now, there are still a lot of worried lines around your beautiful eyes."

"And I suspect they'll stay there until the babies are born."

Hannah sighed softly, knowing her daughter wasn't telling her everything at all and patted her knees with a gentle smile. "You and your brother are so much alike. Always keeping your worries to yourselves. This old mother of yours can deal with them, too."

"Alright. Well. I've been told that they'll want out of my belly in about 8 weeks."

"Eight weeks?" she looked at her belly in disbelief, but considering Saya's past and Cerberus she should have suspected as much.

"I would have thought of more than four months." Hannah whispered.

"Yeah... we're all worried about it. I think Kaidan's more worried about if I'll even survive."

"The Crucible, Jase told me we nearly killed you." She was watching her quietly. It was so horrible to think of having babies and not knowing if getting to know them. The most beautiful thing of the world.. "I'm so sorry, I should have remembered."

"One life, if lost, would have been worth it to save so many millions. In that instant - I was expendable."

"Or three, in your case. The admiral in me agrees with you, but not your mother. What can I do to help?"

"I can't tell them how scared I am mom. It would break Kaidan to know."

Hannah moved closer, now Saya was finally opening up and telling her what she felt.

"I would be terrified, my sweet little girl. Terrified."

"I can't let any of them see... mom I don't want to lose the twins and I don't want to die. Not again."

"And I don't want to lose my child again either, nor my grandchildren." She shook her head and moved closer to hug her daughter.

"Uh, ladies," Jase started, he had overheard the very last part when he had entered the living room to get to their own bedroom, "sorry. Couldn't help but hear the last part. Didn't know you had a private conversation."

He felt really bad, he would have hated it if anyone had listened in to them this morning. "Hasn't Miranda told you as long as your important implants are okay you should be fine, too?"

Irimsaya gently broke the hug with her mother and stared at Jase.

"No... she didn't mention that..."

"She told me. Guess I was supposed to tell you. Shit, sis. I'm sorry."

Irimsaya felt her shoulders sag as if a big weight had been lifted off them.

"Jase... thank you for telling me."

"Okay." He gave her toothy happy smile now. "I'm just getting our swim gear. Jeff's pretty sore and thinks taking a swim will help." He went quickly into their room and got the needed equipment. When he came back out again he paused and looked at them.

"And, I'm damn happy you'll be fine. Just for the record."

And then he was gone again.

Hannah looked at her daughter, watching her for her reaction. She faintly remembered Jase telling her something similar but she hadn't connected it together yet. Miranda was an important person apparently.

Irimsaya put her face in her hands and started crying happy tears. She might actually have the chance of watching her babies grow up. It was more than she could ever have hoped for.

Hanna hugged her again and held her, rocking her gently.

Kaidan came back inside, he just had seen Jase jogging towards Joker with a few things in his hands. He shook his head a little at them. If anyone loved the ocean and the water, it was them. He carefully carried the food inside the cottage, having brought rations for three people. Maybe Hannah would want to join and have dinner too.

"Hey, I just saw...," he began and frowned when he saw her cry. Quickly placing the tray onto the table he went to her, kneeling down at the couch.

"Hey.. what happened?"

"Happy tears." Saya mumbled through her hands. "They're happy tears. Jase... he just told me that Miranda said as long as all my vital implants keep working... I'll live to see them. The twins.."

Kaidan watched her, at first he thought it might not be true but the way she looked and smiled. There was no doubt. No questions needed to be asked either. He just went and hugged her then, more aware than ever of the bundle of lives in his arms, so very precious. First they got her mom back, then his dad and now this.

"I'm so happy," he whispered, not knowing what else he could say, words just weren't enough to explain his feelings.

Irimsaya hugged him tightly to her, overjoyed at the mere idea of surviving.

"I don't know what to say Kaidan... it's not very often that I'm at a loss for words.."

Kaidan just withdrew, looked at her and hugged her again, laughing this time. "I guess.. wanting to hug the whole world describes it best."

Irimsaya laughed lightly and clung to him when he drew her back into his arms.

"I suppose it does my love, I suppose it does."

Kaidan chuckled and rocked her a little, then he had a naughty expression on his face, turned to Hannah and plainy told her, "Don't look." And then he gave Saya a nice long loving kiss.

Groaning into the kiss, Saya reached up and put her hands behind Kaidan's head to keep him in place.

Hannah just laughed lightly as the kiss kept going and left the room. It was a wonderful evening outside and maybe she could find herself a man too. But first she was going to enjoy sitting at the beach.

The food was all but forgotten, and Kaidan eventually had to break the kiss as he needed some air. He smiled at her and his brown eyes were shining brightly as the sun shone into the room.

Irimsaya groaned quietly when he pulled away. She was torn now between him and food. And she had no idea how to make up her mind.

Kaidan leaned down and whispered into her ear, "I think I know what you're thinking and if you're thinking about the same as I'm thinking.... we should eat first and then do what we're both thinking about..."

"Then we need to eat fast..." Irimsaya stated in a soft yet firm voice.

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan grinned at her, looking actually really forward to spend the rest of the evening with her in bed. He got the tray and handed her the food and began eating as well, casting glances at her. There was a twinkle in her eyes he hadn't seen for a while and he knew he probably was showing the same. Once their plates were empty he put his away and helped Saya back onto her feet.

"Clearly contagious," he stated and led her into their bedroom. As soon as the door was closed he got rid of her top and began to kiss her belly.

  


Hannah looked out at the water as she sat down in the sand, smiling when she saw Jase with Joker.

Jase had his eyes on Jeff's face, floating around a little with him in the water, the waves pushing them around. He kept hold of his hands though.

"You liked that flying," he chuckled.

"You're kidding right? **Liked** it? Jase, man, I was in my element. That is what I was born to do!"

Jase smiled at this, of course he was born to do this. He let go of one of his hands and swam around, coming up from behind and laid his arms around his chest to hold him up. His chin came to rest onto his shoulder.

"That you are. I let you do it because we all trust you not to crash us. I trust you. It was fun," he chuckled softly.

"I'm glad someone does." Joker laughed at that.

"You're the best. No doubt. Feeling a little better?" Jase asked, stomach growling.

"I am but apparently your stomach isn't."

"I'm hungry," he answered softly with a smile, "And tired. Maybe I can finally sleep through a night. Today was a good day."

"Nah, today wasn't a good day. Today was an AWESOME day!"

Jase laughed when he shouted the awesome out loud. "Good roar, tiger!" He waited for him until he would want to get out of the water, thinking about staying on Hawaii. The more he thought about it, the better the idea was. But his stomach and body had different ideas as he felt himself starting to shake a little. Definitely time to get something to eat.

"Okay, sorry tiger, but I'm starving. Really need some food." Jase apologized and helped him out of the water. He thought about asking him if he wanted to stay. Jeff could swim and all, but this wasn't a pool. Aside of this, having dinner with his husband was still a luxury for him and he wanted to enjoy it as often as possible.

That night he slept like a baby and the next day was a good one too. The day after wasn't bad either, but he felt the clouds coming as a weight started to settle in his stomach and he began to feel angry at himself.


	7. Breaking Glass

The third day seemed to start better but as soon as Jase wanted to get up and join the volleyball team, he felt crushed. As if someone had tied his legs and arms onto the bed. He yelled at himself in his mind as he couldn't believe this. The constant up and down was getting old. And it was old, he knew it would come at some point from experience, but had hoped it had already passed. It all depended now on his own strength, the next fight with his mind to convince himself it's alright, but not needed.

He dragged his feet to the bathroom, got cleaned up quickly and went back to the bed. The world seemed to be there but not. The ocean and birds made the usual sound but it felt as if he stood next to himself, even the floor seemed to be moving and he knew he hadn't had any alcohol for weeks.

Jase knew he was better than this, stronger. Trained. Fight it. Don't hole up. There were his shorts and his t-shirt and he put them on, shoes all forgotten and not needed. The sun was rising outside and it was too bright. The sunglasses went with him and he put them on. Once walking out of the cabin and towards the beach, he felt as if he was drunk. The ground was slightly moving and he had to watch carefully where to place his feet and not to stumble.

There had always been a spot on the beach which wasn't busy, people just didn't like being there and that's where he went. He wrapped his arms around his body, feeling cold suddenly. Too late now to go back and get a blanket or towel, the sun would have to do it instead and he sat down heavily. 

It was always fascinating in a cruel way how a wounded mind had the ability to drag the body down. Nothing was wrong with him physically, he knew it, and yet he felt like he was being hit by something invisible as he sat down under a tree, with a simple mantra in his mind: counting numbers. Keep focused. Don't give in. It will be fine. The hands were cold as he put them under his armpits, trying to warm his hands.

A light towel gently wrapped around his shoulders from behind.

"No catching a cold, I don't think your husband would like that much do you?" Said a calming, motherly voice from behind him.

The warmth was welcomed, as was the contact he felt when she crouched down next to him. Jase was glad it wasn't Saya or Jeff. Having them witnessing him like this was not on his favourite list, being a proud guy and all.

"Thanks," he whispered. Even speaking was draining, like wading through mud and fighting the mind which insisted on wanting to fall into a silent void.

"Bad morning. Sorry I woke you."

"You didn't wake me sweetie." Hannah sat down on the sand next to him. "But you did get me worried. Want to talk?"

A long silence followed by him counters numbers again. Eyes screwed shut Jase considered the offer eventually and nodded at this. There had never been a good time to just talk and say a few things he always wanted to say or shout off his chest.

"When I woke up in your world, I thought it was a joke," he began quietly, knowing he could tell her all of it. "It wasn't. People didn't know me and someone had taken over my place. Saya." He pulled the towel closer, grimacing a bit.

"She gave me a home, but she also took away the greatest jewel of my life: Kaidan. It wasn't her fault," he sighed, body starting to relax a little. Staying focused on something was really helping.

"Two years of a relationship and it gets ripped away from you. I tried to deal with it. Adjust. It hurt, a lot. And one day, Kaidan told me he's into women." Jase shook his head, he had known as much at that point already. It hadn't been necessary for Kaidan to tell him this detail. "I knew it already. Rejection was never a problem for me, but this was Kaidan. And.. my Kaidan, I knew he was going crazy with worry, searching for me and... I would never come back." And by now Jase knew his Kaidan was dead. Had probably been dead for years and no one really understood that a part of him still missed him and felt guilty for failing them, causing them their death.

Hannah nodded slowly, concern in her eyes.

"I can somewhat understand that.. but sweetie I thought you were happy with Jeff.."

"I am. I _really_ am. Saya must have been playing match maker with us." He sighed, rubbing eyes. No one ever really understood. "That's the problem. They all offered me to talk. 'We're here for you, you aren't alone.' But they don't know, don't understand. How can they? I explained how I felt. They offered advise, based on what experience? None. I had a responsibility to my people. That fell flat onto its face. Game over for my world. End. Then Saya died and Jeff had been the reason."

"I didn't know you felt like that." A hurt voice spoke up from behind both of them. "I... I thought you loved me... if you didn't love me.. why did you marry me??" Joker couldn't wait for an answer, instead he limped off, hurt and angry.

Hannah put a hand on Jase's arm.

"My advice here, sweetie? Don't go after him - not yet. Sort through your own emotions first otherwise something might be said that shouldn't be."

Jase was gasping softly and shocked. He hadn't considered that someone would come and overhear them talking. Everything burned, he was getting hot and cold and buried his face into hands. After all this time he finally had someone to talk to without risking hurting those around him and Jeff had the good timing to walk right in on it. He was shaking and felt sick.

Hannah put her arms around him and pulled him close.

"I should have taken you up in the shuttle for this Jase.. keep going, get it out. You can't live like this anymore."

Jase nodded and the tears were silently running for some time until he realized he was practically clinging onto her. That was when he found his voice again.

"I forgave him. Saya wanted me to be happy. I knew I was falling for him. You don't throw a gift like this away. Then Cerberus found us, and he got surgery for his legs."

Hannah tried to soothe him, stroking his head gently.

"It's okay sweetie, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You keep talking - it's going to help a lot."

He nodded and continued. "We got Saya back. It was nice, yet annoying. She'd lost Kaidan, but got him back. He'd stayed faithful to her." He smiled a little, it was just who Kaidan was.

"She kept on moaning about it and I felt angry. She was lucky to have him and couldn't see it." Jase had been so annoyed with her, when he thought of it. He hardly could keep himself in check, not wanting to destroy the bond they had. Instead he even tried to help.  
  
"Did a lot of things for her, gave her our apartment. Anyway," he sighed, "we beat the Collectors and she got arrested. The Bahak system. Then the Reapers came. It was like Virmire all over the place. Decisions everywhere. Saya hurt, pregnant. The devastation, I saw it back on Virmire, saw my world. They're dead, all gone. And now it happened here too, like on Thessia. Couldn't sleep anymore. Chakwas gave me drugs, knocked me out a few days. That was a mistake, shouldn't have agreed to it, but I needed to function. And London, it was devastating. The squad around me died, burnt into crisp. The Citadel... rivers of blood, dripping down everywhere. The stench, worse than on the Collector ship. People ripped apart...," a tremor ran through his body, the memory still felt fresh. He wouldn't be talking about it anymore for a while and needed to move on from this memory.

"My people had the correct plans. How I got them on Virmire, I don't know. Luck maybe. On the Citadel, Jeff kept me going, gave me strength, told me to hold on, wanting a last kiss. Jeff. Saya. The babies. Fixed your galaxy and then, I thought I died."

"But you didn't." Her voice was shaking a bit, she hadn't realized he had gone through so much. "You didn't. You're still here with us - with people who love you and who don't care where you came from. You are part of our reality now and I know you miss everyone from yours - I know you mourn them - but remember that the people here care for you. You even have a mother here."

He nodded eventually, feeling absolutely drained.

"Yes. My family means everything to me. Feel so loved here. Nothing compared to back home, foster families, the gang."

He fell silent once again for a while before he whispered sleepily, knowing he was showing a side no one had ever seen before, "Jeff's the center of my star system, the sun. You all are the planets. Earth's you, mom. Saya's Mars and Kaidan's the moon. I'm the new star, breaking free of its shackles. Newborn."

Hannah's scent was so familiar and the way he rested on her shoulder, he could have sworn he had done this before. Something told him that yes, he had indeed done this, before he had lost them, this was what it had been like. It was extremely comforting and he fell asleep then.

Hannah smiled to herself when she felt Jase relax against her, so obviously asleep. She sat as still as she could so as not to disturb him.

  


Kaidan eyed the living room and felt something was off. It was empty. Liam was nowhere to be seen and Hannah was gone too. Then the bedroom door to Jase and Jeff's room was open and when he peaked inside, no one was there either. The terminal seemed like it hadn't been touched as well and the datapads were neatly stacked in their corner, untouched. The beds were still unmade and the couch looked like it had been left in a hurry.

Kaidan scratched his face and gave a sigh of mild frustration, while brows furrowed in thought. It was mid morning and usually the room was buzzing with life, talking about the upcoming day and what to do or where to go. He went back into their bedroom and saw Saya struggling with her bra, his hands quickly helped her getting it right. Once that was done he bend down and kissed her bare shoulder, face scratching her a little, he needed to shave again soon.

"No one's here, everyone's gone." He told her with a frown.

Irimsaya frowned and turned to face him, getting her shirt on at the same time.

"Okay first you need to shave." She smiled. "I don't want beard-burn. As for the other... I have no idea where they could be."

"Sure, I go and shave first." Kaidan gave her a smile and went back into the bathroom. Ten minutes later he came back out again and presented himself.

"Do you like this better?" he asked, touching his now tender skin with careful fingertips. But at least he smelled pleasantly from his after-shave.

"Hang on... I'll inspect it in a second." She grunted out, trying to adjust her top more. "I think my stomach's getting bigger."

It took another minute or two until she was satisfied with the fit then she kissed his chin gently.

"Hmmm smooth as a baby's bottom."

Kaidan chuckled, "Glad I pass inspection. Mh, you're right, they're getting bigger in there. Maybe we should try and find you some more loose fitting clothes?" He touched her belly gently, "I love every inch of it though."

"Hmm yes looser clothes needed.. be even better if you could help with the bloody back pains."

Kaidan nodded. "Just say the word Saya and I'll do what I can. Do you need it right now?"

She shook her head but her hands were holding the small of her back.

"No, we should find the others - I'm a little worried now."

"Okay, yes. We should find them." Kaidan left the cottage with her and scanned the beach to see where they could be.

  


Jase was awake but had his eyes still closed. The feeling of being so loved by a mother was nearly overwhelming and he enjoyed it a lot. He was dozing lightly while half thinking and suddenly his eyes snapped open when he remembered... Jeff! Only his body felt like he had climbed a hundred of those walls and he moved a little.

Hannah felt him move and kissed his head gently.

"Ready to get up sweetie?"

Jase nodded and slowly let go of her. He felt ashamed and rubbed his face, his eyes felt as if sand had dried in them and he fingered them gently. Then he looked at her for a while, she was sitting down here in the sand with him. By now she sure must have felt a little stiff and cramped.

"Yes. Sorry... about that." He got up onto his feet and held out his hand, the least he could do.

"Don't apologize, there's no need to." Hannah took his hand gently and winced as she got to her feet. "If it helps you then I can do it whenever you want."

Jase nodded at this and just turned around, giving her a hug. He knew if needed he'd be there for her, too. And it felt good finally having told someone about it, having gotten some thoughts off his chest and just let go, if only Jeff hadn't heard that part. He wasn't even sure how much he had heard.

"Thanks."

Kaidan nudged Saya and nodded towards Hannah and Jase and said softly, "Well, I think we found two of our missing people."

Irimsaya was watching them in silence then looked at Kaidan.

"Do you think everything's okay?"

"I don't know," Kaidan replied thoughtfully and frowned. "And I don't know if we should ask or not."

But he didn't need to ask at all. As soon as Jase saw them he came walking over and asked them with an urgent voice, "Has any of you seen Jeff?"

Kaidan looked at Saya and shook his head.

"No, I haven't, the cottage was empty when we left."

Jase looked even more bewildered now, hand on his head, scratching his hair. He was scanning the beach and wondered how long ago it had been. He blinked and kicked at the sand.

"Shit! God damn it!"

If he wasn't in the cottage and not at the beach, he couldn't be that far.. hopefully. He might be better with his legs but still... Where could he be? Jase rubbed his face, trying hard to think clearly while looking the beach over once again. Joker, missing. Joker. Jeff. Joker. Pilot. Ship. No... shuttle?

"I'll check the shuttle."

  


Joker locked himself in the shuttle. He couldn't stop crying. Never before had he felt so.. alone.

Jase approached it carefully, not wanting to scare him off but the doors were closed and locked. Yes, Jeff was inside, he was sure of it now. He rested his head on the surface and leaned onto it. If he wanted to know where he was he maybe had to slice the door open. After all he still had his omni-tool. And he wasn't stupid, he just had to do it.

Joker just sat on the bench behind the cockpit. He had a right mind to put himself in the pilot's seat and just fly off. Maybe set a course straight for the sun. For once in his life he thought someone loved him for who he was... but the whole thing had been a lie.

Jase waited and waited, having the feeling it took a lot longer than usual until the lock finally clicked open. He inhaled deeply and waited a few seconds before he opened the door.

And there he was. The sight of Jeff let him forget how to breathe for a few seconds as it hit him right in the stomach. He quickly stepped inside before he was being closed out again.

"Jeff..."

"You... GO AWAY!" Joker turned his tear-streaked face to him. "You LIED to me! You said you LOVED me! YOU MARRIED ME!"

Jase swallowed hard and carefully sat down on the opposite bench, wondering why exactly Jeff thought it had been a lie. 

"It wasn't a lie."

"I heard what you said!" He gulped down some air. "You blame me for the Commander's death... you... you still love....still want the other Kaidan."

"The other Kaidan is DEAD! Has been for years! You know what this was about, the worst? The pain and misery he had to go through until he died, the pain of not knowing what happened to me. That ... hurts me! And Saya, yes I blamed you. But god damn, I forgave you the day when I told you I love you." Which had been after he had met Kaidan on the Citadel. He quietly added, "And I still love you."

Joker hugged himself tightly and leaned against the bulkhead.

"But... what you said to Hannah... Jase that hurt so MUCH.... I mean I know I probably wasn't supposed to hear it but that's what makes it even worse!"

Jase rubbed his head, trying to figure out what exactly he had heard.

"Jeff.... I have a past, it's.. not pleasant either at times, okay? You weren't supposed to hear that, cause I knew it would hurt you. I'm not a liar either. How much have you heard, what did you hear?"

"What I told you."

Jase nodded. This wasn't getting any easier and to make matters worse he felt like being sucked under water. Sadly things never seemed to be easy for them, especially when he wanted nothing more than to curl up at the man's side and just feel better.

"Okay. I did blame you, yes. For about four weeks. You told me you felt us drifting apart, you wanted an answer. Then, you said... you loved me since I sat in the cockpit with you. Saya got us together, there's been a bond between us. You, you are so special. Always cheering me up. I wasn't going to throw that away. I forgave you, that day."

"Did you really though? Jase.. I love you with every fibre of my being. I **live** for you. You are my **everything**. Even the idea... the seed of the idea... that you might not be 100% in this...that you might not really love me. I was ready to fly this thing into the sun."

"If you had done this we would have met tonight again. Where the dead are meeting. There's no Shepard without Flight LT Moreau. Jeff, answer me something. I know it's not the same, but bear with me. Would you stop loving your sister if you got a "new" sister? Wouldn't there always be a tiny part of you thinking of her and just.. wish she wouldn't have suffered so much before she died? I had three relationships. One once I figured out I was into guys. One at the time of Akuze and that one ended badly. If you want to hear why, I'll tell you. The third was Kaidan. The one night stands I had I can count one hand. I don't love easily, but when I do, with everything I have."

Jeff wiped his eyes then looked at him again.

"I understand that I just... I've never felt so crushed Jase. Ever. I would love you no matter what universe we were in.. as for Hilary.. she'd be my sister no matter what. But what I heard you say.. it hurt so much. Can't you see it. Can't you understand? You're the **only** person I've ever been with. The only one. So to hear the words you said, and okay they weren't meant for my ears, it felt like every bone in my body broke. And one muscle. My heart."

Jase nodded and it felt okay now to move and sit down at his side. The danger of Jeff hitting him in frustration was banned. But somehow Jeff didn't really understand him and he couldn't understand really why Jeff felt so crushed, but he knew Jeff was wrong when he thought Jase had no feelings for him.

"That's why you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm sorry you did. Really am."

Joker just nodded silently and wiped his eyes again. He was getting annoyed at the fact that he couldn't seem to stop crying. But he was hurt. And it was bad.

"I understand you, I do. Jeff..., come here..." Maybe later they could talk some more about this, but at the moment he felt like they both needed a time out.

Joker closed his eyes then slowly moved into Jase's arms, not trusting himself to speak.

"It's alright," he whispered to Jeff after his arm went around his shoulder to draw him closer. If there had been any tears left he'd have joined him again, but his eyes felt as dry as the sand outside. They were hurting and he closed them.

"Until death do part us Jeff, I meant that." He was careful not to open up another can of worms, surely he wouldn't take it good either when he told him he hardly remembered anything of the day, only most of the vow and spending the night at the pool. Maybe there was an option to marry again somehow and do it right this time.

Joker snuggled in as close as he could, just needing the comfort of the man he loved more than life itself.

Jase rubbed his eyes from time to time, blinking them free of any unseen dirt. And when he wasn't doing that, he was resting his chin on Jeff's head giving him a kiss from time to time. If he had flown off, he shook his head, not wanting to think about it. There had been a tiny fear Jeff would have done this. The idea of him flying into the sun was extremely scaring. He waited patiently for Jeff to move or wanting to get up. Life was moving on outside, he could hear far away chatter and the occasional _squee!_ of a child and the bark of a dog. Jase snorted softly.

"Mr. Pepper."

Joker opened his eyes, not having realized that he had drifted off.

"Mmmh? What?"

Jase kissed his head again.

"Not important, unless you wanna hear it."

"Wanna hear it," Joker mumbled.

"It's not a long story," Jase replied, rubbing his chin a little on Jeff's hair. "There was a dog. A big one, it looked scary. I was 13 or 14 and stole some food. Had snatched a pack of bread and an apple. It stood there and growled at me, wouldn't budge. Yelling didn't work, stepping forward neither. I had a gun but... the dog was as hungry as I was. Took a bite of the apple and tossed it to him. He ate it and stuck around after that. Kept me warm at night and I shared my food. He was old, getting grey dots in his fur. Called him Mr. Pepper. Seemed like a silly name but it just felt right. Nice thing was, he protected my stuff. No one would touch it."

"Hmm... nice story... I like the nice ones..there's too few of them."

Jase hummed softly then, Jeff was right.

"True... Okay. Might not really qualify but it was important and it ended good. I was nearly 17 and looking for a way to get out of the gang. Our leader wasn't that bad, but he caught me in the act with Nate and sadly, he wasn't fond of gays." Jase knew he was bending the truth a little, but it was too painful. No one knew it anyway and it wouldn't hurt to tell not all of it. Jeff wanted to hear the nice ones.   
  
"Mr. Pepper was still with me at the time, we went to that shop to get money out of the owner. Don't know why, but the owner just looked at me and said, "If you want money, why don't you work for it. There's a bed in the backroom and I could need a hand." I could have killed him, right there. But Mr. Pepper just sat down and wagged his tail. I agreed. The day I moved in Mr. Pepper died. I stayed, helped him in the bakery, earned my money and bought books from it. With 18 I enlisted." Jase paused, thinking about this. The full true story was a lot more cruel than this, but these were the adjusted, better parts of it.

"I owe that man my life and you got pizza from him. That's where I learned it." He chuckled at the memory of baking pizza with Salvar.

"Hmm a good baker he was then. And I'm glad he looked after you."

"Yes. Too bad I can't thank him. Alright, another one." He had to think about this a lot at first and how to tell it best.

"I was.. 29 and thought I should go and see a shrink, life was very hard to deal with. But I had a book and was looking for a free seat. I found one in the most impossible places and started reading. The book was awful, but it got stolen from the guy sitting next to me. We joked around and teased each other and I had a damn good time, the shrink wasn't needed anymore." Jase laughed softly and kissed his head. But maybe he should have gone to one nevertheless, knowing now he had never really dealt with his problems.

"Luckily, I can thank the guy, cause it was you."

Joker turned his face up to him in surprise.

"Whaaaat?"

"Yes. It was you. Ash's poetry book, you stole it. You helped me through a lot of bad times. I just.. never told you."

Joker stared at him in shock.

"Wow... uhm... just wow. We go from you breaking my heart to this... wow..."

Jase nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"It's part of leading people. You don't go spreading around having problems. You deal with them silently, taking strength wherever possible. Most of the times it had been you. Saya set us up, she knew I needed someone. You already were a good friend, just didn't know if you were interested in me that way. Either way, wanna see the goofy grin I couldn't get rid off after our first date? Watch."

And it was all once again back on his face, the very knowing happy mischievous grin which just had been for Jeff.

Joker reached up and gently caressed his face.

"Just do me a favour.. if you need to talk about how you feel... or felt... about me.. please just come and tell me."

Jase sighed softly, leaning into the touch. He nodded then. "I promise. Hannah, mom. It's just... she's better than a shrink and.. it felt right and good to let go. It's been a very bad morning. I'm just sorry it messed up your morning, too." He knew it was cheesy and all, but to hell with it. "Because I love my pilot. Don't wanna see him hurting because of me."

"Really? That's the best line you can come up with?" Joker actually laughed a little bit.

Jase frowned a little and tried again. "I love you, tiger. I'm in love with you. You're everything I have and need."

"Hmm better.. I know you can do better but I can live with that." Joker allowed himself a small smile.

Jase chuckled now, he was no poet. But there came something else to mind.

"Alright, how about this... _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray_ ," Jase coughed then, hoping no one had heard that as they definitely walked into a sector he had no desire to really explore. Yet it was fitting. There was the tiny nagging fear that Jeff was making him do all kind of silly things now just to own up the mistake. And if he made him clean his shuttle naked, well. He'd do it.

Joker shut him up with a tender kiss.

"I love you."

Jase relaxed against him and sighed softly. "Thanks. What.. would you like to do now. I'm tired of making all our decisions."

"I think I'd like to go and sit in the sun to be honest with you. Just sit there and enjoy the calm."

"Sounds good. Let's do it." He got up slowly to help Jeff onto his feet.

Joker quite willingly let Jase get him to his feet then lead him to the beach where the pair found themselves a nice place and sat down. Jase laid his arm around Jeff's shoulders and enjoyed the sun.


	8. Making Plans

### Making Plans

"You had a good idea with Hawaii. The more I think about it the better I like it." Jase told him after some time.

Joker turned to face him with a surprised look on his face.

"Really?? I wasn't sure you'd like it..."

Jase looked at him, wondering. "Am I really that bad with closing off my emotions? Yes. I like it. Considered starting a shelter, adding some kind of.. vacation area for kids from poor families. I got a name now, could use it for something good."

Joker looked thoughtful.

"And I could fly them around.. maybe even teach some of them to fly.."

Jase gave him one of his special grins. "Would you like that?"

"Tours of the Normandy even... who knows... yeah I'd like that I think."

Jase nodded, liking the idea. And that Jeff would do this for him...

"I'd like that too. We need a place. Maybe an area which isn't as packed as here but not too far off, too. Some farms around, animals. Playgrounds."

"It's going to be a lot of work you know. Might take more than just us."

"You're right. There's no one left from the Citadel. Do you have anyone in mind?" If Kelly Chambers was still alive, he'd even consider her as their shrink for the kids. And there would be traumatized kids, he knew that much.

"I dunno.. maybe your mom? Kaidan and Saya? Miranda for sure. I'm sure a Geth would go over like pizza would.."

Jase raised his eyebrows at him, "Miranda? Yeah Liam would be like a pet. He has patience. If I make them all quit or retire, the Alliance's gonna have my ass."

"I doubt that. I think they'll want to help. Miranda would be good at helping any biotic kids we might get."

"And they're people I can trust with kids. Some of them won't be easy to handle. Doesn't hurt to ask." He nodded, rubbing his arm gently.

"Heyy lookit us... we're getting a plan together.."

Jase laughed softly, "That we are. I blame it on you."

"Me?? Why do I always get the blame for things." He frowned as he remembered Jase's conversation with Hannah.

"Because you have the right ideas this time. The good ones." He nudged him gently, giving him a smile.

Joker just snorted at that.

"Glad you think so."

"I do."

Jase shook his head a little and went back to watching silently the ocean, giving Jeff a caress from time to time and was thinking. About the shelter, what they would need. What he hoped to have and maybe if things were fine, he could add some more on later. But first he wanted to focus on the basic things. Giving kids an option, a way out of a possible mess.

It was noon by the time he realized the sun was burning brightly and Jeff seemed to be dozing against his shoulder. He leaned in and gave the nose a kiss.

Joker snorted awake at the touch and looked around.

"I wasn't asleep honest."

"Lunch? Saya and Kaidan are surely missing us. And mom, she was worried about you."

Joker yawned then looked thoughtful.

"Yeah sure. I'm feeling a bit peckish."

Jase raised his eyebrows at the word peckish and nodded then. He stood up and stretched, yawned and turned around to give Jeff a hand.

"Come on handsome. Don't want you to starve."

He walked back with him to their cottage and peaked inside.

"Hello? Anybody home?"

Irimsaya came into the main room with an annoyed mother-type look on her face.

"Are you two alright??? Where have you been??"

"We're fine." Jase replied and saw that this wasn't enough of an explanation for her. "He was at the shuttle and we just talked. Beach was next, we talked some more." Jase looked at Jeff, shrugging a little, wondering if he wanted to tell her more or not.

Saya frowned a little but was alright with the explanation that Jase had just provided.

"Alright as long as you both are okay."

Jase shrugged. He figured since he was talking a lot already he should let Jeff tell them about the idea and Hawaii. He wondered if he still had a voice left in the afternoon.

"We are. Seems to be my talking day. If Jeff's alright with it, why don't you come with us to have lunch, he had an idea."

"I'd like that, let me leave Kaidan a note so he doesn't worry." Saya moved to the cabin's small kitchen and wrote a quick note on the pad that was there. She then brought it back to the main room and put it on the small table there. "Okay, hopefully he sees that."

Jase nodded, he was sure he would. Kaidan was a smart man. He wondered for a second if he was going to accept his promotion, the end of the vacation was nearing. They only had four days left by now. Which meant, judging by what he knew, Saya's twins would be there in about a month, or was it two? He still felt somewhat out of the loop. But the way her belly was growing, he doubted it would take too long. How strange her pregnancy was.

Jase had another thought lingering on his mind, the crew needed a proper farewell from him. He remembered the times when they had done a few parties for their crew and these people deserved even more. Just one thing was clear, after lunch he thought about having a nap.

"He will. I'm sure. Let's go?"

"Yes, let's go." Irimsaya put her hands on the small of her back as she walked with Jase and Joker.

After taking Jeff's hand in his Jase was watching Saya walking, the way she held herself had changed a lot and he wondered how much bigger her baby belly would become. Did it hurt? Which led him to another thought, sleeping on her belly didn't work anymore. He opted for the nearest place, it didn't matter much anyway as the food which was offered was nearly the same everywhere. Jase never minded though, as long as the stomach stopped growling it was fine.

Shifting on the chair that she'd acquired for the meal, Saya listened as Joker outlined the plan he and Jase had come up with. To her it sounded like heaven for those poor children and she smiled.

"I think it's a wonderful idea. To be honest Kaidan and I have been discussing making a home here as well."

"Oh?" Jase raised his eyebrows at this. Unexpected good news then. "Would you want to join us? We could always use another soldier, to keep the troops in line." He winked at her.

"The Alliance is all I've known Jase. It would be hard for me to leave it." But she knew with the children coming that she might not have much of a choice.

Jase nodded at this, he had felt the same way. "Yeah. Four years ago I wasn't even thinking about it. But if you ever need a place..." he shrugged and gave her a smile.

She smiled at him and winced, holding her stomach.

"Mmh... they're unsettled today."

"They're moving?" Jase was hoping they weren't picking up on the earlier stress. "Will you ask for more off time?"

Irimsaya shifted a bit in her chair, looking very uncomfortable.

"I've been considering it yes."

"Okay. Just unsettled?" He asked, eying her. Then he saw Kaidan and Hannah coming towards them.

"I think so. They've had a rough couple of days."

"I'm sorry," he answered quickly, now looking at Hannah and Kaidan.

"Hey, we aren't late, are we?" Kaidan leaned down to give Saya a kiss. The look on her face made him pause, wondering if something else had happened and he caressed her hair.

"Are you alright? You look a little stressed."

"I.. I think I'm okay... I don't know.." She shifted again in the chair, quite aware that all eyes were on her now.

Hannah smiled a little at her, remembering the time when she had turned around and settled deeper into the hip. She had spent two days in bed, feeling not well.

"Aww sweetie, don't be afraid. They're just settling deeper, getting ready to be born in some time."

Looking up at her mom, Saya bit her lip.

"I gather I did the same thing to you then.. sorry about that!"

Jase was eyeing them with open curiosity now, pondering if he should have read a book on pregnancy and he also wondered if they'd run into the problem of having a pregnant teenager too.

Hannah gave her a smile and shook her head. "No, I enjoyed every minute of it. Having a growing life in you is very special. You might want to take it easy though."

"4 more weeks huh.. I think I can manage taking it easy for that long anyway." Saya smiled tiredly.

Kaidan was thinking about what to do, he didn't want to leave her alone now. And going back to work and all was nice, but he would stay. He knew it wasn't meant to be though, but he could ask to be posted to earth for the time when the twins were still babies. It would give him the option to be at her side quickly and help, if needed.

Hannah nodded at this. "Carrying one child is taxing, but two. You're doing remarkably well though." She told her with a smile.

The food came and Jase took his plate, giving Jeff a smile before he dug into it, keeping his eyes on Saya. It was a weird mix of feelings, worry and happiness at the same time. He wished the time would be over soon and he could see the babies. Judging by the look on Kaidan's face he figured the man was thinking the same. And the soon to be mother... as well.

As soon as her plate arrived, Saya dug in. Hannah watched with somewhat amused eyes as she relived her own pregnancy. In a way she wished that she could have had Jase the same way she'd had Saya.

Jase wondered if he should give her the list of contacts for the baby clothes while he ate. Saya's plate seemed to be empty a lot faster than his own and he shoved his banana over to her with a grin, figuring she might need it more than he did. While he had no clue what to tell the people they needed, he knew it was a boy and a girl and surely those people could pack him a package. If needed he'd go and build a bed by himself. Judging by his non existent knowledge about this, he knew he had to start reading up on how to build things with basic materials, like wood. He heaved a heavy sigh, wood probably was as expensive as never before.

When she heard the sigh, Saya glanced up at Jase.

"Thanks for the banana." She grinned. "Now why the sigh?"

"Was thinking about crafting a bed for the twins," he answered with a shrug.

Saya stared at him in surprised. She hadn't been expecting that answer at all.

"I... uh... wow. Jase you really are the best brother a girl could have."

"Thanks," he grinned at her. "Guess now's the time to learn a few new skills. Surely needed for running the shelter. And when it pays off for the family too, why not."

"I can't wait. I'm sure it'll all look awesome and you'll have a lot of happy kids I'm sure."

"Shelter? Kids? Am I missing something?" Kaidan asked, this was new to him.

Irimsaya turned to him and smiled.

"Jase and Joker are going to build a shelter here for all the children who need it."

"That's great. What do you need for running something like this?" he asked, and then he frowned a little. "Hey, we thought about staying here, too. Maybe we could give you a hand now and then, maybe even kind of live together? What do you think Saya? Our home, with them?" The twins would have plenty of kids to play with, he figured.

Smiling, Saya moved her head and kissed Kaidan deeply.

"My thoughts exactly."

Jase laughed at the kiss sheepishly and nodded at them. He needed to make a list of what they would need.

"I'm glad we're staying here. It's great to be here. We need a place, right. Some kind of, I don't know."

"Farm house? A little bit outside of the big cities, where no one minds playing kids." Jase told them.

"It all sounds great to be honest with you. But I was actually thinking of some kind of house on the beach." Saya had a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Being close to the water would be good for whatever kids you find." Hannah spoke up. "It would have a therapeutic effect."

"That it does," he nodded, knowing it always worked for him. But they needed a place and the funding. "I'll start looking into it. I could use a hand or two, though."

"How many do you want? It's a worthy project and I know some people who used to be on my team that would want to help." Hannah smiled a bit.

"Count Kaidan and I in as well - for as long as he can stay anyway."

"Me too!" Joker nearly whooped in glee.

Jase laughed and gave Jeff a kiss before answering.

"A doctor, kids like to get hurt sometimes. Someone who knows how to deal with traumatized ones, two or three people at least for keeping an eye on them. Sports equipment. Some might need a hand with math or reading. You never know what you need until they're there. And funding, of course. I still have some credits left from Cerberus, but doubt that covers buying land."

"Consider the land already purchased." Saya spoke up. "It's the least I can do."

Jase looked at her thoughtfully. He loved her for doing this, but he never had figured she'd have that kind of money. But thinking about it, he hadn't been so bad off either, before coming here. He never had needed any credits, just some basic clothes and saved the rest.

"Thanks. That means a lot, but I don't want you going broke."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"I got paid by the Alliance for accidental death." She laughed.

Jase scratched his head and frowned at first, then he laughed softly. 

Kaidan wasn't as much amused though, but he gave a quirky grin.

"We need to find some land. And a name. I want to start with at least five kids and add a few more places later. Kids need to be able to find us. Something trustworthy. As soon as they think something's up they're gone."

"Garden of Eden." Irimsaya spoke the name quietly as she stroked her stomach. "Gardens are peaceful and it gives us a way to remember Eden Prime."

"Not bad sis. It's just.. I'd consider it as a trap. It sounds too good to be true." Jase felt bad for telling her that, but it was like this. Like honey leading to a deadly trap, not trustworthy, making them too careful.

"We could do some farming, build a fence around it and call the area "Garden of Eden", with a few flowers in there, too."

"No... forget it." She stood up awkwardly then left the dining area.

"It's alright Jase." Hannah said softly. "She's tired and hurting. You're both a lot more emotional when that happens."

"Okay." Jase nodded at her with a sigh. "Kids like.. me don't think that way. A nice sounding name is more suspicious than a gun openly lying around."

"Then what would you suggest?" Kaidan glanced at him then looked back in the direction his wife had disappeared in.

"Something simple. Let's postpone this for later, though. I could do with a nap myself." Jase stood up, giving Jeff a hand and looked after Saya.

"Don't want her to be alone. Kaidan, go to her. I'll talk to her later."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him but was silently glad he said that. He rushed off after her.

Jase was sure they'd find a name when they walked back, but he was more worried about Saya right now.

Kaidan went into their bedroom and was glad Saya hadn't overheard his conversation with Admiral Anderson. Now that things for his future were kind of settled, he could focus on his pregnant wife and the babies. As he neared their bedroom Kaidan heard a soft groan coming from Saya. She must have been sitting down just now. He closed their door behind him and sat down next to her before he laid his arm around her.

"Hey my love," he said softly.

"Hi." With a sigh she leaned against him for comfort.

Kaidan gave her hair a gentle kiss. "Would you like to lay down for a bit and rest?"

"It seems like a lot of what I do is lie down." Saya rubbed her face.

"Mmh. We're having twins." he told her, any woman would feel tired and exhausted, he figured. "What would you like to do after they're born? Going back to the Normandy as a Commander?"

"I...I don't know Kaidan..."

Kaidan laid his hand on her belly, feeling the twins and smiled. "I was thinking about my promotion. I would like to accept it, but I also want to be here when they're being born."

Irimsaya looked at him with wide eyes.

"You promised you would be here!"

"Yes. And I will be. I have already asked for an extension of my vacation time. Actually, I have asked for a two months leave. With the promise of accepting the promotion after it."

"Oh...so you're going to be a Commander hmm? Congratulations then.."

"Thanks, I think. I should thank you, actually. You supported me and Anderson made it clear it's hard to find a soldier like me, with Spectre status and without any PTSD. Well, if I'm lucky I can keep the Normandy, too."

Irimsaya looked down at her stomach, almost cursing the pregnancy now. She was going to lose out on her ship, her crew... and her husband.

Kaidan nudged her gently, "That is... until you want to come back. And then, if we wanted to," he grinned, "we could go on missions together, just like old times."

"And then who would raise the children, Kaidan? They deserve to know their parents and I don't know if I want them on the Normandy."

"Mmh.. you have a point. I like to think we will face more peaceful times though. And maybe Jase and Joker could keep an eye on them. But Anderson made it clear that if you want to continue with your career, you would keep your place. Wait... I lied, I kind of blackmailed him. If he wanted to keep me around, these were my conditions." He shrugged at this. "I guess children don't have it easy these days, with the Alliance and everything. But we can make the best of it. You grew up on ships yourself..."

"Yeah... don't remind me." She reached a hand up and caressed his face gently. "It's not a happy childhood, growing up on ships."

Kaidan leaned into the touch. "Times have changed, biotic camps aren't there anymore either. We'll figure something out. We always find a way."

"I hope you're right about that.. I really and truly do."

Kaidan nodded at this and gave her a kiss. "Right now I'm looking forward to having eight more weeks with you and the children. And with this, what can I do to make you feel a little bit more comfortable."

"Besides getting them out of me?" She grinned at him.

Kaidan chuckled at her and nodded, "Yes, besides getting them out of you. A backrub?"

"Oooh that might work too.."

With a smile Kaidan waited until she had laid down and gotten more comfortable on her side and gently started with his hands to work on the areas she had most problems with.

Irimsaya groaned quietly in pleasure.

"Oh please don't stop," she whispered.

Kaidan hummed softly and leaned forward to give her neck a kiss and continued with it.

"You're beautiful."

Laughing lightly, she turned in his arms.

"I'm glad you think so sweetie.. especially with this belly of mine."

Kaidan chuckled and gave her a kiss, and then a few more kisses.

"Mmm... If I didn't know better I would think you were trying to seduce me."

"What if I am? We have time... mmh." There went a few other kisses. "And you can relax and feel good.. or better."

"You are the best husband ever you know... I think I keep telling you that."

"And I like hearing about it."

Kaidan nodded with a soft chuckle and went lower, kissing her back now. Focusing especially on the area which was giving her pains. The area was clearly formed differently from what he remembered and it was clear to him why she was having trouble walking. Aside of this, it needed some serious repositioning for her to feel comfortable as well.

"I think.. in our house, we should have a big bathtub too...." Then he fell silent again, focusing on something else than talking.

  


Jase woke up after an hour and looked at Jeff who was still lying comfortable in their bed. Maybe he was dozing, maybe he was really asleep, he couldn't tell. But there was no snoring coming from him.

On the bedside table was a datapad, a few sheets of paper and a pen. Jase collected them all after he got up and went to sit down on the floor, back resting on the bed. His head was buzzing with ideas and the name Saya had suggested kept running around in his mind. He was wondering if "Eden" alone would do it. It sounded familiar but intriguing as well, making kids and people alike curious. Maybe Saya would understand and approve. Since she was buying the land he felt she needed to have a say in this as well.

The list started out with a basic idea of the area he would liked to have. A house for the whole family, if not available, several small houses for them with additional houses. Building it from scratch would take time and a lot of credits would be needed, he would take what he could get. As long as the location was perfect, the place offering enough room, anything would do.

A house for the kids, for the daily activities, perhaps they could even offer a few beds for the street kids to stay and sleep over night. Animals like a dog and hens went onto the list, a kitchen and a garden. Saya's "Garden Eden" came to mind. A place to teach and play sports. A teacher for helping with any school work would be nice too. Small groups of children were his goal, to have time for them individuality. A boat went onto the list and sponsors were needed as well.

Getting this started was the simplest thing, getting it to the point to be opened would be a whole different story. And maybe, with luck, the name of Shepard saving the galaxy would be enough to raise money and word. Aside of this, he didn't want to hide his past, but he wondered how they could work it into this. Letting kids know that he had been one of them would help and give them the idea of having an option and change. Jase sighed softly and bit his lip thoughtfully.

"Tell me what's on your mind over there," Joker mumbled sleepily. "You're thinking so hard the room's getting all smoky."

A soft chuckle came as reply. Then the papers were put away and Jase's eyes peeked over the edge of the bed at Joker.

"The shelter. You're really going to give up flying. For me?"

"Well... not _totally_ give it up. But for you.. yeah I'll tone it down."

Jase nodded, watching him. "No one has ever done something like this for me."

"It's what you do for love I guess.."

Jase licked his lips but Joker couldn't see it, giving this a good thought before he decided on it.

"Then the others never really loved me."

Joker opened his eyes fully and stared at Jase.

"Mmh... maybe I shouldn't have put it like that.."

"Okay. After Akuze, I got dumped." Jase shrugged and moved, kneeling now. He folded his arms, resting them on their bed and laid his head on them, watching his husband.

"Oh.. Jase I'm so sorry. I don't know how anyone could even stand losing you to be honest. Let alone dump you... that person had to have been insane."

Jase snorted softly at this. "Was my own fault. Add some pills and alcohol to my current state of mind and you get a whole different me."

Joker winced.

"Okay that's a different story. Junkies and drunks are hard to live with. Been there and done that."

Jase nodded at this, sensing a story was to be heard from Jeff. "Yes. Were pills from the shrink though. What happened?"

Joker shrugged as best he could.

"I was a teenager. I didn't know any better. Met up with a guy a couple of years older but I didn't know what he was into. Until I walked in one day when he was shooting up and got myself beaten for the trouble."

"Aah.. nasty." Jase winced, "You finally had a friend and he's on drugs. Damn. That put you off it, huh."

Joker nodded silently, not sure how much detail he should actually go in to.

Jase was watching him silently, waiting. "Was he more than just a friend?" But he knew Jeff had said he hadn't been with anyone. Or maybe he just didn't want to tell.

"I wanted him to be." Joker answered in a quiet voice. "But after that.. I was in the hospital for three months because of him."

"He beat you up!? He did that to you?"

"Yeah, he did that to me. The first person I thought truly understood me. And he did that."

Jase was clearly disgusted at the thought, he shook his head and stood up, walking over to him. He sat down next to Jeff as best as he could. "I'm sorry, I know it wasn't me. But, I'm sorry."

"That's why... when you came into my life. Jase I've never felt so safe as I do with you - not even when I'm in the pilot's chair." Joker's eyes never left his.

Jase was watching him quietly, thinking about all of what they had told each other today, it was a lot. It nearly felt as if they hadn't really talked before, like sitting down and talking serious business. Jase knew he went and spoke to everyone of their crew, but somehow he had always trusted Jeff would speak up if there was something that disturbed him. Yet he hardly did. He couldn't remember anything besides some quick chat or radio chatter. His hand was caressing Jeff's face now.

"I'm sorry. For not really talking to you. I always thought.. you would just come to me."

"Nah, couldn't trouble you with anything to be honest. You were going through enough as it was and I wasn't about to make your burden even worse."

Taking his hand in his Jase moved it up to his lips and placed a kiss on his fingers. He nodded thoughtfully at this. The long weeks between the invasion and destruction of the Reapers had been the worst of his life. Too many dead and missing planets everywhere. The whole galaxy had been traumatized and it was up to the people which got out of it without any major scars to help those with scars. Jase figured he was one of those with _some_ scars and he would help.

That Jeff hadn't come to him meant a lot, on good terms and bad. Him keeping things away, making room for him to deal with the other, sadly, more important things and pushing aside his own needs, meant really a lot. Jase was trying to imagine it from Jeff's perspective, sitting in a chair, doing his work and seeing his mate rushing off and away to most dangerous missions. Getting hurt, losing people and whole planets. Jeff had done his job, had done what was expected from him as an Alliance LT and had sacrificed a part of himself for Jase's and the galaxy's sake.

Jase gave the hand another kiss. Jeff had been as shackled and bound as Edi was before they had hit the Collectors.

"Thanks. But not anymore. If there's something now, you say it. Deal?"

A lot of things with Jeff suddenly made sense and he wanted to think about it before he lost the thoughts. Jeff loved flying but loved him too. It was no surprise he would go with him, it meant being able to lead a complete and fulfilled life as a real married pair and being able to focus on their relationship instead of having to think about the next mission.

Jase bit his lower lip again, deeply in thought, contemplating all of this and the day's events again. At some point he felt his head starting to hurt. He was used to instant reacting, making quick decisions based on given facts, but this, this was different. This was life. Not numbers and any given data. Life.

Had it been different with the others? Jase mused as he was watching Jeff's eyes. Yes, it had been. Even with Kaidan, on and off they would meet when there was time, drink, dance, joke, have sex. He had loved him, but it didn't feel as deeply as his love for Jeff. Maybe it would be the same today if it was Kaidan lying there instead of Jeff, but Jeff... Jeff provided a lot more, had had his back, was there all the time. Never left him alone. Kaidan on the other hand, he hadn't ever thought of marrying him at all. Perhaps a commitment, but it had come so easily with Jeff.

It was now no surprise to him that Jeff had reacted the way he had in the morning. Jase sighed softly and kissed the fingers once more. He never had taken the time to really deal with everything and now he was getting his boots cleaned up from the mud he was dragging around.

"Thanks. For being you."

"I promise, now that you don't have as much on your mind, to tell you everything." Joker felt a small blush creeping up from his neck and found himself wondering how Jase was always able to do this to him.

Jase gave him a toothy smile.

"Thanks tiger, you've got my word. Well," Jase paused, eyes shining in the bright blue, "there's a beach waiting for us outside, want to go? Or... cuddle."

"Hmm we could technically do both..."

"Let's do it," Jase answered with a smile. Cuddling and beach sounded too good.


	9. Arrival

### Arrival

Two days later Jase stood in their living room eyeing the package in his hands. It wasn't a small one, but not too huge either and came from the Citadel. He leaned down and sniffed carefully at it several times, giving his nose time to detect any possible foul smells. But there weren't any and he sighed in relief. Nothing was more worse than having baby clothes which smelled like the dead. He placed the package onto the table and rubbed his grown hair, wondering if Saya was still upset with him about the name. For the last two days he had tiptoed around her, giving her space. She had always looked so tired and weary, it even scared him a little.

The other project of building a bed was making progress. He had downloaded a book, or rather a manual, on how to build items using natural resources. It was quite interesting.

With a sigh and another careful sniff, he picked up the package and knocked at their door.

Irimsaya opened the door to the room.

"Oh... Hi Jase, what's up?" She looked pale and tired.

"I've got something for you." He smiled at her with a little shrug, being sorry for disturbing her.

"Oh? What is it?" She came out of the room to join him.

Jase looked at the package in his hands. "It's... Why don't you open it yourself?" He carried it over to the couch so she could sit down and open it without any problems. Once he helped her down he joined her and gave her a hand with it. Truth be told, Jase had never seen baby clothes before.

"Oh Jase.... where did you.. how did you... thank you so much!!"

"Citadel. Asked around and this is what I got. They're so tiny. Do they really fit into them?" He took a little shirt and held it up with a frown.

"Depending on how much they weigh when they get outta my womb then yes." Saya grinned at him.

Jase placed it onto her belly then, studying it there some more time. "This is gonna be a whole different experience."

"For all of us. Well all of us except mom that is."

"Yeah." Jase chuckled softly and nodded. "Saya, about that name."

Irimsaya shrugged a bit.

"It was a stupid name."

"It's not," he protested right away, "in fact I like it. But," he sighed, "there's something about us kids, you know. You don't go where it sounds like all is sweet and clean and nice. You get suspicious and very careful." He paused, looking at her, trying to see her reaction. "I like Eden. And it makes curious."

"Then use it if you want." Saya stated but went back to looking through the box.

"Okay." Jase replied softly and was watching her sorting through the clothes. He wondered if they would be enough for two.

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a moment and went still, her breathing harsh as if in pain.

Jase laid his hand onto her back and was watching her face.

"I've uhm.. lost track... how much longer until I give birth again...," she was panting a bit.

"I thought we had four weeks left," he frowned at her.

"Wasn't that a week ago?" She groaned. "Okay they just can't get comfortable."

"So three weeks." But judging by the never ending growth of her belly he wondered how much longer she could manage this. He was afraid she would... explode.

"Whoa! What's that?" Jase asked in horror as the couch started to become wet.

"You didn't just....," No. She wouldn't, would she.

"Uhm... Jase?" Saya looked at him with mild panic in her eyes. "My water just broke..."

"Meaning?" He looked at her, but the way she looked at him caused him to put two and two together.

"What. They're coming?" He faintly remembered that the term breaking water meant it really started and the baby would come out. No wonder she was pale, the restlessness must have been something else.

Irimsays bit her lip then gasped in pain.

"Aahhhh yes! Contractions!! Jase it HURTS!"

Jase looked at her wide eyed for a moment before he spurred in action. Whatever was going to happen now, it was happening and he wasn't really that fond of the idea to .. see her naked. He stopped that train of thought, he needed to help her. Was there still enough time to get her to a hospital? The sounds coming from her were kind of frightening, panting like a dog and whimpering in pain. He decided to call the hospital he had taken Jeff to weeks ago.

After finally having gotten hold of someone he spoke urgently and looked aghast eventually. "What? ... Are you kidding me!?" There was a longer pause and he watched Saya with concerned eyes. "No. No. I get it! Thanks." He hung up and muttered, "For nothing."

Jase leaned down to Saya and brushed her hair out of her face gently and noted she was sweaty.

"Accidents. Bad ones, no doctors or nurses available." Jase looked around quickly and decided, the couch was no place for having babies. He hurried off, not really knowing what to do but somehow his instincts told him to make a comfortable bed, which he did. The cushions from their bed were brought over to Saya's and added, then he grabbed the cushions from the couch, brought them over too, with additional blankets and a few bottles of water.

'What else? Right, the mother!' he just thought when he heard her groaning and panting in pain again. Jase went to her and scooped her up, carrying her into Saya's bedroom and placed her onto the bed. He needed to call Kaidan.

"Is this normal, does it always hurt like this?" Jase asked her worried. It was one thing to hear a dog panting in hot weather, but a human being?

Irimsaya was too consumed with pain to really notice she had even been moved. She focused on Jase's voice and could hear the mild panic in it.

"I...don't know... never been...pregnant...before..." She panted heavily. "Jase... you're going to...have to do this..."

Jase knelt down and was watching her for a few seconds before he decided, he needed at least a washcloth and a few towels too. He went, got them and placed everything onto her nightstand.

"Alright, what do you need me to do."

Breathing heavy, Saya stared at him.

"Maybe... I dunno.... deliver them?"

Jase blinked at her, that was the plan now of course.

"Yeah, okay. What should I do?"

Jase looked at his hands and somehow they felt dirty, he had the urge to wash them now, but there was another nagging thought. Babies came the way out they were being put in and his eyes landed on her pants. They were still wet and he had to get her out of them.

"Christ."

"I knew... I should have... worn a dress...today..." Saya grunted out between contractions.

Jase just shrugged and tossed the blanket onto her lap.

"Call it a first, never undressed a woman," he told her, hoping to lighten the mood a little for her. Once the pants were gone he removed her undies and tossed the clothes aside. He really wished Kaidan was here now and he quickly called them. The three of them were stuck in the traffic on the other side of town. Just his luck.

"Damn these accidents. They won't be here for another hour at least."

Irimsaya moaned at the news but at least Jase was with her. Even though his voice mildly showed his panic, it was still a soothing voice and something she could focus on - other than the incredible pain she now found herself in.

Between the next break of contractions Jase went and scrubbed his hands clean, he didn't know why, but the urge to do this was overwhelming. Then he hurried back to her and decided, her hips needed to lay a little higher, having room for when the first baby came out. And the way Saya had moved herself into position told him they both were kind of acting on animal instinct here. Jase took the washcloth and wiped her face gently with it.

"You're doing fine. We're doing this together, as always." Jase laid his hand onto her belly, feeling how hard it was getting, as if ripples of.. something were being sent through her body.

Irimsaya was now biting her lip hard enough that blood was starting to come out as another contraction hit her hard, sending ripples of pain through her belly that she was certain Jase's hand could feel.

Jase noticed this and decided biting her lip wasn't an option to consume the pain.

"Saya. Scream if you have to. Do what feels right." He took her hand in his after he risked a glance under her blanket. It was unfamiliar territory, he didn't even know what he was supposed to be looking at actually, but figured the next time he looked, he might know.

"Didn't want... to make it worse... for you..." Saya grunted out then screamed in agony.

Jase stared at her for a second then took the cloth again to clean her face.

"It's alright." He told her and just focused on her now, the world around them forgotten. Somehow he felt they settled into a routine, something they always did but here it was.. different. Jase began to breathe with her and occasionally glanced under the blanket.

"I see something." He didn't want to say more hair, but it was. More hair. When the next big one hit her he looked again and realized it wouldn't be much longer for the first one to come out. He grabbed a few towels and placed them as close to her as possible. He looked at his sister intensely.

"Saya. I think, this one, maybe another. And it's coming out."

"Okay..." Saya whispered, her voice filled with pain. She groaned and pushed as the next contraction hit hard, nearly making her pass out.

And there it was, the head came out and a shoulder showed. Jase took it, drawing it from her and it came out, making a weird sound. It was wet and everything and oh so little. There was a cord on ... _her_ belly and he frowned, should he take it off? It wasn't making any sounds and something told him to slap her a little. He did and the tiny one started to scream. As she did he quickly wrapped her into a towel.

"Hilary," he said, "it's your girl Saya."

Just then the door flew open and the room was filled with Kaidan and Hannah too. Jase sighed with relief, their timing couldn't have been any better.

Irimsaya was happy to see her husband but she couldn't hold back the next scream as another contraction hit. Kaidan rushed to her and put his arm around her shoulders gently supporting her as best he could while Hannah took Hilary from Jase so his hands were free again.

Jase saw the flurry of hands in front of him and how Hannah took care of the cord and craddled the little one to her chest then. A tiny part of his had hoped he'd be free now but at least they weren't alone anymore. The next waves hit fast and hard again, her body working powerful to get the boy out. Jase just hoped it would be over soon, not for his sake, but Saya's. He had the highest respect for her now. And Kaidan, he listened to the man's word as he whispered to her, held her hand and it was amazing to see how he worked with her as if he was helping her to push.

Then there was the head and soon the shoulder showed and he moved it out again. It was hard to believe, he knew what the fluid looked and tasted like, but that it was able to produce a tiny human being it was... hard to comprehend. How did this actually really work? He was trying hard to wrap his mind around this as he saw Hannah giving Saya little Hilary and took David from his hands, going from there. He didn't know what happened then, but Hannah pushed onto Saya's belly several times and then something else came out of her. Jase wrinkled his nose in disgust. What the hell was that? He could hear the soft voices of Saya and Kaidan, the little voices of the babies and he stared at the.. thing in front of him.

Irimsaya held the tiny lives that had just come out of her as she fought to remain conscious. Something still hurt but she didn't know what. She felt her blinks becoming longer and saw Kaidan's alarmed look as her breathing started sounding even more strained.

Kaidan was calling out her names several times, he figured she was tired but her breathing was worrying him.

Jase saw Hannah wrapping up what she called the afterbirth to carry it away. He heard her saying that it looked fine. It could only be something good. But he knew he had to stretch out Saya's legs and get the blanket over them. Which he did as he was watching Kaidan scanning her body after placing the twins next to her.

"What is it... Kaidan?"

"I don't know Jase.. she just... she's losing consciousness.. her breathing is laboured.. something's wrong." Kaidan glanced at him.

He didn't know what to do for a few seconds, then he decided in a heartbeat, "We need to get her to a hospital." Miranda was there, but ..

Kaidan shook his head.

"No point - the closest one is jammed with patients. We saw the wreck on our way back - not pretty. Her heartbeat is strong... maybe it's just from the exertion.."

"Are you sure...? It could be, was pretty rough." Jase stated, having never witnessed anything like this before.

"No, I'm not sure. We really need Miranda here..."

Jase nodded, it was better. "I'll go and get her." When leaving the room he saw Jeff sitting wearily on the couch and waiting.

"We need Miranda," he told him.

Jeff sat up straight.

"Where is she? We still have the shuttle so I can go get her fast if she's too far.."

"Hang on, let me check. It wasn't that far off." Jase pulled up his omni-tool and nodded. "Five minutes on foot, if I run." As he sent her a message right away, alerting her to get her, he wondered why he hadn't thought of consulting the tool when Saya was in labour. He figured he had been too focused on her though.

"I better hurry."

"Be careful!" Joker yelled after his mate as the other man ran from the cabin.

"Will be!" Jase yelled back, having a tiny smile on his face as he ran through the heat of the day to Miranda. He was pleased when he saw her coming towards him.

"She had the babies, is alive, but.. weak. Heartbeat's strong though."

Miranda joined him and jogged with him back towards the cabin.

"I could very well be a type of withdrawal from losing some of the implants when the children were born - how are they by the way?"

"They seem fine. Cried. Looked like humans, just tiny." He answered, dodging a pair coming out of one of the cottages. "Sorry!"

Jase looked at Miranda then, she had gotten a nice tan.

"A bit premature then. Sounds good though. Alright get me to her then."

"Follow me." Jase began jogging faster, keeping an eye on Miranda to make sure she could follow him.

"Would be easier to do if you moved faster. I'm trying **not** to pass you here.."

Jase smirked a little at her at the challenge. "Right," and sped up.

Miranda easily kept up with him, not even breaking a sweat.

"Is this all you've got??"

"Yes!" Jase cast a glance at her, he had been hurt but so had she. Only she had the better genetical pool than he had, despite receiving dna mods when he had joined the Alliance. He probably was a little rusty as well, he had to admit it. The mornings were always cool and he knew he had to go out and do daily runs now.

"This isn't about us. Saya. Twins."

"What.. you don't think I can't think about more than one thing at a time? Genetically enhanced in every aspect - remember?"

"I know. Come on, we're nearly there." Two houses and they'd be there. He just hoped everything would be fine.

Miranda ran inside with him once they arrived at the right cottage and went straight to where Saya was in her room, knowing the cabin a bit since she'd been there a couple of times.

"Commander." She nodded once to Kaidan. "How is she?"

Kaidan frowned a very little at her at the 'Commander', good news obviously traveled fast these days. Rank and everything, right now he didn't care. He wanted Saya to wake up so he could tell her how proud he was of her and their family now.

"I think she's... asleep. Heartbeat's still strong, but her breathing worries me a little. It sounds.. ragged at times."

Jase stood at the door for a while and decided to go and join Jeff. Also, he suddenly remembered the twins still had no bed and he grimaced a little. 'And what about diapers?' Jase groaned softly to himself.

Miranda went to the other side of the bed and gently put her ear against the prone woman's chest.

"Sounds like some kind of fluid in the lungs - was she sick at all in the past week? Cold, flu, allergies?"

Kaidan nodded slowly after thinking. "She had a cold, nothing serious. The doctor in the clinic said she'd be fine and the babies too."

"Never trust clinic doctors - especially ones who don't know her implants. She has a touch of pneumonia I think."

That was like a shock and Kaidan picked up one of the babies, trying to soothe it a little. "Pneumonia?! Can you help her or do we have to call a doctor?"

"Relax, Commander. She'll be okay, we caught it in time don't worry."

Kaidan nodded at her and cradled the baby carefully, rocking it gently in his arms. For a second he glanced at Hannah who was carrying around the other one.

Hannah smiled at him.

"You two make beautiful babies, Kaidan."

Kaidan gave her a soft smile. It was still hard to believe they were finally out and he could look at them. Carefully he moved the towel a little bit aside to see which one of the babies he was carrying around.

"Oh, I have little David. Doesn't she have to feed them soon? Can she do it with pneumonia?" And they needed a bath and fresh clothes, a place to sleep and diapers. Now Kaidan was glad that everytime he could get a few he had brought them along. Having twins made the need for them even worse.

"They will need to eat as soon as they can. And I don't think the pneumonia will bother them greatly since it's such a small case of it." Miranda spoke up and turned to them.

Kaidan sighed softly and gave her one of his nice smiles. "Thank you, Miranda. That gives me hope, a lot actually."

"I thought it might." She smiled at him. "I'm going to go and see if I can procure some supplies for all of you. If you need me just comms me."

"Thank you again, Miranda. Thank you." Kaidan's attention was then fully on his newborn son.

As soon as Miranda came out of the room Jase caught her.

"Miranda, got a minute for me?"

"Of course Jase, anything for any of you." Miranda watched him with a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry," Jase apologized, "just got a question for you. We're planning on opening a shelter for children. You could join us, if you wanted to."

Miranda's eyes softened considerably at the thought.

"I'm honoured to even be thought of for it. And I would be delighted to accept the offer."

"Then," he walked to her and held out his hand, "welcome aboard project _Eden_." As soon as she took his hand he drew her into a hug and even placed a gentle kiss onto her cheek, just like he had done years ago to Ashley. Those kisses were extremely rare for him, aside of giving one to Saya from time to time.

Miranda hugged him back gently, delighted at the small kiss he gave her cheek.

"Thank you Shepard. I'll be back in a little while - we need some supplies I think for all of us."

"That's right. Got her some baby clothes but that's been all. Thanks Miranda. Talk to you soon."

Once she was gone Jase sighed deeply and scratched his head. What a day.

"So which one came out first?" Joker broke the silence in the room, wanting some details.

Jase turned around to look at him. "Uh.. Hilary. It was Hilary." He answered him with a smile and shook his head a little.

Joker allowed himself a smile.

"Hilary... I'm glad." Though his eyes held unshed tears.

Jase went to him and sat down next to him. "Hey, come here."

Joker forced himself to smile again.

"I'm okay, honest. Just.. it'll be hard for the first little while."

After laying his arm around his shoulder Jase was watching him for a while. "Yeah. I know." Jase leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Any luck with a place for us?"

"Actually Saya found a place last night that she thought you might like. Tonnes of space too. And has beach access." Joker handed Jase a pad with the details.

Jase scratched his brow when watching Jeff digging through the datapad and he took it then, reading it. It was huge and nearly sounded too good to be true, but it was real. The price tag for it was as real too.

"Wow. Incredible. House big enough for all of us to live in. A garden and three smaller houses.. nice. Awesome, even." Jase scrolled through some more, looking at the pictures from inside the houses.

"And some furniture in it as well. Great. Sounds good."

Jase put it away and was watching Jeff then again before he drew him into a hug. For some weird reason he felt the need to cuddle a lot suddenly.

"Weeeeelll..." Joker snuggled in. "I'm really glad you think so. It's already ours."

"What? Really?" Jase looked at him as best he could. "That's why you wanted to go hunting again today?"

Joker chuckled mischeviously.

"And you fell for it."

"Yeah, because I trust you." Jase chuckled and leaned in to give him a kiss.

Joker kissed him back passionately.

"Well I hope you like it when you see it. Saya thought it would be perfect and when I saw it in person I thought so too - especially since you and her think a lot alike."

Jase rested his head onto his and closed his eyes, sighing softly and deeply.

"I can't wait to see it. This is like a dream coming true. After all this time."

"Good, your sister will love to hear that."

Jase smiled a little at this and stayed like this for a while, mulling over the events of the day.  


Kaidan was still rocking little David in his arms, he brought him up higher and kissed the little forehead carefully. Now that he had been bathed by Hannah, he smelled even better and the skin was so soft. He had been afraid the baby would break when she had handled the bathing, but her hands moved with such confidence, it had caused him to relax easily. It was good to have her here. For a moment he thought about messaging his parents, letting them know they just had become grandparents, but when Hannah had placed little David back into his arms these thoughts were forgotten.

Kaidan went back to the bed and sat down. The bundle wasn't heavy, but his muscles weren't used to it yet. Resting him half on his knees was making it easier, and he really didn't want to risk anything. He carefully caressed the little cheek with the tip of his index finger. Just then a tiny hand came up and took hold of his finger, not even covering the half of it.

Irimsaya's eyes were open and she smiled a little.

"I think he likes you.." She whispered.

Kaidan turned to look at her and was beaming with pride and something else.

"Hey...," he smiled at her and moved, getting closer to give her a kiss.

"I'm so proud of you. Look at him...," he carefully placed little David into her arms.

Irimsaya held him gently, a small smile on her lips.

"He has your eyes..."

"Has he?" Kaidan asked and carefully moved closer to her. He cuddled up and laid his arm around her, hoping she'd get a little more comfortable. He absolutely enjoyed the silence that came with just lying there and eyeing their newborn.

"Your mom's bathing Hilary," he whispered, giving her another kiss, "you did an incredible job. How are you feeling?"

"Very very tired.. and sore... and having issues breathing right... are they hungry?"

Kaidan nodded and replied softly while watching David, "Miranda said you have a touch of pneumonia and yes, they are."

"Oh.. goody.. okay well let's get them fed so I can rest some more.."

Kaidan hummed a soft, "Yes," and helped her with her clothes. Just as she started to feed David, Hannah came to them, carrying Hilary who smelled freshly bathed, and placed her into Kaidan's waiting free arm. Hannah sat down with them for a moment and watched them with a smile.

"So how's it feel to be a grandma, mom?" Saya asked quietly, staring at the other tiny body in Kaidan's arms as she fed David.

"As good as I felt when I had you. Though, it shows I'm getting older, too." Hannah sighed alittle but had a smile on her face.

"You're only as old as you feel mom, never forget that."

Hannah chuckled softly, not wanting to wake up Hilary. "Yes and I feel remarkably good."

Irimsaya grinned at then then rested her head back against the piled up pillows as David finally finished his first meal.

"He's done I think.."

Hannah got up and took him gently from her. Kaidan gave Saya another kiss and smile and helped his wife to get Hilary onto the other breast. Hannah placed a towel on Kaidan's shoulder and then laid David carefully on it.

"Now pat him gently on his little back and wait until he burbs."

Kaidan nodded and nuzzled the little head gently, giving him tiny kisses while doing what she told him.

Irimsaya tried not to chuckle in delight at the tiny little burp that came from Kaidan's shoulder.

"I think he's going to end up doing anything you ask him to Kaidan."

Kaidan chuckled softly at this and was watching the small face and a little yawn came then. "Oh I think he's tired," he whispered and kept rubbing the little back gently. With his other hand he reached over and gave Saya a caress on her face.

"I'm happy."

"Hmm not as happy as me. But where will they sleep? Jase didn't get to finish the bed for them..."

"Well, how about here, with us, until it's finished then?" He looked a little bewildered though, he was so damn happy he didn't know how to express it.

But something about his idea made Saya pause, some kind of instinct kicking in.

"No, that's not safe for them.."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "How about we build like a little safe zone and I sleep on the ground until it's ready?" He was guessing maybe two days if they were working together. And then, their vacation time was over as well.

"Oh... uhm... well if that's what you think is best.." Which was unfortunate because she really felt the urge to have him hold her.

Kaidan shrugged, "I don't know... I'm just guessing. I could help him and maybe it's ready soon. What would you do?"

"I don't know... I guess what you said." In truth she was too tired to try to think of any other solutions.

"Right now the babies are just fine where they are, in your arm Kaidan. And I have a free arm too and their uncles surely wouldn't mind holding them for a while as well." Hannah said, taking little Hilary from her to let her burp as she was done eating. "And you my dear should sleep now and rest."

Irimsaya looked at her mother then nodded slightly.

"Won't say no to that... feel so tired.."

Kaidan decided to stay around with her after Hannah had left with Hilary and David. He helped her to lay down better and wanted to stay for at least a while. At some point she would be hungry as well and he hoped they'd have some food available for her then.

"I love you." Kaidan whispered to her.

"I love you more." Saya whispered as she slowly closed her eyes.

Kaidan smiled softly and shook his head and cuddled her close, watching her sleep.  


Jase stood up when Hannah emerged from the room with the twins, he went to her and took one carefully from her, afraid to hurt it.

"Is she alright?" he asked while watching the little one in his arm. He walked over to show the baby to Jeff.

"She's sleeping. The whole thing has exhausted her. That's little Hilary you have there Jase." Hannah stated softly.

Joker was staring at the baby in Jase's arms in wonder.

With a nod Jase placed the baby into Jeff's arms, wondering how Hannah could already tell them apart.

"Not surprised, she was in a lot of pain."

Joker held her as if he were holding something that might break with any move.

"She's so tiny.."

Jase nodded, watching him with the little girl. He had some weird thoughts going on suddenly. Jeff and holding a baby just felt so right. But there were other, more pressing matters.

"They need their bed, I should go and build it."

"Won't it take a couple of days??"

"Yeah," he nodded with a sigh, considering he never had build anything like this before as well. But he was smart and had a hand with tools. "Can scratch that plan huh... maybe try and find something else instead."

"Ya think?" Joker smiled at Jase.

Jase laughed softly, "Well. I'll find something and then build the beds. Be back in .. a bit." Jase winked at him, gave him a kiss and touched Hilary's nose a kiss too and left. The kids needed a bed.

Miranda returned awhile later with several bags and Liam helping her. She smiled at Joker.

"I didn't think you'd mind me borrowing your Geth friend for our excursion. He came in rather handy."

"I'll bet he did." Joker responded with a grin, eager to see what she had managed to find.

Hannah walked around the room, gently rocking David in her arms.

"Oh Ms. Lawson, this is really nice of you. Liam, I thank you too." She looked curiously at her findings. "Saya and Jase are lucky to have you." And Hannah knew her history.

"I actually feel that it's the other way around Admiral. I am lucky and grateful to have fallen into their circle of friends. They have saved me from more than just myself."

Hannah smiled at her and said. "You're a lovely young woman." Then she peaked a little at the bags, seeing a blanket looming out.

"Oh, yes, I knew the bed wasn't complete so I brought several blankets. Well for them and for the shelter Jase wishes to create. I was able to, surprisingly, find and order many supplies we might need."

"Yes, very thoughtful of you. The Alliance has been working hard to rebuild facilities and restore trading routes. It can only get better from here on." She was watching Miranda now. "Ms. Lawson, saving you from yourself was only a small part on their side, the rest you had to do yourself. One doesn't change because of others only."

"Oh I wouldn't say that.." Miranda turned as Jase returned through the same door she just entered with. "Welcome back Commander."

Jase put down the big package he was carrying and nodded at her, "Miranda. It's just Jase. I see you were busy too." He eyed the bags she had brought. "What have you got?"

"I managed to find some food, medicine, blankets and a few other supplies that might be needed as well as I set up a supply contact so we can get anything we need as fast as possible."

"That's nice. Good work Miranda." Jase bent down and moved the package around. "Found a bed. It's just for one baby but I figured it's better than nothing right now." Jase knelt down and opened it and pointed at the couch.

"By the way people, I bought that couch. It's coming with us when we move to the place Saya bought."

Joker started snickering a little.

"You just want it for sentimental reasons." He grinned broadly at the other man.

Jase flashed him a smile as he placed all the items aside, getting ready to build the bed. "You got it, Jeff."

Joker laughed a little more then winced as it set Hilary crying.

"Oh oh oh shhh shh I'm sorry I'm so so sorry.."

Jase watched him trying to calm down Hilary, he had no idea what to suggest and was a little surprised when Hannah went over to give him advice. Jase then sorted the items and made sure everything needed was there and started to build it.

"You know Jeff, you'd make a good dad too."

"Me?? I just set the baby crying!"

Jase just gave him a look. Mistakes were going to happen and he himself filed it away as lesson learned. But the sight of Jeff holding a baby was a nice one.

"You calmed her down just fine too."

Joker shook his head a bit.

"I don't know Jase... I don't know.."

Jase set two pieces together and began working on the next while glancing at Jeff from time to time. Occasionally he was looking at Miranda and Hannah who seemed to be discussing something, but he wasn't paying attention. It wasn't that important anymore.

"Had a chat with Admiral Anderson today." Jase said as he started to finish up the bed.

"Oh yeah and how'd that go?" Joker raised an eyebrow, wishing he'd been there.

Jase shrugged and placed the bed on its four legs, studying it. It was small, but would do he figured. With a sigh he leaned back a little.

"They want to give me a goddam medal. And with this, they asked me to stay in the Alliance. Told them about our project."

Joker listened and nodded silently.

"Okay and what'd they say about the project?"

"Approved of it. Said I could send them promising candidates. They even consider funding it a little." Jase crossed his arms, watching him.

"Really? They'd do that for us?"

"Yeah. They hate losing me, now they do." Jase snorted a little, of course now they would. "They hate losing you too, Anderson wants to talk to you about it as well."

"Forget it. If they can't treat you right then I'm not sticking around."

Jase snorted again, he wasn't very angry about it, but still.

"I'm good enough to pose for their vids and posters to bring in new people. As long as I'm doing this, I'll get some credits. For this I'm staying with the Alliance." He sighed. "You know, I was all for the Alliance, loyal and everything. I just ... can't leave like this. As long as it gets us help and the shelter profits from it, I'll play along." Jase paused, watching him rocking Hilary.

"Anderson figured as much already, didn't have to tell him. He's sending you a shuttle, you just have to have a chat with him."

Joker saw Jase watching the baby.

"You want to hold her for a bit? To be honest my arms are cramping.."

Jase quickly stood up and took the little one from his arms. When he did so, he gave Jeff a smile and sat down next to him. He took a few careful sniffs at the baby.

"Do babies always smell so good?" he wondered aloud. Jeff smelled good, as did their mother. Hell, even Kaidan smelled good and Saya. But the baby... it was different. How could something so little smell so good?

"I honestly wouldn't know.. I've never even held one before to be honest."

Trying to find an answer from their mother, Jase looked around and realized they were alone. He could hear some chatter coming from outside and it sounded like Hannah was talking to Miranda. Jase focused back on Jeff.

"Not even your sister? You were.. 16. Same age like..." He stopped, not wanting to remind him of his special friend. The bastard. Jase couldn't believe how anyone could even consider beating up someone like Jeff. Drugged or not.

Joker shook his head a bit.

"They were always afraid she might accidentally hurt me so until she was old enough to understand that she had to be careful with me, I had to keep a little distance."

Jase frowned a little and studied little Hilary. How could she hurt Jeff like this? The baby was too little to even break him a bone, he figured. He let it go though.

"Okay." The baby moved a bit in his arms and she had his full attention again. "Hard to believe we were all so little." Jase said with a soft smile.

Joker watched him with Hilary.

"Yeah.. especially you." He teased.

Jase chuckled softly at this. "Yeah thanks. I wanna see you as a kid too, you know."

"Oh trust me you don't. I was awkward and clumsy and kept breaking my bones."

"Jeff....," Jase figured he knew he was better than this. No matter what, he would love to see what he looked like as a child.

"I'd love to show you pictures but everything was on Arcturus."

"Damn. Not stored in your extra net account?" Jase sighed and rubbed his one eye before he gently caressed Hilary's belly again.

Joker watched him with a small smile.

"You really are good with her."

Jase gave him a smile. "Thanks. Guess she's already wrapped me around her little finger."

Joker laughed.

"Ohhh yeah she does!"

Jase laughed then softly and looked down at her again. "One of the few women who are allowed to." He replied and looked up when the door to Saya's bedroom opened. From outside he could hear a voice starting to wail and soon Hilary joined as well.

Kaidan left their room silently then winced when he heard the wailing.

"Crap... they'll wake her... what's wrong?"

Jase shrugged, how was he supposed to know? Hannah came inside with David and sniffed at him. Jase's eyebrows rose and he wondered... he picked up Hilary the same way his mother had and did the same.

"Eww! Alright, I take it back. Babies can smell awful too."

"Here, I can take her." Kaidan held his arms out. "I need to learn to do this."

Jase handed the little one over to her daddy. "Sure. I need to learn this, too," he replied and added quickly, "If you don't mind." Jase rubbed his neck, maybe they'd feel uncomfortable with this, but then he'd seen more of Saya than he'd ever wanted to know as well.

"Sure, the more hands that know how to do this the better. Especially since Saya is sick." Kaidan let Jase go with him, aware of Hannah following with David.

Jase grabbed the bed and brought it with him into their bedroom. Then he tiptoed after Kaidan into the bathroom. Once inside he looked at Kaidan and made room for Hannah as she stepped inside after them and closed the door.

"How's she doing?"

"Saya? I don't know, Miranda said the pneumonia isn't bad but to listen to her breathe.. it just sounds wrong, you know?"

Jase nodded at Kaidan when he said this. He studied his face for a while until Hannah adressed them to watch and learn.

"She screamed a good deal, might have worsened it a little. As soon as the hospital's have cleared up we take her to a Doctor. And once the babies are in fresh diapers I'll get us all something to eat."

Kaidan paled and he looked at Jase. He hadn't known about the screaming - she had been fine once he and Hannah had arrived.

"She... she was screaming?"

Shit, he shouldn't have mentioned it to him, he thought.

"Guess you didn't read the manual either on 'How to give birth, 101'. She was biting her lip, trying not to. What was I supposed to do, bring her something to bite down onto? Told her to let it out." Jase shrugged and continued.

"As soon as she did, she was pushing more powerful. I like to think that saved some time."

Kaidan thought he was going to be sick. Now he wished more than ever that he had been there right from the start.

"I should have been here sooner..."

Jase thought if he was handling this as bad already, he would have passed out instead, or something. He didn't mention it though.

"Boys, believe me when I tell you, I was screaming murder in labor. She's just coming after her own mother. As much as screaming in frustration helps, screaming when giving birth is more powerful." Hannah was watching them and went on to explain. "You might feel scared by it but for the woman in question, it's pure relief."

"Like pressing something big out?" Jase asked thoughtfully and wrinkled his nose at the smell coming from the babies.

"Yes." Hannah just answered.

"How did Saya's father take it? When you were screaming like that? Because I'm not sure I would have been able to - I love her too much to hear her in pain like that." Kaidan made a face as the smell hit his nose.

Hannah laughed softly at their reaction and smiled at Kaidan.

And Jase stood there, wondering about the kind of screaming Saya had done. It hadn't been pure with pain, instead he knew something else had been in it. Determination, knowing what was happening and wanting to get the child out and to see it. Little Hilary was put into fresh diapers and soon she found her way into Jase's arms. Then she took care of David.

"Kaidan. You might try on David, he's a little bigger." She said, before she continued to answer his question.

"Her father was nervous, asking all kind of questions, wanting to know every detail on what was going on. He was driving me insane and I had to tell him to leave me alone for a while." She laughed softly. "When the real contractions hit, he was at my side, held my hand and kept encouraging me. Through my screaming. He told me I had a _wonderful_ voice."

Kaidan moved over to where Hannah was with David and made a face as he started the process she had shown them.

"Okay this is one aspect of parenting I hadn't thought of.." As he considered Hannah's other words about when she gave birth to his wife.

Hannah gave him another soft laugh.

"With time, you'll get used to it. And Kaidan, you won't want them to lie in it for too long or their skin becomes red and raw. Because you're a loving father, I know this will not happen at all. Right now they're easy to handle. When they cry, they either want to be fed, need a change or their belly aches. Or they just want to be held by their mommy or daddy."

Kaidan hoped he could remember all this.

"I'm glad you're here Hannah... you have no idea how glad I am."

Once done she placed David into Kaidan's arms and rubbed his arm gently.

"That's what grandma's are there for, Kaidan. We can share all our memories and experience with you. And if we're lucky, our children come to us and say, 'You were right mom, now I understand.'" She chuckled softly, her mother had told her the same.

Kaidan carefully held the tiny bundle in his arms then grinned at Hannah.

"Well I know I couldn't do this without you."

"Mmmh, I wouldn't be so sure about this. You're doing fine, young man." She winked at him a little and left the room with them. Hannah was glad to see the bed standing there and so far everything really important was already in it. She carefully placed David into and went to retrieve a blanket. While she was doing that Jase laid Hilary next to David and he stood there, watching them.

"Cute."

"You say that now... Wait until they're hungry." Joker spoke up from the sofa.

Jase turned to look at him. "You're cute, too. Even when you're hungry," he teased him.

"Cute?? Cute?? Me??"

Jase sniggered softly at this and walked to him. He stood there, pretending to study him.

"Yes. Cute, handsome, sweet. Mmh. Yeah. Definitely sweet, too."

Joker stared at him in surprise.

"How much sugar have you had today? Because you are being a lot sweeter than usual..."

Jase licked his lips a little and gave him a quirky grin.

"Just breakfast. Not to mention hot and sexy. Erm, yeah." He coughed a little.

"Oh good grief you two." Miranda spoke up. "Get a room. There are children present now." She motioned her head at the babies.

"They're asleep," Jase pointed out, thinking Miranda was just jealous. He gave Jeff another wink, the breakfast had been pretty nice and the sugar he had gotten from Jeff...well. Jase left the room with a chuckle.

"We need some food." He said when he was at the door, "Be back soon."

"Alright and Jase - thanks for everything." Kaidan smiled at his brother-in-law.

Jase gave him just a grin and then he was gone, getting some food for them. By the time he was back he really hoped he got to see the area and their new home anytime soon, since they had to leave the cottage in two days.

Irimsaya was standing on the porch waiting for him as he came up the path, Hilary in her arms as David wanted his father to change him again.

"There's our favourite uncle."

"Oh hey, look who's awake." Jase walked to her, clearly surprised and had a big smile on his face. Once he reached Saya he leaned in, giving her a kiss first and then Hilary. Then he looked at Saya, having a few questions but started with the most important.

"How are you feeling?"

"Still a bit.. off. Miranda told me about the pneumonia, but I couldn't stay in bed anymore. Jeff told you what I did?"

Jase laid his arm around her after placing the bags onto the porch and went on to watching Hilary.

"Yes. It looks great! Don't know what to say, aside of thank you, sis."

"I'm just glad you like it!" Relief flooded her voice. "I was so nervous when I bought it. And the people who sold it to me said they'd like to stay on as groundskeepers if you'll have them."

Jase chuckled softly and shrugged a little. "Okay, Jeff hadn't told me about this detail. I'm open minded though. Still have to see it. Day's been pretty busy." He nudged her a little.

Saya blushed at that.

"Yeeah sorry about that by the way. But you did a real good job."

Jase shrugged and stared off at the ocean, answering amused, "I have fond memories of it now."

Irimsaya carefully, bundle of joy in hand, sat down on the steps. She didn't have the energy to stay standing for too long.

"Then I'm happy for that."

Jase frowned a little and sat down with her then. After fishing a sandwich out of the bag he handed it to her.

"Kaidan's constant thinking is apparently contagious. Because, I've been thinking all the time since last week. It was... a miracle. Special."

"And I am so very grateful you were able to be a part of it Jase."

Jase turned to look at her. "You have no idea what this meant to me. No, you do. Taking a life is so easy at times. But getting one of those...," he reached over to gently caress the little head. "Creating one of them and bringing them into the world. There are no words."

Irimsaya grinned when Hilary smiled at Jase's touch.

"Oh yes she definitely likes you."

"Yeah, it's mutual. Funny how quickly you fall in love with them." He answered, watching Hilary.

Hilary cood and her eyes were on him, as if she knows his voice.

"Well... you want to hold her while I eat this? I think she wants you anyway."

"Sure, can't have you starving. Come here little one." Jase carefully took her and started talking with her, despite Hilary's sleepy form, he chuckled softly when she yawned at him.

"She's cute. Does she have your eyes? Looked like blue."

"I think it's a mix of mine and Kaidan's to be honest - his are deep brown and mine are so light that people think they're purple sometimes - a light purple."

Jase was watching the baby some more and looked then at Saya, watching her eat, before he looked back down to Hilary.

"She's yours and Kaidan's. Precious. That's all what matters." He laughed softly when she grabbed his finger and held onto it.

Chuckling softly at the sight, Irimsaya finished the food that Jase had given her.

"Thanks for that Jase, I needed it."

He looked at her, giving her another smile. "Didn't do anything. Got a whole lot of additional respect for you though."

"What? Why?"

"I'm glad I'm a guy. Can't think of carrying a child and giving birth. Would be traumatizing. You're a lot stronger than I am. And for this I respect you even more."

"Jase, you're a sweet man. Don't let anyone ever tell you different. And I respect you even more too."

"Sweet huh," he smiled at her, figuring today was the day of smiles. "Jeff asked me how much sugar I had for the breakfast. Anyway, let me ask you the same: why."

"You delivered two babies and you had no idea what you were doing - and you didn't panic like a lot of people would have."

Jase laughed then and shook his head. "Alright. I did panic."

"Really? Because I honestly couldn't see it."

"Good. Means I got the job done right. No one ever teaches you how to deliver a baby, let alone two. There wasn't a course to take anywhere in my career." He shrugged and looked at her.

Irimsaya just smiled at him then leaned over and kisses his cheek gently.

"Thank you."

Jase smiled at her and leaned his head against hers for a moment, rubbing her arm gently. "Could sit here all day. Ready to go inside? Hey, I bought that couch."

"I'm glad you did, Jeff likes it too much to leave it I think. As for going inside.. yeah probably a good idea..."

"I'm not sure if he knows your water broke on it." Jase started laughing, but quickly caught himself, remembering how Jeff had startled the baby.

Irimsaya laughed quietly.

"I won't tell if you won't!"

Jase kept chuckling softly, "I won't, I won't. But he's smart."

"Mmmh yes a little too smart at times."

"That's why I love him. You had a good eye with him." Jase cuddled Hilary closer, carefully caressing her little fingers.

"And you had a good eye for a lot of things Jase. A lot of things." A smile played at her lips as she watched Jase with Hilary. "She's not even a day old and she's already in love with you."

"Mh. I've broken a few hearts here and there. But hers, no. It won't ever happen."

"It better not... otherwise you get to answer to her mother *and* her father..."

Jase shook his head a little. He wouldn't dare at all. "I'm glad we can sit here and talk."

"So am I.. I think I needed this."

Jase patted her knee gently. "The babies are here, now we can talk like we used to."

"Promises promises..." Saya chuckled at him. "But honestly... I'm glad we can. I've missed it too much."

He gave her another smile and nodded. "I know you missed it. You had enough to worry about though."

Saya kissed his cheek gently.

"I've missed my brother."

Jase closed his eyes at the kiss, he loved it when she did this. "He's coming back. Still somewhat unstable emotionally, but mentally a lot better. How about you, any scars left from the last few months?"

"Too many to count Jase. Way too many."

He nodded at her after a while. "I'm here for you when you want to talk. Like we used to. And if you need me, just ask." Jase looked at the bag with the sandwiches. The others were surely hungry but he enjoyed talking to Saya.

"Okay, enough for you? You look worn out. Would love to talk some more, but several hours ago she was still in you." Jase looked at Hilary once more.

"Hard to believe she's grown in you. A new life, coming out of your body. And David too."

Irimsaya was struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Hmmm we better get this food into the others then."

Jase carefully got up, balancing Hilary in his arms.

"Come on, let me help you." He gave her a hand to get her onto her feet. "Can you take her? Bag's heavier than Hilary."

"Of course I can." Saya gently took Hilary from Jase's arms and was delighted when the little open opened her eyes a little bit to smile at her. "She really is tiny..."

Jase took the bag and looked at them with a soft smile. "Weren't we all? Suppose twins are smaller though, room and all."

Irimsaya let him lead her into the cabin and she raised her eyebrows when she heard David coo and Hilary make a responding coo.

"Now that was interesting."

Jase listened too, having an amused look on his face. This would become very interesting, even more when they were getting older. They surely were in for something. Jase grabbed a chair and sat down, leaving the more comfortable spot on the couch for Saya. He looked into the round and announced, "Food's here."

Jase's eyes fell onto Kaidan, who was carrying David, then they lingered on Jeff and he gave him a smile. The room was filled with soft chatter now and people unwrapping their sandwiches. Jase took one himself and kept stealing glances at Jeff while he silently ate. The day had taken some interesting turns, including throwing two new lovely little lives at them. The time for celebrating this would come, but not today. He knew he'd fall into his bed and right now he was thinking about what Saya and he had spoken about it. It hadn't been a lot, but there were a few things said between the lines. She probably was just very tired though, understandably.

Jeff moved quickly and suddenly, putting his sandwich on the table and grabbing Hilary from Saya's arms as the woman started to drift off to sleep. He knew between the pneumonia and giving birth that his poor Commander must be utterly exhausted. He held Hilary gently as he resumed eating with his free hand.

Jase smiled at Jeff as he did this and nodded at him his thanks. Then he got up and got her a light blanket, wrapping it around her for the time until she'd awake. Kaidan still had little David in his arms and Jase saw him watching Saya in concern, but she just looked exhausted.

"So what does everyone have planned for the rest of the day?" Miranda asked in a quiet voice, not wanting to wake Saya.

"Stroll on the beach, or even a swim. Anything on your mind, Miranda?" Jase figured if he was going to swim, Jeff would most likely want to join him.

"I'll stay with Saya and the babies." Kaidan announced softly and Jase nodded at him.

"I have a few things to do but they can all be done in here. So I'll be around if I'm needed." Miranda responded.

Jase gave her a nod, she sounded even lonely and was apparently glad to have some company.

"Sure, why not."

"Thank you Shepard."

"So... someone mentioned swimming... when??" Joker grinned at Jase.

Jase shrugged at her, it wasn't a problem at all and then returned the grin to Jeff.

"Now?"

"I'll go get my trunks!" But he paused and looked at Hilary. "Or not.."

Hannah came and sat down next to him as there was still room to take the baby from his arms. "Grandma's are there for a reason. Go, enjoy yourselves."

Joker grinned broadly at her then kissed her cheek and got up to go and get his swim trunks.

Jase followed him into their room as he needed his trunks too and a few towels were also good to have. There on the spot he got changed right away and was watching Jeff, the man really was eager to get his swims. Jase remembered years ago Chakwas had advised him to get Jeff more into the water. He gave him a smile.

Joker leaned over and kissed Jase.

"I'm proud of you, you know."

Jase grinned sheepishly and wondered why.

"Okay. Thanks, but why?"

"Are you seriously asking that? After all you've done in the past and now today?"

He was going to reply it's what he'd been trained for and people expected it from him. But then he shrugged instead and scratched his head. No one ever really had said this to him, or it had been said way too rare, right now he couldn't remember the last time. He was sure Hannah had said it once though.

"Jeff. Thanks. Thank you."

Joker was watching him to see how it would be taken and he was glad when he got the response that he did.

"You're very welcome love."

Jase raised his eyebrow a little at the word 'love' but he gave him a smile and grabbed Jeff's butt gently, teasing him.

"After the swim, I'm done for today."

Joker actually giggled when his butt was grabbed.

"Jase, now behave or we'll never get to the water.."

He wouldn't mind to stay inside, but Jase knew how much it helped him to swim. Instead he gave him a gentle kiss and nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go tiger. We can play later."

"Ohhhh a play time. Is that a promise?" Joker grinned broadly.

Jase chuckled, "Like hell it is." Before they would start anything more serious, Jase opened the door for them. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to go swimming soon. And a swim in the evening was really nice. When he left their bedroom, he stifled a soft yawn though.

But he couldn't fool Joker.

"If you're that tired we can wait until tomorrow for this, I'd rather you get the rest you need.."

"Naah, I'll be fine. Have had worse, much worse." Jase smiled a little at him and took his hand instead to lead him outside.  


It was the next day when Saya finally found she had the strength to stand again and hold her children. Still, it seemed like it had been someone else who had given birth to the two babes she now called her angels. They were both so tiny and yet they had a kind of presence around them that was hard to explain. As if any time one of them was brought into the room, everyone there had to stop and look to see what was going on. 

One thing was definitely certain in Saya's mind though, these two babies would never lack in protectors. Even Miranda had a hard time staying away from them and Liam.. well Liam seemed to think it was his responsibility to make sure everything was okay with them. Whenever one of them started to cry, the Geth was on the alert and looking around for danger. That was the one thing that made Irimsaya feel the safest. Knowing that a *Geth* of all things was willing to protect her children from harm.

Irimsaya stayed seated on the couch that morning, watching Liam hover over the bed Jase had made, watching Hilary and David as a loyal pet would watch over their master.

Jase came through the door, looking all sweaty and announced he was going to take a shower. Just then Kaidan came from their bedroom and rubbed his hair dry, having had his own. Once he was satisfied enough, he had a look at the twins and smiled at them as he went on to go to Saya.

Irimsaya had the light blanket wrapped around her shoulders again, feeling a bit chilly despite the sunny and warm weather.

"Have a good shower sweetie?"

"Yes," Kaidan leaned down to give her a kiss. "I should go and start packing our things for tomorrow. Don't want to start too late. But, first I'll just sit down with you and warm you a little."

Irimsaya smiled at him as he joined her.

"Hilary and David should wake soon to get their breakfast... but I wouldn't mind a little warming session to be honest."

Kaidan let her cuddle closer while he laid his arm around her.

"Is your milk enough for two babies to feed?"

"They seem to think it is. At least for now.."

Kaidan rubbed her arm gently and gave her a smile. "I think that's very good. There's nothing better for them than your milk. I have finally messaged mom. I sent her a picture too, she's very happy and told me to give you a hug from her."

"These two are going to have the best family ever.. How is your dad doing did she say?"

"He is fine, considering everything he had gone through. Dad's happy to know this was his real last fight though, he doesn't want to experience something like this again. I'm glad they still have each other, they aren't getting any younger."

"None of us are.. sadly." She snuggled closer against him. "I just hope our children never have to experience anything like that.."

"I hope so too. But I like to think they won't. No first contact war, no reaper war. The Rachni seem to behave as well and the Krogan get along with the rest of our galaxy. We might be in for a bright future. At least for a good while." He smiled at her then and kissed Saya's hair again.

"Have you been sleeping alright between feeding them? Every two hours must be straining on you."

"Mmm you have no idea. I feel like I could just sleep all day to be honest with you. And I don't know if it's the every 2 hour feeding time or the pneumonia."

"I would think both. Please take it easy and let us do the rest of the work. I can change them, too."

Irimsaya reached up and patted his face gently.

"You are going to be the best dad ever."

Kaidan smiled into the touch at first which changed into a quirky grin. "We're together in this, remember?"

Saya laughed quietly.

"That we are my husband, that we are indeed."

Kaidan stayed with her for some more time until he whispered to her, "And if you need to take a nap over the day, don't be afraid to do it. I'll be here and.. well, watching over our family."

"Hmmm except you want to start packing too." Irimsaya replied softly.

"I can pack and you can sleep. The doors are open and I'm in earshot. And someone has to do it and I wouldn't want you to pack our things. You need to rest my love."

"Hmm won't argue with you on that front Kaidan. But if you need something you better tell me."

"And I will, I promise." But Kaidan knew he wouldn't bug her if it wasn't really important. She needed to rest and he could see it all the time. Once when she was better, he figured, she could spend a lot more time with the babies too.

Hilary made an odd sound from the crib which was echoed by David a few seconds later.

Kaidan straightened up to have a better view at them. "Already chatting, I see." He shook his head with an amused grin. "Makes me wonder if they've spoken to each other in your belly too."

"Oh I'm sure they did... actually I'm positive they did. I don't know how or why I know that but I just do.."

Kaidan chuckled softly. "Alright, I'll go and start. We came as two people and leave as four." Before he got up, he gave her another kiss. "Rest a little, mmh?"

"Oh I don't think I'll argue those orders - Commander." Saya couldn't help but grin at that.

"Haha.. yes. Commander. Thank you my dear wife. I love it when you're teasing me."

Irimsaya chuckled softly then lied down on the couch, letting herself drift in and out of consciousness.

Kaidan tiptoed around, he knew she was in a different room but still. He didn't want to disturb or wake any of the three. Their clothes weren't that many, but adding the baby stuff made it difficult and he even had to stuff and use every space there was. Eventually he sighed and glared at the last bag. As advanced as they were, couldn't they invent some kind of space saving magical suitcase? Just something? He placed their case along the wall and out of the way, bag next to it. Most of it was done. Five weeks. And seven weeks since London. Time was clearly flying. Tomorrow they would move to their new home.

Kaidan left the room quietly and checked up on his family.

Irimsaya was sitting up again, staring at the bed the twins were in, confusion in her eyes.

Kaidan looked instantly worried when he saw her face. "What's wrong?" he whispered, not sure if they were asleep or not.

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"I was sleeping... I thought.. I don't know.. maybe I dreamed it.."

Kaidan was confused. "What happened?"

Irimsaya looked as if she were trying to piece it together.

"Something woke me... it was... weird. Like I was needed..."

"Uhm, yes. And what happened next?" He looked at the twins, they seemed to be asleep and fine. "Someone came in here?"

"No... no nobody came in. I don't know. Kaidan I don't know. It was the twins, something.. I don't know!"

Kaidan blinked a little at her and wanted to calm her down when another voice asked the same.

"Something wrong? You two look a bit stressed." Jase said, standing there with damp hair, rubbing his head.

Irimsaya turned to him and told him what she told Kaidan.

"Something or someone woke me and I don't know who or what."

Jase and Kaidan looked at each other and Jase saw the man was worried. Saya looked worried, confused and angry. Picking up on the mood change in their mother, the twins started to cry and Kaidan sighed softly, picking up one and handing the baby to Saya.

Jase found they were lucky their voices sounded even pleasant, not too high pitched to cause the ears to hurt. His eyes were following Kaidan who picked up the second one and rocked it gently in his arms. Jase brought up his omni-tool, just in case, and did a scan of the room. Nothing was seemed to be wrong. 

"Could your mother instinct have kicked in, Saya?" Jase asked, but he hated second guessing. Straight facts were easier to handle instead of having to guess around. If he hadn't known any better Jase would readily admit to having developed some kind of parental instinct himself too. Hannah, Jeff and Miranda were apparently out, trying to hunt down supplies and some other things. Since he wasn't overly fond of shopping and came back from his morning volleyball game, Jase hadn't been in the mood to join. But where was Liam.

"Anyone seen Liam?"

"Ssshhhh little David everything will be okay. I'm sorry mommy woke you.." Irimsaya kissed his little head gently then looked at Jase. "I haven't seen Liam since yesterday when I told him about the new place."

Jase frowned at her a little, he was surprised about this. Even he hadn't seen the place yet and their geth just walked away? No.

"He's somewhere with reason. Geth just don't run off." Jase went to the door and checked the outside area.

"Well I have no idea to be honest with you Jase." Saya closed her eyes as she snuggled her son. She still felt like her heart was ready to beat out of her chest.

Jase adjusted the settings on his omni-tool and did another sweep of the cottage. But there was nothing wrong as far as he could tell. It was creepy, even. He really wanted to know what got her so spooked, but when nothing was there.... Jase shrugged to himself and rubbed his face. He wouldn't leave the cottage now, he knew that much. Behind him he heard Kaidan walking around, soothing Hilary. 

"Have they shown any signs of their biotics yet?"

"Not while I've been awake.." Saya trailed off and stared at David. "Unless that's what woke me up.."

Jase turned around in the doorway, looking back inside. He saw Kaidan sitting down next to Saya on the couch.

"Well." Jase sighed softly and was watching them. Hopefully that's what got her attention.

Irimsaya glanced at Kaidan before returning her attention to her brother.

"I don't know what else it could have been."

Kaidan was studying Saya's face silently while gently rocking Hilary. At least the twins had calmed down by now. A minute later his attention was back on Hilary and he looked thoughtful.

Jase shrugged a little at her. Too bad Liam wasn't here, Jase mused, he could have asked him to replay any logs he had. "Can't find anything amiss. No one's here, just us."

Irimsaya bit her lip but nodded.

"Alright, thanks Jase." Her gaze settled on her husband again. "What is it?"

"I have just been wondering. If I should risk it and try to fire up my biotics to see what they're doing."

Irimsaya turned on the couch so she was fully facing him.

"If you want to.. I don't think it will hurt them."

Kaidan nodded, he sure as hell wouldn't try to hurt them. 

"Okay."

He inhaled softly and concentrated, producing a subtle and gentle biotic glow surrounding his hands.

Hilary giggled in his arms and echoed it back to him, her hands softly glowing. David seemed to be watching them and cooed a question-sounding noise to which Hilary made a responding noise. Soon his hands were glowing softly as well.

Kaidan grinned at her and the kids.

Jase stood there, watching. "A day old, no amps and yet advanced...," he mused, having downloaded a book about kids. "I read they can only make out forms and spots of colors at this age."

"True enough Jase - but then most normal babies don't grow inside a mother who is being held together by Cerberus implants."

"Good to know Cerberus is history. I refuse to think about what they'd do to get their hands onto them." Jase stated with disgust about Cerberus in his voice.

Kaidan just kept playing with them, using his biotics. Somehow they were already .. learning. Kaidan's fingertips carefully played over their bellies, allowing the blue biotic glow to travel with him. Then he turned it off and on. 

Irimsaya shuddered at the thought of Cerberus wanting her children.

"Let's not go there."

She returned her attention to what Kaidan was doing with his biotics, amazed to see both the twins responding to it.

"I have a feeling we're going to have two very smart children running around.."

Kaidan nodded, chuckling softly when they were following his hand around. When he saw they were getting tired he turned it off.

"I'm sure they are. They might be small, but they certainly realize what's going on so far around them."

"And only a day old." Saya said, echoing Jase's earlier words.

Kaidan nodded and kissed the little one. He didn't want to place her back to bed just yet as he was enjoying cuddling her.

Jase chuckled softly when Kaidan started to hum softly. He was still standing at the doorframe, letting the soft breeze dry his hair and it felt good as it flowed around his body, causing his open shirt to fly around. Jase turned and touched the upper side of the frame, closed his eyes as he held his chin high and let the wind rush past his body. Nothing felt better then nature on pure skin.

Kaidan grinned sheepishly at Saya when he stopped humming. "I downloaded a book with songs for children." he explained. "I'm not sure if my singing is any good."

"Kaidan, anything you do is amazing - as always."

Kaidan gave her a smile. "Maybe. I'm not as sure about it as you are, but I guess I'll get better, in time."

Irimsaya just nodded as she realized David was already asleep again.

Still standing in the doorframe and stretching from time to time, Jase was watching the ocean. He was totally oblivious of what was going on inside. There was going to be a party soon and he was thinking about their new place and the elderly pair living there.

Kaidan gave Saya another smile and was watching over Hilary, enjoying the peacefulness for a while. "Should we lay them back into their bed?" he whispered.

"As long as we don't wake them when we move them." Saya whispered back to him. Truth be told though she felt better when she was holding one of them. Like the pneumonia vanished each time but then reappeared when she put them down again.

"Mmh," Kaidan hummed softly, watching them in their arms. He found it reasonable to place them back but somehow he liked it a lot to hold them. Kaidan looked at Saya and shook his head then, leant over and gave her a kiss before he went back to watching their babies.

Jase looked at them and gave them a thumbs up before he went and sat down on the porch. Saya's feeling of being needed unsettled him, whatever it had been he felt he should stay close. Just in case. Usually those instincts caused them to stay alive.

Joker sneaked past the family in the living room, not wanting to wake the babies, and went to see where Jase was.

Jase felt the shift of air around him when Jeff came closer and he looked up at the man. Apparently he had gotten some good skills in sneaking, he hadn't made any noises at all.

"Hey there." Jase whispered as he looked up at his husband.

Joker sat down next to him and smiled a little.

"Hey - it sounded like you guys were busy so I kept myself hidden in the bedroom... you could have joined me..." He waggled his eyebrows at the other man.

Jase gave him a grin and nodded. "You could have joined me in the shower, too." Jase whispered, "Seems like I'm a bit out of the loop. Thought you were gone shopping with Hannah and Miranda." How could he have missed him, Jase wondered.

"Yeeeah me and shopping with women don't really mix well so I kinda hid in the closet when they came looking for me.."

Jase gave him a look before he started to laugh, but quickly stifled it before it became too loud. "You hid in the closet." Jase laughed quietly, this was too good. "You could have told them no."

"Have you ever tried telling Miranda no? Let alone Hannah?"

"Miranda? Yes. She'll just go pout and tries to ignore you for a minute. Mom is a different story...." Jase frowned a little, but was still amused about Jeff hiding in a closet.

Joker snorted at that, he knew full well both women wouldn't have taken no for an answer from him.

"Come on. Next time you don't want to do something just say no. They can't order you around. If anyone's allowed to, it would be me." He grinned.

"Uh yeah technically your mom can... I'm still in the Alliance military remember? And she's a Rear Admiral so technically she can order me around.."

"I know," Jase answered and grabbed him, getting him to sit on his lap. "I know. But this is a vacation, and no one's going to abuse my pilot for silly shopping tours."

Joker chuckled as he found himself on Jase's lap.

"I could get used to this you know."

Jase's eyes sparkled in mischief. "Good. Cause you got a great ass." But that wasn't the only good thing Jase thought as he pushed up Jeff's shirt and let his hand sneak under it. Now he could feel his bare stomach.

Joker groaned.

"Jassssse...."

Jase chuckled softly and looked up at his face while toning his belly rub down. "Yeah, I'll stop. Won't stop being happy with you though." Instead he buried his face into his chest now and rubbed his cheek a little at Jeff's shirt. "Or being in love with you," he purred quietly.

Joker closed his eyes in bliss.

"I feel the same way."

Jase nodded and sighed happily. He just stayed with him where they were and maybe he was even dozing a little, but it was way too comfortable and nice. 

"Are you going to sleep on me here?"

"Maybe." Jase answered softly. "You're comfortable. Been thinking."

"Oh? Thought I smelled smoke." Joker teased him. "What have you been thinking about?"

Jase gave him another soft chuckle. "Lots of things. Ever since that chat at the beach with mom, I've been thinking a lot. Anyway," he sighed, "right now it's about doing a party for the crew, saying thank you."

"A party? Why didn't you say so???"

"Yesterday was more important. Saya's still a bit weak and tired too." He was looking up at him now.

"I can only imagine how she must feel. Giving birth to one kid is hard enough so I hear."

Jase nodded. "Yes. Now I'm considering doing the party at the new home. Some food, something to drink."

"Well... it's big enough." Joker chuckled to himself.

"How big, I still haven't seen it in person."

"Oh well uhm.. Saya kind of went all out for you. The grounds alone could make a good landing pad for the Normandy - with room to spare."

Jase's eyebrows rose against the sky. "That big? She hasn't gone broke hopefully. I really need to see it."

"You think the grounds are big wait til you see the main house. Saya really went all out. *Really* all out. Shows how much she loves you. And don't worry - she said it was going for cheap because the elderly couple who live there couldn't do it anymore. That's why she's letting them stay - they have nowhere else to go."

Jase rubbed his face and eyes, trying to imagine it. "They won't be alone now. They're alright with all of us?"

"They love the whole idea. And apparently they love your sister too for beating Saren."

Jase smiled at this. This was good, she had done a hell of a job with that one, too.

"Good. That makes them like adopted grandparents."

"Heh yeah I guess it does in a way."

Jase smiled at this and fell silent again.

For the rest of the day everyone seemed busy and was getting ready to leave for their new home the next day. Jase was feeling nervous but also happy and helped Kaidan later to move the twins bed to their bedroom for the night. The couch needed to be moved as well but this had to wait until the next day. Aside of this Jase felt lucky not to own too many things. Once the Normandy would be back in Vancouver he could get his fish, hamster, the ship models and the very few books he owned.

When the sun was getting down Jase went to see Saya in her bedroom and was surprised when he saw her breast feeding one of the twins. The sight was incredible, anything beyond words. It was nothing he had ever seen and stood there for a few seconds, frozen, before he spoke up.

"I'm sorry. I should go."

It was an intimate, private moment, yet beautiful.

"No Jase, stay. It's okay with me, honest." Saya smiled at him.

Jase nodded his thanks to her and quietly closed the door. Then he joined her on the bed and just watched in silence until he had to look closely at the eyecolour to see which baby it was. It seemed to be David. When David was done with eating Jase smiled at Saya then.

"My body can't do anything like this. First you carry them, give birth and now you're even feeding them. Incredible."

Saya shook her head a bit with a grin.

"It is amazing to be honest. I never pictured myself with children you know - not until Kaidan and I actually got married. You want to burp him?"

"Yes please." He nodded. "Kaidan's the best that happened to you."

"And Jeff to you." Saya replied as she handed him David then picked up Hilary from the bed to start the process all over.

"Yes." Jase moved little David around so he could burp and carefully stroked his back while patting it gently. "I was afraid to fall in love with him. What if, you know. Now seeing you with the babies makes me wish for our own."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows at him.

"Wow... I don't think I ever expected to hear that from you to be honest.."

Jase chuckled softly and nodded. "Two days ago I wasn't considering it either. Jeff keeps teasing me, says he can see smoke coming from my head. I'm thinking about a lot of things, but with a child. I'm the last one of a whole civilization. Something of them, of me, has to survive."

"I understand." Saya's voice was soft. "What about asking someone to be a surrogate for you?"

"Wouldn't know who to ask." He paused as he heard the soft burp which brought a smile on his face. Then he took David down and let him rest in his arms, rocking him gently. "Miranda's been crafted by her father. Maybe the tech could be used to create a child from Jeff and I."

"Miranda was conceived the normal way then subjected to all sorts of 'enhancements'. As for a surrogate.. well... what about asking around for volunteers? I'm sure they all need creds now and I would finance it for you." Irimsaya responded.

"Thanks. You already paid for the house, you need some creds for your family too." Jase sighed softly, not really sure if he wanted it like this. "Miranda's 36 years old. The tech has advanced since then. Possibly worth to check it out again. Using a volunteer nearly feels like cheating." 

Irimsaya was watching his face closely.

"Whatever you decide you know you'll always have my support."

"Thanks Saya. You're always there for me. It's a thought. Something for later, once the shelter is running. I survived London and the Citadel, seeing you and the babies." 

David made a little noise and Jase's attention was back on the baby in his arms. He leaned down to kiss the little head, soothing him. "Ssh, ssh. All is well." 

He looked back at Saya. "There's a future and life to live. It just makes sense."

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"I'm glad to hear you talking that way Jase. I was really worried about you for awhile there."

Jase's attention was on David for a while before he replied.

"Sorry about that. I know all of you have been worried. I just.. reached my limit." Jase looked over at Hilary and chuckled softly then, as she had fallen asleep while eating.

"There aren't words to describe the horror. And this is why I'm glad it wasn't you who went to London."

"And yet I sit here thinking... it should have been me. The whole thing should have been me. It's my fault you were there in the first place."

Jase shook his head. "No Saya. You and I, we did what we had to. It was as much as my job as yours. My job just happened to be in your reality. Our reality."

Irimsaya just bowed her head.

"Doesn't mean I don't have guilt over it Jase."

"No. There's no reason to feel guilty." He answered and let David take hold of his finger.

"Yes there is Jase, for me there always will be."

"There's **no** reason." He looked at her now. "You were right all the time."

Irimsaya looked down at Hilary, avoiding his gaze.

"Saya. There's no reason. I had to fix the goddamn Crucible myself." Jase kept looking at her and he nudged her a little. "Look at me. There's no reason."

Irimsaya raised her face and looked at him, unshed tears in her eyes.

"I am so sorry for everything you had to go through. I am so sorry you had to see what you did. I am so sorry I couldn't be there with you, where I should have been."

"You were always there." Jase nodded a little and reached out, stroking her hair a little. "Hey, and that's all right too. We're here. We did it."

Irimsaya nodded a little bit then returned her gaze to Hilary.

Jase watched her for a while and wasn't sure how to make her see that it was the right decision and the best solution. He frowned a little then and shook his head.

"I don't blame you for what happened. I feel.. protective about you and that's why I'm glad it was me."

That made her look at him again.

"Why protective? I mean I know I was with child at the time but what if I hadn't been?"

"It's who I am." Jase shrugged, remembering Chora's Den and Harkin. That man really had pissed him off at the time. "Protecting the innocent, those I care about, even love. If it had been you we'd have found a way to fix it."

"Yes you are definitely the protective type. I think that's why you're so good with kids too."

"Mh." Jase hummed softly while watching David, who was asleep in his arms. "Thanks." Then he went back to thinking, about him as a child, the gang where he was one of the youngest. His time in the Alliance, no babies were around there of course and now he was here, holding one and it felt so natural and normal. He could have sworn he was used to it for more than a day, it felt like years already. And he liked that a lot. Jase knew he would protect these two no matter what, just like he would do for his family. 

"I'm really looking forward to our home. Jeff's so excited." He chuckled softly.

"He would be. All he wants is to see your face when you get there for the first time."

"It's with thanks to you though. Promise me not to blame yourself anymore. It's in the past. We're here and fine." Jase was sure Saya wanted to see his face too and he could sense some hidden pain but also excitement about their future. And she wasn't alone with this. The door opened and Kaidan peaked inside.

"Ah, here you are. We've been looking for you two."

"Sorry about that sweetie the little ones got hungry."

Kaidan nodded and closed the door behind him and Jase thought he really should go this time. He stood up carefully and gave David to Kaidan. Once he was neatly placed into Kaidan's arms he turned to Saya with a nod and smile.

"Thanks for, you know." When leaving, he suddenly felt depressed, restless and a shadow trying to steal the wonderful feeling he just had. It was good to join the others, but he also had enjoyed the chat with Saya. It made him feel angry with himself, but then he thought, 'No. Accept it. It is what it is.' Instead of having a terrible cold weight in one spot, it spread out evenly. He just felt sad and tired now, though he didn't know why. There was no reason. The time with Saya had been incredible and even uplifting.

Kaidan watched as he left and the door closed. He turned back to Saya. 

"Are you okay? You have this thoughtful aura cloud around your head." Kaidan rocked little David gently when the baby was making noises. When Hilary made a noise too Kaidan grinned and sat down next to Saya.

"I don't know... I feel several things right now. I... Kaidan..." She sighed, not wanting to break the confidence Jase had entrusted her with.

Kaidan gave her a kiss. "Maybe, try not to think too much. We're happy, have two beautiful babies, a house and home. Everyone's excited about tomorrow," he smiled, "including myself."

Irimsaya smiled a little at that.

"I'm glad everyone's so happy. It makes me feel a bit better."

Kaidan was watching her, something was weighing on her heavily again. Instead of trying to discuss it, he let it slip, trusting she'd talk to him if needed. He reached out with his free hand and rubbed her back a little. Maybe she was feeling tired, too.

"Well, we're going to have dinner soon. Or I could bring you your dinner, if you want to eat here."

"No, I can come. I'm not an invalid." She answered in a quiet voice. 

Saya remembered the time when everyone treated her like the soldier she was. To be treated like this, like she was going to break, felt wrong to her.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't implying you were. I love you and if you need my help, I'll help."

Irimsaya looked back down at Hilary and sighed softly.

"I know, I'm sorry Kaidan. I guess... I guess I miss everyone seeing me as a soldier you know? Now they all just see me as a woman and it's not something I'm used to."

"You would still kick ass if I gave you a gun. If we were on a mission, together, you'd go in, guns blazing and I would have your back." Kaidan gave her a smile, knowing it would be like this. But he knew she was right too.

Still staring at Hilary, who seemed to be watching her as well, Irimsaya forced a smile to her lips - even if it was a false one.

"Thanks Kaidan."

"Okay." Kaidan knew something was up now. This was not how she used to be and Kaidan had thought once the babies were there she would be even happier and .. more.

"Okay. Why do you think they just see you as a woman now? If they do, they see me as a man too and not a biotic, a soldier or even a Commander. And that's something I'm not used to either. You know, I'm fine with this though. It tells me, there's more to my own person than just being an Alliance soldier and when people see this part of myself... then I know they aren't blind, but looking closer. They pay attention."

Hilary cooed at her mother, her eyes staring at the woman holding her. She knew something was wrong. Irimsaya kissed her forehead gently.

"Don't get me wrong Kaidan, I'm happier now than I have ever been in my life. But... this is really hard to explain I guess.."

Kaidan nodded, watching her. "I guess you're right, but I want to understand it. When you're feeling... off, whatever it is, I worry too. Maybe things look a little brighter for you once we're at our new home."

Irimsaya nodded silently and glanced at David when he started making noises that were obviously directed to his sister.

Kaidan chuckled softly when he picked up on it and turned David around so they could see each other better. Inwardly he kept worrying about Saya.

The dinner they had a little while later was very family-oriented with a lot of questions about the new place they were going to the next day - questions that Saya refused to answer and only replied with, "You'll see it tomorrow". She was well-aware of Jase and Kaidan both watching her throughout the meal but shrugged it off, not wanting to field any more questions. The night was sleepless for her, unaware to her though was that Joker was the same. But for him it was excitement that kept him awake.

It was early the next morning when they all decided it was time to go. Saya got the twins stuff ready and then she started wondering just how they were going to carry all of their stuff to the new place.

Somewhere along the evening Jase gave up asking the few questions he had and once they were in their bed, he cuddled close and tried to sleep. Eventually he ended up loving Jeff two times instead.


	10. Home sweet Home

##  The Shelter

Jase scratched his head at first as he looked at their luggage. It was finally time to leave and he grinned at the guys from the volleyball group as they piled in. He shook their hands one by one and gave them directions to their shuttle. It was good he convinced the tour guy to rent it to them for another day. And as soon as Jeff had his own shuttle from the Alliance, Jase knew it would be incredibly helpful. The biggest item though was the couch and then there was the twin's bed.

"So... how exactly are we going to get the couch there?" Joker raised an eyebrow at his husband.

"We carry it to the shuttle. And you fly it over." Jase shrugged a little.

"Alright."

"Do you know where to place it there? You know the house." Jase scratched his head, wondering where to place it at their new home. "Just tell the guys where you want it." He chuckled softly.

"Wherever you want it is okay."

"In the house Jeff. Somewhere, anywhere." Jase told him. He didn't care where and had no idea about the layout as well. When he heard a few soft grunts Jase turned around and saw their helpers leaving the cottage, carrying the couch. Jase made room and took a few other things himself. The cottage looked empty now as it was returning to its original state.

Joker was glad when Hannah wanted to do the piloting for the shuttle. He wanted to see Jase's reaction when they finally arrived.

The shuttle was packed. Not just with people but with the couch and the twin's bed as well. Jase was wondering if they were going over the weight limit, but such shuttles had carried a lot more before. And if the computer picked up on it, the alarms would sound anyway. 

Jase was the last one entering it and he closed the door. Last time he had been sitting in one was when Jeff and he had the heated discussion. Now it was a better time. A lot of eyes were on him now, he felt them as the door finally closed with a thud and he turned around. Whatever they expected of him, Jase hoped he was giving it to them. They had done this for him and disappointing them wasn't on his wishlist.

Everyone was strapped in, Kaidan and Saya were holding their babies and Jase sat down next to Jeff. When his husband looked at the belt and gave him a certain glare Jase chuckled softly and shrugged, following the unspoken order from Jeff.

"Better?"

"Damn right that's better. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt before you even see this place."

"I love it when you order me around," Jase whispered into his ear and gave the beard a kiss. Then he took his hand. God, he was so nervous now he felt like shaking. The good kind of nervous, which was a lot better than the other kind of nervous before heading off into a battle.

The shuttle took off and Jase contemplated on turning on the panel to see where they were flying to and what it would look like from the air. He decided against it though, it was apparent they wanted to surprise him. He had just seen the facts on the datapad, the raw numbers. Jase sighed deeply to relax more and squeezed the hand gently and carefully. It nearly felt like when he was a child and a new pair of foster parents had come to bring him to his new home. Only this time, it was permanent and he'd stay.

"We're beginning our approach." Hannah called back.

So it was a little farther away as he had originally thought, Jase mused. "I really want to see it now," Jase whispered to Jeff.

Joker snorted a little, a smirk on his face.

"Patience young one."

Jase was about to reply something when the shuttle sat down. Instead he gave him a nod. Soon. Very soon now. But first they had to wait for the guys to carry the couch outside. Then he gave Jeff a hand to step outside. Which, of course someone seemed to have some weird sense of humor, they had to round the shuttle first. All he saw was wide open space for the moment. He wondered if Saya had felt like this when they brought her on board of the Normandy SR2.

"Too kind sir, thank you." Joker grinned at him. "Now let's go around the shuttle shall we?"

Jase happily agreed. "Let's do it." Somehow he had the feeling Jeff had more to do with this house and new home than he let on. As soon as they rounded the shuttle he just stood and watched for a minute.

"Wow." He wanted to ask which one of the many houses was theirs, but the data from the datapad crept into his mind and he knew all of it was theirs.

"This is.. Wow."

Joker was grinning from ear to ear and he knew it - and he didn't care.

"So.... you like?" As Irimsaya and Kaidan joined them with the twins.

Jase nodded, not having the real words for something like this. It was big, huge, incredible. Even overwhelming. And it offered a lot of space.

"It's all ours?" He asked, looking at each of them.

Irimsaya's eyes were bright as she watched her brother.

"Yes, all ours."

"And we have a landing zone for a shuttle. Nice." He chuckled softly, looking at Jeff who surely liked this as well.

"So. This is beyond anything I imagined. Incredible. I want to see more." Jase laughed. "Explore it."

Irimsaya handed Hilary to Jeff.

"I'll show you around, I think Joker wants to go figure out where you guys want the couch."

Jase looked at him and before he let him go, he gave him a kiss. "The house.. houses are big enough. You'll find a good spot." Then Hilary got a peck on her head too.

"All yours sis."

"Outside or inside first? I'm thinking maybe outside?"

Jase happily agreed. By the size of this he was sure once they were done he needed a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Jeff didn't exaggerate when he said the Normandy could land here. Not that I doubted him, but it's hard to imagine. Seeing it myself makes a difference though."

"Joker doesn't usually exaggerate when you listen close enough. He's very serious when it comes to this place. Come around back.."

Saya led him around and watched his face as he saw the playground, the pool, the small area for chess games, the fire pit, the large deck. It all fit together, that's why Saya had fallen in love with it - that and the houses were made of logs on the outside which, to her, added a certain authenticity to the whole thing.

Jase agreed about Jeff, over time he had learned that Jeff was usually very serious about things, only he was usually hiding it behind some funny words.

"Incredible. Lots of room to play, ride a bike. Run and play catch. For us too. And there's the ocean." Jase just turned around then, grabbed her into a hug and lifted her off her feet, holding her there for a while.

Irimsaya gasped in surprise when she was hugged and then found her feet in the air.

"Whooa." She was laughing though. "Easy tiger, I'm glad you like it."

Jase laughed softly and carefully placed her back down and rubbed his eyes dry.

"You're awesome. You know that."

"I'm not. Really. But I am happy that you like it. What would you like to see next?"

"Don't sell yourself short." Jase gave her a look at the 'I'm not.' as he knew better though. Then he looked around, trying to make up his mind on what to see next.

"I don't know. What's in those smaller houses?" He nodded towards the closest one on the left side. "A whole family with many kids could live in there. Or this one at the beach. What's in there?"

"The one closest to the beach used to be used for livestock. I was thinking we could clean it out and help some of the animals who no doubt need us. The little houses I thought could be made to have several bedrooms in them... like dormitories almost."

Jase nodded thoughtfully. Having pets around for the kids would help a lot. "Dogs, cats maybe? It wouldn't just help the animals, but the kids too. And something like dormitories? Yes. The houses nearly look that way already, makes sense. A room for an adult and a few bedrooms for the kids, a bathroom, a play room." He nodded again. "Where does that leave the elderly couple?" 

"I was thinking they could share the main house with us or live in one of the little ones as guardians for the kids too."

Jase nodded and began wandering around silently. Past the deck towards the middle of the, incredibly huge backyard, towards the animal house which was closer to the ocean.

"You like them?" Jase asked as he had a look into the animal house. It was big enough and he guessed one of his foster families would have killed for so much space. The pets were going to have a good life here too. And the kids could help them to clean, walk them, play with them. No wonder Saya had thought Garden Eden would fit, it was a lot more than just a garden as well.

"They're very nice people, yes. And I don't like the idea of buying someone's home and land and them not have a place to live at all."

"No. I don't want that either," Jase answered as he left the animal house and walked back up to one of the three dorms. The houses were facing the pool, playground, the whole backyard and he knew from there people and children would have an incredible view of the ocean.

"Nothing's more worse than losing your home and being tossed around. Wherever they want to live, in the mainhouse or one of the smaller ones, is fine by me. They poured a lot of themselves and their love into this. I can't take that away from them."

"I'm glad to hear you say that because that's exactly how I felt." Irimsaya responded quietly. "Each 'dorm' has room for two bathrooms on each level - one for boys one for girls I figured. I think we can build maybe 5 or 6 bedrooms in each one, maybe more."

"Five or six bedrooms? That's a lot of beds. Nice." Jase agreed, it also meant they really needed help with this. It was getting a lot bigger than anything he had done on the Citadel. "I wasn't expecting so much space. How many beds per bedroom? Two, three, even four?"

"I think we could manage that, yes."

"That will be a horde of kids. I don't want them to get too cramped though. Two adults per house at least who watch over 10, maybe 15 kids. Wow. I had twelve on the Citadel." Jase replied, scratching his neck. He needed to do some serious thinking about this. "What's in those three houses right now."

"Junk mainly. The couple who I bought it from said we can toss anything we want - but I want to give them the chance to save what they might like."

Jase raised his eyebrows at this. Junk. It could be anything, even useful. "Alright. I'd take a look, but I want to see the rest too." He stopped, taking a look at the playground and figured for so many kids, they would have to add a few more things. "We got access to the beach?"

"That beach over there is all ours."

"Hehe," Jase laughed and rubbed his hands, "good to know. All ours. No other visitors I gather?" He had a knowing grin on his face before he turned to study the main house now. "That's a palace. And my prince is waiting inside."

"Well... I have another surprise for you if you're interested."

"Do you? Sure, let's go." Jase looked interested, wondering what it could be. He had no idea at all.

"We have a doctor coming to help us."

Jase was surprised, he really was surprised and laughed softly then. She wasn't losing any time and was already as committed as he was. "You've been recruiting. That's good news. We need a room for our Doctor, too. You have briefed him or her?"

"Oh don't worry... Dr. Chakwas knows what to do." Saya grinned as she let the name drop.

"Dr. Chakwas?" Jase asked surprised and stopped walking to look at her. "I thought she didn't like to settle down. How were you able to convince her."

"I didn't have to convince her of anything actually. She'd been looking for us. Apparently she misses all of us. All she wants is to be with her 'family' - her whole family."

Jase shook his head in amusement. Who would have thought. "She's welcomed to live with us. It's good to have her back. We couldn't have asked for a better Doctor. And she can keep an eye on Jeff too."

"Yes.. she asked me if he was taking his medicine and I told her she'd have to ask you."

"As far as I know he does. When asked he replies not to worry." Jase replied thoughtfully.

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well you can discuss it with her, I'm sure she'll ask anyway. Come on let's go look at the main house." She led the way inside.

Jase nodded and followed her inside, thinking of Jeff for a while. The porch outside was huge, he noticed. But once inside...

"Wow. This is.. big." Jase felt kind of overwhelmed at the huge space inside. Dining room to the right side, bathrooms to the left, including a huge living room. 

"I thought maybe the main floor we could use as a common floor for everyone to use and the second floor restricted to just us."

Jase nodded. "I'll need some signs, pointing me the way," he joked a little. The main entry followed the living room, including a huge wide open floor which led to a big set of stairs. 

"It's big enough. Can Jeff walk those stairs?" Jase mused, he had no idea. A few steps were already posing some problems, those on the Citadel he had mastered too but with difficulty. These here were longer. He made a mental note to ask him about it. 

"He's the one who okay'ed this whole place so I have no idea Jase. Something you need to talk to him about I think."

"He has? I knew there was more to this than he let on. I'll ask him." Jase nodded and was then ready to go on, wanting to see the rest. He would have gone to run around himself, that's how he felt, in a rush, to see everything at once. But Saya did a goob job as his guide.

"Huge floor, we could dance here even, throw parties." The floor alone would provide space for two apartments, each would be still a lot bigger than the one he and Jeff had on the Citadel.

"I gather you approve then?" Saya now had a small smirk on her face.

"I do, it's like a dream though. Never been in such a house before." Jase answered as he took another look around. The ceilings were high, higher than anything he was used to and the Normandy's ceilings were something he knew. Such wide open space was only common amongst the rich.

"You could play ball in here, or ride a bike, without worrying to destroy anything."

Irimsaya just watched him, enjoying his reactions.

Jase then looked at her and shrugged with a grin. "What..?"

"Nothing... do you want to see the bedroom Jeff picked out for you two?"

"Yes, I'd like to. Anything else down here I should see first?"

"Well... I could show you the kitchen and dining area but I thought maybe you'd like to do a little bit of exploring on your own too.."

"That's right, but since you're enjoying this too.." Jase trailed off with a smile. "Whatever you like, sis."

"I'll just show you your place and then I'll let you wander yourself."

Jase nodded, figuring they had planned this all along. "Okay," he happily agreed. This house was a dream coming true and a lot more. "I don't know how to thank you for this. All of this here."

"You deserve it - we all do."

"Yes. We all do." He nodded a little as he followed her towards the stairs and peered into a huge kitchen for a moment. Upstairs he was greeted by another big hall.

"So this is where we all will be able to just relax and be ourselves with each other. And also where all the bedrooms are."

Jase laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, I like it. It's nice up here. Good hiding place," he chuckled. "We could get ourselves a pool table."

"Oh I plan on getting us a lot more than that. Anyway...here's your room." She grinned as she let him go in first.

"Okay," he laughed, "I know I said it a lot already, but. Wow! This is awesome. Bigger than my cabin." 

Irimsaya just smiled as she watched him explore his little apartment.

Jase nodded from time to time, so far he was satisfied. Some personal stuff of theirs would add their note.

"Question for you sis. This house is made of a lot of wood. I saw all the sprinklers. Why's there so much carpet everywhere, hiding the wooden floor." Jase refrained from poking around curiously, knocking on walls and all that stuff, but the house certainly has sparked his interest now as well. It was alive somehow, providing him with something he couldn't pin down yet.

"Well you could ask the previous owners but I'd rather have the carpet, wood floors and I just don't like each other."

"The wooden deck outside is nice. Lots of space." Jase pointed out and his eyes fell back on the carpet. No apartment he had ever been to had carpet. It usually was plain cold concrete. Even the Citadel's apartments were made of cold tiles. Maybe it was feeling warmer. It surely felt softer under his shoes.

"Where's your room?"

"It's going to be near the front because there's a room for the twins attached right on it as well as a bathroom."

Jase nodded at this. "Well, we got a lot of space in here. Guess now I'm free to roam it myself, huh." He grinned at her.

"Go, enjoy - and don't get lost." Saya winked at him.

Jase chuckled at her. "I try not to." 

Then he went to take a peak into each room and kind of gasped at the size of Saya's. It was huge and at least the double size of his and Jeff's. After that he went to hunt down Jeff, which was a quest on its own given the size of this place.

"No not like that! On an angle in the corner for now! Yes that's it!" Joker was directing those moving the couch and enjoying giving orders for a change.

Jase shook his head, smiling, as he followed the voice. As big as the house was, Joker was making it easy to find him. Once he had found the source he watched in amusement at the corner of the room as the guys placed the couch down. Jeff surely could give good orders too. The living room was huge too and Jase wondered if he had missed a room which could work as an office for him and where he could store things. For now they just needed to get their stuff stored away though, everything else could wait. 

Figuring the guys were thirsty Jase went to the huge kitchen and mentally noted a few changes to it as well. He just had no idea when or how they would do it and he shrugged a little. Thanks to Miranda and Hannah the fridge was filled and he brought the guys two cold beer, a real luxury.

"Looks good," Jase stated and handed the guys a beer, who thanked him and left to go outside. Jase smiled at Jeff, letting the silence drag on a little as he watched him for a minute. 

"So. Another chapter of our life just opened, huh."

Joker turned and was looking sheepish when he saw his husband standing there.

"Oh uhm hi... hope the whole ordering those men around thing didn't spook you.."

Jase grinned at him and shook his head. "No. Actually, I kind of like it."

"Oh you do huh. I'll have to remember that.."

Jase nodded again. "You do that." It was an enticing thought as it provided something else aside of being physically pushed around, onto a wall or somewhere. 

"So, how much of this house is your doing. You were all excited last night. She didn't buy this all by herself, did she..." Jase wanted to know about Jeff and the house, he'd been pretty worked up the last night and he figured there was a lot more to it. He lead him over to the couch and was surprised how cool it was in here, causing him to shiver a little. It was surprising as well, maybe all the wood had something to do with it or it was .. something else he didn't understood.

Joker winced as he was gently questioned.

"To be honest? I kind of found it and showed it to her and she fell in love with it which is when I knew you'd love it too."

Jase smiled at him gently. "After all these years, you're still full of surprises." He leaned in, giving him a gentle hug and stayed like this. "We got Dr. Chakwas, too. That's really good news for us."

"Eeeeh yeah... about that... it was kind of my idea to ask her..."

With a laugh, Jase nudged him gently. "Good thinking Jeff. About those stairs." Jase pointed towards them, "I'm a little worried."

Joker glanced at him.

"I'm not. I tested them with Kaidan when we came to inspect the place and I think, as long as I take my time, I'll be okay."

Jase nodded, he really was worried about this. 

"Okay, I trust you with this. I just," Jase sighed, nothing would be more worse than seeing him in a bed with many cracked bones, "just don't want to visit you in a hospital with a lot of broken bones. Otherwise we'll change a few things. Add an elevator or something."

"I'll manage Jase. It's going to be hard to get supplies as it is."

"That's right. I'll help. Speaking of supplies, how's that going with your meds."

"Uhm... well.. I've been trying to ration them a bit because I'm not getting an answer from the company that dispenses it."

'Shit.' Jase thought and he slowly nodded at him. "Maybe Dr. Chakwas can help, get some rations." He didn't want to make him feel any worse and decided not to ask what the worst case scenario would be if he ran out of his meds.

"We've already been discussing it over comms actually. She's rushing to get here now because she said she found a small supply for me."

Jase nodded thoughtfully, one more good thing he himself was healthy now. "It's good to have her back. Is there something I should know, do you need more help, or do we have to be even more careful with things, like loving each other?"

"I won't lie Jase. I'm going to have to be *very* careful for awhile."

Jase nodded and leaned closer to give him a gentle kiss. "Noted." It made him wish to have a bedroom downstairs though. "I should get our things upstairs," he told him softly, but felt way too comfortable there with Jeff.

"Mmmmk." Joker replied as he returned the kiss. "Hope you like our room. I think it's big enough that if you want to build an office or something you could."

"It is. If I ever run out of space, our house is big enough. I'll find a corner," he chuckled softly while placing small kisses onto his jaw. Then he sighed, he really needed to get their things upstairs. 

"Alright. Gonna get going. Plan a house warming party, make some contacts. Check out the other houses, get to know the former owners. Find a dog. Get a surfing board."

Joker raised his eyebrows at that.

"You know how to surf???"

"Rio de Janeiro. After we completed the N1 training we used to hit the beach and ride the waves. It's been a long time. Might be out of practice." 

Joker was just staring at him in shock and bewilderment.

"Okay... what is it," Jase asked, looking amused. 

"I'm just having a hard time picturing you on a surf board..."

"You'll see. As soon as I find one, I'll show you. That's funny though. People are fine with seeing me jumping over giant gaps, falling into pits, headbutting a krogan, jumping out of shuttles and killing bad guys. But as soon as I mention surfing, cooking, or being gay, they get all big eyed and don't believe me." Jase laughed. And if he ever had to mention to someone he was from a different reality, they would think he had gone insane. 

"I like those things about you... you always surprise me."

Jase just hoped he never had to give him a bad surprise, given his past. He knew there were some. But Jeff usually had some surprises for him as well.

"That's mutual though. You always surprise me as well. What would you like to do now? The other things can wait for a bit."

"Actually now that this is in place - do you mind if I lie down for awhile? Not nap or anything, just rest."

"I don't mind. Do what you need to do to stay in this awesome shape. If you need anything, let me know." Jase said and gave him another kiss before he stood up and winked at him. "I'll get the luggage." But then he stopped, wondering. "Or did you want me to stay with you. I can do that, too."

"It's okay, off you go. Enjoy the day." He grinned at Jase.

"Day's only good with you at my side," Jase replied, knowing it sounded way too romantic but it was true. After giving him another kiss he left, thinking about his meds while getting their luggage upstairs. He was worried and deep in thought as he stored it away. Once everything was put away he set out to take a look at the very first house.

Irimsaya was out on the deck with Kaidan and the twins in their bed, all four of them enjoying the weather for a moment.

"Hey. I'm over there, in the first house." Jase greeted them as he kind of ran past.

Kaidan watched him, while gently rubbing the back of little David who was lying on Kaidan's chest with his face turned towards the shade.

Irimsaya smiled to herself as she watched Jase run over to explore.

"His head is going to explode with all the ideas I'm sure he's coming and going to come up with."

Kaidan chuckled softly and his attention was back on Saya and their children. 

"It should keep him busy, yes. And if I know you," he smiled at her, "then it was one of the reasons why you bought it."

Irimsaya looked at him with an innocent expression.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She replied with a grin.

Kaidan watched her with a grin. "Oh, what was I just saying? I think I forgot. I'm having a really good time just sitting here with you and our children."

"Mmmmh yes this is nice but... there really is a lot to do."

Kaidan hummed and looked around. "Where should we start?"

"Anywhere really. Kitchen, bedrooms... we need food and rest at the very least by tonight."

"Well, kitchen, food, bedrooms?" Kaidan asked as he carefully got up.

"Sounds like a good plan to me Commander." Saya chuckled softly.

"I will get the bed for the children, I don't want them too far away from us." Kaidan replied, wondering where he could place David for the moment. "Is there anyone close who could keep an eye on David while I get the bed?"

"I can take him for you if you like." Miranda walked over from where she had been studying the ocean.

"Ah Miranda. Thank you very much. I hadn't seen you back there," Kaidan said as he placed little David into her arms. He gave her a smile and Saya got one too as he went to get the bed. Kaidan dragged it inside and into the kitchen, having it stand at the empty wall corner. As the two women placed the babies into it Kaidan contemplated what to do.

"Let's check for any outdated things or rotten things first - there shouldn't be but I don't want to take any chances." Irimsaya said when she saw the look on Kaidan's face.

Kaidan chuckled softly and nodded. "Aye aye."

Irimsaya snorted a bit at that then started rummaging through some of the cupboards.

"All's good here so far," Kaidan reported after a while. "They must have cleaned and done all the work before we came. Where are they anyway?"

"I have no idea Kaidan, maybe having a rest in one of the other buildings - or setting their stuff up there."

"I hope Jase doesn't scare them off." Kaidan chuckled. "You know, a little garden outside in the shade of the house at the porches, would be a nice add and could provide us with some food. Or flowers."

"That's a great idea Kaidan - you can be in charge of it." Irimsaya grinned at him.

Kaidan smiled at her, knowing she was teasing him a little. "As soon as I find some tools I'll start. You know, I did a lot of gardening at my parent's house." 

Saya looked at him over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't know that.."

Kaidan shrugged a little. "Biotic kid loves gardening. That goes over so well. Gardening is old fashioned, dirty and boring. Why not just go and buy it."

Irimsaya turned to him then went to him and kissed him gently.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I'm sorry."

Kaidan smiled into the kiss. "I know, you don't have to apologize."

"You just sounded really depressed there... talk to me."

"I used to feel this way when people questioned my motives. Like second guessing everything I did." Kaidan explained. 

"Sweetie, I would never second guess you. I love you and I trust you."

"I know that too." Kaidan replied with a smile. "You are not people, you're my wife."

Irimsaya put a hand against his cheek gently then kissed him again.

"Damned right I am."

Kaidan nodded and enjoyed the touch and cuddling he received.

"I guess since we're done here, I will go and carry our suitcases upstairs. Should we make some lunch after this? And I think Miranda feels very lonely. She too sounded depressed."

"Mmh yes if you wouldn't mind about the suitcases that would be great and I can start lunch while you do that... and I'll see about Miranda too."

"If I'm too slow, you know where to find me." Kaidan suggested with a grin. Before he left, he gave her another kiss and squeezed her butt a little bit, knowing she'd kind of squeak.

Saya did indeed squeak in surprise when he squeezed her butt. Then she gave him a pretend glare as he darted from the kitchen before she could retaliate.

Kaidan chuckled as he ran off and started with his work. He wondered if they should move their bed towards the end of the room to be closer to the children. But first he was filling the dresser and put the baby's things into their own room. 

Irimsaya was quite glad when Miranda stayed behind in the kitchen to help her sort things out.

A few minutes later Hannah joined them, having a look at the babies first and then she took a chair to sit down. The two women seemed to have everything done so far as she noticed they had also made a can of tea.

"It makes me glad to see you in such a big kitchen. I have always dreamed of one like this." Hannah stood up then, getting a few cups out of the cupboard and placed them down.

"We should call the others for tea."

"I'll go and find them." Miranda said and slipped out of the room quickly.

Irimsaya watched her leave with a thoughtful gaze then turned her attention to her mother.

"I'm glad you're here mom."

Hannah glanced at Miranda as she left the room and nodded then at Saya. "And I am as well. Obviously you need all the help you can get my dear."

"Apparently." Irimsaya said softly as she got everything ready for anyone who might like to join them.

Hannah stood up and helped her with it, noting that she too was quiet now. She let it slip for the moment, thinking maybe Saya was just tired from the moving and cleaning. As soon as they were sitting at the table Hannah touched her arm gently. 

"If you are tired, or need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

Irimsaya looked at her and smiled a very little bit.

"Thanks mom, I do appreciate that but.. not here..."

"I understand," Hannah replied softly and patted her arm gently, just as Kaidan joined them. Hannah watched as he too checked in on the babies and gave her daughter a kiss.

"Hey. A bird told me we're having tea." Kaidan said as he sat down next to Saya.

"That we are." She poured him a cup and set it in front of him then gave one to Hannah. "If Miranda can persuade Joker to get off that couch that is." She chuckled softly.

"Mmh. There's one person who can if she fails." Kaidan replied as he took a sip of his tea.

Jase was busy in the first house, wading through the many things stored away there. He was kneeling on the floor as another tool went into the old fashioned toolbox he had found. They were from the time before discovering reaper tech and the relays. Really old fashioned, he mused with a grin. Like outdated, like old enough to be stored away in a museum. And yet they held something special. Using them gave him the option to be independent of any reaper tech tools, like his own omni-tool. Which was in their bedroom. 

Jase brushed off his dirty hands on his pants and stood up as he saw Miranda standing there, watching him. 

"Miranda, need anything?"

"Having fun in the dust Shepard?" Miranda smiled when she saw some dirt on his face. "Well no matter, come and get cleaned up then see if you can get your husband off his couch please. Your sister went to some trouble to make us all tea."

Jase nodded at her and picked up the toolbox, placing it into a corner which held some things they could use. He grinned, like hell he was having fun, he felt like a kid discovering all kind of things.

"Alright, let's go. Hey Miranda, how about you and I go for a run in the early mornings?"

"That would be nice actually Shepard. I'd enjoy it."

Jase nodded, this was nice indeed. And Miranda would tease the hell out of him again, he was sure of it.

"So what's with Jeff. Still on the couch?"

"Yes he apparently is under the impression that he is now the 'king of the castle'.."

That sent Jase laughing. "Maybe I'll find a crown or something in there." He pointed back at the houses. "I'm sure he'd look good with it."

"Funny man. Go get your husband please, your sister went to a lot of effort for this."

"I will." Jase jogged up the porch and got his hands and face cleaned at first. The water was cool and fresh and he hung his head under the spray a little to get the worst of the dust out of his hair. Using his hands he combed it back, dried his face and hands and went to see if Joker was really acting like the king. He suspected he was rather a king of the couch now.

"Now look, here's my favourite pilot." Jase addressed him as he crouched down next to him.

"Hmmm still waiting on the drink order... even if the server has changed.." Joker teased.

"Right. There's tea to have in the kitchen. Come on, let me give you a hand."

"Awwww but I'm comfy..." He grinned as Jase helped him to his feet.

Jase laughed softly and snatched him for a kiss. He knew he wasn't very fond of tea himself, but he couldn't be choosy at these times. One thing he realized though, was because of the wide space inside their new house, the ways were long. Even longer for Jeff, Jase mused and wondered if this was going to be a problem too, as they passed by the large empty fish tank window. Jase squinted at it, the view was magnificent. A tank in the middle of the wall, using it even as window, allowing everyone to look into the huge dining room. It just was empty.

"We really need your fish for that thing you know.."

"Yes. We do." Jase sighed softly as they entered the kitchen. He hadn't told him yet. "In two days I have to be in Vancouver at the current Alliance HQ. Anderson wants to give me the medal. Big scene and everything. Reporters, vids, us dressed in blues."

Joker stopped and turned to stare at him as all the other eyes in the room landed on him as well.

"What? Congratulations." Irimsaya smiled at him. "Excuse me for a moment please." She stood and squeezed past them through the door.

Jase didn't think congratulations were in order. He hated the thought, but the deal had been made and it gave him an option for him to get in some extra things for the shelter. And getting Jeff his own shuttle. When Saya squeezed past them he frowned at this and nodded at Jeff to sit down.

Jase followed her, something was off in this house. First Miranda, now Saya.

Irimsaya went to one of the windows that overlooked the ocean and stared out.

When he saw her he quietly approached and stood next to her. For a while he was silent, hoping she'd say something on her own, but when the silence dragged on Jase spoke up.

"I know it should be Kaidan standing here. But... Talk to me."

Irimsaya bit her lip then bowed her head.

"I just.. I... have you ever felt like someone else is living the life that was really meant for you." Her voice was quiet, she didn't want to hurt him in any way but this whole thing was starting to eat away at her soul and the guilt of him going through what she should have was killing her.

Jase was silent for a while, carefully considering his next words. He laid a hand on her shoulder, not wanting her to feel hurt by what he was going to say and hoped she'd would understand it.

"Yes. When I woke up on your ship. And... you were living my life."

Irimsaya wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, not moving the hand on her shoulder.

"And then once I was pregnant that life became yours again. I feel like I don't really belong anymore... please don't think I don't want you here, I do... I just... I can't even explain this right."

Jase watched her face from the side for a while before looking back out again. 

"It's hard, isn't it. When everything's turned upside down and you try to figure out which to take. The up or the down. You question yourself if the up is really the up or if it's the down instead," Jase sighed softly. "There's no manual to pick up to get advice on this. There's just. Us. Our feelings. Our hopes and fears..."

"I don't know what else to say. I mean... I feel a bit lost you know? Like I've lost experiences I should have had. Places I should have been. Things I should have done. And you did them all. It should have been me."

A few minutes of silence passed before Jase even moved. Yes. She was right and it was obvious. And Jase knew he understood her. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the window. Lost. Yes.

"I understand. I really do." 

He was silent again for a little while, though Jase felt glad they were talking. Then he motioned at Saya herself. "All of this, what you did and became in the last three years, should have been me too. It isn't. Was it easy to adjust? No. It was easier to pretend I did. And I became used to it."

Jase turned to her, watching her.

"You and me, we're one. As crazy as it is, that's the way things were and are." He watched her for a few seconds before he continued. "I saw the chance you had. The growing life in you, your future with the Alliance, past the Reaper's time. You're going back to the Normandy, become Admiral eventually. That alone made it worth it."

Jase sighed softly, he had to admit something though. "Sometimes I wish it hadn't been me."

"I always wish it hadn't been you Jase." Her voice was even more quiet than it had been. "But... I'm not sure I *will* go back to the Alliance. I.. I feel like they don't need me really. You, yes. Me... no."

Jase was watching her from the side. He had said it more than once that it had been okay, he had expected to go and do it.

"They don't need damaged goods. I just strung up a deal, nothing more. They need you. **You**. Now more than ever. People need others they can look up to. You're a role model, like it or not. But use it." Jase paused then, not really knowing what else to say for this certain matter. Sometimes he felt like a cat, dying many lives and once entering a new one, standing up again, brushing off the dust from the old one.

"Is this why you bought the house for us, guilt?"

Irimsaya didn't answer the question he posed. She couldn't. It was indeed the reason but how could she tell him that. And even then, it wasn't enough to wipe the guilty feeling away.

The silence was the answer, of course. And Jase sighed, not really knowing how to deal with this. No one had ever felt guilty for something which had happened to him.

"Okay, how do we deal with this," Jase mused more or less aloud. "I don't blame you. Not even for a second." He stated then.

"I know you don't. You never have. Doesn't mean I don't blame myself."

"None of this has been your fault. None. But... thank you."

Irimsaya went back to staring at the ocean, not sure what else to say.

Jase rubbed his face, feeling a little frustrated. No one had ever had any problems caused by him. Usually he took orders or gave them, made sure people were okay with themselves but he couldn't remember a single person who had any problems because things had happened to him. Not his childhood, not Akuze, not even when he had landed in Saya's world. She never had felt guilty.

"Saya. Don't bottle this up. Come on. Let's go upstairs."

She shook her head a bit.

"I can't. The twins will need feeding soon. I'll be okay."

Jase narrowed his eyes a little, not sure if she was making this up. If anything, it hurt seeing her like this and he wanted her to stop hurting.

"Like hell you'll be. You've been like this since the day I walked down to the war room."

Saya closed her eyes in silent pain at the memories and leaned her forehead against the window.

"I can't." She whispered. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can." Jase took her by the shoulders and turned her around. "If I can, you can too. You're pissed off cause they give me that damn medal." He whispered in a kind of harsh voice, he didn't want anyone to overhear them. 

"You're angry with me for doing something you were supposed to do. So was I. You want your body to hurt so bad, as if you wanted to copy my pain! You don't want that." 

"It should have been me!"

Saya couldn't take it anymore, she lurched free of his grasp and ran from the house.

Jase followed her, if anything, it at least had worked. Not the way he had hoped for, but something.

"Saya!"

She didn't turn around when her name was called. Saya just kept walking right to the ocean, wiping her eyes as she did. In a way she knew Jase was only trying to help but it felt like it was getting worse. Like she was spiraling down into a deep pit of despair.

Jase knew he should leave her but there also had been the times when he had wished for people just to be there for him, instead they had left him alone with it as well. Jase was hovering at the edge of their beach, unsure of what to do. Afraid of drifting apart, afraid of her feelings which could develop into something more. Now it was just guilt. But guilt could turn into blame and hate. 

Eventually Jase turned and left, going back to the first house. He couldn't face the others, they'd ask what was going on. Later, he hoped, he could talk to Saya, maybe she'd even... come to him. The house's air was dusty and the rays of the sun made it look like many dancing stars. He walked around, kicking things aside which lay in his way until his eyes found a suitable item which could pose as punching bag. Jase picked it up, made room on a half broken chair and placed it on it. He hit it, hard. Again, and a third time, growling out his frustration. The bag had many faces, but not one was of his family's.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and sank to her knees in the sand. Time had no meaning at this point so she had no idea how long she just knelt there, staring at the water.

Out of the upper window Jase could see her still sitting at the beach and he felt conflicted again. Should he go or not. He coughed softly as he inhaled the dusty air and wiped his sweaty face. He could do with a swim, cooling off. And maybe.. she'd feel... Jase sighed, he didn't know what she'd feel. 

He went down to the beach and got rid of his dirty top and dropped it at the edge of the beach. Jase approached her carefully, trying to come up with something intelligent he could say and sat down into the sand. Instead he said nothing as she needed to make the first step.

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a moment then slowly looked at him.

"I'm sorry I dumped all this on you. My plan was that nobody would know - ever. But it's getting so hard.. and each day it gets harder."

Jase nodded his understanding. "I know," he replied softly.

"I really don't know what to do anymore Jase. I feel like I've missed out on part of my life."

Jase nodded slowly. "Yes." Which, he figured, was one of the reasons why she always wanted to know what had happened.

"Am I insane?"

"No," came the prompt reply. Jase even smiled at this question. "No, you aren't."

"Then please tell me why I feel like this." Her voice was back to a whisper.

Jase sat there thinking for a while, remembering the time when he woke up, had walked past Kaidan and the man hadn't known him. When suddenly everything he was, was gone.

"It's okay to feel like this. It's.. normal." 

More than three years ago, Jase knew it, he had tried to avoid any of those black holes his soul had created, trying hard not to fall into any of those pitch black pits. No one knew how to help, how to deal with such a situation. Never before anything like this had happened. His life had been turned upside down, ripped apart. Career gone, friends, people he knew, were strangers. 

If there was any word he hated with a passion now, it was the word 'adjusting'. Thrown at him by Kaidan years ago. Or when people meant well, tried to talk, told him to move on, to accept it. If he had only slipped as much and had broken down, somewhere, Jase knew they'd have made him see a doctor and he wouldn't be here today. He would have snapped and ended it for once and all.

"I took a part of your life away. It's normal. The guilt, you feel it because you care for me." 

He knew there was more, wanted even to say more, but steady steps were better. A part of him felt grateful that Saya cared so much.

"I feel like you're the brother I always wanted and never had. But it doesn't help. I wish it did. Even having the twins didn't help - though I'm starting to wonder if Kaidan did that to me on purpose to try to keep me on the ship and away from the danger."

Jase gave her a weird look. "Hey, come on. A guy hardly knows when a woman is fertile. Not even the krogan do. Just the Salarians seem to have a thing with laying eggs." Too bad there were no male asari, Jase mused for a second before looking back at her. It was a serious issue she had, after all.

"Yeah well then his timing was perfect, wasn't it."

"Apparently, a shot in the dark, well aimed." Jase teased her a little but was serious then again. "Anyway. The only advice I can give, is to accept those feelings. Ignoring them away won't help, nor fighting them."

"You don't want me to accept them Jase." She whispered again. "Because if I do then I'll walk right into that water and not come out."

"No. I don't want that. So there's more than just the guilt you feel. You didn't mention this before."

Irimsaya shrugged a little bit.

"How could I? Everyone's been so happy.. how could I bring any of you down to the pit of despair I'm in."

Jase nodded and answered softly, "Yeah, great. Keep the morale up no matter the cost. You're afraid of yourself, what you could become if you.. allowed yourself to feel it. It's part of you already though. Because right now, we're already dealing with it."

"But I'm *not* dealing with it Jase. I wish I were but in truth I'm not. I want to be able to but I don't know if it will ever happen."

"We're dealing with the result of it. Here," he held out his arms to motion around. "All of this is already a result of it," he told her and studied her face for a little while. "That pit of yours, deep, dark and scary?"

Irimsaya studied him silently and leaned against him, wondering if he would hold her.

"Very deep dark and scary."

Jase was glad when she leaned against him and he willingly laid his arm around her. There weren't many women he had feelings for and Saya was one of the very few.

"I don't know what to do Jase." Her voice was quivering a bit with what sounded like fear.

"Don't be afraid of yourself. Everyone of us has a dark side somewhere. It's part of us though," Jase told her, rubbing her arm a little.

"I can't afford for it to be a part of me." She replied softly.

"You can. I have one too. Better to control it than letting it drive your life," Jase answered quietly. It was easier to tame it and direct it when needed.

"I can't, not with the babies.. I have to be too careful."

Jase turned to her and made her look at him. 

"Saya. You trust me with them, don't you. I used to do drugs. I didn't know better. Sometimes I'm on fire where I need to .. fight. But I control it, channel it. And you can channel it too. If you don't let it out, it will eat you alive. Your twins don't deserve that either. You once asked me how I can be so content. It's a facade. I just channel it."

Irimsaya nodded slowly then moved her head and kissed his cheek gently.

Kaidan was slowly approaching them from behind, worry and confusion in his eyes.

"Are you two alright?"

Jase looked up at him. "I better join Jeff." He figured his tea was cold now anyway and he could do with some fresh clothes. Jase looked at Saya once again.

"Think about it, I'm always up for a good sparing round." 

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks Jase. Really."

Jase nodded and gave them a smile, knowing she wouldn't want Kaidan to know. "Enjoy the beach."

Irimsaya smiled and watched him leave as Kaidan knelt down next to her. She could nearly feel the concern radiating off his body.

Kaidan felt somehow out of the loop. The two had taken off and it nearly looked like they were angry with each other. About the medal.

"Are you two alright?" Kaidan repeated his question as Jase had successfully evaded it. He wondered if she felt jealous of the medal. But luckily Joker and Hannah had educated him with the whole story.

"Yeah... yeah we're fine.."

Kaidan was watching her like a hawk. This just sounded so convincing that he was sure it had to be a lie. Instead of calling her out on it, he decided that whatever it was the two of them would work it out.

"How about you. Are you alright?"

Irimsaya glanced at him then looked out at the ocean.

"I will be."

Kaidan's frown deepened. "What's been happening here. Is this about the medal? Are you feeling left out?"

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead, she should have known he would pick up on something. He was always good at that.

"Kaidan, it's nothing. I promise."

Kaidan didn't know what to think.

"Last time you told me it was nothing it turned out to be something earth shattering." 

Irimsaya bit her lip and closed her eyes before looking at him again.

"Right... uhm..." She sighed then told him what she told Jase, not wanting to hide anything from her husband anymore.

Kaidan sat there listening patiently and was nodding from time to time. He laid his arm around her and drew her closer while kissing her hair.

"I'm glad you finally told me," Kaidan whispered to her. He wasn't going to make accusations like why she wasn't willing to tell him any time sooner.

Irimsaya let him hold her like that for awhile, needing his comfort.

"I guess I should have said something sooner but.. I couldn't. You were all too happy. I couldn't do it to any of you. Though mom knows, somehow.."

"Mothers always do. Somehow they pick up on it. I.. can't believe I missed this. You looked so happy a few days ago when the twins were born."

"How could I not be happy Kaidan? They're our children. I.." She laughed a bit. "I asked Jase if he thought maybe you got me pregnant on purpose, to keep me safe on the ship."

Kaidan made a face which transformed into a silly one. "I would say your source of information was badly choosen." Kaidan grinned. "Of course if I did, it would be my ass on the line here. I'm not sure if I want that." He snatched a quick kiss.

Irimsaya kissed him back gently.

"I do so love you Commander Alenko."

Kaidan smiled at her as she said this and the dark clouds hanging around her head seemed to have vanished for a bit. He still wondered how he had missed this and promised himself to pay better attention now. Kaidan quickly tackled her down and carefully laid down onto her to kiss her again. It was a bold move but worth it.

"I love you too, Commander Alenko-Shepard."

"Actually it's Shepard-Alenko." She smiled a little bit, glad she was able to hide how depressed she was from him even now as she kissed him back.

"Mmh," Kaidan murmured thoughtfully, "Commander Shepard-Alenko." Kaidan was about to say something else when their omni-tools started beeping. He looked at it and gave Saya a smile as their children needed them. 

"Aah, the benefits of parenting. I wish I could feed them like you do."

Irimsaya kissed him gently then got up with his help. She was quite glad when they walked back to the house together - his arm around her waist tightly.

That night, Kaidan lay awake for a long time, watching Saya's face. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or not. And the risk to wake her up was too high, as she needed her sleep whenever she got it. But he wanted to know how he could help her, what she needed to feel better, aside of his love for her.

Irimsaya moaned softly, obviously dreaming, and reached out to find him. Lost in the dream she was staring at his broken and bleeding body. His dead body. Dreams like this had been plaguing her since the last battle for Earth and the Citadel. She kept dreaming that he had gone to Earth with Jase and he hadn't survived.

Kaidan drew her closer and gently kissed her hair, trying to soothe her when she made those soft but stressed noises. "Ssh.."

Saya gasped awake in confusion, then realized she was safe in his arms. He was still alive. She silently began to weep.

Kaidan just held her and tried to soothe her, but he didn't know what else to do. "Hey, shh.. it's okay."

Irimsaya silenced him with a passionate kiss then rolled on top of him. She needed him. She needed to be sure this wasn't another dream.

His mind went 'woah!' for a moment before he kissed her back and ran his hands along her back to slip under her sleeping top. This sudden change was unexpected but welcomed. Kaidan just hoped he wouldn't hurt her. 

The next morning Saya sat on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. Even though she had managed to convince herself they were 'just dreams' they were definitely beginning to take their toll on her.

Slowly waking up Kaidan reached out to find Saya in her bed. As his hand hit the empty spot he turned around, seeing her sitting there and he moved over to her side. It pained him to see his once so strong woman sitting there as if only misery existed now. He could have asked if she was okay, but he knew she wasn't.

"Saya?" Kaidan said to her as he laid his hand onto her lower back. "How can I help you with this?"

"I'm not sure you can Kaidan." Irimsaya replied, her voice shaking a bit. "Unless you can make these dreams stop. If mine are like this I can only imagine what my brother's are like."

Kaidan wouldn't know, but he did know he wasn't going to sit by and watch his wife falling apart bit by bit.

"There has to be something I can do, we can do." Kaidan figured having positive thoughts alone wasn't helping anymore either.

"I don't know... I don't know... I just know I can't go through another night of thinking you're dead."

He was about to protest that he was right here, but then he nodded and caressed her back gently. Sometimes he still dreamed about her getting spaced.

"How about.. talking to someone who.. who can help us." The suggestion wasn't easily done but he saw no other option. The pit was a lot deeper apparently than he had guessed.

Irimsaya turned her eyes to him.

"You want me to see a shrink."

"I can't force you to and I never would. It's a suggestion. An option only. As I.. don't know how to help. I just can't sit by.. and watch you... Have you been like this for weeks? I mean, how could I miss this?"

Irimsaya watched him, her face softening.

"I've been like this for awhile - and I've been trying very hard to hide it from all of you. Please don't fault yourself for not seeing it - that just means I did exactly what I wanted to."

Kaidan nodded eventually, he didn't like it at all. A part of him felt even a little angry because he thought they shared a life. They were married and they should have....! Kaidan shook his head, it wasn't going to help, thinking like this. She had made a decision, alone. Without including him. Sometimes he hated the Shepards for this, but it's the way they were and the reason why they were good with what they did.

"And hearing about the medal just brought it to surface. Like hitting home, straight into the wound, deepening it?"

Irimsaya bowed her head and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I mean I defeated Saren and saved the Citadel and what did I get? A cold thanks from the council. I stopped the collectors - I *died* - and what do I get? Bare recognition then thrown into house arrest. I guess... I'm just tired of everything."

"You bought the galaxy six months of time if you hadn't destroyed the Relay. Unfortunately they never really understood it. It was you who laid out the basic work, gave us time to prepare. If you hadn't done your job I'm sure we wouldn't be here, talking." Kaidan sighed and shook his head.

"And only my family and friends seem to think that way Kaidan. You know I got a message the day the twins were born from the Dalatrass - apparently she survived."

Kaidan winced a little. "Aaand.... what did she have to say. Was she still mad with Jase for curing the Genophage?"

"And me for not stopping it. And she still thinks I have to answer for that... incident. She doesn't think I spent enough time locked up."

"But that's out of her league! She only has reach for the salarians and her homeworld. For heaven's sake, she tried to bribe him and has no connections with the few batarians which are left. She can't blame you for that. If she does, heaven forbid, we could face another war. I honestly doubt Wrex or Eve would allow this to happen." Kaidan fell silent, thinking of the crazy salarian called Mordin who believed it was the right thing to do. And so many other salarians were, too. There were surely more around.

"It just... brought a lot back you know?" She kissed his cheek gently. "Come on, I'll make you breakfast."

Kaidan nodded and took her into his arms once more. "You're right, it brought back a lot."

Irimsaya closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to just sit there with her husband the way they were for however long they could.

The spell was kind of broken when Kaidan's stomach growled and he chuckled softly.

Irimsaya patted his bare stomach gently.

"Alright, let's get that little guy fed before he wakes the children."

Kaidan nodded and soon they were entering the kitchen. Jase was already up and sitting by himself at the table with a datapad in hand. He looked freshly showered and in the pan were some fried eggs and bacon.

"Morning."

"Good morning Jase - sleep well?" Irimsaya went and gently hugged him around the shoulders.

Jase raised an eyebrow at this, clearly surprised especially at being hugged. "The usual. You?" He watched her as she circled around to sit down.

She shrugged just a little bit, her eyes still haunted and depressed but she was putting on a brave front.

"Same I think."

It was funny somehow, nothing was really said but Jase knew that she knew and he knew that her night hadn't been good either. He saw Kaidan coming over with two plates and placed them onto the table for them. Jase picked up his datapad and began typing some more into it while the two of them ate.

"Found a lot of old tools in the first house. An old tub. A few chairs, some of them broken."

"I'm sure we can fix whatever's broken. I'm glad you had a look around."

Jase peered over the edge of the datapad, watching her. Gauging her reaction. It wasn't that good. He had hoped she'd feel a little better. Aside of getting the nice hug, by now Jase was sure she was battling many demons. And if he was lucky, Kaidan had filled her in about the ceremony and Vancouver. If not..

"Makes you wonder what's stored away in the second and third house. Got a message from the previous owners. They say hello to you and wanted let us know they're taking some kind of vacation, visiting family. They're giving us time to settle in first."

"Oh that's nice of them, I told them they didn't have to do that. I'll have to thank them when they get back."

Jase nodded and watched Kaidan inhaling his eggs.

"Didn't you say they used to have livestock here? Maybe we should get some hens. They could lay eggs."

"I like that idea myself actually. I'd love to do that." Kaidan spoke up as Saya glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

Jase's face mirrored Saya's expression. "I knew you were into chicks, but never figured it was that serious." 

Jase teased him with a small grin and nodded. Another little thing taken care of. Now he just needed to find a dog too. As a thought hit him Jase quickly typed it into the datapad and closed it down with a satisfied sigh and looked back at Kaidan. 

Kaidan was watching Saya with worried eyes then he looked back at Jase.

"How's Joker settling in?"

"Currently getting his beauty sleep." Jase motioned towards upstairs. "He's settling in fine. So he says. I like to believe him but, you start to wonder as he has to ration his meds. Karin gave me a fresh stack of supplies, it just won't last longer than another month."

Irimsaya stopped, her fork halfway to her mouth, and stared at her brother.

"Nobody told me he was running low on meds."

"He told me only yesterday. He won't break. We just need to keep it in mind." Jase answered, looking at her. "Just don't tell him you know."

"Mmh... I think I'll have a chat with our former Cerberus operative. Maybe Miranda still has a supplier or two out there somewhere."

Jase nodded his thanks as he was worried about the med supply problem. It was one thing to be used to Jeff's condition, but having it becoming worse because of a war was hard.

"I was out with her, jogging. She's giving Karin a hand, we're setting up a little med bay here behind the stairs."

"Really? I'm glad to hear it."

Jase nodded again and decided enough small talk.

"About tomorrow," he said with a sigh, "you probably don't know it but I'm no fan of medals or anything like this. I do my job, that's it."

"It's tomorrow? I didn't realize.."

"Yeah. Tomorrow. Sorry about that. They're sending a shuttle for us. It's here in the late evening and we'll stay the night at the Normandy. Gives me time to clean out our old room. Bring the fish and my hamster home. I would.. feel better if all of you could be there. And maybe you and Kaidan want to visit his mom and dad. Show them the twins." Jase sighed softly, what he would give to have it 48 hours later already.

Irimsaya stared down at the table and pushed her food away, no longer hungry.

"If that's what you want."

"I don't want it Saya, it's part of a goddamn deal. You don't have to be there, if you feel you can't." It was clear now Kaidan hadn't told her. On the other hand, Jase felt like the Alliance at least owed this to him. It was like a small part of him felt satisfied. How it turned out was to be seen though and he knew it.

"I'll be there." She shrugged a bit then stood up and took her plate to the garbage, her stomach churning now.

Jase bit down on his tongue and locked his jaw tight. He didn't want to say anything he would regret later. Nothing of this would have happened if they just had accepted the twelve years of service. Instead he had to sell his face and voice to reap in some benefits and a monthly supply package.

Kaidan looked at Jase and waited until the other man met his eyes. He shook his head a bit and there was a deep worry in his eyes for his wife.

Jase nodded, still feeling very angry until he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep cool.

"You know, I really understand her. Maybe better than anyone else does. But it's just a few months. Not two years she's lost." He stood up and started to clean the table and put something away for Jeff later to eat. He should talk to Jeff instead, as Kaidan wasn't such a good option.

Kaidan grabbed Jase's wrist before he stepped away again.

"I know you understand her. You understand her better than I do. Because you're the same as her. But waking up in the middle of the night and wanting sex with me just to make sure I'm alive isn't something I'm exactly used to."

Jase looked at him before he carefully jerked his hand out of his grasp, feeling annoyed by Kaidan touching him.

"I don't know how to help. She doesn't want to face her darkest fears or feelings! She's mourning a few months she's lost!"

"What is it with you Shepards and not being able to talk to me?!"

"What do you want to hear?!" Jase nearly yelled back at him.

"How about what's really going on here?! My wife keeps dreaming I'm dead, you... you're acting so... I don't know - but you're not alone!"

"I don't know Kaidan," Jase hung his head, all energy leaving him. "I don't know. I lost my whole life and she's getting upset over some weeks in her reality." Jase shook his head at this. "We're two of the same people in the same reality now. Maybe she's having my dreams." 

"It's deeper than that but, yes and no at the same time. You know, I'm not sure she even really got a thank you for all she's done? Not even an offer for a promotion. I think she's more upset though that she didn't get hurt instead of you. She can't even stand it when you're hurting emotionally for pete's sake."

There were dishes to clean now and Jase figured he better do it, to keep him focused on something. Kaidan wouldn't leave before he got a satisfying answer or anything that made at least sense. Jase knew he was fishing for information on how to handle his wife, to understand her better. But how was he supposed to give any advice when Jase himself couldn't even pin it really down. One second he thought he had it then something happened and things became even more weird. Now they dragged him into this as well.

As the basin was slowly filling with water and the foam was starting to show Jase rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand and looked out of the window into the backyard. He should have gone upstairs with the datapad and written on the speech there instead to linger around in the kitchen to see how his family was. Now he wondered what Kaidan thought and meant with the 'you're acting soo...'. 

They didn't know him. They only knew him as their Commander and not as someone who... Jase turned off the faucet and wondered for a second who he actually was before he buried his hands into the water to wash the dishes. He was aware of Kaidan next to him, staring holes into his face and waiting for an answer, anything.

"I was working on my speech for tomorrow. Including a thank you:

" _I wouldn't have stood a chance without any of you. Especially not without my sister, Commander Irimsaya Shepard-Alenko, who provided us with the chance to fight the Reapers by stopping Sovereign, by taking out the Collectors and delaying the Reapers arrival for half a year. She stood at my side when I had to make the most difficult decisions of my life."_

With a sigh he looked at him. "I don't have the answers Kaidan, I've been trying to find them all night long. I wish I could tell you why she wants to feel my pain. It's..," Jase turned his attention back to the dishes. They weren't many and soon he would be done. 

".. like she's trying to become one with me. Or if something makes her wish I wouldn't stop being a Commander. As if she needs the security, as if my presence alone gave her strength."

"Because it does." Irimsaya's voice came from behind them. "You give me more strength than I ever thought I had. And you really put that in your speech?"

Kaidan had turned in surprise and was staring at her.

"Yes," Jase replied softly, finishing his task. "It's on the datapad. You can read the whole thing if you want." He had been working on it already the day before, wracking his brain for a decent one.

"I don't want to read it." She said, wishing he would turn around. "I want to hear it. Tomorrow."

"You'll be there?" Jase asked, feeling a little bit hopeful and turned around to look at her.

"Only for you."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me." He answered honestly and wondered, it was as if they both were waiting for something and Kaidan was still looking at Saya, though Saya's eyes were on his. Jase held out his hand for her. A small gesture but if he was right, she would know what to do. 

Irimsaya glanced at the offered hand then went to him and hugged him tightly.

"Only for *you*."

"Only for us, Saya. We're still a team." Jase nodded once again and rubbed her back a little before he let go. "I'll bring Jeff his breakfast."

Irimsaya watched him go then slowly sank down onto one of the chairs in the kitchen.

Kaidan scratched his head a little and took the chair next to her. "How much did you hear?" he asked her quietly.

"Everything."

Kaidan sighed softly and rubbed his head. "And.. what are we going to do about it now? How are we going from here, Saya. I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't lose me again. I'm resigning my commission."

Kaidan stood up and looked at her in alarm. "What?! You can't!"

"Why can't I, Kaidan? Please tell me why."

"Because people still need you! I need you there and you have a crew standing behind you. You can't just stop because some... pencil pushers ignore what you've done for the galaxy!" Kaidan shook his head. What was suddenly going on with them? They were fighters. Not people who buried their head in sand or hide.

"We have the twins to consider too Kaidan! Do you really want them growing up on starships??"

Kaidan shrugged, there were worse ways to grow up and Saya had turned out fine. "I don't know! You're a fine woman, didn't seem to have hurt you and they'd be with their parents, after all."

Irimsaya rubbed her face gently then looked at him again.

"Alright, you want the truth? It's not just them ignoring me, *using* me and then throwing me away like yesterday's trash - no wait - that's *exactly* what it is."

Kaidan was silently watching her after she had said this and felt conflicted. He found it hard to believe the Alliance would do this, but he had been there and seen it. Considering the things he had learned concerning the other Shepard, they sure liked to do this. Which was wrong. Never before had he heard about anything like this. People were loyal and they were rewarded.

"Show them they're wrong to do this. Show them your teeth. Admiral Anderson still has your back and half of the Alliance is dead anyway. Even if they wanted to throw you away like an used tool they just can't! They need you! Maybe they haven't realized this yet, but they do. People like you, they're rare."

Irimsaya leaned over and kissed him gently.

"Thanks for reminding me why I love you."

Kaidan chuckled a little at this. Reminding her.

"If they'd let you go, then they are pretty stupid." 

Irimsaya kissed him again then heard a tiny cry.

"Oops sounds like someone's hungry." She got up and nearly ran to the twins.

Kaidan nodded and went after her. When one was crying the other one wasn't far behind and would join in soon.

"Ssshhh it's okay Hilary, mommy's here." Saya gently started feeding her then sat down on the nearest chair to wait until she was finished.

Kaidan went and got her a towel then he picked up David. "Mmh.. someone's a little smelly. Better to make room for after breakfast, huh?" Kaidan said as his tickled the little belly a little as he carried him over to get him cleaned up. Kaidan glanced at Saya from time to time as he was changing David and then he had a surprised look on his face. 

"Whoa! I think I just got a shower," he laughed and looked down at his wet shirt.

Irimsaya started laughing, she couldn't help herself then she stopped when she heard a different type of giggle and she looked down at Hilary who was watching her daddy.

"She... she... she just laughed..."

Kaidan looked surprised at his little daughter who's eyes were on his face. He gave her a smile then and was watching her reaction. They weren't even a week old yet but apparently there was still more to them than the eye saw.

Hilary cooed at her dad and smiled then went back to her meal.

Irimsaya was staring at Kaidan in shock.

Kaidan had a silent wow on his face and focused back on David then, getting him back into fresh baby clothes.

"Alright young man, as soon as your sister's done it's your turn." Kaidan told him as he picked him up and walked over to Saya. "Until then, you stay with me."

Kaidan looked down at his two girls, wondering about Hilary.

"I guess, your cybernetics gave them a real headstart and advanced them beyond anything we have seen yet."

"Or it could have been gas.." Irimsaya grinned nervously at him as Hilary finished her breakfast. "I think she's done."

"Gas, huh?" Kaidan chuckled softly as he let Saya place Hilary onto his free arm. As soon as David was in Saya's arm Kaidan adjusted Hilary to let her burp and called her a little princess.

Hilary cooed at him again then made a face as she, too, started to stink.

Kaidan watched her face and laughed as something like stress vanished from her small face.

"Alright my little stinky princess. You need a change too." Before he got her back into her clothes Kaidan snatched her little feet, played with them a little and kissed them. When she looked very sleepy he dressed her and carried her around a little more before he placed her back into the bed.

"Daddy needs a fresh shirt now too."

"Oh daddy definitely does. Of course mommy doesn't mind if daddy goes around half naked.." Saya told David as he fell asleep eating.

Kaidan gave her a smirk and got rid of his shirt, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Mmmh I think the view in this house just majorly improved..."

Kaidan gave a short laugh and kept watching her with an amused grin on his face.

Irimsaya gave a happy sigh as she stared at his chest. Hannah walked into the room and raised an eyebrow.

"Well now is it going to be like this every day? I could get used to seeing a chest like that each morning.."

Kaidan turned a little red in his face and stammered something like he needs a new shirt, got peed on. Going for a swim was one thing, but this had been for his wife and if she hadn't walked in, he maybe would have leaned down to start more with Saya. Too late now.

Hannah chuckled a bit at Kaidan's embarrassment.

"Now now, my dear son-in-law, relax. It's nothing I haven't seen before - although I'm not sure I've seen one so well-toned before.. Anyway I just wanted to let you both know that the rest of us are going outside to see what we can do in the other houses and the garden if you want to join us."

"Erm. Thank you, I think." Kaidan coughed a little and nodded, waiting for her to leave.

Hannah laughed then left the room. Saya smiled at her husband.

"She really loves you."

Kaidan scratched his chin. "Well, for what's worth it, I had heard horror stories about mother's-in-law. At least she appreciates the sight of me."

Irimsaya actually allowed herself a small giggle.

"I don't think you have to worry Kaidan, relax."

"Oh oh I am relaxed, I just.. nearly kissed your breast and to think she would have walked in on **that**...!" Kaidan shrugged a little. 

"I guess standing here shirtless was the better option."

Irimsaya laughed now, wincing when she accidentally woke David who had just dozed off again.

"Oooh baby I'm sorry.."

Kaidan went to their baby son and picked him up, talking to David. He gave him to Saya and stood next to her, holding his little hand while she was soothing him.

"I can carry the bed outside to take them with us."

"Good idea.. I don't want to leave them alone in here and it's such a beautiful day.."

Kaidan shook his head. "No. I would never leave them alone somewhere. They go where we go." He leaned down to kiss David's head. "The air will be good for them and Joker, if he feels like it, could watch over him or one of our grandmas." Kaidan chuckled softly while thinking of Dr. Chakwas and Saya's mom making a fuss over the babies.

Joker was standing the the doorway, having heard them talking.

"I don't mind watching over them, would be fun for me."

Kaidan smiled at him and nodded his thanks. "Thank you Joker. Where should I place the bed?"

"Maybe on the deck in the shade? Up to you really." Joker smiled, he honestly couldn't wait to take care of them.

"Deck on the shade, that's fine Joker. Not too far from the house in case they need changing and we can come and take a rest. Well, I better get this started then." Kaidan gave Saya a kiss and got a tank top for the work they were going to do. Just like he had promised, he placed the bed where Joker had suggested.

Joker watched in surprise and gratitude as Saya put up a lawn chair for him to relax in on the deck with the children.

"Thanks ma'am." Joker grinned at her as he sat down in it.

"Don't call me ma'am Joker. For you, it's Saya."

Jase came out of the house carrying several bottles with water for them. He had gotten rid of his shirt as it was hot enough and he'd end up making it dirty anyway. The last one had a gash, he must have ripped it somehow without realizing it. The shorts were just good enough for the work in the houses.

"Here you are. Now that's a sight I enjoy." Jase gave them a smile. His eyes lingered on Jeff who was caring for the babies. Yes, he definitely would love to have one. But other matters were more important.

"Got water for each of you."

"Why thank you kind sir." Joker grinned up at him as Saya stood to accept hers.

"I'll come and help you guys. Joker, call me if they need something." Irimsaya smiled and patted his shoulder before leaving the deck. 

Jase watched her go with a small smile, somehow she was.. different now. He couldn't really say how but something was definitely different.

"You look good as a 'dad'."

"Me? Really? Honestly never thought about it.."

"Really," Jase replied, "you'd make a good dad. I've got the omni-tool with me. We could talk. Or if you need me, just give me a call." Jase went to him, leaned down and kissed him. If there had been more time earlier he wouldn't be down here with him now. Then he left and went back to the first house.  


Hours later Jase was all dirty and sweaty and most of the things inside had been sorted. He had found an old empty notebook and a pencil which was still useful and jotted down the layout of the house. Granted, he could have inserted the data into his omni-tool right away, but doing it the very old fashioned way first was an incredible experience. He figured it best to have a room for an adult right at the door. Kids and teenagers loved to make a run from the house and sneak away at night. Since they were having enough problems with supplies, Jase thought it best to have one bathroom per floor. His omni-tool beeped and Kaidan appeared on the screen.

"Hey Kaidan, what's up." Jase answered and looked at the screen for a second before writing down some more thoughts.

"We're going to have a late lunch. Hannah brings it out onto the deck and we thought you might want to join us."

Jase could hear Jeff's voice in the background and he nodded as it was time to wrap this up for today anyway. 

"I'm on my way."

Kaidan turned to Saya then and nodded. "He'll join us. I'm glad we found all those seeds. They might be old but some of them could grow." He sounded hopeful.

"I'll cross my fingers that they will." Saya knew she looked filthy and had dirt streaks all over her face, but she didn't care - somehow doing what they were doing was oddly satisfying for her.

He nodded and chuckled a little at her, he reached out with a finger and smeared it even more across her face as he tried to brush it off.

"I honestly don't think I'm good for any cleaning, aside of changing the babies."

"Hmmm I gather I'm a tad dirty then. I'll run down to the ocean and clean up a bit then join you guys."

"Okay." Kaidan gave her a kiss despite the dust and watched her walking down. Her red hair was shining even more brightly in the sun. As if the sun itself was walking towards the beach.

"Your lunch break awaits you Alenko-Commander." Liam said from directly behind Kaidan.

Kaidan turned around. "Thank you Liam. Aren't you missing your other people? You're the only around here. Not seeing them must be.. a little hard?"

"This one is surviving with what is provided. The clan that is here has accepted me into their family and therefore I am at home with them. With you."

Kaidan raised his eyebrows in surprise and nodded then. "I.. well. It makes me glad that you're considering us as your home and kind of family. But if you ever need something, I would like you to ask, maybe we can help."

"This one will promise to do so, Alenko-Commander."

"Okay. Thank you Liam, I guess I should go then and have my lunch." 

'Geth are weird', Kaidan thought. Always so straight to the point and formal and well. Small talk wasn't his favourite thing and this geth seemed to love small talk.

Liam watched him go then turned his eye onto Saya to monitor her safety.

Jase came out of the house and walked straight to the beach while thinking about the house, the layout. And a little about having to leave for Vancouver. He got rid of his clothes, slipped out of his shoes and walked straight into the water. He let out a soft groan when the ocean cooled down his body and the waves started to wash away the dust.

Irimsaya watched him with a raised eyebrow.

"And hi to you too brother..."

Jase dropped onto his knees and turned around to face her. He hadn't seen her at all and his eyes went to his clothes, Saya, a tree (it must have blocked the view), back to Saya, his clothes and back to her again.

"Hi you too. Water's nice."

Irimsaya covered her mouth with her hand.

"I hope you're not embarrassed. Nothing I haven't seen before Jase." She winked at him. "Besides, we know each other too well to be embarrassed by each other."

"Uh-huh. Seen it once, seen them all, huh?" Jase told her, working hard to hide his grin but then it broke free. Instead of moving around he splashed some water to her then.

"Why don't you join me?" He laughed.

Irimsaya gasped as he got her soaked with the splash.

"Why you little..." She leaped at him with a laugh.

Jase laughed hard as she landed on him and they fell together into the water.

"Not fair, you're still dressed." Jase spluttered with a laugh as he came back up. He didn't mind though and splashed her again while moving deeper into the water.

Irimsaya ignored his comment and chased after him.

"Nobody splashes me and gets away with it Jase!"

Jase turned around and made a run through the water as fast as he could, laughing over his shoulder. He wondered what she would do if she caught him.

"Gah... alright, you win. Still have this baby belly to contend with." She called after him, breathing hard.

Jase stopped with a laugh and turned around. "Aw come on. Baby belly's not that bad."

"Nope, it's really not." Saya grinned and tackled him again, pleased that her trick worked.

Jase yelled in surprise as he found himself back under the water and he tucked on her to get her down too. He came up coughing and spluttering, but was laughing himself nearly silly as she looked like a wet poodle now.

Saya grinned at him then splashed him gently.

"Okay you, we're missing lunch."

"Yeah. That another trap?" Jase laughed softly as he walked towards the beach.

"Nah, my stomach's giving me those 'I'm hungry' pangs."

"Must be worse for you since you're feeding two hungry babies," he said as he walked out of the water. Jase knew his clothes were going to be pretty wet, he picked up his shorts and slipped them on, stuffing his briefs into one pocket.

"Found anything interesting in the other houses?"

"A few things that we might be able to use. Kaidan found some old seeds he wants to try and plant just to see if we can get anything to grow from them."

After picking up his shoes Jase turned around to face her. "Sounds good. Didn't know he was into gardening." He eyed her then and chuckled again. 

"You look like a wet dog. Just the sappy face is missing," he teased her. Though Jase was glad to have seen and heard her laughing. It had felt incredibly good. Growing up with her, would it have been so nice too? Or would they have been at each other's throats instead and fought, for things, or love from their parents.

"A wet dog huh... Gee thanks for the compliment bro."

Jase laughed a little and got rid of his shoes again. They were full of sand from his wet sandy feet, he bent down and picked them up. The pair was dangling from his hand as they walked towards their house.

"Dogs are nice. Loyal, stand by your side no matter what." He chuckled then, getting ready for another chase she might do, "And are always hungry."

Irimsaya just glared daggers at him for the jab.

"What would that make you then oh dear brother?"

"I don't kno-ow.." He nearly sang a little. She needed to come up something of her own, but he was going to give her some help by answering, "A wet dog?"

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him then grinned.

"Oh no, definitely not. I was thinking more along the lines of a drowned rat..."

Jase laughed loudly at this. "A drowned rat?" Jase tried to look like one then and wondered if she'd seen one of those other old vids again. "I'm missing those big ears."

"No.... you *think* you're missing those big ears." She replied, baiting him.

Jase stiffled a laugh under his hand and was watching her. "Maybe the ears, but not the tail."

"Hmmm that one I'd have to ask Jeff about.."

Jase nudged her with a grin as he opened the door for her. So she hadn't seen a lot then after all, Jase mused.

"If you're getting an answer out of him." Especially a truthful one. 

"I'm his Commander, I'll get an honest answer out of him."

Jase just shrugged at her with a grin. 

"Good luck with that. First one at the table wins!"

Irimsaya smiled and shook her head a bit.

"Then you shall win Jase, I'm exhausted."

He stopped to look at her, having an 'aww' expression on his face. 

"I could take you piggy-back."

"Aaahhh no - over my dead body." Saya laughed.

Jase just shook his head at her, grinning. He considered grabbing her and throwing her over his shoulder to carry her to the kitchen but somehow he thought it might be too hurtful to her.

"Should get some dry shorts first. You win." He chuckled.

"Bah, you'll be just fine in those, don't worry."

"Alright, if you say so." He figured with some things women were better, like when things needed to be kept clean. If she said it would be fine then it would be fine. Jase walked closer to her and bumped their hips a little as he laid his arm around her shoulder.

Irimsaya leaned into his embrace, knowing how rare it was for him to show affection for a woman.

Jase gave her a smile and walked her to the kitchen.

"Sorry, we're a little late." 

The sight of them all sitting at the table was nice and he went to take the free chair next to Joker. Jase smiled at Jeff, wondering how he'd been doing with the kids. Looking at their clock he was surprised to see how late it already was. A few hours and they'd have to leave. 

"You know... after looking after those little tykes.. I can't wait until this place starts filling up." Joker was saying to the others as Jase came and sat next to him while Saya went to Kaidan and the babies.

Jase considered his words, it was a little surprising his man seemed to like kids a lot more than Jase had actually thought. Somehow it also made him considering that their intentions were of a different type. Jeff loved kids. Jase wanted to make sure a few of those unfortunate souls would have a chance. A chance to proof themselves against all odds and flee from a lousy existence of bad influences and crappy life style.

Jase took the cushion off the chair and finally sat down. His eyes were shining with love for his husband and he gave him a peck on the beard before he turned his attention to his food. Yummy. But first he kind of answered Jeff's unspoken question.

"Considering how everyone's been helping today - thank you all, it won't be long. As soon as the med-bay is done and we have a few free beds we have a go."

Kaidan looked at Saya as she sat down next to him and raised his eyebrows at how wet she was. As if she'd done a dive into the pool.

"Don't say a word Alenko. Not a word." But there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

Kaidan kept silent but carefully took a piece of Saya's top between his fingertips and rubbed it. Testing it. It was wet. He glanced over at Jase who was inhaling his food. His hair was wet too and Kaidan's eyes traveled back to his wife. Wet hair too. He heard Hannah laughing softly at something. 

Kaidan moved around on his chair, getting carefully closer to Saya and whispered into her ear, "You're looking even more... sexy when .. uh..all wet."

Irimsaya turned her head to him, a sly smile on her face.

"We have time before we have to leave..." She whispered back.

"Mmmh. I'd love to get you out of these wet clothes," Kaidan whispered back.

Irimsaya cleared her throat and smiled at the others.

"I uhm... I'm going to go find some dry clothes... Kaidan? Want to help me pick something out?"

Kaidan nodded as he stood up. "Yes. I should get changed too. I'm a little dusty."

Jase took a sip from the tea and just glanced at them before turning his attention back to Jeff and the others. There was a lot of chatting going on and Jase paid them no real heed. Goofing around with Saya had been great and his thoughts were about the fresh memories.

Kaidan sniggered a little as he kind of chased Saya upstairs. And no one seemed to mind them leaving.

Joker glanced at Jase and grinned a bit.

"They weren't very covert about that were they. I guess we get to look after the kids huh?"

Jase swallowed down the bite with a sip from the tea and looked at Jeff. He had heard him talking but that was about it, the word Kids was in it though. He still was thinking of their ocean play.

"Huh? Kids? Yes." Jase wiped away some water droplets running down from his hair. "Sorry, I was a little far away. You were saying?"

"Yeah this I can see. Where were you?"

"At the beach with Saya. Actually I took a swim and we just. Played. Yes, we played." Jase just shrugged at him, not knowing if it made any sense to Jeff as he kept thinking about playing as a child.

Joker raised his eyebrows so high they almost disappeared into his head.

"You.....played???"

"You could say that. Dumped each other into the water after playing catch and splash." Jase grinned.

"Oy... I married a big kid..." Joker put his face in his hands in mock despair.

"That so bad?" Jase grinned. "You aren't any better, playing around with the ship models."

Miranda looked at them when she heard that.

"Please tell me you're joking..."

Jase raised his eyebrows at her. "What. Never played as a kid as well?"

Miranda paused, staring at him then she slowly began to shake her head no.

"Makes two of us. Try it, it's fun." Jase told her.

"There's not really time for 'fun' if you want this place to be ready."

Jase shrugged and shook his head a little. "There is, Miranda. Take five minutes and give it a try." He stood up to clean the table. Old habits never die, he figured.

Miranda stood up as well and helped him.

He nodded his thanks at her when she did, but her silence spoke volumes. She wasn't really feeling well and the dark clouds hanging around her head obviously matched his and Saya's. Once they stood at the sink and the others were a little out of ear shot, Jase looked at her.

"Miranda. How are you feeling."

"Like every time I turn around something big bad and ugly is going to jump out and attack me.."

Jase nodded and gave her a soft smile. "They're gone. Forever. They can't hurt you anymore."

"There's always another type of monster Shepard. Always."

"Yes. That's why it's good to let loose and forget. Get some positive feelings and thoughts. Control the darkness but don't let it control you."

Miranda glanced at him as they finished cleaning up.

"We each have our own ways of dealing with demons Shepard."

She was right, Jase had to agree with this. In the end they were still dealing with it though.

"What's yours?"

Miranda chuckled a little bit.

"I have too many to name."

"How are you dealing with them?" Jase asked as he glanced at the clock. An hour, he needed to pack a few things.

"In my own way. Don't worry about me Shepard. I'm a survivor."

"That you are, Miranda. A strong woman." Jase glanced at the clock again and sighed. "Time's running out, thanks for the chat."

Miranda smiled and patted his shoulder.

"You'll be fine."

Jase gave her a smile and nodded. "Yes. I'll be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone interested, a few pics: http://flic.kr/s/aHsjD6oMY3
> 
> we came up with some house ideas in the Sims and decorated it. Makes it easier to envision the whole home. Though, there are no real outside screens.


	11. Vancouver and back again

Two hours later they were all sitting in the shuttle to Vancouver with Jeff piloting them. Jase felt kind of glad for him. One look at the guy who was picking them up and the man had made room for Jeff and sat down as co-pilot.

"5 minutes until we land folks, hope everyone's strapped in." Joker called back, happy to be in his element again.

"You heard the Captain." Jase grinned at them, feeling nervous though. Meetings. Shaking hands. And the next day was going to be even more busy.

Kaidan took Saya's hand in his and squeezed it gently, giving her an encouraging smile. He felt glad to see Vancouver again and how they had started to rebuild it.

Irimsaya felt Kaidan's hand with hers, saw his smile, but the pit was returning to claim her. It just wasn't fair but she had to put on a brave face for the others. Hilary and David were both watching their mother and cooing gently with each other as they did.

That night Jase found it hard to find some decent sleep. Instead he ended up roaming the ship and found his way to the shuttle bay, playing with Sophie the mech dog while rehearsing the speech.

Irimsaya found him there.

"You alright? You should be resting."

"Fine. Nerves mainly. Don't tell anyone. What about you?" Jase asked as he tossed a piece of a broken box again for Sophie to bring it back.

"Me? I just can't sleep."

Jase gave her a small grin, he could have said the same. "And you came to find me."

"Of course I did. You're my brother after all."

"I like to think they'll see reason and do something. Give you a promotion. Or a medal. For all the hard work you did," Jase told her as Sophie came back and the piece dropped from her 'face'. Funny how they worked those mech dogs. Jase picked it up and tossed it again.

Irimsaya just shrugged a little, watching him and the mech.

Jase stood up and turned to her.

"Saya. This is your ship. It's all yours," he motioned as he walked around her. "Hell, you went down with the first Normandy and came back." Jase stopped and sighed softly.

"I never thanked your for rescuing Jeff. You made sure my life wasn't falling apart again." He walked around to look her in the eyes.

"N7. That training had us going to hell and back again just to do it all over again. You're the best soldier in the whole galaxy," Jase pointed out towards the cargo exit. "They can't afford to lose you. Not someone like **you**! Show them your teeth. Show them you're still Irimsaya Shepard. Not a clone or _something_. But the real you! The real you who always stood up and fought for the things she believed in."

Jase circled her once more and nudged her a little from behind to coax her out of her built up wall.

"You're a soldier. Not some woman wasting her life away by scrubbing dirty sticky floors." Another walk around, another gentle nudge from behind.

"You're a N7 who head-butted a Krogan! Not some chick crying over a broken nail." Nudge.

"You took the Normandy to Ilos, defeated Saren! That wasn't a walk in the park." Nudge.

"You saved the Citadel, took down the Collectors! If anyone is good at hunting giant bugs it's _you_!"

Jase nudged her a little again, wanting to see her holding up her chin, squaring her shoulders with pride and remembering who she was. Wanting to see that confident stride of hers again like when she had commanded the Normandy.

"What does that tell you? Who are you? Answer me, soldier! Who. Are. You?"

"Jase... please. Right now I'm a mother and wife and sister. All those things I did... Yeah I did them. And what thanks did I get for any of it? What thanks did I get for dying? They didn't even search for me."

Jase grabbed her by her shoulders. He knew she had to remember herself first before she could even think about showing her teeth to the Admirals.

"Wrong answer. Who are you?"

"Jase stop it! I can't do this alright? The only reason I am even here is for you!"

Jase carefully wiped away her single tear running down. He was very grateful for her to be here but it wasn't his ship anymore. Soon it would be hers again.

"Look at me. Say it. Together." Jase moved her chin up and squared her shoulders a little.

"I'm Commander Shepard from the Alliance."

"I'm not anymore. I am considering resigning."

"And yet you are." Jase sighed, if he couldn't even get her going, motivated, whatever, what left that for him? Were his skills already lacking? Was she even off worse than he himself? More riddles.

"You can't resign."

"I have the babies to consider now Jase. But not just that... Nobody gets this, you know? Just you. At least they are willing to recognize what you did for them."

"Not for them. For us." Jase nodded, he knew what she meant, more puzzle pieces had been added to their lives.

"Listen. You won't resign. Not like this. You can't ignore who you are either. If you're giving up, it's like watching myself crumbling from pressure. You'll be Captain, even Admiral. Your twins, all of us, will be proud of you. We already are. I am. I'm damn proud of you."

Jase squeezed her shoulders and shook her a little, bending down to look her into the eyes. His own eyes somehow.

"You say I give you strength. You're too. One of us has to follow this path. It's not over yet. We've just managed the worst part. Now it's time to cash in the favors. But don't hang your head. Be proud of yourself. Show it. In a few hours we'll face the galaxy together once again. And I want you to stand there, head held high and feeling proud of yourself."

Jase shook her gently again.

"Do it. If not for me or yourself, but for your children. They'll watch the vids in years to come. It's them who'll say, 'That's my mommy, she made first human Spectre and saved the Citadel!'"

Irimsaya kept her eyes on his, not even blinking. In a way she knew he was right but she also knew that she was at the end of her rope so to speak.

"Jase... I don't know okay? I just don't."

Jase was watching her for a little longer, questioning himself if he actually could help. Apparently she was a lot further down the road and everything he did wasn't working. But then he wondered what actually was with them. And yet Saya was standing there and he knew she was raw. Layers upon layers stripped away, defenses gone and prone for injury of any kind.

Jase reached up with his hands and placed his thumbs over her eyebrows, smoothing them out, trying to remove the stress which always lingered there, causing them the headaches.

Asking for help was a weakness and a Shepard wouldn't show any weakness willingly, always hiding it, nursing it in silence and away from others.

"Then you need to do what's right for you. I'll always have your back. But don't resign," Jase told her as his hands slipped down over her neck, to her shoulders, feeling the tension there and the stress and was carefully working on them before he even realized it.

Irimsaya let him work on her muscles without flinching or trying to move away. It felt too good. Like he knew exactly where she needed his hands to be. And in a way she guessed he did.

"I'll think about it Jase, that's all I can promise."

Jase nodded and gave her a hug. As he leaned down he whispered into her ear, "Good. I'll hold you to that promise sis."

 

 

Irimsaya straightened her dress uniform for what felt like the fiftieth time in the hour since she had put it on. She was glad that at least the twins had decided they were hungry just before she had dressed. She sighed as she adjusted it again, staring at herself in the mirror and wondering why she was doing this.

Kaidan came up behind her and laid his hands onto her shoulders before they moved down to her waist, giving her a hug from behind.

"Even more beautiful now," Kaidan told her and rested his chin on her shoulder looking at both their faces in the mirror.

Irimsaya brought her hand up, watching them in the mirror, and gently stroked his cheek.

"Maybe but you look ten times better than I do."

Kaidan gave a soft chuckle and shook his head a little.

"I think this lays in the eye of the beholder. For me you're even more beautiful now."

Kaidan kissed her neck a little then he nodded.

"Time for us to go."

Irimsaya took a deep breath then nodded slowly.

"Alright. You want to carry Hilary or David?"

"Let me take David," Kaidan answered and as she turned around, he hugged her for real.

"I love you."

"Love you too Kaidan, and I always will." Saya replied and hugged him back tightly.

Kaidan rubbed her back gently and kissed her cheek then.

 

Jase was outside in front of the cabins and stood there in thought. Going through the words again. Then the doors opened on both sides and he didn't know where to look first. But his gaze swept over his husband who looked, "Sexy."

Then he greeted the babies and took the bag with the baby items from Saya's shoulder to carry it for them.

Irimsaya groaned in relief when he quickly took the bag from her.

"Thanks Jase, I appreciate that.."

Joker moved next to his mate and gently patted his ass.

"Lookin good there... Commander."

"Keep that for later," Jase chuckled at Jeff and nodded then at Saya. "No problem. Let's get over with this."

 

As soon as they left the Normandy and saw the place Jase muttered, "Oh shit," matching Joker's words. Everyone was there. The whole crew and many other known faces. Amongst them he spotted a few quarians, asari, the Council, Primarch Vakarian. Jase grinned at Garrus who stood side by side with Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Jase wondered if she was going to keep the name now or not.

But something was up. Jase saw their mother and if he didn't know any better, that weird grin or smile on her face told him something was up. Jase glanced at Saya to see if she had seen it too.

Shifting Hilary a bit in her arms, Irimsaya motioned for Jase to keep going. She wasn't really paying attention to anyone but him.

Jase nodded, giving her an encouraging smile before he turned his attention back to the others. It was nice seeing their mother all dressed up and standing right next to Admiral Anderson. The two of them were talking and nodding and laughing from time to time. Good times, apparently. And they were having a a blue sky. Nice weather all around. A blessing, maybe the weather wanted to hand them a gift too.

After shaking more hands and making small talk the show finally started with more talk. Jase grinned at Jeff and Saya when Kaidan was being called forward to get his promotion. Jase took the baby from his arms and rocked David gently while watching Kaidan becoming Commander. Anderson and Kaidan shook hands and he was back with them, taking David back. Jase looked at the others as Hannah took a box into her hands and stepped forward. Yep. Something was going on.

"Commander Irimsaya Shepard-Alenko," Hannah said and Jase could hear the difference in her voice. This was all business.

A small frown appeared on Saya's face when she heard her name. What was going on? She glanced at Kaidan, whom she was so proud of right now it wasn't funny, then glanced at Jase, confusion in her eyes.

Jase shrugged, he didn't know and Kaidan did the same. But all three men smiled at her as all eyes were on Saya now as she stepped forward.

Kaidan's jaw nearly dropped as Hannah spoke the words and eventually called her out as, "Captain Irimsaya Shepard-Alenko."

Jase stood up and saluted her as she stood there, something like shock on her face. The rest of the crew did the same and soon everyone else mirrored it. Taking it another step further Jase started applauding. It was contagious too and no matter the race, everyone joined in.

Irimsaya was staring at her mother in shock as she said the words and then called her Captain. No, this wasn't right. This was Jase's ceremony. This wasn't why she had come. She heard the applause but it felt muted in a way, as if she were listening to it from another room. Trying to wrap her mind around this, Irimsaya absent-mindedly turned to face the crowd.

Jase laughed softly and whispered to Kaidan, "Don't think anyone was expecting this. Did you?"

Kaidan shook his head no to Jase, tears of pride in his eyes for his wife. "No, I didn't," he whispered.

The whole crowd eventually fell silent, thinking she was going to say something. And Jase noted he had to change her ranking now when saying what he had to say.

"I...I don't have a speech or anything. Just... thank you." Saya smiled a shaky smile, not sure what else to say. "Thank you to my crew and my friends and family. Thank you." She rushed to go sit down, not sure her legs could handle standing any longer.

Jase leaned over and nudged her gently with a smile, "Congratulations, _Captain_."

Once the babies were settled into their arms again Kaidan took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.

More talk, coming from both this time. Hannah and Admiral Anderson. It felt more like a celebration though, a celebration of life and looking forward into a future and Jase was glad he had chosen the right words for it.

Then it was time, his name was being called out and he inhaled deeply, exchanging a glance with Jeff before he stood up and faced the music, literary.

Once the medal was on his chest he looked down at it and felt damn proud. Salutes, handshakes and pats on the back were exchanged then the crowd was his.

"Usually, people giving speeches start by thanking their family, friends, comrades, supervisors. Mentors, like Admiral Anderson." Jase turned around a little and nodded at them with a smile, "Thank you."

Then he turned back to the audience, letting a few seconds pass by before he continued.

"I had the pleasure to serve with an incredible good team. I wouldn't have stood a chance without any of you. Especially not without my sister, congratulations by the way, Captain Irimsaya Shepard-Alenko."

Jase gave her a smile as he turned a little to look at her for the moment he said her name.

"She provided us with the chance to fight the Reapers by stopping Sovereign, by taking out the Collectors and delaying the Reapers' arrival for half a year. She stood at my side when I had to make the most difficult decisions of my life. Thank you."

"Jeff," Jase looked at him now, "thank you for catching me in my darkest hours and bringing me back to light. I'm proud of you." As his eyes swept over their crew he added, "All of you."

By now he found it easier to talk, having gotten used to it and he was feeling less nervous. Straightening up and looking at the many people, soldiers and aliens alike, he began with his actual speech.

"This medal doesn't just belong to me. It's a symbol for everyone, reminding us of those we lost. Who sacrificed themselves to give us the chance to continue our fight. To survive. To win."

Often he sought out a single person, looking at them in the eyes.

"Some call me a natural leader, a hero, a survivor. I am only one man. A soldier, a friend, a husband."

Jase leaned forward to collect his thoughts for the next.

"There's no doubt about one thing though: We couldn't have done this without anyone of you out there. Be it Turian. Krogan. Asari. Quarian. Drell. Salarian. Batarian. Volus. Elcor. Hanar. Prothean. Geth. Rachni. Vorcha.... Humans!"

With every race being called out, there were a few calls coming more or less. Jase felt happy to have noted all races so far, even Javik's. But when he said 'humans' and the crowd kind of exploded into cheers he had a hard time to hide the smile. By now he had to speak even louder, cams and reporters forgotten. It was just him and the crowd now.

"All of us deserve this medal! Every single one of you out there in the galaxy, no matter the race. We did it! We defeated the Reapers together!

"We're here today looking forward into a brighter future. Let's rebuild what has been destroyed. Let's make it count. As one united Galaxy!"

Jase exhaled as he watched the many people, glad he hadn't lost his touch to get people moving and motivated. He gave a curt nod before saying, "Thank you. All of you. And to quote a friend of mine, Keelah Se'lai."

Irimsaya cheered with the rest of the crowd for Jase, this was still - in her eyes - his day. She still, in a way, wished her promotion hadn't been a pacifying gesture - which she knew it was. Just something to keep her quiet, not true recognition like what she had hoped for.

 

It was more than an hour later and Jase still felt like on a high and able to run a mile at top speed. Now it was time to get back to his family finally, after having spent the time talking to reporters and other high officials. But first he paid the restroom a visit and closed the door behind him with a sigh.

Silence!

He was washing his hands as he looked into the mirror and allowed himself to smile at his reflection. At least nothing had happened of what he had dreamed the night before. No crowd had gathered around him to slap his face because someone had died on his mission. And Jeff hadn't turned his back to him. Sometimes his dreams were stupid, he thought, as he splashed some water onto his face.

Before he finally ended up with Jeff and the rest, he had to shake some more hands and exchanged pleasantries with people he barely knew. And then he walked straight towards Jeff.

Joker was starting to feel a bit lost in the crowd. He just stood there, not sure where to go or what to do.

As his husband was with the back to him, Jase could enjoy the view of his back and behind. He walked up and leaned in, whispering from behind, "I heard there's a sexy pilot lingering around somewhere, don't suppose you've seen him?"

"Hmmm a sexy pilot? I think you're at the wrong party..."

"So? Should I go looking elsewhere then?" Jase teased him.

"Oh I don't know, I might be able to entertain you a little."

"And.. that little would be?" Jase asked, laying his arms carefully around his waist from behind.

"Whatever I can offer in public." Joker chuckled softly.

"That's good enough. For now," Jase answered and circled him to see him face to face. Then he hugged him for real and gave him a kiss.

Joker hugged him back and returned the kiss gently.

"Congratulations Jase, you deserve it."

"Thanks Jeff. We all deserve it." Jase held the hug for a little longer. "Speaking of, have you seen Saya and the others?"

"The others are over by that big table of food... Saya kind of disappeared after giving Hilary to Hannah."

Jase nodded, looking around trying to find her somewhere. Then he looked a little bit grim, wondering if she had gone to the lady's restroom or if there was something else going on.

"Thanks Tiger. You have a place where you can sit?" Jase asked before he'd go to find Saya.

"Yeah I do, Edi can keep me entertained for awhile."

"Okay, I better go to find Saya." Jase was pleased to hear about Edi but he was worried about Saya. Once he left Joker's side he went straight to Hannah.

"Mom, have you seen Saya?" Jase asked her while 'taking' the small hand of Hilary into his by giving her a finger.

Hannah frowned at him then looked around the room.

"Come to think of it.. I haven't seen her since she asked me to hold Hilary..."

"Did she mention where she'd be?" Jase followed her gaze and tried to find Kaidan now too.

"No... and Kaidan's here with David still - he's over talking with Anderson.. Okay now you have me worried Jase."

"I'll find her." Jase gently let go of the little hand and touched Hannah's arm for a second before leaving the room.

Someplace quiet, isolated was on his mind. First he checked the lady's restroom. It was a little weird but he didn't care right now what anyone in there would be thinking. Ignoring the few women he checked the stalls calling out her name, but no one was there. Jase went to the stairs and hurried up to the roof.

 

Irimsaya was standing there, staring out at the destruction and the people trying desperately to rebuild. She was leaning against the ledge, a sadness in her eyes.

Once he'd spotted her Jase walked slowly towards Saya and joined her at the ledge. Following her gaze he studied the scenery and wondered what the other major cities would look like now. It was so easy to forget all of this back at Hawaii.

"You should be downstairs." Saya's voice was quiet.

Jase just scratched his cheek and looked at her. Maybe he should, maybe he shouldn't.

"I should dedicate this medal to Mr. Pepper," Jase plainly told her, knowing she hadn't heard that name yet.

"Huh? I'm sorry, who?"

Jase smiled a little. "A dog. Just a dog, Captain."

"Don't call me that... just.. don't please. I never asked for it which makes me think it's a charity promotion."

"Charity, huh." Jase frowned at her a little.

"Just doesn't feel like I earned it. Feels like a favour of some kind. Wouldn't I have been informed otherwise?"

"Who knows? Maybe they thought it neat to surprise you." He didn't know if this was worse or not. First she felt kind of neglected. Now this.

"You did a hell of a work, you deserve this promotion."

"I just feel so conflicted about everything right now. I mean okay so they recognize something - or do they? Did they just promote me as a... token gesture..."

Jase thought about it for several seconds before he replied. "I don't have all answers. Hell, I wish I did. But I honestly believe they realize how important you are."

"We'll see. Anderson informed me the Council wants to see me before we leave."

Hopefully it meant they were giving her the Spectre status back, so Jase hoped.

"Maybe for Spectre status. And Garrus, he can move mountains now as Primarch. Makes you wonder who answers to who."

Irimsaya snorted a little bit and looked at him.

"Alright who's ear did you tell my sordid depressed tale to."

"No one," Jase replied honestly. "I wouldn't betray our trust."

Irimsaya just nodded thoughtfully. She was still trying to piece everything together.

"Might have been mom," Jase mused, "she and Anderson must have done it."

"Mmmh maybe. I don't know. I mean I'm still thinking about resigning, I just don't know if I can do it, you know?"

"I do. It's something I never considered doing myself. But when they tell you they don't really know you and can't verify your claim of already having served from '72 to '83 and you lose all those years... that's a damn low blow."

Irimsaya rubbed her eyes then looked at him.

"I know."

Jase chuckled softly and shook his head. "Anderson told me if I want to come back, I can. Any time. No questions asked. They used us Saya. And good. They took us, our skills, sent us out there to do what was necessary and we did it. It's our job. Let's face it, we love our job." Jase nudged her a little.

"I used to. When it felt like I was doing something. And before I died and was tossed aside."

"It's so easy to forget this. That we lost you. Just gone. So meaningless." He looked at her then even more. "And yet we got you back and many lives were saved, thanks to you."

"Yes - *you* and Cerberus got me back. The Council and the Alliance abandoned me."

"You were listed KIA. Burnt. Gone. I'm not protecting them, but." Jase stopped. It didn't do anything good to talk about it like this.

"They refused to listen, everything fell on deaf ears. Won't happen again. Now they trust you and me. And if the turian questions our mental health again, you can bet your ass Garrus will shove a stick up this turian's butt and make him dance, singing hallelujah."

Irimsaya started laughing quietly.

"I love you brother, I love you."

Jase chuckled softly now and laid his arm around her. "I love you too, sis. Come on, let's go back downstairs. Your family misses you."

"I don't want to be there with them... I feel out of place."

"Why's that? Want to take Kaidan and the twins and go back to the Normandy?" Jase wondered if that would make her feel better.

"No that's not fair to Kaidan. I'll manage here."

"So? Then I'll just stay here. Got everything we need. Great view, nice weather. Bar's just downstairs and plenty of room for us to chill."

"And let the guest of honour be missing in action from his party. No dice *Commander* - let's go."

"Aw too bad. It was a nice hiding place." Jase chuckled at her. "Yeah, _Captain_. Let's go."

Irimsaya let him go first back down the stairs into the party area.

Once they reached the lower level Jase opened the door to let her go inside first. Hannah and Kaidan were standing together with the twins.

"They've been missing you too," Jase whispered to her.

Hilary suddenly seemed alert in Hannah's arms and her eyes seemed to roam the room until they found her mommy and she gurgled in delight echoed only a moment later by her brother. Hannah raised an eyebrow at Kaidan then turned to where the babies seemed to be looking and smiled when she saw her daughter approaching them with Jase.

Jase let her go to them and mingled with the crowd again, talking to his crew and others. He was eager to finally have the real party starting to get the crowd a little to loosen up, dance, drink, having some fun.

Kaidan rocked David gently as he looked down at him and once his eyes were back on Saya, he smiled at her. As she was close enough then he leaned in to give her a kiss.

"Hey, there you are. We've been missing you."

"Yeah sorry about that.." Saya gently took Hilary from Hannah and rocked her gently, not sure about saying anything else.

"It's okay, you're back." Kaidan was watching her, not really knowing what to say now.

"Are you alright?"

Irimsaya forced a smile to her face.

"How could I not be?"

Kaidan's face turned into an open frown now. He wondered why she was lying to him.

Irimsaya reached up and kissed his cheek gently so she could whisper in his ear.

"Later, not here."

He nodded and he rested his forehead on hers, looking into her eyes for a moment with a soft worried sigh. Then he looked down at their babies and chuckled softly. They always lightened his mood and made him smile.

"Look at them, they're watching us."

"Yes, they do seem to be fascinated by us." Saya chuckled softly.

Kaidan sighed happily and was about to say something when Jase came over.

"Hey you two. Or four. If you want to dance Jeff and I can hold the babies for a while."

Irimsaya bit her lip then glanced at Kaidan who was watching her now.

"I'd really like that actually..."

Jase didn't tell her he was really eager to hold one of them, having missed them all day long and maybe people would lay off him for a little while.

"I'd love to. We haven't danced for.. it feels like ages."

Joker walked over and gladly took Hilary from Saya's arms while Kaidan gave David to Jase.

Irimsaya smiled at her husband as he took her hand to lead her to the dance floor.

Kaidan sighed another happy sigh now. They hadn't been dancing since, he couldn't remember the last time. Maybe Jase's and Joker's wedding? As he was looking at Saya's face and eyes he felt that spark passing between them again and the world around them faded away. No one else was important, aside of their twins now.

Irimsaya felt like his eyes had captured hers and were holding them there - albeit quite willfully. Eventually though she put herself against his chest and closed her eyes, her cheek resting near his shoulder.

Kaidan was quiet for a while until he whispered, "If we weren't already married I'd ask you to marry me now."

Irimsaya smiled into his chest then looked back up into his eyes.

"And my answer would still be yes.."

"That makes me happy." He gave her a smile and kissed her gently.

Irimsaya kissed him back, slowly deepening it.

Which set Kaidan on fire. "If you keep this up I might be having a problem soon."

Irimsaya chuckled softly, reached up to stroke his hair gently.

"You're very good at controlling yourself sweetie, just remember that."

That was a word he hadn't heard since a little while and she stating he was good at controlling himself just meant she had further mischief in her mind. Kaidan silently asked whatever gods there are to help him through this and grinned at her.

"I like to think I am, but even I have some limits."

Irimsaya chuckled softly and moved her face to his neck where she gently started to nibble and kiss.

Kaidan gave a weird nose which sounded like something between frustration and enjoyment. He hoped no one was watching them as they danced along to the current song.

Irimsaya pulled away from his neck and looked him in the eyes again.

"Well now, I'm not sure if you like that or not." She had a sly grin on her face. "Is that your pistol or are you just happy to see me..."

"I'm always happy to see you," Kaidan replied in a soft nearly cracking voice. He felt glad their clothes weren't that tight fitting and that it was covering the needed area.

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"I think maybe you should go find the men's room sweetie... get cooled off a bit." She smirked. "Unless you can think of a private area around here..."

"You're enjoying this," Kaidan grinned at her, willing his thoughts away and to something else.

"I'm enjoying my husband, yes."

Kaidan chuckled softly and teased her. "You're making this hard on purpose, aren't you."

"Am I? I'm not the one who's hard..." She giggled a bit at that.

Kaidan was becoming even more flustered now and ducked his head a little, hoping no one had heard that.

"Such a naughty wife I have."

Irimsaya chuckled softly.

"I'm sorry love, I couldn't resist. You alright?"

He nodded at her, it was nice to see her smiling again and jesting around with him and if it meant he had to make a fool of himself, well. He couldn't resist this.

"I am fine, yes. As you know I love dancing with you." Kaidan chuckled softly.

"Hmm and I love it too. Actually we need to do this more often - the dancing.."

Kaidan nodded as he looked around a little and focused back on her then.

"Yes. We need to do this more often. Our house is big enough to dance upstairs, you know? We could add a sound system if there isn't already one."

Irimsaya grinned at him and kissed him soundly.

"I'd like that."

Kaidan smiled at her and also hoped, if possible, that they could visit their parents at some point.

 

Jase just had learned a new thing. Having a baby in his arms wasn't protecting him from the female population.

Actually, he mused, it even made it worse. It was like a magnet attracting even more of the species. And to top it off they both were now getting swarmed by women going 'aw' and 'Ooh' and 'Look, how cute!'.

Now it was small talk about changing diapers, feeding, belly aches and the other sweet moments of having a baby in their lives.

Then one woman spoke up, addressing him directly. "Are these your babies, Commander?" She moved closer, smiling at little David and making weird noises to him.

"No. They're my sister's twins." Jase told her plainly.

"You mean Commander Shepard?" She asked him, eyes still on the baby's face though.

"Actually it's Captain Shepard-Alenko," Jase corrected her.

"Yes, of course Commander. Captain Shepard-Alenko. She's the one who died in the crash years ago? Because your pilot wouldn't abandon ship."

Jase wanted to cross his arms and stare her down but he couldn't. Instead he glared at her. Before he even could reply she started to say, "And despite him being responsible for your sister's death you've married the man who murdered your sister. Is that correct, Commander?"

"LT Moreau did everything by the book. You better get your facts straight before you slander the LT's name!" Jase growled out and by now they had attracted some attention.

"Of course," she said, smiling sweetly at him and went on to sprout off her other facts she had learned.

"According to my source your sister and you are actually the very same person. There's no birth record stating you've been born here. In fact, my source claims you have come from a different reality. Is this true? They also claim your reality has been destroyed since you couldn't help them. If this is true too, I believe it's safe to assume one Commander Shepard was needed to ensure the survival of a galaxy. Or your reality. Also, it's been said you grew up as an orphan on the streets of New York, having joined a street gang. Is this the reason why you have been helping the shelter on the Citadel and are now opening another one here on Earth?"

Jase looked down into David's eyes to calm himself and then back at her.

"There's something no child should ever have to endure. It's losing a parent or both of them. As modern as our society is, we're lacking fundamental believes when it comes to our children. Ask yourself when you walk through a city. Where are the kids? Where is the next playground?

"I don't care what your source claims to know about me. But I care about children and I'm doing something for them. The future belongs to them. Children _are_ our future."

Irimsaya turned in Kaidan's arms when she heard Jase's raised voice and concern for her babies overrode her wanting to be with Kaidan. She walked quickly over to where Jase, Joker and this woman were.

"Is there a problem here." And she said it as a statement rather than a question, well aware of Kaidan now right behind her and Joker's grateful eyes.

The woman turned around to Saya slightly and looked her up and down.

"You must be Com.. erm Captain Shepard-Alenko. What did it feel like dying and then being brought back to life by Cerberus? What was death like?"

Kaidan's biotics flared up a little glowing around his hand, traveling up to his arm.

Jase looked down at David, noting the soft biotic glow coming from him and wanted to tell her if she hadn't anything better to do, out there she could help rebuilding the city.

Saya reached back and put a warning hand on Kaidan's stomach, trying to tell him to let her handle this.

"If you really want to know - perhaps an example could be provided."

Joker tried not to smirk at the thinly veiled threat, knowing his Commander - now Captain - had very little patience for reporters.

Kaidan gave Saya a glance, letting her know he understands.

Jase exchanged glances with Jeff and looked back down at David, taking the small into his and smiling at him.

"I would appreciate this Captain. Some people are calling you a zombie, even a husk. A life less shell."

Jase was tempted to send out his combat drone or throw a dosis of overload onto her.

Irimsaya swallowed hard, starting to feel the words as a blow to the very core of her being and also remembering when the Geth had captured her and tortured her.

"Right now I have two very important words for you miss. Broken nose. As in you'll have one if you don't leave immediately."

"Are you threatening me?" She nearly cried out.

Jase really wanted to send out the drone to let it hassle her.

"I'd do what she says, miss," Jase said as he placed little David into Kaidan's arms.

"Or what, Commander? Are you shoving your gun into my face like you learned it in your gang?"

Jase wondered from where she knew all of this, he shook his head.

"No, my gun's not for you. Sorry about that. But I've got an omni-tool." It flared orange by now and he waved it at her.

"Alright that's enough. Get out now miss or I will have security escort you to the brig."

The woman knew when she was defeated, at least and gave them a smile. "Thank you for the interview," she said and turned around to leave. Then she accidently tripped over one of the guest's feet and Jase looked at who's it was. Donelly. He had to work hard to keep a straight face.

Irimsaya watched the woman go, breathing hard and very pale now.

"Excuse me." She muttered under her breath and went to the restroom.

Jase looked into the round feeling a little ashamed himself, but they couldn't allow her to drag them down.

"Come on people. We're here to have a nice day. Let's go back to our party." Jase then went back to Jeff.

 

Kaidan was looking towards the door where Saya had vanished in and followed her to it. He knocked at it, not daring to enter it in case someone else was in there as well.

"Saya?"

Quiet sobbing could be heard from behind the door.

David was watching his daddy and gurgled with what sounded like worry.

Kaidan leaned down to David and whispered something to him and kissed his head, then he opened the door carefully to go inside.

"Saya...?"

Irimsaya was leaning on the counter, bent over the sink and crying. She was alone in the room.

Kaidan wished he hadn't David with him for a moment. He wanted to whisper something but it was stuck in his throat as he went to her. Kaidan reached out with his free hand to draw her to him and into an embrace.

Saya leaned into the embrace gratefully, needing his strength. But she couldn't bring herself to say any words. That woman had dredged up too many memories.

Kaidan leaned his head onto hers to kiss her hair gently and was trying to comfort her as best as he could.

"She's a bitch."

Irimsaya just nodded a little bit, but it was still too much for her to handle. Being called a husk - a zombie - had been the worst.

Kaidan leaned down further to see her face better. "She had no right to call you these names, you're as real as anyone else and.. we have babies."

It wasn't just what she had said to Saya alone, though. It was also an insult towards anyone who had been turned into one against their will and had died. Kaidan wished he could have sent her flying across the room.

Saya kept her eyes closed but nodded a bit.

"But.." She whispered in a choked voice. "What if she was right.."

"No," Kaidan replied, "she's not. She was here to hurt us. It's not true. I mean I should know it, right? You don't feel anything different to me than before. And even if you did, I would never question you being alive. You are very much alive." He told her as he gently moved David a little around on his arm.

Saya fell silent again, starting to feel herself falling into that deep pit once more.

Kaidan reached out to make her look at him. "Saya, please. You're here, we're having a family. She's wrong on all accounts."

"Is she Kaidan? What if she's right? What then?" Saya gasped out between sobs.

"How can she be right?" Kaidan asked her, horrified she thought that such a woman could be right. And he knew she wasn't right at all.

"She isn't living with you day by day, she isn't married to you or has a family with you. No, she's wrong. Is my word less worth than hers? A reporter who doesn't know you at all and was trying to get you all to react?"

Irimsaya widped her eyes and slowly looked at him.

"You know I value every single word you say - how could I not??"

Kaidan sighed softly and wiped away some more of the moisture at her eyes. Then he caressed her cheek gently with his one free hand.

"I'm glad to hear you saying it," he told her with a faint smile.

Irimsaya leaned against his hand, taking comfort in it's touch.

Kaidan kissed her then gently, hoping it would draw her out a little bit. But he knew they couldn't stay in the restroom forever.

"Maybe we should go back outside and join our crew, I don't think we can stay in here forever."

"I can't face them again Kaidan - I can't."

"You aren't alone, I'll be at your side the whole time," Kaidan told her.

Saya breathed out heavily then nodded.

"Alright."

Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief but he understood why she felt this way.

"Hey.. whatever's going to happen out there, we're a family and have each other. The babies, your mom, Jase and Joker. We all love you very much." He held out his free hand for her to take it.

"I know." Saya took a deep breath. "Let's go."

Kaidan nodded at her once more and gave her an encouraging smile as he took her hand to lead her back outside.

  
There were some chats, of course. Some of the people there were casting glances at him. Or at Jeff. But most of them dismissed it by now and mingled again, drinking, eating, laughing, talking.

Jase felt a little restless, even ashamed. There was a nagging thought and he really wanted to know who this woman was and from where she had her intel. Some of it had been faulty, but the information regarding his own person had been too accurate. No one really knew, aside of Saya, Jeff and Kaidan. A few selected Admirals knew as well, including their mother. Jase knew it would make the rounds and soon there was no real way to deny it anymore.

The truth wouldn't hurt so much though, as he could talk openly about it then and especially to the shelter kids. Nothing was better, he figured, than being able to say, 'Hi, my name's Jase, I'm orphaned and was in a gang.'. The worst part however was the fear of someone wanting to do tests, getting behind the miracle of the science.

And then she had said those things to Saya. About Saya. Which made it a lot more worse. She knew too much, as if she'd bribed an insider, someone close to them. But who could it be?

Irimsaya walked with Kaidan to where Jase was with Jeff.

"Sorry about that.."

"About what?" Jase asked right away, wondering why she would apologize. It hadn't been her doing at all. If anything, he should have stopped that maniac of a woman right away.

"Wasn't your fault Saya. She shouldn't have been allowed in here."

"Actually it makes me wonder how exactly she *did* get in here."

Kaidan nodded his agreement to that.

Jase saw Jeff nodding too and Hannah walked towards them, taking Saya into a gentle hug. "I'm sorry sweetie."

She went on to explain, "Nobody expected her to act the way she did. David, Admiral Anderson, is dealing with her right now."

Irimsaya pulled away, shock in her eyes.

"You mean she was *invited*??"

Jase scratched his head and shook it before he turned away a little.

Hannah nodded, "She was one of the best reporters and is with the Alliance. We don't understand it ourselves. We intend to find out though. She's being questioned right now."

Irimsaya couldn't believe her ears.

"I....wow..."

Jase nodded silently in the background, figuring it was best to forget it for to the day and try to have a good time, at least. It still caused a frown on his face and a thinking headache from where she knew about his past.

"As soon as we know something we can tell you why." Hannah told her in a soft voice. "I'm really sorry," she apologized again.

Irimsaya watched her mother then nodded silently.

"Alright... well... let's get this party back on track huh?"

Hannah smiled at her a little and nodded. "Please do, all of you. It's been such a nice day for all of us, don't allow one person to spoil it for you." She left them once again, going back to Anderson. And later she planned on asking her son-in-law for a dance.

Kaidan still held Saya's hand and squeezed it gently while Jase took Hilary from Jeff's arms for the moment.

Joker let out a small protest.

"But I'm her favourite uncle!" He was grinning.

Jase gave him a grin back, glad he wasn't taking it too much to heart with the jab at his skills. "That she is." Jase cuddled her for a few seconds and took a nose full of her to see if she needed a change.

"The little lady still smells after roses only," he smiled at her and gave her back to Jeff.

"Anyone wants a drink?"

David gurgled at Jase's words then started wailing, his sister joining him.

"You just had to mention drink didn't you brother." But Saya had a small smile on her face. "I think my little ones might be a bit hungry."

Jase just chuckled softly and shook his head at the twins. It was funny how they already reacted to the world around them and seemed to understand a lot more than the adults thought.

Kaidan went to Joker and picked up Hilary as he wanted to go with Saya, "Joker, you're the perfect uncle for her. She really likes you."

Jase gave them another small smile before he went to pick up two drinks. One for him and one for Jeff. His first one since a long time.

Joker watched them go then turned his attention to the cup being placed in his hand.

"Hey, sweet! Thanks honey." Joker chuckled, knowing Jase didn't like the term.

Jase looked down at him, shook his head and rolled his eyes a little. "Just honey?" Jase teased him.

"Just how sappy do you want me to get?" Joker was close to laughing.

Jase grinned, "Dripping sappy? Make the floor slippery sappy?"

Joker groaned quietly.

"This is gonna be a looooong day."

Jase raised his eyebrows at him and drank half of his drink at once.

"Maybe." He fished around in the bag he had with him and produced an interesting looking item. It was boxed up and Jase sat down next to Jeff after placing his drink on a nearby table.

"Look at this. Present from Javik."

"A present from a Prothean? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Jase studied it a little before answering.

"It's his memory shard. Javik said I should add my own memories to it." Jase looked at him. "What do you think?"

"I think... that I'm not sure about this."

"Aaand that would be why?" Jase asked thoughtfully.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe cause the last time you touched something Prothean it got you here? I don't feel like losing you."

Jase studied the box thoughtfully for a while, feeling the pleasant buzz of alcohol already working in his body. Jeff's fear made sense, considering whenever he had touched something in the past it was somehow connected to his own world. It was gone though. An empty shell without any humans left. Allowing other races to develop now.

"It's nothing like the beacons, not as painful like them. Javik instructed me how to use it and it's fine. I'm still here, haven't vanished and I don't plan to. That world's gone Jeff. There's nothing left of it but my memories. With this.. thing," Jase sighed and weighed it in his hands, "I can save some of it."

It was crushing though, the sudden feeling when thinking about it. Like an ultimate proof of everything, making it available even to others.

"And some people could experience it. Someone like you."

"Ahhh yeah no thanks, I'll pass. I don't want to watch you with another man."

"Mh." Jase nodded, watching him. "Yeah, I get that. I'd begin with my childhood though. Javik mentioned being able to create chapters."

"That'd be interesting. I'm still not sure I like this though."

"Hey," Jase leaned in to him, so he was closer to his ear, "despite my reputation of doing the most dangerous missions, got no urge to go back into a world where I'm all alone."

"Then why would you want to do it?"

"It's one of the only ways I know of preserving something of my world. I'm the last one Jeff. Just like Javik."

Joker stood up.

"Then do what you have to do and know I'm not comfortable with it."

He walked into the crowd.

Jase watched him go and rubbed his face in thought before he downed the rest of his drink and got himself another one. Could the day become any worse?

 

Irimsaya noticed Joker by himself and nodded for Kaidan to check on him while she went to Jase.

"Jase? Is everything okay?"

"Hell if I knew. Are you okay?" Jase would have gotten her a drink too but he figured while still feeding the twins she wouldn't have anything to drink.

"I guess I'll live. So talk to me."

"Alright. Javik gave me his memory shard. I want to record some of my memories but Jeff," he sighed, "he doesn't like the idea."

"Mmmh... can you blame him really? He doesn't want to lose you - none of us do."

Jase was watching her, already feeling the results of the alcohol. He really was a cheap date today and decided it was his last drink. Either his body wasn't used to it anymore or the stuff was really good.

"So, you guys really think any prothean tech I touch does something to me. Who says something's gonna happen? Nothing's gonna happen. It's fine. I already tested it. I get that he's afraid."

Jase rubbed his forehead and went to sit down, he rubbed his neck first, then his eyes, then his face and groaned a little in frustration. "I'm not mad at him. I just. Want to keep a bit of my past, you know? I don't even have any vids of myself, nor pictures. Nothing, but a black void."

"I'm not saying for you not to do it - but you and I... we both are the same. Somehow we always end up hurting the person we love the most. Just - maybe tonight wasn't the best time to spring it on him."

"You're right. I have this stupid habit to think there's something good and nice. I tell people about it and they're getting pissed off. Last time you got upset when I told you about the medal. Not blaming you." Jase quickly held up his hands as he didn't have any desire for another argument. "So what do you suggest?"

Irimsaya kept her own emotions in check, knowing she couldn't risk pushing him away even further.

"I suggest that when you're both sober you sit down and discuss it - like a married couple should."

Jase nodded and stifled a yawn.

"Yeah. Sounds good to me. They must serve the same stuff here like on the Citadel. After Mordin died I was at Purgatory and had three shots. Woke up on Aria's couch. She must have been soooo happy to have me close by and asleep."

Irimsaya chuckled softly.

"I can only imagine her reaction to that."

Jase snorted at this. "Shaking her head, rolling her eyes. That's what she did. Yeah." He paused, looking at his fingernails for a few seconds before the hands were back in his lap. "When I was thirteen... was the first time I drank myself into nothing and killed another boy."

"You never told me that... what happened?"

"Never went into details with any of you. We did fights," Jase started and rubbed his head. "We were betting on the winners for stuff, creds, whatever there was. I was the best of my age. They filled me up, or I did. Does it matter? We fought, I passed out. Later he died from his injuries." He was ashamed, pretty much ashamed of himself and the things he had done.

"So, where the hell did she know from I was in a gang. She was right with everything she said about me but dead wrong concerning anyone of you." Jase growled the last part softly out while narrowing his eyes in thought.

"Have you ever - and I mean ever - told *anyone* about your past?"

Jase shook his head no. "Just you. The very little of it. And Jeff, about the dog. Or how I left."

"You're sure nobody else? Not even, I don't know - Allers?"

That earned Saya a frown and a snort too as he thought about the woman. "Allers? No. Never. Too annoying, too intrusive. Why are you asking me about her?"

Irimsaya shrugged a bit.

"She was the only crew member who wasn't a member of the military."

"Right. She never made any problems though. Not any I know about." Jase sighed, thinking. "The only other person who knows is Anderson and without a doubt it made it into my file."

Irimsaya nodded thoughtfully.

"So, there's a leak then."

Jase sighed again as he thought about this and nodded. "Agreed. I know it wasn't you, nor Jeff or anyone else of the crew. No one of you would do that."

"Damn right we wouldn't. And if I had known then this person would already be in the brig."

"Or I would have punched her. Lucky for her I was carrying David." Jase growled softly before he stood up. "Thanks for the chat sis, need a restroom break."

Irimsaya put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm always here for you. Always."

"Hey... same for you. Anytime. We can talk." Jase told her before he left. Once he'd cleared his head he'd see about Jeff. The problem with him really made him feel uneasy and upset. It hadn't been very often for him to see Jeff so upset and angry. He wasn't even doing it on purpose either.

 

Kaidan stood next to Joker, watching him from the side. Kaidan still felt off from the reporter and the things she had hurled at Saya, but now they were facing another crisis apparently. One which didn't happen so often either, he mused.

"Joker, I'm here if you want to talk about it, I just...," Kaidan wondered if he should continue with his sentence, asking him if it was wise to have another drink, "uhm, what happened?"

"Jase wants to use the memory shard Javik gave him. I don't want him to. I'm scared that if he does..." Joker trailed off, unable to finish the sentence and instead had another drink.

Kaidan had heard about that piece of prothean tech, that it had stored memories from the soldiers carrying it. He wondered if it was dangerous but stopped himself from asking it, if the man was already that afraid, asking him about it would make it just worse. Instead of stopping Joker with the drinking, Kaidan took one himself, maybe it would slow him down when he took it slow too.

"I have never seen you like this. This must be really hard on you."

"You have no idea.. I'm just... I don't know if I'm more scared or more angry."

Kaidan figured if Joker could set things on fire by just looking at them, there would be a few holes around by now.

"Can I ask you why? I mean, I get the being scared part. But what about the being angry part?"

"Cause he got angry with me for being worried. And... well... okay beyond worried. Scared to death."

Kaidan nodded at him. "You know, Saya got angry with me too when I was scared about her and tried to tell her out of having more children."

Joker rubbed his forehead.

"I don't know what to do Kaidan.. I love him so much and I'm just worried that if he does this memory thing... I'm worried it might change him somehow."

Kaidan moved around a little, trying to understand it better.

"Why do you believe it might change him? That prothean shard is pretty small and I'm not really sure what else it does, aside of storing memories."

"Because he'll be reliving those memories. Because we *don't* know what else it does. Because it was something Prothean that brought him here in the first place!"

Kaidan nodded eventually at this. "Well, yes. I see your worries, that surely would scare me too if Saya wanted to do it. You know, maybe it wasn't the beacon itself, maybe someone tempered with it."

Kaidan was remembering the time when he was feeling even shy around Saya, when he told her that he had heard about some people working on something which could cause these kind of interruptions.

"And now you're avoiding each other?" Kaidan frowned at this, because he couldn't remember any incidents which caused them to fight or ignore each other. It usually had been him and Saya.

"It was either this or break my hand hitting him cause he wasn't listening to me."

Kaidan mouthed a silent wow, Joker and violent or Joker and pretty pissed off, this was definitely new to him as well.

"Please forgive me if I'm too nosy, but have you two ever been in a real argument before about something?"

"No... this is the first."

"Well, I'm not the kind of Commander who pats your shoulder and tells you, "It'll be fine. Just give it time." If this is your first fight then you're not even used to it and don't know how the other will react. That's kind of a new territory for both of you."

"Yeah... I guess it is." Joker's voice was quiet and he closed his eyes, his bones aching. "When do we get to go home?"

Kaidan shrugged, not really knowing but he saw the defeat on the other man's face.

"I'm not sure Joker. I think I heard you're getting your own shuttle... and... why don't you ask him yourself? He's joining us."

Joker turned in his seat and saw Jase approaching.

"Hey.."

Jase approached him carefully, knowing he was upset and didn't feel like upsetting him any further.

"Hey yourself," he replied with a small smile.

Joker was watching him a bit warily.

"Are you drunk?"

Jase held up his hands and nodded. "Guilty of that one." He wasn't sure though if Jeff seemed a bit tipsy or not. But his face told him things weren't really okay.

Joker bit his lip, watching him.

"When can we go? I don't want to go but... I'm in a bit of pain here."

"Anytime," Jase replied, knowing if Jeff said a bit of pain it probably meant a hell of pain compared to his own pain level. The others could stay and party some more. "Got your shuttle?"

Joker shook his head a bit.

"Not yet no.."

"Then.. Alright," Jase scanned the room of the others, "let me say bye and we'll get your shuttle."

Easy that, Jase figured, some more small talk, especially with their former crew. The boxes from their former cabin which included his fish, hamster and ship models were hopefully stored away in the shuttle already.

It took him about 15 minutes and he knew he tried to be as fast as possible when he reached Jeff again and by now he felt less drunk. At least he didn't get a knot into his tongue anymore.

"Done. Ready?"

Joker nodded and struggled to stand up from his seat.

Jase winced when he saw this and for a second he thought they should have taken his crutches with them.

"Here, let me give you a hand," he told him softly, now knowing the pain was a lot more than he let on.

Joker swallowed hard and nodded again, not trusting himself to speak as he was afraid he would end up crying out in pain.

Jase carefully got him into his feet and noticed the small grunts of discomfort. He laid his arm around his waist to support him.

Not a moment later and Kaidan was on Joker's other side - Hannah having seen the problem and taken David from his father.

"Let me help too," Kaidan said softly.

"Thanks Kaidan." Jase then looked at their mother and Saya for a moment. "Mom, do you know where his shuttle is?" He hoped whoever placed it for Jeff had placed it close to the exit.

"I had them land it near the main entrance - thought it would be good for a 'grand exit'" Hannah replied.

"I think we should go too Kaidan - the twins need some sleep.."

"It was a long tiring day after all, I'm glad they weren't crying or anything." Kaidan agreed with her.

"Thanks mom." Jase replied, taking careful steps with Jeff as he let the man set the pace.

Irimsaya walked behind the three men, Hannah next to her and both women carrying one of the twins.

"Are we there yet..." Joker grunted out.

"Soon." Jase knew then he wouldn't make it by normal walking and he looked over at Kaidan, motioning at him to carry Joker.

"Jeff, lay your arms around our shoulders. We'll carry you."

Jase's arm swept under Jeff's legs and he locked his hand and arm with Kaidan's. Together they picked him carefully up to transport him to the shuttle.

Kaidan nodded his agreement and worked with Jase to get Joker to the shuttle and into his seat.

With a sigh of relief Jase looked down at Joker who was now seated. And he could see the pain, it was written all over his face. For the very first time Jase cursed the sickness, for bringing so much pain into Jeff's life and torturing him with it. But why had it been so bad today? He had been sitting most of the time. Jase wished he could make it go away.

"Should Kaidan and Saya fly us?" Jase asked as he looked at all the boxes for a second before his gaze was back on Jeff's face.

"No....I can do this. I want to do this. I have to do this."

Eventually Jase nodded his agreement, after thinking about it and how Jeff told him there wasn't a lot to do for him aside of flying. Which had been years ago. Now they had to watch the twins as well.

"Alright." Jase said, took his place and used the belt right away. No teasing this time, no other funny things since he himself had to concentrate some more too. He could have asked their mother, probably he should have, but out of the fear that anything else he might do would upset Joker even further, especially if he felt like he wasn't trusted anymore, he had decided not to do it. Jase looked once more at Jeff, not for checking the pain, but to let him know he trusted him.

"Cool, let's get going then." Joker started up the shuttle and lifted them off, taking them back to where he was surprised to already call home.

 

Once the shuttle was empty of their boxes and stacked outside, Jase went back to him, needing to see if he was doing worse or maybe a little bit better.

Joker was sitting in the seat, his eyes closed, as he tried desperately to focus on anything except the bones in his body. He knew the rationing of his meds could do this but he wasn't expecting it to be quite this bad.

"Jeff," Jase spoke up from behind while leaning onto his seat, afraid if he touched him it would cause more pain, "how can I help?" And those stairs, Jase cursed them by now. Jeff wouldn't be able to walk them with the pain hitting like this.

"Mmmh... my meds are in our nightstand. Would you mind?"

"I'll get them. Be right back," Jase said and hurried off. Before he was already getting upstairs, he figured it wouldn't hurt to take a box with him.

Not even five minutes later and he was back, carrying a bottle of water and the much needed meds.

"Here."

Joker carefully took the items from Jase and took his med along with an extra dose.

"Jase... what's going to happen to me when I run out..."

Jase took his hand once he had swallowed the much needed meds. "That's not gonna happen. And if I have to go the Citadel and raid a warehouse myself."

Joker smirked a bit at the thought.

"Would be an interesting sight..."

That brought a smile onto Jase's face. "Uh-huh. How so? I brought my armour with me." He pointed at the boxes standing outside.

"Oh not like that, was thinking of the hero of earth stealing supplies... somehow I don't think that would go over very well..."

Jase chuckled softly, knowing he could have ended up being an infiltrator as well, given the shops he used to raid for food.

"No, that wouldn't go over well. If it means sparing you this pain, I'd do it though."

Joker smiled a little bit at that.

"Does that mean you forgive me too then?"

"Yeah, already done." Jase nodded. And apparently that meant he had been forgiven too. The memory shard was still there, ready and waiting for him, but Jase knew he needed to let it rest for a while now. Maybe once the Shelter had the first kids or more. And once they had spoken about it some more without getting upset at each other. Once he had figured out why Jeff was so extremely spooked about that thing. The danger of going back to his own reality wasn't there. Given he had already used it when Javik had instructed him on what to do.

Jase leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss, not feeling the need to say more as this showed a lot more than words could say. Once he pulled back he kissed his forehead several times and ran his fingers through Jeff's growing hair.

"I'm sorry, too."

"You don't really have anything to be sorry for. I'm just... paranoid I guess. I know you Shepards always find trouble in even the simplest things."

"Not paranoid. Careful. Considerate. Judging the next step. That's what kept me alive."

But he was right too, finding trouble in the simplest things. For as long as he could think, trouble had been following him. Only now, trouble came in form of family and having to deal with people close by who weren't taking any orders anymore and reacted offended if he just made a decision without consulting them. This was certainly new and something he had to get used to.

"Usually, I ask for opinions and come to a decision. But. That's not working in my favour here anymore."

"Oh it is, it's just... I felt like you weren't really *listening* to my opinion..."

Jase frowned a little at this.

"Sorry if you felt like this. Because, I've been trying to understand it." Jase shrugged then a little. "I could say, "Noted." and do it anyway. But this is between you and me and. I don't like hurting you. Not like this."

He paused, looking at him before saying again, "No, not like this at all."

Joker bowed his head and closed his eyes.

"And I don't like you getting upset over me being an idiot.."

"No. Not an idiot. Not once I've thought of you as an idiot or anything similar. You're pretty smart. Many people just don't understand that LT Jeff Moreau is a smart cookie. Jeff," he sighed, "I wasn't even angry with you."

Joker frowned, that was news to him.

"You weren't? Then you put on a pretty good show..."

"No. Yes. Probably. Once you were walking away. I was surprised at that and not in a pleasant way. It screamed business." The last time he had seen him very upset was when he had to break the news to him about Hilary. Only here it meant Jeff was upset with him in every way possible.

"Well I am sorry if it means anything..."

"It does." Jase laid his index finger onto his lips, smiling gently at him. "It's alright."

They could be angry at each other, or angry at the other one for a while, but Jase knew it wouldn't stop the way he felt about Jeff.

"Won't stop loving you."

"Same here Jase. Same here. I just, I don't know it feels weird thinking you're mad at me."

"Come here." Jase figured maybe he needed to feel some body contact, as they had no time for each other the whole long day.

Joker closed his eyes as he was enveloped into Jase's arms. It felt like coming home.

Jase was careful with the hug, not creating too much pressure but having him in his arms felt so right and he sighed softly, relaxing. He had a thought of taking the shuttle, just the two of them and fly around. Not on this day anymore, surely Jeff was too worn out and Jase himself could use some sleep as well, but maybe the next day would offer the option.

"Feeling any better?"

"A little bit yeah, thanks for getting them for me."

"No problem Jeff. You going to wait a little longer here?"

Joker shook his head a bit.

"Nah, let's get this done."

Jase pulled gently away and nodded at him. "Yeah, let's get this done. Could unwrap you from this." With a grin, he motioned at his dress up. "Not complaining, you look pretty hot in it."

"Mmmh flattery will get you everywhere Commander."

"It does? What's your first order, Captain?" Jase was curious to see where this would lead them to as well.

Joker laughed a little.

"I'm not a Captain..."

Jase laughed softly. "You're captain of this nice modern shuttle."

"Huh... oh yeah... guess I am aren't I..."

"That you are." Jase opened the front of his jacket then, Hawaii was warmer than Vancouver right now and it felt a lot more comfortable.

"Okay, then my first order is this - get me in the house and to bed... before I sprain something else." Joker grinned.

"Yes sir," he grinned and held out his hand for him to help him carefully onto his feet. Once they were outside, the shuttle locked down and closed, Jase picked him up. Now he felt steady enough and there weren't many stairs to take until they reached the big one. At least he could carry him to the door and inside.

"If you want just land me on the couch for now, I'm sure my little guy can wait. Don't you have your fish in the shuttle? I don't want them to roast..."

Jase was thinking. The suggestion made sense but.. it was a tough one. Fish or little Jeff. On the other hand, Jase mused, if he putt he fish into the tank first he wouldn't need to worry about them anymore and could take his sweet time with little Jeff.

"You're right. Gives me more time for you."

Jase then placed him onto the closest couch to the bathroom, gave him a lingering kiss and draped his jacket around him, in any case.

"It won't take long. The hamster's already upstairs," Jase promised and hurried back outside to get the fish.

The window-wall tank, or whatever people called such a fish tank was huge. Once again Jase stood there and studied this.. thing for a minute. At least his fish had a lot of room to swim around in it. Thanks to the built in VI the water was already good for the fish and Jase placed them one by one carefully into it.

Joker watched from his vantage point.

"I think they like it there..."

"They won't get any bigger tank. Unless I place them into the pool or the ocean." He answered as the box was empty then. The lights were on, the water blubbering away and Jase licked his lips. Done that one. Jeff was next. The house seemed empty to him as everyone was apparently already upstairs.

Joker smiled as he watched the fish swim the tank.

Jase slowly walked back to him, watching his face. It was nice that the tank could be watched even from the living room.

"So....," Jase started, leaving the other words unspoken.

"Does this mean I'm not gonna be tortured anymore?" He laughed lightly.

"Absolutely." He had the instinct to love little Jeff right here, on this couch. But once that was done Jase knew Jeff would feel very tired and then getting him upstairs in such a state... No. It wasn't meant to be.

"Come on Tiger. Upstairs with you. Undressing," Jase got him off the couch and carried him even to the stairs, "kissing, licking."

"Then you better hurry the hell up, Commander..."

"Stairs first, Captain. Sir." Jase licked the small part of the skin which was exposed at Jeff's neck and gave him a wolfish grin. "Up we go... Up we go..." Stairs, lots of stairs. And eventually they were up and he checked to see if he was in more pain again.

"Okay so stairs are done... and you are not making this any easier on my little guy you know that right?"

He shrugged a little at this and carried him to their bedroom. "Even if I'm doing this on purpose," Jase grunted, "I'm having the best workout ever right now." He shut the door with a nudge of his elbow and said, while placing him onto their bed, "Besides, you'll have a good time now. Mr. Moreau. Captain of the Shuttle 'soon to be naked'."

Joker started laughing hard.

"Love it!!!"

Jase chuckled and tucked his shirt out of his pants, got rid of his shoes and crawled onto their bed, hovering over Jeff to undress him. The day couldn't end any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, another part has been completed. (We actually finished this piece in May 2012)
> 
> We are still writing and will upload even more :)
> 
> On another note, both Saya and I are actually surprised about the hits we are getting and also want to thank everyone who has left a kudos!
> 
> It shows us our decision to share this private role play was the correct one and a few people are enjoying it. It has been very worth it.


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